Monthly Archives: April 2021

Emperor Paul I

The picture to the right shows what I would look like were I to become emperor. And why not? I’m a nice guy. Also, according to long standing family belief, I am the fifth generation, direct descendant of Emperor Napoleon I. So you can see I have a valid claim to be the ruler of France. And I’m quite up on French history as well as being aware of French politics. Also, I have spent time in France on multiple occasions, I’ve bicycled from one end of France to another, love French cuisine, am adept at cooking French dishes. At my peak, I could speak fluent French at a third-grade level. What more do you want? Anyway, the country is a total mess, I am less so. Time to make me leader of France. My slogan is, “Take naps. Do no harm.” Aux armes, citoyens.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Paul I

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pictures of Me

 

Here I am, ready to start the day in my work pajamas.

Here I am, being a chef.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Triple Sandwich

Peruvian Entree

TRIPLE SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

2 eggs
4 slices white bread
1 small avocado
1 small tomato
3 tablespoons mayonnaise (6 times at ½ tablespoon)
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt

Makes 1 sandwich. Serves 2. Takes 20, or so, minutes, depending on the hardness of the boiled egg.

PREPARATION

Boil 2 eggs in water for 6 minutes, for soft boiled, to 12 minutes, for hard boiled. While eggs boil trim crusts off bread slices. Peel and remove pit of avocado. Cut avocado into ½” cubes. Dice tomato. Peel eggs. Cut each egg into 2 slices along its length.

Spread ½ tablespoon mayonnaise on 1st slice of bread. Arrange avocado cubes evenly over mayonnaise. Sprinkle pepper and salt over avocado.

Spread ½ tablespoon mayonnaise on each side of 2nd slice of bread. Put 2nd slice of bread on avocado. Sprinkle diced tomato evenly on 2nd bread slice.

Spread ½ tablespoon mayonnaise on each side of 3nd slice of bread. Put 3nd slice of bread on diced tomatoes. Arrange egg slices evenly on 3rd bread slice.

Spread ½ tablespoon mayonnaise on 4th slice of bread. Put 4th bread slice, mayonnaise side down, on egg slices. Cut sandwich diagonally. This sandwich looks really nice.

TIDBITS

1) A triple is a term from Peruvian baseball. Baseball was invented in Peru by Señor Alfredo Lopez de Santiago y Albondigas. Lopez owned many large diamond mines in Northern Peru. Diamond mining was cramped work. Cramped work leads to cramped workers. Cramped workers lead to crimped productions. So to stretch the muscles of his miners, Lopez invented the game of Baseball. This occurred in 1834, a full eleven years before Alexander Cartwright supposedly invented the sport in America.

2) Lopez found no takers from his weary and famished workers. He had to bribe his miners with food. Batters who ended up at third base, were rewarded with a triple-layered sandwich of avocado, tomato, and eggs. This sandwich came to be known simply as a “triple.” The corresponding base hit also became a triple. Now you know.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Favorite Restaurants – Mother’s, New Orleans

New Orleans is chock full of superb dining establishments. However, my favorite one, the one I always go to whenever I have the good fortune to visit the Crescent City is Mother’s Restaurant.

Mother’s claims it serves the “World’s Best Baked Ham.”  I have to agree. However, I am a sucker for dipped, hot sandwiches. I nearly always go for their Ferdi Special.

As you can see from the picture on the right, the place displays a modest decor, while the many photos on the brick are of celebrities who made a point to going to Mother’s.

The omnipresent long line outside to get into the restaurant, shows the enduring popularity of this historic eatery.  Be sure to pick out your dining choices as you make way in the line to the counter; there are lots of people behind waiting to get in.

As I mentioned above, my favorite dish at Mother’s is the Famous Ferdi Special. It’s a po’ boy with ham and roast beef. Be sure to ask for it with “debris.” Debris is the bits of roast beef that fall into the gravy while carving. This po’ boy is so good that ordering any of their other fine dishes feels like having an affair on the Ferdi Special. But what an affair, it would be. I recommend trying the World’s Best Baked Ham Dinner, the Ham Po’ Boy, the Gulf Shrimp Po’ Boy, Red Beans and Rice with ham, and Shrimp Creole.

Google Maps(tm) describes Mother’s Restaurant as “Greasy spoon with Southern comfort food.” And how! I’m getting rather hungry writing this blog. So let me leave after listing their tasty sides: cabbage, turnip greens, red beans & rice, Jake’s green beans with tomatoes, grits, cheese grits, potato salad, and French fries.

I want to go back to Mother’s Restaurant. You should go too.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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I Get Eaten

 

My life-long nemeses, The Flying Land Fish of Maine finally caught up with me. This blog will therefore be short.

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Caramelized Banana Cake

Cape Verdean Dessert

CARAMELIZED BANANA CAKE

INGREDIENTS

4 eggs
½ cup butter, softened
1½ cups sugar (1¼ cups more later)
½ cup milk
⅛ teaspoon salt
2⅓ cups wheat flour or flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
no-stick spray
4 ripe bananas
⅓ cup water
1¼ cups sugar
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
8″ * 12″ cake pan
9″ * 13″ cookie tray
sonic obliterator

Serves 10. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Separate eggs into yolks and whites. Add butter and 1½ cups sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Add egg yolks, milk, and salt. Mix with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Gradually add wheat flour. Mix with electric beater set on medium until well blended. Add baking powder and egg whites. Mix with electric beater set on medium until this dough is well blended and fluffy. Spray cake pan with no-stick spray.

Cut each banana into 6 circles. Add water and 1¼ cups sugar to pan. Warm sugar using low-medium heat until it begin to melt. Stir enough to keep sugar from burning and clumping. Reduce heat to low and continue warming sugar until it melts completely and turns a caramel brown. Stir constantly. Pour this caramel immediately into cake pan. (Don’t let it set.) dish. Smooth with spatula.

Place banana circles evenly over caramel. (Be careful if caramel is hot.) Spoon dough over bananas. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degrees or until a toothpick stuck in middle of cake comes out clean. Loosen cake by sliding spatula around the edges and, as far as possible, under the bottom. Put cookie tray on top of cake pan. Carefully turn cake pan and cookie tray upside down. Tap cake pan with knife. Say a brief prayer. Lift cake pan. Cake should come out cleanly onto cookie tray. Let sit until cool. Serve to adoring guests. Zap unappreciative ones with sonic obliterator.

TIDBITS

1) One of the most beloved form of communal games of gambling is craps. Just go to any casino. Any time you hear a loud roar of happiness, it is quite likely it came from the craps table. Of course, as with all gambling choices in a casino, you will likely go home a loser. But you have more fun losing than people playing slot machines. And that’s the main thing.

2) There are two games that come to mind for people to play face to face. They are chess and dominoes.

3) However, chess is mostly a silent game. It’s bad form to disturb, in any way, the player about to make a move. People can take the longest time pondering whether to move their bishop or not. Or where. How long can some players take to move?

4) Eons.

5) Culinary sociologists have determined that chess is the game of choice for prison wardens. The wardens deal with violent and otherwise troublesome prisoners by placing them in solitary confinement.

6) There is always a chess game going in solitary confinement. The guard tells the ingoing inmate whether he is playing for white black. The player looks at the game. His mind goes a mile a minute thinking over the 172,329 possible moves. This takes a while, and lo and behold. just as he moves his chess piece, his time in solitary is over.

7) The head guard then picks the current troublemaker in the chess-game cell and informs this inmate that his is playing the opposite color from that of the previous cell mate.

8) Solitary Prison Cell has become all the rage. Inmates have begun to commit offenses just to play chess in solitary. Prisoners have begun to form chess gangs. The most popular gang names are the White Knights and the Black Bishops. For a while, wardens tried segregating these groups.

9) However, as this policy is proving insufficient in decreasing prison violent, the guards are starting to take away solitary-chess privileges for frequent rule offenders. These men can only play dominoes, a much less violent game. It’s still addicting, though.

10) When prisoners are released, the dominoes players need a good fix of the game. This is why you see people playing dominoes outside a remote, rural general store. But there aren’t many such establishments any more. So dominoes junkies naturally flock to anything that has the big dots on them that dominoes has. What do they do? They can’t play chess anymore. That games doesn’t have dots. Beside, the ex-cons have been conditioned against playing that game? So what do they do?

11) They play craps. The dice in craps have plenty of dots on them, enough for any dominoes junkie. However, as we established in the first tidbit, people who plays craps lose all their money.

12) Then what do these one-time felons due for their dot fix? They eat food with dots on them. Like caramelized banana cake. The bananas in ths dessert look like the dots on a domino tile. (See the above photo.) This is why this dessert is so enormously popular around the world. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When Uranus Was Called George

Yes, from 1781 to 1851 the planet Uranus was really called George. It’s official title was Georgium Sidus, but no one said that. George was discovered by the amateur astronomer William Herschel. Way to go Herschel! King George III rewarded Herschel for his discovery by appointing him Court Astronomer and asking him to move close to the royal family. Herschel, grateful for such recognition, named the new planet Georgium Sidus in honor of his royal patron.

French astronomers did not like the new name, however, as their country had been fighting George III’s for centuries. They proposed calling it “Herschel.” Then in 1851, a bunch of planet namers got together. They noted that all the other planets were named after Greek and Romans gods. They further observed that George, as powerful as he was, was not, in fact, a mythological god. Nothing got past these guys. So they renamed the eighth planet, Uranus.

I rather like the idea of calling a planet, “George.” What would you call Uranus?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Punish the Printer Makers

People who design printers are the most vile, evil people on this planet. If I had a dollar for every time my printer jammed or I reset my printing preferences and did not have them stick, I would be able to buy, Amazon(tm), Google ™, and Microsoft(tm) and still have money left over to buy all the gold in the world. May they rot in Hell for all eternity. And while in Hell they’d have to . . .

1) Eat nothing but lutefisk

2) Listen to an endless loop of the Barney the Dinosaur(tm) song.

3) Get paper cuts that never heal.

4*) Have the instructions for cooking something be in a foreign language.

5) Sit next to a cholicky baby that smokes and needs a diaper change.

6) Wait in line at the DMV. When they get to the end of the line, the DMV closes for the day. They come back the next day to repeat the process.

7) Gather documents and all information for taxes and assemble that information in a useful way. Every day.

8) Bite into a chocolate-chip cookies to find it really has raisins in it.

9) Ask vegans why they are vegan. If they aren’t vegan, ask them why not.

10) Wake up hungover after drinking nothing but milk the previous day.

11) Type a term paper on a keyboard that’s missing the “e” key. Retype term paper until you get it right.

12) Pet a porcupine the wrong way.

13) Talk to a conspiracy theorist about anything while in line at the DMV.

14) Wait all to attend the grand opening of the latest Star Wars(tm) movie and find out you’re actually really going to a seminar on theoretical economics.

15) Get the eternal sniffles.

16) Lose your place completely in a 171,326 page book.

17) Have someone tell you won that championship game you recorded.

18) Have chapped lips but must smile over and over again.

19) Go shopping, but every aisle is blocked by someone’s shopping cart.

20) Pilot the Ever Given(tm) super tanker through the Suez Canal.

21) Do a crossword puzzle that requires a working knowledge of Sanskrit.

22) To live in a house strewn with Lego(tm) pieces and you have no shoes.

23) Drink curdled milk.

24) Drive behind someone who goes 30 miles under the speed limit.

25) Eat meat served just the way you don’t like it.

There, I feel better now.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Stifado (Stew from Cyprus)

Cypriot Entree

STIFADO
(Stew)

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds stewing beef
2 pounds frozen pearl onions*
½ tablespoon fresh rosemary
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 bay leaves
3 cups beef stock
3″ cinnamon stick
2 cloves
¾ teaspoon pepper
1½ cups red wine
2½ tablespoons red wine vinegar
water, if liquid cooks away too soon

* = Fresh pearl onions will taste a bit better than frozen ones. But my gosh, the fresh ones have to be peeled. You can speed up the peeling process by boiling, plunging them into cold water, and squeezing the pearl onion out of its skin. This peeling took me 40 minutes the one and only time I tried. I’d rather join the French Foreign Legion than do it again. Buy the frozen ones.

Serves 4. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut stewing beef into 1″ cubes. Peel pearl onions, if necessary. Dice rosemary. Add olive oil and beef cubes to large pan. Sauté at medium-high heat until all sides brown. Stir occasionally. Add pearl onions. Sauté at medium heat until onions soften. Stir frequently.

Add remaining ingredients. Stir until completely blended. Put lid on pan. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 1 hour 40 minutes or meat becomes quite tender and the liquid reduces to a thick sauce. Stir occasionally. (Add water as necessary, if liquid evaporates completely before beef cubes become tender.) Remove bay leaves and cinnamon stick.

TIDBITS

1) America’s Prohibition banned the selling and consumption of alcohol. If you were a barkeep and sold a customer a large whiskey, you were liable to arrest by a lurking cop. And your bar would be shut down. So customers took to calling a large whiskey, a stiff one. Such subterfuge, fooled the police only for a bit. They were naturally suspicious that a liquid that looking like whiskey, and being sold in a speakeasy was, in fact, whiskey. So, whiskey dens took to injecting avocados with whiskey. They called the new concoction “stifado,” a combination of “stiff one” and “avocado”. A visiting chef from Cyprus so loved the stifado, that he named his signature stew, “Stifado.” Now you know.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why Editors Are Important – #1, Trump Awards . . .

Whoa, I wouldn’t expect to get much production out of a company that has been given $1.3. Suppose the CEO gets a coffee from the company cafeteria for $1.25. Subtract that from the award of $1.30 and you get a nickel. The company’s research and development department would burn through five cents in particularly no time at all. And then the project would necessarily shut down for lack of funds.

I know, I know, if you read further, the article does say $1.3 B, which makes the shock value of getting nothing in return somewhat greater that it would be for $1.30. Still, that’s what the headline said and it made me smile.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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