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Lemonade Recipe

American Dessert

LEMONADE

INGREDIENTSlemonade-

1 1/2 cup sugar
2 cups water (6 more cups later)
2 cups lemon juice (might need 8 to 12 lemons if freshly squeezed)
6 cups water

PREPARATION

Use juicer to extract lemon juice or open up bottle of lemon juice. Put sugar and 2 cups water in saucepan. Cook at medium heat until sugar dissolves. (This keeps sugar from settling to bottom.) Stir constantly.

Add sugar water, lemon juice, and 6 cups water to pitcher. Stir with long spoon. Cool in refrigerator for 30 minutes or more.

TIDBITS

1) “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

2) “When life gives you loquats, make loquatade.

3) Lemon zest is chockfull of bioflavonoids called rutins. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it.

4) My spell checker didn’t recognize “chockfull” but was perfectly fine with bioflavonoids. Odd.

5) When I grew up we had not only a lemon tree and a loquat tree in the back, but a guava bush as well. I had a rich childhood.

6) Peter, Paul, and Mary had a hit song called, “Lemon Tree.” The guava bush, in my opinion, has many similarities to the lemon tree. They could have called their song, “Guava Bush.”

“Guava bush, very pretty, and the guava flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor guava is impossible to eat.”

7) Would Peter, Paul, and Mary still have had a hit song if they had warbled about the humble guava instead? It’s hard to say without shifting into the correct parallel universe. And that seems risky.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Bacon & Chocolate Party Declares War Against Windows 8

Gentle readers, a plague of evil stalks over the land. I am of course talking about Windows 8. It’s utter evilness threatens the well being of the entire world. So, as leader of the Bacon & Chocolate Party, I am expanding our mission from protecting America’s supply of wholesome bacon & chocolate to include the utter destruction and banishment of Windows 8. I am also instructing my squadron of Flying Squirrels to take appropriate action against Microsoft and its demon spawn, Windows 8. That’s all I can say for now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Kenyan Coconut-Milk Plantain Recipe

Kenyan Entree

COCONUT-MILK PLANTAINS

INGREDIENTSCocoMilkPlan-

4 completely ripe plantains
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon cloves
1 3/4 cups coconut milk

PREPARATION

Peel plantains. Cut plantains in round slices no thicker than 1/4″ inch. Combine all ingredients (head ‘em up, move ‘em out) into soup pot. Simmer on low heat for 30-to-40 minutes or until the plantains are tender and have absorbed all the coconut milk. Stir occasionally to ensure that all the plantain slices get covered with liquid. Serve hot. If not, serve cold.

TIDBITS

1) Cinnamon is truly a happening spice.

2) True cinnamon comes from Sri Lanka. Powdered cinnamon sold in America is usually not true cinnamon. Instead is really cassia, a similar tasting spice. Fret not, the sky is not falling. You can buy cinnamon sticks and grind your own cinnamon. Take back cinnamon! Yeah!

3) Cinnamon smells great. Indeed, God told Moses (Exodus 30: 22-33). to make holy anointing oil out of cinnamon, cassia, olive oil, myrrh, and scented cane.

4) The ancient folks scurrying around the Mediterranean and points east believed in the Cinnamon Bird. The Cinnamon Bird lived in Arabia and built its nest with cinnamon which it got from parts unknown.

5) The Arabians left heavy chunks of meat on the ground. The Cinnamon Birds would take the meat back to their nest. The weight of the meat would cause the cinnamon nests to fall to the ground. Of course, they could have accomplished the same thing by throwing bowling balls in these birds’ nest, assuming the sons of the desert had bowling balls way back then.

6) The ancient Roman, Pliny the Elder, debunked the myth of the Cinnamon Bird. Nothing got past old Pliny.

7) Economist alert! One ounce of cinnamon could get you fifteen ounces of silver in Roman times. Kinda made having cinnamon toast a special occasion.

8) During the Middle Ages, your social level was determined by the number of spices you had. Hee, hee, I’m fabulously rich! Oh wait, I’m not living in the Middle Ages. Dang it, where’s my time machine?

9) For centuries, European nations fought wars over who would control Ceylon’s, Sri Lanka back then, supplies of cinnamon. A bit like Black Friday at WalmartTM.

10) For a long time I thought Marshall Crenshaw’s song, “Cynical Girl,” was really “Cinnamon Girl.” It changed the meaning somewhat.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pepper Jack Meatloaf Recipe

American Entree

PEPPER JACK MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTSPeppeJM-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 garlic cloves
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon parsley
1 green bell pepper
1 green chile
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro
1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince red onion, white onion, and garlic. Add this to olive oil and sauté on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.

Dice bell pepper and green chile. Combine red onion, white onion, garlic, ground beef, eggs, bell pepper, green chile, diced tomatoes, coriander, cumin, tarragon, cilantro, pepper jack cheese, and bread crumbs. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

(Better yet, get your nine-year old to mix this up. He’ll welcome the opportunity to be helpful while getting his hands messy. Take advantage of this willingness before he becomes a teenager.)

OR…dice and mince all the above ingredients and put them all into the oil to sauté at once. This will save six minutes.

(Saving six minutes is particularly useful if there is an accidental nuclear countdown near your home, you’re the only one with the key to abort the launch with the resulting global nuclear war, and you really don’t have the extra six minutes needed to perform this extra culinary step, eat this meal, and get to the missile silo in time.)

Spray 8″-by-8″ baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat until it is a flat as the Kansan prairie. Bake for about 1 hour at 350 degrees. Let cool for 5 – 10 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) According to The Tales of the Arabian Nights, coriander is an aphrodisiac.

2) We should all absorb the lessons of great literature.

3) Coriander is also mentioned in the Bible. The Bible does not mention any non-culinary benefits from Tarragon.

4) Indeed, The Good Book commands, “Do not commit adultery.”

5) Sometime in the 1600s, two English publishers came out with a Bible with the exciting command, “Thou Shall Commit Adultery.”

6) The King of England fearing for the morals of his people, outlawed this version of the Bible, and heavily fined the publishers.

7) Editing and correct spicing are musts.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cuban Arroz Con Pollo Recipe

Cuban Entree

ARROZ CON POLLO

INGREDIENTSArrozCP-

2 cups rice
3 chicken breasts or 2 pounds chicken parts
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 bay leaf
1/2 green bell pepper
1/2 red bell pepper
1/medium tomato
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
2/3 cup white wine
2 cup chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon cilantro.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package.

While rice is cooking, cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. (If you are using parts such as chicken legs, leave them as they are.) Mince garlic and onion, Dice green and red bell peppers. Coat chicken with black pepper, cumin, oregano, and paprika. Puree tomato.

Add olive oil, garlic, and onion to frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion turns soft. Add spice-coated chicken, bay leaf, green and red bell pepper, tomato, lemon juice, wine, and chicken broth. Bring to boil at high heat then reduce to low and simmer for 20-to-30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. (You might have to cut off a bit and taste. Maybe taste a second piece, a third…)

Serve with rice in a bowl. Garnish with cilantro.

TIDBITS

1) Sugar was first made into cubes in Cuba. That’s why we call sugar “cubes.” Before cubes, sugar had always been scooped.

2) People would always ask, “One or two spoons?” when serving sugar with coffee.

3) Indeed, specialized spoons were made for sugar. The first major producer of sugar spoons was Krupp of Essen, Germany.

4) Krupp made a fortune off their sugar spoons. So much so they were able to enter the burgeoning armaments industry.

5) Germany bought so much artillery from Krupp in the 1900s that it started an arms race in Europe. The heavily armed nations of Europe inevitably went to war in 1914.

6) A scarred Germany resentful of the peace terms imposed by the victorious powers in 1918 seethed for revenge.

7) And so, World War II erupted in 1939. The years from 1939 to 1945 were a bummer.

8) The war alliance between The United States and the Soviet Union proved ephemeral. (Cool word, huh?) They soon constructed vast arsenals to intimidate each other.

9) Tensions between America and Russia lessened considerably in the 1990s when the countries’ presidents took the first step toward peace, The Lutefisk Ban treaty.

10) Or so I’ve heard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Simple Hawaiian Pancakes Recipe

Hawaiian Entree

SIMPLE HAWAIIAN PANCAKES

INGREDIENTSHawaWaf-

8 frozen waffles
4 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons milk
1/2 cups pineapple juice
4 ounce can pineapple chunks

PREPARATION

Toast waffles according to instructions on package. Cut butter into 16 pats. Combine in mixing bowl: sugar, milk, and pineapple juice. Place equal amounts of butter and mixed juice and 2-to-4 pineapple chunks of each toasted waffle. Aloha!

TIDBITS

1) In 1869, women of Wyoming got the right to vote. The waffle iron was first patented in 1869. It was a good year.

2) One-hundred years later, the amazing New York Mets won their first World Series championship after years of last place finishes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

3) The waffle began its illustrious culinary journey during the Middle Ages. The waffle! So if someone calls this era the Dark Ages, waggle your finger at the fool and say, “Nooooo!”

4) The waffle became so popular that bloody fights became common between waffle vendors seeking prime locations. So much so, that a King of France took off time from wars and mistresses to decree a minimum distance between the warring vendors.

5) It has been said the French Revolution started in 1789 in part by disgruntled vendors seeking to throw out royal enforcement of the waffle decrees.

6) America annexed Hawaii in 1898 to ensure a steady supply of pineapple chunks in juice for its burgeoning appetite for Hawaiian waffles. A drastic measure perhaps, but it is worthwhile to note America has never since been involved in any military conflict over foreign pineapples. The same cannot be said for oil.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Roy Rogers Recipe

American Dessert

ROY ROGERS

INGREDIENTS??????????

6 ounces cola (Mexican cola still uses sugar)
1/2 tablespoon grenadine
1 maraschino cherry (with stem is preferred)
ice (optional)

PREPARATION

Put all ingredients in tall glass. Stir. Drink. Repeat as needed.

TIDBITS

1) Roy Rogers was known as “King of the Cowboys.”

2) Roy is old French for king.

3) Only kings were allowed to rule France. According to Salic law a queen could never inherit the throne of France.

4) Henry IV of England claimed the French throne in 1415 based on tidbit 3). He and his English army routed French chivalry at the battle of Agincourt.

5) Shakespeare’s play Henry IV and the movie versions by Sir Lawrence Olivier and Kenneth Brannagh were all based on tidbit 4).

6) I’ll have to watch what I put down in my tidbits. Clearly, I have an awesome responsibility.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Powegian Wonderful Soup Recipe

American Soup

POWEGIAN WONDERFUL SOUP

INGREDIENTSWonderS-

2 carrots
2 celery stalks
2 medium onions
2 red bell peppers
1 cup fresh spinach
3 big tomatoes
1/2 cup raw, unsalted peanuts
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup milk
2 cups vegetable broth
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon Jamaican All Purpose spice
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
1/2 teaspoon thyme

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Mince carrots, celery, onions, red bell peppers, spinach, and tomatoes. Grind peanuts into powder. Add all ingredients to large soup pot. Cook on medium-high heat until soup boils. Stir frequently. Lower temperature to low heat and simmer with lid on for 40 minutes or until onion and carrot is tender. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) This Powegian soup has a rich tradition.

2) In late 1863, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison left Vicksburg, Mississippi for good. They had lost everything during the Great Siege even though they had resolutely taken no sides during the Civil War. The Confederate Army had requisitioned all their crops, all their livestock. The Yankees burned their home and all their buildings to the ground.

3) After the briefest of cries, Annabelle had told her husband she never wanted to see their accursed land again. But Where would they go?

4) “I’d like to go to California to grow carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts,” said Clayton,
“Why, I declare,” said his devoted wife, “when did you come up with this pla?.”
Clayton furrowed his brows for dramatic effect. “I’ve always wanted to grow all that.”
“I never knew,” said Annabelle. “Why did you never say anything about it.”
Clayton shrugged. “There’s a powerful lot of pressure ‘round these parts to grow cotton. Folks would have laughed at me if I had grown anything but cotton. King Cotton, hah!” He gestured to the burnt farms all around. “Annabelle, I need to go to California, where a man can grow whatever produce and herbs he wants and no one will think the less of him for it.
Annabelle nestled against her husband’s shoulder. “And so you shall. I’ve always wanted to catch a peak of the Golden State.”

4) And so, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison made their way west by wagon train. They faced floods, raging rivers, poisoned wells, and Apache attacks. Some of their fellow wagoneers turned back, but not the Morrisons. Fired by their vegetarian dream, they pressed on.

5) Finally, on May 5, 1864, they reached Poway, California. Their hearts soared at the valley’s majestic beauty. So did the flocks of bluebirds that flitted and swirled about them.

6) Months later they harvested a bumper crop of carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts. Annabelle wanted to provide a feast right there and then.

“Not yet, dear wife. I need to go to the port of San Diego. I’ll be gone a few weeks.”
“Land sakes, Clayton, two weeks, whatever for?”
Clayton smiled. “A surprise, a wonderful surprise.”

7) Two weeks later Clayton returned bearing fabric for new dresses for his love. She had not had a new dress in years. More importantly though, he had traded for: bay leaves, Jamaican All Purpose spice, ground mustard, parsley, sea salt, tarragon, and thyme.

Annabelle threw up her hands in delight. “Now I can make wonderful. I’ve already made mayonnaise and vegetable broth and I can borrow some milk from the Hendersons.”

8) Thus Annabelle, Poway’s great pioneer lady, made her soup. And it was indeed wonderful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Frikadellen – German Hamburger Recipe

German Entree

FRIKADELLEN
German Hamburgers

INGREDIENTSFrikade-

1 onion (1/2 more used later)
1/2 onion
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 pound ground pork (or pork sausage)
2 eggs
1 tablespoon German mustard or deli mustard
6 tablespoons bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon caraway seeds
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 Kaiser rolls
8 leaves lettuce

PREPARATION

Mince 1 onion. Slice 1/2 onion into rings. Thoroughly combine minced onion, beef, pork, eggs, mustard, bread crumbs, caraway, nutmeg, pepper, parsley, and salt in mixing bowl with hands. Contemplate the infinite while doing so.

Make 8 large meatballs with hands. Flatten them slightly to make thick patties. Fry patties in pan at medium heat for about 5 minutes on each side or until sides begin to brown. While patties are cooking slice 1/2 onion. Sauté onion slices in burger drippings until golden brown. (The onion rings, not you for goodness sakes.) Toast Kaiser rolls. (Hail, Kaiser rolls.)

Assemble the burger with: roll, patty, lettuce, and sautéed onion slices.

TIDBITS

1) The German word Kaiser means emperor and derives from Julius Caesar’s last name.

2) Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River in 49 B.C. starting a vicious round of civil wars that brought down the Roman Republic for good. Republics were pretty much non-existent round the world after that except in Iceland until the American Revolution in 1775.

3) Future despots though loved what Julius had done, conquering Gaul, overthrowing the Republic, and all that. So much so, they took his last name as their own or even taking the title of Caesar.

5) We see this trend in modern time. KleenexTM became so popular that all facial tissues are often known as KleenexTM.

6) Caesar also gave his name to Caesar’s salad. Blood on his hands sure, but his salad is truly tasty.

7) So if you want to achieve culinary immortality, conquer Gaul or some other country and set up your dictatorship or monarchy.

8) I have to go. I need to sneeze into my KleenexTM.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sopa De Mani – Bolivian Peanut And Potato Soup Recipe

This is my 300th blog! Thank you for reading.

Bolivian Entree

SOPA DE MANI
(Peanut and Potato Soup)

INGREDIENTS SopaDeM-

2 chicken breasts
4 cloves garlic
1 large onion
1 cup raw, unsalted peanuts
1 cup water
3 Yukon gold potatoes (to be chopped into pieces)
1 Yukon gold potato (to be cut into strips)
2 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil (1/4 cup more later)
6 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cilantro
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

blender

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2″ cubes. Mince garlic and onions. Put peanuts and water into blender. Use chop setting until you get a smooth white liquid or paste. Peel potatoes. Cut 3 potatoes into 1/2″ slices. Cut each slice into 2 or 3 pieces. Cut 1 potato into 1/4″ by 1/4″ inch strips.

Put oil, garlic, and onion in frying pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions soften or start to turn golden brown. Stir frequently. Transfer sautéed garlic and onion to soup pot.

Add chicken cubes, peanut paste, potato pieces (not the potato strips), chicken broth, cumin, oregano, pepper, and salt to soup pot. Simmer on low heat for about 40 minutes or until potato pieces are soft. Stir occasionally. (It is also a good idea to stir occasionally when watching tv or you may be thrown out with that old sofa you’re sitting on.)

While soup is cooking, add 1/4 cup vegetable oil and strips from one potato to frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until potato strips turn golden brown. Stir frequently enough to keep strips or fries from burning. (Note, hot oil splatters. Tip the frying pan away from you or hold a lid between you and the frying pan when stirring the fries.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Garnish equal bowl with an equal amount of cilantro, parsley, and fried potato strips .If desired, add as much LLAJUA, (spicy sauce) to each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) Bolivians love potatoes.

2) They did not love McDonald’s enough. McDonald’s left Bolivia  on December 1, 2001 after seven years of trying. Bolivians simply preferred their own style of cooking or were too poor to eat out .

3) Iceland does not have McDonald’s either. It costs too much to get potatoes from Germany.

4) Many of the poor countries between the Mediterranean Sea and South Africa are without McDonald’s. The same holds true for ex-Soviet republic in Central Asia.sauté

5) American forces fought in the Vietnam War in: Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia. These countries do not have McDonald’s.

6) North Korea and Iran have nuclear-weapons programs. They are unfriendly to us and have no McDonald’s.

7) Indeed, most countries do not have McDonald’s restaurants in them are poor, have fought America, or have become hostile nuclear powers.

8) Think about that when you’re tempted to pass by an empty McDonald’s in some foreign land.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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