Posts Tagged With: oil

Betty Ponterio

Antarctic Appetizer

BETTY PONTERIO

INGREDIENTS

ice cubes
beverage

Serves 1. Takes 1 minute

PREPARATION

Add ice cubes to glass. Add beverage.

TIDBITS

1) The Shirley Temple beverage is named after the famous child actress. The Roy Rogers is named after the famous singing-cowboy actor.

2) So it was, the Betty Ponterio was named after the great woman who created this remarkable, versatile beverage.

3) For it was on an unseasonably warm October day that Betty the Antarctic Explorer uttered the fateful words, “Maybe drinks recipes with all that ice.”

4) It was all so blindingly obvious after she said it, but up until then no one in Antarctica had come up with a good use for all its ice.

5) Savvy British polar explorers brought back ice to the mother country. Soon all the British wanted ice in their drinks. No host or hostess would even consider throwing a party without plenty of ice.

6) Ice became more valuable than oil No government could hope to stay in power without an adequate ice stock pile. Nation after nation build up its navy to guard its ice transports. Land-locked countries, such as Austria, Paraguay, and Chad were screwed.

7) International tensions soared. We were on the precipice of a third world war.

8) Then Ms. Ponterio spoke up again, “Why not use the ice from your refrigerator’s ice makers? Why not buy bags of ice at your stores?”

9) The solution to world peace was that simple..Ice makers had been in fridges for years for no apparent reason. Same thing with ice sold at local supermarkets. People had never used that ice, so they never even saw it anymore. Thanks to Betty, we noticed the ice in our midst.. Easy ice at hand, we reduced our navies. We embraced peace. I expect a Noble Prize very soon for Ms. Ponterio.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Baked Vidalia Onion

American Entree

BAKED VIDALIA ONION

INGREDIENTSBakedVidaliaOnion-

1 Vidalia onion
1 tablespoon butter
1 beef bouillon cube
½ teaspoon sherry

Makes 1 onion. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes. If you wish to serve everyone in the world, multiply ingredients by 7,000,000,000. You will need a big oven and most likely will want some help.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Slice off a thin disk from the top of the onion. Peel the onion. Do not remove the root. Use potato peeler to make a cone-shaped hole in the middle of the onion. The hole should be about 1″ wide at the top and taper to a point at the bottom. The hole should stop 1″ from the bottom of the onion. Cut onion into thirds down the sides, stopping ½” from the bottom. Goodness.

Place a pat or slivers of butter equal to 1 teaspoon into each of the three cuts on the sides of the onion. Add bouillon cube and sherry in the onion’s cone-shaped hole. Wrap tightly in foil. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until onion is tender. Place tray underneath to catch drippings. Open foil slowly to let hot steam escape. Serve in a bowl as there will be broth.

TIDBITS

1) N.B. Ull was just one of thousands of wildcat oil men looking for oil in Hawaii in the 1880s. Why were oil men looking for oil in Hawaii? The weather, of course, it’s great there. And the sunsets and those drinks with the pink umbrellas and the hula dancers swaying back and forth and . . . Anyway, the oil men drilled and drilled and eventually gave up to go back to the beaches to watch the sunsets and swaying native dancers and . . . Anyway, Mr. Ull persevered month after month and Pow! A black, plume spurted into the sky. Only it wasn’t oil. It was something culinary..

2) Anagrammists rushed to the spot and rearranged N.B. Ull and Oil to form the anagram Bouillon. Unfortunately, whenever anagrammists gather in great numbers they get agitated, especially when there are no drinks with pink umbrellas in them because failed oil men have drunk them all. In this case, the excited wordsters fomented revolution against the Hawaiian Monarchy. Businessmen, fearing anarchy, successfully petitioned the U.S. to annex these idyllic islands. Something to think about whenever you enjoy bouillon or rearrange a word’s letters.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grilled Saffron Chicken (Joojeh kabab)

Persian Entree

GRILLED SAFFRON CHICKEN
(Joojeh Kabab)

INGREDIENTSGrilledSaffronChicken-

1 onion
1/2 tablespoon lime juice
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1 gram (1/28 ounce) teaspoon saffron threads
1/4 teaspoon salt

4 chicken breasts (2 pounds)
3 medium tomatoes

basmati rice (optional)
naan bread (optional)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

metal skewers
outdoor grill

PREPARATION

Grate or dice onion. Add onion, lime juice, olive oil, pepper, red pepper powder, saffron, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix well with whisk to make marinade. Cut chicken breasts into 1 ½” cubes. Add chicken cubes to mixing bowl. Turn chicken cubes until they are completely coated with marinade. Cover with lid or plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight or for about 8 hours.

Take long nap or have a nice sleep. Dream about being a pirate, becoming a monarch, or being the first person to set foot on Mars.

Wake up. Thread chicken cubes onto metal skewers. Coat tomatoes with marinade. Thread tomatoes onto its own skewer. Preheat grill to on high. Barbecue chicken for 5-to-10 minutes. Turn chicken skewers over and barbecue for another 5-to-10 minutes. (Don’t overcook as chicken will become dry. Grill times vary wildly between grill. Check constantly). Grill tomatoes for 5 minutes then make a 1/4th turn with its skewer. Repeat 3 more times for a total of 20 minutes or until skin cracks on all sides. (Again, monitor this carefully.)

Serve with basmati rice or naan bread.

TIDBITS

1) During President Johnson’s administration, the war in Vietnam escalated dramatically, the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact invaded Czechoslovakia, the Civil Rights Act passed, and riots erupted in many American cities. President Johnson needed time to get away from the daily stress of his office and so added barbecues to the White House roof.

2) Decades later, anti-aircraft missiles would be added to the roof of the White House to protect its barbecues.

3) America has the world’s largest number of barbecues.

4) It also has the world’s most powerful military.

5) It has to. The world wants America’s barbecues.

6) It’s not an entirely stable situation.

7) That’s why in 2003, America embarked on a barbecue-treaty signing spree with nations around the world. The first such treaty, Oil for Barbecue, with Saudi Arabia was instant success and provided the blueprint for future Barbecue Diplomacy.

8) There is a lot of sand in Saudi Arabia. However, there are a quite a lot of dinosaurs fossils in America.

9) No one knows for sure if dinosaurs had barbecues. There are no fossil records to support or deny such a hypothesis.

10) Sauropods certainly never held barbecues. They had no opposable thumbs, essential to holding metal spatulas. Indeed, these dinosaurs possessed no hands at all, opting to involve with four feet instead. Sauropods rarely got invited to block-party barbecues as their extremely size, limited agility, and low-level intelligences meant they often stomped on the grills, ruining the festivities.

11) Oh, and sauropods were vegetarians. They wouldn’t eat the barbecued ribs their hosts prepared for them. Their carnivore hosts often took this culinary reticence for rudeness and killed the sauropods. Which provided more meat for the barbecues. The barbecue brachiosaurus ribs were to die to for. Which they did.

12) Faced with extinction from barbecue loving meat eaters such as the allosaurus, the sauropods evolve into bigger and bigger dinosaurs such as the diplodocus and the seismosaurus, so that they would become to big to fit on the existing Jurassic grills.

13) However, the succeeding Cretaceous period saw the rise of the giganotosaurus and the tyrannosaurus rex. These fierce predators loved sushi, preferring to eat their properly prepared and spice prey raw.

14) Barbecue use dwindled. Then a meteor hit the Earth 64 million years ago, extinguishing the dinosaurs and what little culinary expertise they possessed. But now, finally, barbecues are back. We live in a new, golden age.

– Chef Paul

Cookbook&4Novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hawaij, Spice Mix from Yemen

Yemeni Appetizer

HAWAIJ
(spice mix)

INGREDIENTSHawaij-

2 tablespoons black peppercorns
3/4 teaspoon whole cloves
1/2 teaspoon caraway seeds
1 teaspoon cardamom
2 teaspoons coriander
2 1/2 teaspoons cumin
1 tablespoon turmeric

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Grind peppercorns, cloves, and caraway seeds in spice grinder. Use fork to mix peppercorn, cloves, caraway, cardamom, coriander, cumin, and turmeric in small mixing bowl. Store mixture in airtight jar.

TIDBITS

1) According to Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, cardamom is “the spice of Paradise.” It’s not clear how he knew that. Perhaps he had an Ouija board.

2) Since Ouija boards weren’t invented until the twentieth century, it’s clear Chaucer had a time machine. I would have read Canterbury Tales in High School with much more interest if I had known that.

3) According to some vague, unspecified, nebulous people, cardamom was the most popular spice in ancient Rome. Rome conquered Gaul. Gauls did not spice with cardamom. The frightening implication is clear.

4) Cardamom coffee is popular in the Arab world. The Arabs overran North Africa, the Fertile Crescent, the Spanish peninsula, Sicily, and Southern France in only 100 years. The conquering qualities of cardamom explains why it costs more than oil per ounce. Oil fuels countries’ economies, but cardamom is necessary for sheer national survival.

5) Cardamom is more popular in Sweden than any other spice. Sweden has never been conquered by a non-Nordic nation. Even nations with powerful armies respect countries with large cardamom stockpiles.

6) Cardamom is the world’s second most expensive spice. Only saffron cost more. I don’t even want to think what a global conflict over saffron would be like.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jamaican Curried Chicken

Jamaican Entree

CURRIED CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSCurryCh-

2 chicken breasts
1 medium potato
1 red bell pepper
3 garlic cloves
2 stalks green onion
1 large onion
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cup chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon celery seed
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 1/2 tablespoons Jamaican curry powder
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/4 teaspoon turmeric

PREPARATION

Cut chicken and potato into 1/2″ cubes. Removes seeds from red bell pepper. Mince bell pepper, garlic, green onion, and onion. Add vegetable oil, bell pepper, garlic, green onion, and onion to frying pan. Sauté at medium-high heat or until onions are tender.

Add chicken cubes, potato cubes, broth, celery seed, curry powder, pepper, thyme, and turmeric. Cook with lid off on low-medium heat for about 20 minutes or until potato bits are tender. Stir occasionally. Serve to your new best friends.

TIDBITS

1) Curry, while a tasty spice blend, is not a particularly fun spice despite what the “Fun Facts About Curry” would have you believe.

2) Tim Curry, however, is much more interesting. He starred in the cult classic movie, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He auditioned for the role by singing, “Tutti Frutti.” He had a dog named Frank.

3) One of the biggest movie flops of all times was the movie Ishtar. Ishtar is an anagram for “Hi, rats.”

4) “O,” “A,” and “I” are the shortest palindromes in the English language.

5) “ ” is the shortest palindrome spoken by mimes.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple Hawaiian Pancakes Recipe

Hawaiian Entree

SIMPLE HAWAIIAN PANCAKES

INGREDIENTSHawaWaf-

8 frozen waffles
4 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons milk
1/2 cups pineapple juice
4 ounce can pineapple chunks

PREPARATION

Toast waffles according to instructions on package. Cut butter into 16 pats. Combine in mixing bowl: sugar, milk, and pineapple juice. Place equal amounts of butter and mixed juice and 2-to-4 pineapple chunks of each toasted waffle. Aloha!

TIDBITS

1) In 1869, women of Wyoming got the right to vote. The waffle iron was first patented in 1869. It was a good year.

2) One-hundred years later, the amazing New York Mets won their first World Series championship after years of last place finishes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

3) The waffle began its illustrious culinary journey during the Middle Ages. The waffle! So if someone calls this era the Dark Ages, waggle your finger at the fool and say, “Nooooo!”

4) The waffle became so popular that bloody fights became common between waffle vendors seeking prime locations. So much so, that a King of France took off time from wars and mistresses to decree a minimum distance between the warring vendors.

5) It has been said the French Revolution started in 1789 in part by disgruntled vendors seeking to throw out royal enforcement of the waffle decrees.

6) America annexed Hawaii in 1898 to ensure a steady supply of pineapple chunks in juice for its burgeoning appetite for Hawaiian waffles. A drastic measure perhaps, but it is worthwhile to note America has never since been involved in any military conflict over foreign pineapples. The same cannot be said for oil.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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