Posts Tagged With: chocolate

Vote Bacon & Chocolate

Bacon & Chocolate is finally ready to hit the campaign trail for 2022.

We would have started earlier, but our campaign chest was empty, $0,00, And let me tell you, you can’t buy many ads with that kind of cash,

However, B&C just came into two windfalls.

1) A lawsuit settlement of $9.83. A toll-booth company had been overcharging and got caught.

2) $1.85 in loose change found under the sofa cushions.

The B&C Party is ready to party.  Vote for us. All you need is a time machine.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Vietnamese Shredded Chicken Salad

Vietnamese Entree

SHREDDED CHICKEN SALAD
(Gơi Gà)

INGREDIENTS – CHICKEN

2 chicken breasts
¾ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – SALAD

½ red onion
2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
⅔ head Napa cabbage or ½ head green cabbage
1 large carrot
½ cup fresh cilantro
½ cup fresh mint
2 green onions
⅓ cup roasted peanuts
¼ teaspoon black pepper

INGREDIENTS – DRESSING

2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoons chili garlic sauce or sriracha
2 tablespoons fish sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

mandoline

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION – CHICKEN

Add chicken and salt to pot. Add enough water to cover chicken. Bring to boil using medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through and tender to the fork. Remove chicken and shred with two forks.

PREPARATION -SALAD

While chicken simmers, use mandoline or knife to cut red onion into slices ¼” thick. Add red-onion slices and rice wine vinegar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Let sit for 15 minutes.

While chicken simmers and sliced red onion sits, shred Napa cabbage. Julienne carrot. Dice cilantro, mint, and green onion. Add shredded chicken and all remaining salad ingredients to mixing bowl with red onion..

PREPARATION – DRESSING

Mince garlic cloves. Add all dressing ingredients to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Add dressing ingredients to bowl with chicken and salad. Toss salad and dressing with two forks until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) Shredded Chicken Salad uses shredded chicken.

2) You can tell my synapses are really firing today.

3) Shredding is also a surfing term. It means to surf a wave in a flamboyant and adept manner.

4) Shredding and shredding means to shred a wave then shred chicken for a meal or eat shredded chicken for a meal. The following conversation illustrates the two meanings of shredding.

Surfer 1: “Whoa dude, you really shredded the gnarly waves out there.”
Surfer 2: “Thanks man, primo waves. Primo waves.”
Surfer 1: “Ya hungry for Ho Chi’s chicken shack?”
Surfer 2: “Cowabunga dude, he really shreds the chicken.”

5) Wouldn’t The Two Meanings of Shredding be a great title for a book on Eastern philosophy?

6) Potato chip is a derisive term for a ridiculously small surf board.

7) Note that a small surf board is relative to the size of a surf. What is a potato chip for a 6′ 7″ man would be an okay board for a petite woman.

8) Surf boards for chicken are never called potato chips.

9) Because chickens are so small to start with.

10) Most chickens never master the art of surfing. Turkeys never do. Roosters could shred the waves if they would only concentrate. But after every successful maneuver, they’ll crow to the heavens, lose sight of the waves, and wipeout. And let me tell you, there’s nothing surlier than a rooster that’s bailed.

11) However, a small number hens can really surf. If you’re lucky you can see hens shooting the curls at your local beach. But if you want to be guaranteed world-class hens shredding the waves, you really must attend the Hilo Chicken Surfing Invitational every May. Be sure to book right away. Tickets and rooms disappear months in advance.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Khao Poon Soup From Laos

Laotian Soup

KHAO POON

INGREDIENTS

3 cups chicken broth
2 cups water
1¼ pounds chicken breasts*
1 large carrot
½” galangal root
¼ head red or Chinese cabbage
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro
½ tablespoon fresh mint
12 ounces rice vermicelli noodles
3 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon lemongrass paste**
1 red chile
2 tablespoons red curry paste**
1 shallot
½ tablespoon sesame or vegetable oil
1 14-ounce can coconut milk
2 tablespoons fish sauce
¼ pound bean sprouts
6 kaffir leaves
½ teaspoon salt

* = Can be made with ground pork or cooked fish fillet. If using these choices, add them to pot after you add the coconut milk.
** = Can be found in Asian supermarkets or online.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add chicken to large pot. Add chicken broth and water. Bring to boil using high heat. Lower heat to medium. Simmer for 20 minutes or until chicken breasts can be pulled apart with 2 forks. Stir enough to prevent burning, Remove chicken breasts to large bowl. (Keep liquid in pot.) Shred chicken with forks.

Grate carrot and galangal root. Shred red cabbage. Dice cilantro and mint. Cook rice vermicelli noodles according to instructions on package. Drain, fluff, and set aside.

While rice vermicelli cooks, add garlic, lemongrass, red chile, red curry paste, and shallot to food processor. Grind until you get a uniform paste. Add vegetable oil to pan. Heat oil at medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of uniform paste will start to dance. Add uniform paste to pan. Heat for 3 minutes or until it turns dark red. Stir constantly. Add coconut milk and fish sauce. Bring to boil. Add shredded chicken, bean sprouts, carrot, galangal root, kaffir leaves, red cabbage, salt, and uniform paste to pot. Simmer soup at low-medium heat for 10 minutes.

Add cooked rice vermicelli to serving bowls. Ladle soup over rice vermicelli. Garnish with cilantro and mint.

TIDBITS

1) The name of this dish sounds a lot like “Ka Boom.” This is not accident.

2) In 1352, Laos was divided and weak.

3) Neighboring countries took turns invading and annexing parts of Laos. Indeed, the rulers of Siam, and what is now Vietnam and Cambodia sometimes invaded simultaneously.

4) This created confusion on the battlefield. When Siamese, Vietnamese, and Laotian armies met, they didn’t know whom to fight. And no one likes a chaotic clash of arms.

5) So, Laos’ neighbors signed the Treaty of Bangkok. Each of the abutting lands was assigned four months each year for invasion.

6) This made life better for attacking countries.

7) Not so much for the the Laotians who still got overrun.

8) This, almost needless to say, depressed the Laotians who survived these vicious incursions.

9) Then, in 1353, Carl La Fong, a humble chef, invented the pressure cooker.

10) La Fong’s pressure cooker drastically reduced the time needed to prepare the thousands of Khao Poon servings he needed for his daily guests.

11) Unfortunately, Carl’s pressure cooker didn’t possess all the safety features of the invention’s modern version. Indeed, the darned thing proved quite prone to exploding an entire restaurant.

12) It was after he lost his fourth restaurant that the synapses finally fired in La Fong’s brain. “Why,” he said, “my exploding pressure cooker could annihilate entire armies. Khao poon! Or Ka boom, in English.”

13) In 1354, the plucky La Fong presented his device to King Fa Ngum. Ngum routed army after invading army with his pressure-cooker battalions.

14) Then in 1893, the French invaded Laos. Alas, the baguette eaters employed artillery which far out ranged the Laotian khao poons. The French soon won. Whereupon they settled down to eating Khao Poon every day. That and baguettes, they were French after all.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bad Day

Things went wrong at the bank. The day went downhill after that. I feel overwhelmed like this dog who kindly agreed to pose in place of me.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bad Day | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Presidential Resume – 2022

 

I might just run for president in 2024. The American electorate has the right to know if the presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party has the experience to run this great nation.

 

MY PRESIDENTIAL EXPERIENCE

Class President, 5th grade, Santa Anita Elementary School, Arcadia, California, 1967 – 1968

Ran for President of the United States – 2012

Ran for President of the United States – 2016 (This one really rankles. I was not certified as the winner despite carrying all but 50 states and D.C..

Ran for President of Venezuela in 2014.

Familiarity with Congress. I took a guided tour in 1980.

Finance. I’m not in debt. America has never had a recession while I’ve been president.

I’ve been to all 50 states.

Foreign Affairs. I’ve been to Asia, Europe, Australia, and the Caribbean without causing a single diplomatic incident. No, not one.

I can make mincemeat pies

 

There, I do have experience.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Commander in Chief

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Grammar Lust

 

GRAMMAR HAIKU #1

It is a truism.

Good grammar and chocolates

Will impress your date.

 

GRAMMAR HAIKU #2

Remember tonight,

Lust is fleeting but grammar

Endures forever.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: haiku, lust, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mason Jar Chocolate Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups heavy whipping cream
5 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar

Makes 2½ cups. Takes 20 minutes to make and 4 hours to firm in freezer.

PREPARATION

Add chocolate chips to pan. Melt using low-medium heat. Stir constantly. Add melted chocolate chips and all other ingredients to 3 cup Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar vigorously for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 4 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Family dinners can often be quite contentious.

2) Why?

3) There’s always someone who doesn’t like some dish that you made for the gathering on the clan.

4) And you spent up to two days making your feast.

5) And someone always brings up politics, which always gets people riled.

6) But this argument gets forgotten when someone offers to help and puts your grandmother’s cast-iron skillet in the washer. 30 minutes your angel of a daughter, Sally, looks up at you with soulful eyes. Tears drip down as she quavers, “Mommy, you were going to give that skillet one day.” Her distress punches you in the feels as you review the ingratitude and argument of the dining room. You wish, you really wish that just once serenity could prevail while eating with those oafs.

7) With this recipe your wish is granted. Everybody, absolutely everyone loves chocolate ice cream. Eating this dessert makes everyone so happy that they become strangely pleasant. Furthermore, this dish takes almost no effort to make and is so easy to clean. What more could you want?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chocolate Frosting

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE FROSTING

INGREDIENTS

1¾ cups heavy whipping cream
1¾ cups (10 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate chips
3¼ cups confectioners’ sugar

Makes 4½ cups. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

FROSTING NEEDED

Dessert Type Needs Cups of Frosting
—————– —————————–
2 layer cake                       3
3 layer cake                       4
12 cupcakes                      2
13″ * 9″ cake                     2

PREPARATION

Add heavy whipping cream to pan. Heat whipping cream at medium heat until cream just starts to bubble. Stir constantly. Remove from heat. Add chocolate chips. Stir with spatula or fork until all chips melt. Transfer to large mixing bowl. Keep in refrigerator until cooled and still pourable, about 40 minutes. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar.

Mix with whisk or fork. Lasts for 7 days in refrigerator when stored in Mason jar or other airtight container.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate has pleased billions of people for thousands of years. Just saying “chocolate” puts even the most stubborn people in a good mood. This is why chocolate figures prominently in peace treaties, legislation, and court cases.

2) If only there were enough chocolate to dispel all disagreements, the world would be perfect.

3) But there isn’t. Powerful people try to secure the globe’s chocolate supply for themselves. The Aztec nobility monopolized Mexico’s chocolate. This bred fierce resentment among the poor Aztecs and in all of the surrounding tribes. So, when Cortés and his fellow conquistadors set out in 1519 to conquer the Aztecs, the chocolate-lacking Mexicans said, “Sure, why not? Go ahead.”

4) The gold-lusting Spanish then went onto conquer the Incans in Peru for its gold. Spanish gold financed over a hundred years of wars in Europe. And all this happened because the Aztec elite wouldn’t share its chocolate. So when people ask for part of your chocolate bar, give them some. Oh look, I have an extra line left. Let’s use this space to daydream about chocolate. Mmm.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Lucy Llama Advises Men About Women

Men, you’d better listen to Lucy.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple Oblea Sandwich

Colombian Desserts

SIMPLE OBLEA SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

2 oblea wafers or other 6″ wafers
3 tablespoons each of one or more of the following fillings:
caramel sauce (If you can get the authentic Colombian caramel sauce, arequipe, go for it.)
condensed milk
chocolate sprinkles
chopped pineapple
cream cheese
grated cheese
grated coconut
jam

Serves 1. Takes 3 minutes.

The top wafer shows the filling in the sandwich.

PREPARATION

Spread 3 tablespoons of fillings over first oblea. Put second oblea on top of fillings..

TIDBITS

1) Obleas is the plural form of oblea. Oblea is a Spanish word.

2) The English language is also rich with plural nouns.

3) Popular plural nouns of the English language include: women, ants, hamburgers, and doors.

4) So you can see that English speakers needn’t feel inferior to their Spanish counterparts on this linguistic matter.

5) According to culinary linguists, the word “oblea” has a rich and fabricated history.

6) For in mid 1968, the BeatlesTM traveled to India seeking enlightenment. They did not find it.

7) Disappointed, The Fab Four traveled to Colombia seeking solace in a simple, yet tasty dessert.

8) They found it in the form of Juan Cabrera’s simple oblea sandwich.

9) Such a fabulous dessert was worthy of a song, and soon the gifted Beatles came up with “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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