Posts Tagged With: coconut

Simple Oblea Sandwich

Posted on June 21, 2022 by pauldelancey

Colombian Desserts

SIMPLE OBLEA SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

2 oblea wafers or other 6″ wafers
3 tablespoons each of one or more of the following fillings:
caramel sauce (If you can get the authentic Colombian caramel sauce, arequipe, go for it.)
condensed milk
chocolate sprinkles
chopped pineapple
cream cheese
grated cheese
grated coconut
jam

Serves 1. Takes 3 minutes.

The top wafer shows the filling in the sandwich.

PREPARATION

Spread 3 tablespoons of fillings over first oblea. Put second oblea on top of fillings..

TIDBITS

1) Obleas is the plural form of oblea. Oblea is a Spanish word.

2) The English language is also rich with plural nouns.

3) Popular plural nouns of the English language include: women, ants, hamburgers, and doors.

4) So you can see that English speakers needn’t feel inferior to their Spanish counterparts on this linguistic matter.

5) According to culinary linguists, the word “oblea” has a rich and fabricated history.

6) For in mid 1968, the BeatlesTM traveled to India seeking enlightenment. They did not find it.

7) Disappointed, The Fab Four traveled to Colombia seeking solace in a simple, yet tasty dessert.

8) They found it in the form of Juan Cabrera’s simple oblea sandwich.

9) Such a fabulous dessert was worthy of a song, and soon the gifted Beatles came up with “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pudim de Coco (Coconut Pudding)

Posted on April 12, 2021 by pauldelancey

East Timorese

PUDIM DE COCO
(Coconut Pudding)

INGREDIENTS

1¾ cups sugar
5 eggs
2 cups coconut milk
2½ tablespoons cornstarch
3 tablespoons coconut flakes (optional)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

6-to-8 cups baking dish or casserole dish
9″ x 13″ casserole dish* (Must be longer and wider than baking dish)
sonic obliterator

Serves 6. Takes 1 hours 20 minutes plus 6 hours in refrigerator.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add sugar to pan. Melt sugar using low-medium heat until it begin to melt. Stir enough to keep sugar from burning and clumping. Reduce heat to low and continue warming sugar until it melts completely and turns a caramel brown. Stir constantly. Remove immediately from heat. (Don’t let it solidify.) Pour this caramelized sugar right away into baking dish. Smooth it with spatula.

Add eggs to mixing bowl. Blend eggs thoroughly with whisk. Add coconut milk and cornstarch. Mix with whisk until this custard becomes smooth. Ladle mixture over caramelized sugar. Put baking dish into casserole dish. Add hot water until it is 1″ high in the casserole dish. Bake for 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the middle of pudding comes out clean.

Loosen pudding by sliding spatula around the edges and, as far as possible, the bottom. Put plate on top of casserole dish. Carefully turn casserole dish and plate upside down. Tap casserole dish with knife. Say a brief prayer. Lift casserole dish. Pudding should come out cleanly onto plate. Spoon liquid caramel on plate onto the caramel already on top of pudding.

Let sit in refrigerator for 6 hours or overnight. If desired, garnish with coconut flakes. Serve to adoring guests. Use sonic obliterator on any guest who gives you guff in any way. You cannot afford to let any threat or insult to your authority as chef go unchallenged.

TIDBITS

1) Many of you would look at the picture for this recipe and declare, “Why someone has hungry. That person was too tempted by the dessert to wait for the chef to take a photo for the cookbook.” And you would be right.

2) Many others. gazing at the photo would say, “Why it looks like a tiny square was taken from a larger square. If only high school geometry had been as tasty.” And you too would be right.

3) But these reasons are not the reason this picture touches your soul so deeply, why it speaks so strongly to your innermost self, why you feel the spirits of generations after generations of primitive ancestors dating back to Olduvai George whispering in your inner ear.

4) Go back into the distant mists of time when Lucy of Olduvai Gorge, your great, great, great, great, . . ., really, really great grandmother saw dust sweeping down, down the gorge to her.

5) Then Lucy heard thundering getting ever closer.

6) She, of course, saw the dust before she heard the accompanying thunder. For light travels at 3 * 10^8 meters per second and sound at 3 * 10^3 meters per second.

7) It is doubtful that Lucy fully grasped the concept of relative velocities. Culinary scientists even discount the notion that Lucy even knew about scientific notion. It is certain, though, that either she never developed the Theory of Relativity or if she had, that she never published it.

8) Oh my gosh, while I speculated about Lucy’s scientific achievements, the dust-shrouded herd got really close. Run, Lucy, run!

9) But the soul of a lion beat in Lucy’s heart. She picked up a stone and hurled it at middle of the dusty cloud. (This is, by the way, the real genesis of the sport of baseball. Now you know.)

10) A creature in the herd shrieked in pain. The thundering stopped. The dust settled. Thousands upon thousands of panting coconut puddings became gradually clearer. “What are they?” wondered Lucy. She gazed at the dead coconut pudding. “Is it edible? I hope so. I’m ever so hungry. And all I ever get to eat are thistlewort berries. I shall eat this meat.”

12) She tore a remarkably square section out of the dead, square coco pudding and ate. She looked at what remained. The photo for this recipe bears an uncanny resemblance to what Lucy saw those millions of years ago.

13) “It tastes great,” shouted Lucy. Her tribe raced toward her. “Eat these squares, eat them. They’re ever so yummy.” And they did. They felt full for the first time ever. Even though they couldn’t articulate the concept, they just knew they had ingested sufficient caloric intake to leave the gorge, leave Africa, and spread humanity all over the Earth. It was the dawning of the Age of Humanity.

14) Unfortunately, the first humans fed themselves almost completely on herds of coco puddings, so much so that coco puddings became extinct. But the hankering for coco pudding never went away. It just went dormant for eons until the Age of Discovery started in the fourteenth century. Fueled by the need for a vegetarian version of coco pudding, European monarchs starting with Henry the Navigator dispatched fleet after fleet in search of sugar, coconut milk, and coconut flakes. They’d eventually find these ingredients. Humanity would once again live in a culinary golden age.

15) Oh, and in doing, we’d chart the entire world. And we owe it all to brave Little Lucy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Coconut Shrimp Curry

Posted on February 24, 2021 by pauldelancey

Sri Lankan Entree

COCONUT SHRIMP CURRY

INGREDIENTS

3 garlic cloves
1½” ginger root
2 small green chiles
1 medium onion
1 small tomato
12 fresh curry leaves
1 teaspoon dry curry leaves, or curry powder
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cinnamon stick
4 teaspoons curry powder
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon turmeric
1½ tablespoons lime juice
1 13.5-ounce can coconut milk
1¼ pounds shrimp (about 24 count)

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves, ginger root, green chiles, and onion. Dice tomato. Add garlic, ginger, chiles, curry leaves, onion, and oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato, cinnamon stick, curry powder, red pepper flakes, salt, and turmeric. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add lime juice and coconut milk. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until coconut milk thickens. Stir frequently. Add shrimp. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns orange or pink.

TIDBITS

1) The grass that cows eat affects the taste of butter that is made from their milk. Indeed, butter from Isigny Sainte Mère is the best tasting in the world. Why? The area’s rich pastures are chock full of mineral salts and just the right traces for buttery excellence.

2) Shrimp cooked in coconut milk tastes great. So, of course, shrimp vendors tried feeding coconut milk to these little crustaceans. But expecting shrimp to climb up trees and crack open the coconuts resulted in disappointment. Nothing happened even when they put the shrimp in trees. Of course! Shrimp can’t breathe out of water. The shrimpers tried planting coconut trees in water. It turned out that coconuts trees don’t grow in water. The once plucky entrepreneurs gave up the whole idea. Now we’ll never know if shrimp could have been trained to extract milk from coconuts.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Burmese Crepes

Posted on June 25, 2019 by pauldelancey

Burmese Entree

BURMESE CREPES

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup (drained and cooked) azuki beans, watana beans, red beans, or kidney beans*
⅓ cup shredded coconut*
½ teaspoon baking soda
2 cups rice flour
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
2½ cups water
no-stick spray
no-stick pan (You really don’t want the batter to stick to the pan, heavens to Betsy.)

* = Diced green onion or soaked split peas that can also be used for the filling.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

kitchen mallet
trained squirrel with cannon

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add beans to flat surface. Smash with fork or kitchen mallet until the beans become a paste. Add shredded coconut. Mix with hands until you get a bean/coconut paste.

Add baking soda, rice flour, salt, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Stir with fork until batter is well blended. Add water. Mix with fork until you get a runny batter. Spray pan with no-stick spray. Ladle ¼ cup of batter to pan. Tilt pan so that batter spreads over pan. Fry for 2 minutes at medium heat or until bubbles appear on the crepe’s surface. Sprinkle bean/coconut paste onto the crepe. Use spatula to fold crepe in half. Fry for 1 minute on each side until the outside turns golden brown. Repeat for each crepe.

Serve right away. If quests and family don’t scurry to the kitchen table, threaten them with the squirrel ready at the cannon.

TIDBITS

1) The squirrel to the right is Sergeant Bill Redtail. He’s quite fierce. Don’t disappoint him.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Coconut Pepper Steak

Posted on February 2, 2017 by pauldelancey

Mauretanian Entree

COCONUT PEPPER STEAK

INGREDIENTScoconutpeppersteak

2 cups rice
3 tablespoons cornstarch
¼ cup dry white wine
3 green bell peppers
3 garlic cloves
3 pounds beef tenderloin
2 cubes beef bouillon
⅓ cup peanut oil or vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon salt
⅔ cup coconut milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Fist of Doom, kitchen mallet, or heavy can
Dutch oven

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. Add cornstarch and dry white wine to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until cornstarch dissolves. Seed bell peppers. Mince garlic cloves. Slice bell peppers and beef into strips 1″ and up to 3″ long. Smash bouillon cubes with Fist of Doom.

Add peanut oil, bell-pepper strips, garlic, chili powder, pepper, and salt to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add beef strips. Sauté for 3 minutes on medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Add coconut milk and smashed bouillon cubes. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add dissolved cornstarch in wine to pan. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Ladle beef strips, bell-strips, and sauce over rice.

TIDBITS

1) This and nearly all other recipes employ fractional amounts of ingredients, such as ½ teaspoon. Fractions are learned in grammar school. This is why there are no kindergarten chefs.

2) There are precious few recipes that list “x teaspoons” and then challenge you to solve for x. There’s been some speculation that Xavier Cougat once wrote a cookbook for algebra lovers, but there’s evidence for it.

3) The letter x is a palindrome. This is why mathematicians love to use it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Avocados With Tuna

Posted on January 18, 2017 by pauldelancey

Bissau Guinean

AVOCADOS WITH TUNA
(Abacate Com Atum)

INGREDIENTSavocadoswithtuna

2½ tablespoons freshly * grated coconut (9½ tablespoons more later)
2 large or 4 small ripe avocados
1 6-ounce can tuna
9½ tablespoons freshly grated coconut
1 cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons tomato sauce
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1½ tablespoons lemon juice

* = Add small amounts of water to dry, shredded coconut until it softens. It is an effort to get the fresh coconut flesh from inside the coconut. Sorry.

Makes 4 large or 8 small stuffed avocados halves Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 2½ tablespoons grated coconut to pan. Toast on high heat for 3 minutes or until coconut starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Cut avocados in half lengthwise. Remove pit. Gently scoop out pulp with spoon. Don’t tear the avocado shells. Add avocado pulp to large mixing bowl. Mash avocado with fork. Drain tuna. Add tuna, 9½ tablespoons grated coconut, heavy cream, tomato sauce, pepper, and salt. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Fill avocado half shells with avocado/tuna mix. Drizzle avocado/tuna mix with lemon juice. Garnish with toasted coconut.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for shredded coconut to be toasted in a pan. Wouldn’t it be easier to toast the shredded coconut in a toaster? Yes, it would. Unfortunately, the tiny shreds would get everywhere, including on the toaster’s live coils. A fire could result, a raging inferno even. That would be bad. Your newly homeless neighbors would hate you.

2) That’s why I’m developing the Shredded-Coconut ToasterTM. Simply distribute the coconut one shred to one tiny slot. Wouldn’t that requires a lot of slots in the toaster? Yes, it would.

3) Another invention of mine would be the Egg Centrifuge CookerTM. Simply place an egg into the centrifuge. The centrifuge whips the egg around at incedible speeds, scrambling the inside. Coils inside the centrifuge cooks the egg’s inside to your desired level of doneness. No more tiresome scraping and scrubbing of burnt egg bits stubbornly attached to your skillet.. You’ll say, “Thank you, Egg Centrifuge Cooker.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mumu From Papua New Guinea

Posted on June 13, 2015 by pauldelancey

Papua New Guinean Entree

MUMU

INGREDIENTSMumu-

8 ounces carrots or 2 medium
8 ounces sweet potatoes or 1 large
8 ounces banana or 1½ medium
8 ounces papaya or ½ medium
4 ounces spinach
12 ounces pork
6 ounces peas or similar green vegetable
12 ounces chicken
1 or 2 banana leaves or cabbage leaves* (enough to cover pot)
20 ounces coconut cream total (5 times at ¼ cup) or 2 14-ounces cans coconut milk.

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 2 hours.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

outdoor grill
grill-safe pot and lid

PREPARATION – COCONUT CREAM (If you can’t find it in stores.)

Chill coconut milk cans in refrigerator for 24 hours. Open cans and scoop out the thick cream on the top. Keep 20 ounces, or 2½ cups, of coconut cream. Use the rest of the coconut cream and the liquid in the bottom of the cans to make coconut-based smoothies

PREPARATION – ONCE YOU HAVE COCONUT CREAM.

Wash and peel carrots, sweet potatoes, banana, and papaya. Remove papaya seeds. Chop carrots, sweet potatoes, pork, bananas, papaya, peas, and chicken into 1″ cubes.

This dish is made with 5 layers. Spread ingredients evenly for each layer. Top each layer with ¼ cup of coconut cream. Make the first layer by adding carrot and sweet potato to pot. Make the second layer by adding pork. Make the third layer by adding banana and papaya. Make the fourth layer by adding chicken. Make the fifth layer by adding peas and spinach. Top everything with banana leaves.

Cover pot and place on grill. Never stir ingredients. Grill on medium heat for 15 minutes or until you see juices bubble. Reduce heat on grill to low and simmer for 1-to-1½ hours or until everything is done to your liking. Okay, okay, you’ll to take a fork and peek and the doneness of the various layers, but no stirring.

TIDBITS

1) The stability of the entire world is threatened by an emerging superpower, Papua New Guinea. Hah, you say. Where is Papua New Guinea? North of Australia. What does it produce? Rain and mud, according to Allied soldiers fighting there in World II. What could such a country do? Buy a lot of SPAM or … conquer the Pacific Ocean.

How? I’m glad you asked. Culinary historians know the best mud for beauty care comes from Papua New Guinea, or PNG. The demand for this mud in American and European spas grows fantastically every year. Soon, PNG will be awash with the world’s money. PNG can then allocate its new billions to buy used aircraft carriers, fighter planes, bombers, tanks, and landing craft listed irresponsibly on eBay.

2) This is where the nightmare starts PNG has a population of 4,600,000. (I counted them twice last Tuesday.) Even if the country puts just 10% of its people in the military, it will have a striking force of 460,000. Who has the population, the might to stop them? Not neighboring Nauru with its tiny population of 11,000 and maybe soldiers.

3) Emboldened by this easy conquest, Tuvalu, Palau, Marshall Islands, Kiribati, and Tonga, with their combined population of 260,000 will fall like leaves in a Wisconsin autumn. This disaster will have worldwide ramifications. Does anyone doubt the Palauan contingent keeping the peace in The Land of Oz will remain under such dire circumstances? No, they will go home to fight a war of liberation. The whole idea of UN peace-keeping forces will unravel. Minor skirmishes will become full fledged regional wars. So it goes.

4) Soon, Micronesia and Vanuatu will topple. I don’t know much about them so let’s move onto the Solomon Islands and Fiji–biggish but still smaller than PNG. We cannot let these two nations fall. We cannot let PNG monopolize the best snorkeling sites in the world. Have you snorkeled at Key Largo? Well, let me tell you, the snorkeling at Fiji is much better. And by the way, conquest of these countries would enable PNG to block all airborne and seaborne trade across the Pacific. The snorkeling industry and the world economy would collapse.

5) What can Americans do? Simple. Use local mud! Cut off the funds for PNG’s drive for conquest. Insist on backyard mud whenever your toddler makes you a mud pie. Be sure to ask for good ol’ American mud when getting a mud treatment at your spa. It’s good for your face. It’s good for the world.

6) Use the blank space at the bottom of this page to make a mud drawing. Do other cookbooks let you do this? No, I don’t think so.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Madagascan Coconut Milk Chicken

Posted on September 19, 2014 by pauldelancey

Madagascan Entree

COCONUT MILK CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSCoconutMilkChicken-

4 chicken breasts
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon lemon zest
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

2 medium onions
2 Roma or small tomatoes
4 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons coconut oil or butter
½ tablespoon ginger
13½ ounce-can coconut milk
3 cups cooked rice

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. Add chicken, lemon juice, lemon zest, cayenne pepper, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Marinate chicken cubes in lemon juice/spice mix for 45 minutes.

While chicken marinates, dice onion and tomatoes. Mince garlic. Add onion, garlic, and coconut oil to Dutch oven. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add marinated chicken. Cook on medium heat for 12 minutes or until chicken is only slightly pink inside. Stir occasionally.

Add tomato and ginger. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add coconut milk. Simmer on warm heat for 30 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken and chicken is no longer pink inside. Stir occasionally. Serve over rice.

TIDBITS

1) Madagascar produces more vanilla than any other country.

2) However, Madagascar’s vanilla shacks invariably seem to be on the other side of the stream.

3) But Madagascar’s streams often have crocodiles in them.

4) Crocodiles have been known to eat people. In all fairness though, people often eat crocodiles.

5) However, this is not to say you want to be eaten, far from it.

6) But you still want that vanilla on the other side and a vanilla substitute won’t do.

7) Hence the Madagascan proverb, “If you cross the stream in a crowd, the crocodile won’t eat you.”

8) At least not the people in the middle of the crowd.

9) The previous two tidbits explain why it is considered bad manners to ask people to cross rivers with you.

10) So there you have it. You can’t cross a Madagascan river to get vanilla, but you can’t ask someone to cross with you.

11) Bummer.

12) Now, however, AmazonTM is apparently considered producing drones to fly products from one spot to another.

13) Critics pooh pooh this idea, saying America’s skies are too crowded for the safe use of commercial drones.

14) However drones would be ideal in Madagascar for shipping bottles of vanilla from the wrong side of the crocodile-infested river to you.

15) This development would be great for Madagascans who want to live. Bad though for the country’s crocs who wish to dine out.

16) So where would Madagascar’s hungry crocodiles go to eat?

17) Tennessee. Tennessee has lots of rivers and not only that the locals there know nothing about even the most basic anti-crocodile measures. Lots of people would be eaten.

18) Being eaten while crossing a river would be a great excuse for not turning in homework.

19) But you could only use this excuse once.

20) The state of Tennessee does not consider breast feeding to be nudity. Crocodiles don’t have breasts. They are reptiles. Only Mammals have breasts.

21) So an undressed crocodile would be arrested by Tennessee’s law enforcement.

22) Let’s hope crocodiles never develop a sense of modesty.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Malaysian Curry Noodles

Posted on July 9, 2014 by pauldelancey

Malaysian Soup

CURRY NOODLES

(laska)

INGREDIENTS – PASTECurrryNoodles-

1 large shrimp (1 pound more later in SOUP)
5 garlic cloves
4 macadamian nuts
6 fresh red chiles (remove seeds to make less spicy)
5 shallots
2 teaspoons coriander
½ teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 lemongrass stalks
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons sugar

INGREDIENTS – SOUP

1 pound shrimp
6 ounces boneless chicken
8 ounces hard tofu
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (¼ cup more later)
¼ cup vegetable oil
6 ounces yellow egg noodles
8 ounces rice sticks or vermicelli
4 cups chicken stock
1 15 ounce can coconut milk
1 tablespoon lime juice

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

3 ounces bean sprouts
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 lime

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 pan
3 pots

makes 6 bowls

PREPARATION – PASTE

Peel and devein1 large shrimp. Let dry. Add 1 large shrimp, garlic cloves, macadamian nuts, red chiles, shallots, coriander, cumin, curry powder, lemongrass, salt, and sugar to food processor. Grind ingredients until paste is smooth.

PREPARATION – SOUP

Peel and devein 1 pound shrimp. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Put tofu and 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in pan. Sauté tofu at medium-high heat until tofu turns golden brown.

Add ¼ cup vegetable oil to pot. Warm oil using medium heat. Add paste. Cook for 3 minutes or until paste darkens and become fragrant. Add chicken stock, coconut milk, and lime juice to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add chicken, shrimp and tofu cubes. Continue simmering on low heat for another 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

While chicken stock/coconut milk mix simmers, cook egg noodles and rice stick according to instructions on packages. (Will you need extra pots? Will you be cleaning pots after this meal? Yes, you will!) Drain noodles after they are done.

Place an equal amount of noodles into serving bowls. Add an equal amount of chicken stock/coconut oil/shrimp/tofu mix into bowls. Peel hard-boiled eggs and cut them into halves. Cut lime into 6 slices. Top bowls with hard-boiled egg halves, lime slices, and bean sprouts.

TIDBITS

1) Curry noodles is an anagram for cloudy snorer, uncool dryers, and nosy cod ruler.

2) Dryers are uncool because they steal our socks.

3) Dryers are actually alive. They are all aliens from the planet Rohoho.

4) Rohohans love socks, any planet’s socks.

5) But they love socks from Earth most of all.

6) That’s why the Rohohans come in the middle of the night, zap your clothes dryer into another dimension, and take its place. So, that clothes dryer in your home is actually an alien.

8) But it’s no big deal. Rohohans really don’t mind drying your clothes. In fact, they are rather good at it. They just eat one of your socks occasionally.

9) Why do they eat only one sock from a pair? No one knows for sure. The best guess is that they crave variety, just like we hate to eat 1,722 hot dogs in a row.

10) If you fill your socks with lutefisk, the Rohohans won’t touch them.

11) Of course, you won’t want to touch any of your lutefisk-scented clothes either. Life is hard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken in Pineapple Boat

Posted on March 14, 2014 by pauldelancey

Tahitian Entree

CHICKEN IN PINEAPPLE BOAT
(Takia Ni Toa Painaviu)

INGREDIENTSChicken pineapple-

2 large pineapples
3 chicken breasts
½ small onion
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup chicken stock
3/4 cup coconut milk
½ teaspoon parsley
2 tablespoons cream
1/3 cup dry white wine
½ tablespoon slivered almonds (optional)
add pineapple leaves as decoration

PREPARATION

Cut pineapples in half lengthwise. Carve out inside of pineapple. Cut carved out pineapple flesh into 1″ cubes, throwing out pulpy parts.. Cut chicken into ½” cubes. Mince onion.

Add onion and butter to large frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to medium. Add chicken and fry for about 5 MINUTES or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Do not brown chicken. Stir occasionally.

Reduce heat to low. Add flour and chicken stock to pan. Cook for minutes or until sauce thickens Add pineapple cubes, wine, and cream. Cook for 5 minutes on low heat. Stir occasionally Remove chicken/sauce from heat.. Ladle chicken/pineapple/sauce into pineapple halves. Sprinkle with parsley and almonds.

TIDBITS

1) The letter “B” does not exist in the Tahitian language. Tahitians would have a tough time ordering burgers at the Bob’s Big Boy restaurants in America. On the other hand, Tahiti has no poisonous snakes or insects.

2) Tahiti is way cool, Bread is more important than getting mail. Bakeries deliver fresh loaves twice a day to bread boxes outside residents homes. Maiil must be picked up at the post office.

3) Oh my goodness, I just found that the Tahitian alphabet now as only 13 letters, 13 fewer than the English one. And when I did the first tidbit, it apparently had 25. Where did those 13 – 1 = 12 additional letters disappear to and in two tidbits. I’m stopping the tidbits right now before the Tahitians lose any more letters. Goodness.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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