Posts Tagged With: recipe

Moravian Christmas Cookies

Czech Dessert

MORAVIAN CHRISTMAS COOKIES

INGREDIENTSMoravianCookies-

1 teaspoon baking soda
1½ tablespoons warm water
1 cup brown sugar
1¼ cups molasses
½ cup shortening or lard
4 cups flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¾ teaspoon ground cloves
¼ teaspoon ginger
¼ teaspoon mace
½ teaspoon nutmeg

2 tablespoons flour
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

cookie cutter
4 or so cookie sheets (You might have to bake in batches.)

Makes 36 cookies. Takes 2 hours 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add baking soda and warm water to pot. Stir with fork until baking soda dissolves. Add brown sugar, molasses, and shortening. Cook at low-medium heat until all is melted. Stir frequently. Remove from heat..

Add baking soda/brown sugar/molasses mixture to large mixing bowl. Add 1 cup of flour. Knead by hand. Repeat until all 4 cups of flour have been added. Add cinnamon, ground cloves, ginger, mace, and nutmeg. Knead once until dough is stiff and smooth. Cover and place in cool spot for 1½ hours.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Use up to 2 tablespoons flour to dust flat surface. Roll dough out until it is ⅛” thick. Cut dough with cookie cutter or with knife. Spray cookie sheet with no-stick spray. Bake at 350 degrees for 5-to-10 minutes or until cookies harden around the edges or a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean. Let sit for 10 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Molasses flows slowly. Hence the saying, “As slow as molasses.”

2) Slowness is relative of course. Plate tectonics, the shifting of the Earth’s plates, is even slower than molasses. Much slower. Yet no one ever says, “As slow as plate tectonics.”

3) Even so, plate tectonics is much faster than the lines at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

4) This title usually gets shortened to DMV. The department even has a long name.

5) Many people assume that the glacial pace at the DMV is a result of ever increasing swarms of people wanting to get driving permits, driver’s licenses, and to change their names.

6) Name changing arises when recently married women take their husband’s last name.

7) People who have committed murders often change their last name to avoid detection by the police.

8) Black widows, women who marry men and murder them shortly afterward for their money, are especially avid name changers.

9) Law enforcement knows this. Which is why the DMV includes in the section under name changes the following question, “Do you marry and murder for money?”

10) This tactic worked for a while. Then would be money murderers realized they could avoid detection by simply answering, “No.”

11) So these black widows and other killers compound their crime of murder with the one of lying.

12) Soon they feel nothing about jaywalking or looking up the answers at the back of a book of crossword puzzles.

13) The downward moral spiral continues. Pretty soon the tortured soul looks at the hamburger on his plate, his second one when another guest hasn’t even had her first. He wonders how such an off-the-cuff action as murder could have such an impact on his life.

14) This is a critical moment in the murderer’s life. Confess, oh my goodness, confess. Confess and break the downward ethical spiral. Confess that you took that second hamburger. Offer it back to that hamburgerless sweetheart looking down at her empty plate.

15) Your act of self abnegation will bring a smile to her face. The fact of getting of a yummy burger will swamp her body with joy-filling endorphins. She’ll regard you as a knight in shining armor.

16) Soon the two of you will be chatting up a storm and before you know it, you are engaged to be married.

17) Now is the time when you must hold firm. Do not kill her for her money. This is your soul mate. Murder someone else. Do the murder with you new spouse. The couple that slays together, stays together.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Pralines

American Dessert

PRALINES

INGREDIENTSPralines-

1 1/4 cups white sugar
1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup butter
2 cups pecan halves
2 tablespoons vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

candy thermometer
cookie sheet
waxed paper

Makes 23 squares. It should make more but the family keeps nibbling before I can get them all wrapped in waxed-paper squares.  (The squares, not the family. Goodness sake, you didn’t think you were going to get an exciting admission, did you?)

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to large pot. Cook on medium heat until temperature of syrup reaches 234-to-240 degrees or until a drop of syrup forms a soft ball that can be flattened when dropped in cold water. Watch carefully and stir constantly.

As soon as syrup is ready, use large spoon to quickly and carefully drop syrup onto cookie sheet. Try to make praline patties about 2″ across and ½” high. (Be careful, hot praline syrup will burn like molten lava if it gets on you.) Let syrup cool. While dessert cools, cut waxed paper into 6″ squares. Wrap each praline patty in waxed-paper squares. Tie at top with rubber band.

Makes a great gift. Great for yourself as well.

TIDBITS

1) Pecans help a man’s sex life. Pecans have a lot of zinc. Zinc helps men produce more testostone.

2) Chocolates make women feel slightly more romantic.

3) Chocolate-covered pecans make for a night of whoopie.

4) The pecan tree is the state tree of Texas. There are a lot of Texans. Need I say more?

– Chef Paul

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com4novels

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Lachuch Bread From Yemen

Yemeni Appetizer

LACHUCH BREAD

INGREDIENTSlachuch-

1 1/2 slices white bread
1 1/2 teaspoons dry yeast
3 cups warm water
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (or 1 teaspoon per bread)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

Makes about 9 lachuch breads

PREPARATION

Soak bread in small bowl of warm water. Pour water out of bowl. Press your fish against bread to squeeze out water. Again, pour water out of bowl. Squeeze soggy bread with hands to form bread paste. (This is a bad time to caress your sweetheart’s hair.)

Add yeast and warm water to large mixing bowl. Stir until yeast dissolves. Add flour, salt and sugar. Mix with fork until batter forms. Add bread paste to mixing bowl. Form batter by mixing all ingredients with whisk or fork.

Cover mixing bowl. Let batter rise for 2 hours or until it doubles in size.

Put 1 teaspoon of oil in skillet. Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Pour in 1 ladle of batter. Fry for 4-to-5 minutes until batter is golden brown on the bottom and the top is covered with bubble holes. Do not turn over. It is a no no. Repeat until batter is used up. Use 1 teaspoon of oil per ladle.

Lachuch bread goes well with Yemeni chicken soup.

TIDBITS

1) “Bread” is an anagram for “bread.”

2) Okay, that was an easy anagram. Here’s another: red ab. You get red abs by sitting at the beach too long without sunscreen.

3) It’s also an anagram for “ad reb,” as in, “Hey man, what type of ‘reb’ are you?” “Oh, I’m ‘ad reb,’ man.”

4) More traditionally, “bread” is an anagram for “beard.”

5) At one point the CIA debated making Fidel Castro’s beard fall out. Some thought the Cuban people would be so disillusioned with him if walked around with a hairless face that they would rise up and overthrow the dictator.

6) I don’t sport a beard. I have no chance of being dictator of Cuba.

5 Ancient Egyptian men and women wore fake metallic beards to mark special occasions, such as solar eclipses. I have no idea why. Maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe wearing fake metallic beards cause solar eclipses.

6) I’m not wearing a fake metallic beard as I type this. There is no solar eclipse going on.

7) See?

8) And what does “Fake metallic beards” mean? Do people grow “real metallic beards?”

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lemonade Recipe

American Dessert

LEMONADE

INGREDIENTSlemonade-

1 1/2 cup sugar
2 cups water (6 more cups later)
2 cups lemon juice (might need 8 to 12 lemons if freshly squeezed)
6 cups water

PREPARATION

Use juicer to extract lemon juice or open up bottle of lemon juice. Put sugar and 2 cups water in saucepan. Cook at medium heat until sugar dissolves. (This keeps sugar from settling to bottom.) Stir constantly.

Add sugar water, lemon juice, and 6 cups water to pitcher. Stir with long spoon. Cool in refrigerator for 30 minutes or more.

TIDBITS

1) “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

2) “When life gives you loquats, make loquatade.

3) Lemon zest is chockfull of bioflavonoids called rutins. Sounds healthy, doesn’t it.

4) My spell checker didn’t recognize “chockfull” but was perfectly fine with bioflavonoids. Odd.

5) When I grew up we had not only a lemon tree and a loquat tree in the back, but a guava bush as well. I had a rich childhood.

6) Peter, Paul, and Mary had a hit song called, “Lemon Tree.” The guava bush, in my opinion, has many similarities to the lemon tree. They could have called their song, “Guava Bush.”

“Guava bush, very pretty, and the guava flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor guava is impossible to eat.”

7) Would Peter, Paul, and Mary still have had a hit song if they had warbled about the humble guava instead? It’s hard to say without shifting into the correct parallel universe. And that seems risky.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Kenyan Coconut-Milk Plantain Recipe

Kenyan Entree

COCONUT-MILK PLANTAINS

INGREDIENTSCocoMilkPlan-

4 completely ripe plantains
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon cloves
1 3/4 cups coconut milk

PREPARATION

Peel plantains. Cut plantains in round slices no thicker than 1/4″ inch. Combine all ingredients (head ‘em up, move ‘em out) into soup pot. Simmer on low heat for 30-to-40 minutes or until the plantains are tender and have absorbed all the coconut milk. Stir occasionally to ensure that all the plantain slices get covered with liquid. Serve hot. If not, serve cold.

TIDBITS

1) Cinnamon is truly a happening spice.

2) True cinnamon comes from Sri Lanka. Powdered cinnamon sold in America is usually not true cinnamon. Instead is really cassia, a similar tasting spice. Fret not, the sky is not falling. You can buy cinnamon sticks and grind your own cinnamon. Take back cinnamon! Yeah!

3) Cinnamon smells great. Indeed, God told Moses (Exodus 30: 22-33). to make holy anointing oil out of cinnamon, cassia, olive oil, myrrh, and scented cane.

4) The ancient folks scurrying around the Mediterranean and points east believed in the Cinnamon Bird. The Cinnamon Bird lived in Arabia and built its nest with cinnamon which it got from parts unknown.

5) The Arabians left heavy chunks of meat on the ground. The Cinnamon Birds would take the meat back to their nest. The weight of the meat would cause the cinnamon nests to fall to the ground. Of course, they could have accomplished the same thing by throwing bowling balls in these birds’ nest, assuming the sons of the desert had bowling balls way back then.

6) The ancient Roman, Pliny the Elder, debunked the myth of the Cinnamon Bird. Nothing got past old Pliny.

7) Economist alert! One ounce of cinnamon could get you fifteen ounces of silver in Roman times. Kinda made having cinnamon toast a special occasion.

8) During the Middle Ages, your social level was determined by the number of spices you had. Hee, hee, I’m fabulously rich! Oh wait, I’m not living in the Middle Ages. Dang it, where’s my time machine?

9) For centuries, European nations fought wars over who would control Ceylon’s, Sri Lanka back then, supplies of cinnamon. A bit like Black Friday at WalmartTM.

10) For a long time I thought Marshall Crenshaw’s song, “Cynical Girl,” was really “Cinnamon Girl.” It changed the meaning somewhat.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pepper Jack Meatloaf Recipe

American Entree

PEPPER JACK MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTSPeppeJM-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 garlic cloves
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon parsley
1 green bell pepper
1 green chile
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro
1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince red onion, white onion, and garlic. Add this to olive oil and sauté on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.

Dice bell pepper and green chile. Combine red onion, white onion, garlic, ground beef, eggs, bell pepper, green chile, diced tomatoes, coriander, cumin, tarragon, cilantro, pepper jack cheese, and bread crumbs. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

(Better yet, get your nine-year old to mix this up. He’ll welcome the opportunity to be helpful while getting his hands messy. Take advantage of this willingness before he becomes a teenager.)

OR…dice and mince all the above ingredients and put them all into the oil to sauté at once. This will save six minutes.

(Saving six minutes is particularly useful if there is an accidental nuclear countdown near your home, you’re the only one with the key to abort the launch with the resulting global nuclear war, and you really don’t have the extra six minutes needed to perform this extra culinary step, eat this meal, and get to the missile silo in time.)

Spray 8″-by-8″ baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat until it is a flat as the Kansan prairie. Bake for about 1 hour at 350 degrees. Let cool for 5 – 10 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) According to The Tales of the Arabian Nights, coriander is an aphrodisiac.

2) We should all absorb the lessons of great literature.

3) Coriander is also mentioned in the Bible. The Bible does not mention any non-culinary benefits from Tarragon.

4) Indeed, The Good Book commands, “Do not commit adultery.”

5) Sometime in the 1600s, two English publishers came out with a Bible with the exciting command, “Thou Shall Commit Adultery.”

6) The King of England fearing for the morals of his people, outlawed this version of the Bible, and heavily fined the publishers.

7) Editing and correct spicing are musts.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kenyan Maharagwe Soup Recipe

Kenyan Soup

MAHARAGWE
(Spicy red beans in coconut milk)

INGREDIENTSMaharagwe-

3 tomatoes
1 1/2 onions
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/4 teaspoons cayenne
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon turmeric
1 13.5 ounce can coconut milk
1 15 ounce can dark red kidney beans

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes. Mince onions. Put olive oil and onion in soup pot. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion is tender. Drain kidney beans. Add tomato, cayenne, salt, turmeric, coconut milk, and kidney beans to pot.

Cook on low-medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Serve to guests who do not wonder out loud why a dish from Kenya has coconuts.

TIDBITS

1) Kenya grows coconuts. It does! It does! I never knew. I just looked it up. There’s even a Kenya Coconut Development Authority (KCDA). So there.

2) Egypt has pyramids. Mexico has pyramids. Did ancient Egyptians ever voyage to Mexico?

3) I’d always pictured coconuts growing only in islands in the Pacific.

4) But then again, Iceland grows bananas. Iceland is a republic. So, Iceland is a banana republic. So is the United States.

5) Did you know Iceland has a list of approved names? If you pick off the list, the government will not recognize your baby’s name. In that case, you must go to court to win approval.

6) Have you ever bought bananas from Iceland? Iceland has no McDonald’s. It costs too much to ship McDonald’s approved beef and potatoes there.

7) Juneau, Alaska has a McDonald’s. It used up it’s all the supplies that were supposed to last it an entire month on opening day.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Libyan Imthawoma (potatoes in spicy sauce) Recipe

Libyan Entree

IMTHAWOMA
(Potatoes in spicy sauce)

INGREDIENTSImthawoma-

8 red potatoes
1 tomato
8 garlic cloves
1 stick butter
2 1/2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon turmeric

INITIAL PREPARATION

Start boiling water. Peel potatoes. Puree tomatoes.. Mince garlic. Add potatoes to boiling water. Boil for about 20 minutes or until potatoes are soft.

GHEE PREPARATION

While potatoes are boiling, put butter in small sauce pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Do not cover the pan. After butter has melted and starts to foam reduce heat to low and simmer for about 15 minutes. Do not stir. (This goes counter to many cooking instincts. Resist. You can do it.) It’s ready when:

1) Someone yells, “It’s ready.”

2) A light tan crust forms on the mostly still surface.

3) The butter stops bubbling.

4) Starts to smell like popcorn.

Pour the melted butter through a colander into bowl. Discard solids left in colander. The liquid in the bowl is your ghee. You are now a ghee whiz.

FINAL PREPARATION

Put ghee back in sauce pan. Add garlic, cumin, paprika, salt, and turmeric. Sauté at medium high heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently. Add tomato puree. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes, stirring frequently. Put potatoes in sauce pan. Turn potatoes over until they are well coated with the spicy ghee. Simmer on low heat for 5 minutes, occasionally stirring the sauce and turning the potatoes. Serve and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) I keep forgetting how to spell “colander.”

2) I have no problem is chrysanthemum, antediluvian, or even phthalein. I can’t remember the last word’s meaning, though.

3) When my older son was one-to-two years old, he convinced himself that I couldn’t drive without his help. He’d say, “Green means go” or “red means stop.”

4) I miss those days.

5) And doesn’t “Imthawoma” look a lot like “I’m the woman?”

6) With observations like that, it’s no wonder my son wanted to help me do things.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fajita Bowls Recipe

Mexican Entree

FAJITA BOWLS

INGREDIENTSFajiBowl-

7 small flour tortillas
4 chicken breasts
3 garlic cloves
1 medium yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
2 orange bell peppers
1 red bell pepper
4 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon TabascoTM sauce
1 teaspoon red chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
2 cups lettuce
1/2 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses
salsa (optional)

UTENSILS

Muffin tin or 8″ casserole dish
A lazy Susan, about 24 inches across, if you can find one.
toothpicks

PREPARATION – BOWL METHOD – 1

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Turn muffin tin upside down. Gently push flour tortilla down between 3 upside-down cups. Do this 2 more times. Put muffin tin with tortillas in oven. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes or until tortilla bowls become crispy. Way cool, huh? See below picture.

TortBowl1-

PREPARATION – BOWL METHOD – 2

Put a tortilla in each corner of the casserole dish. Fold up sides of all 4 tortillas so that they form 4 bowls. Put a toothpick in one tortilla and in another tortilla wherever they come together. Bake at 375 for 20 minutes or until tortilla bowls become crispy. Also cool. See below picture.

TortBowl2-

PREPARATION OF FIXINGS

Make spice mix by whisking together in small bowl: chili powder, cumin, coriander, poultry spice and TabascoTM sauce. Cut chicken into strip 1/2″ wide and 2″ long. Add 1/3 of spice mix to chicken. Mix until chicken is coated with spice.
Use food processor to mince garlic cloves. Use knife to slice the onion into rings. Then cut rings into fourths. Combine 1/3 of spice mix with garlic and onion.

Use knife to slice the bell peppers into rings. Then cut rings into fourths. Combine 1/3 of spice mix with bell peppers.

Pour vegetable oil and lime juice into no-stick frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat 3 times . Put each sautéed mix in its own bowl, leaving oil and lime juice in pan. 1) Sauté garlic and onion. 2) Sauté green bell pepper, orange bell pepper, and red bell pepper.. 3) Sauté chicken strips. Put bowls on lazy Susan, again if you have one. Add more vegetable oil and lime juice if you run out while sautéing all the ingredients.

Shred lettuce. Put lettuce and cheese in bowls on lazy Susan. Male a fajita bowl by filling tortilla bowl with: chicken, onion/garlic, bell pepper, lettuce, and cheese. Arriba. (Could you tell I italicized the period at the end of the last sentence?)

TIDBITS

1) It is doubtful there ever was a real lazy Susan.

2) To clear the good name of Susan, here is a list of famous Susan singers: Susan from Iran, Susan from Japan–Is having a last name so hard?–Susan Boyle, Susan McFadden, Suzi Quatro–Okay a variation on Susan but I remember listening to her in college so there–

3) Famous Susan actresses: Susan Cookson, Susan Hampshire–I remember watching her watching her in a Masterpiece Theater series during college. You rocked, Ms. Hampshire–Susan Dey, Susan Littler, Susan Lucci, Susan Oliver, Susan Sarandon–star of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show–and Susan St. James.

4) Famous Susan authors: Susan Cheever, Susan Isaacs, Susan Sontag–I have a book of hers sitting on my bookshelf–and Susan Fromberg Schaeffer.

5) Famous dog of the current British Queen: Susan.

6) Famous Susan mass murderers: None.

7) Famous Susan dictators: None.

8) See? Susans are nice. I can personally vouch for the niceness of every Susan I’ve met.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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