Posts Tagged With: dessert

Banana Peanut-Butter Milkshake

American Dessert

BANANA PEANUT-BUTTER MILKSHAKE

 

INGREDIENTS

3 bananas (best when ripe)
2½ cups milk
1 cup peanut butter

UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Flex your fingers. Peel the bananas. Put bananas, milk, and peanut butter in blender. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

This delicious milkshake is a diet buster. Drink with care.

TIDBITS

1) The smell of a banana is the same as the pheromones produced by enraged swarms of bees. Just smelling a banana makes them think they should savagely attack an intruder. So, don’t walk up to a hive of bees with a banana in your hands and expect to make friends.

2) And don’t, don’t throw your banana at the hive.

3) You can polish your shoes with a banana peel. If you do, change shoes before approaching the abode of the busy bees.

4) You can buy banana beer in East Africa. I haven’t heard anything about approaching a hive with a mug of banana beer in your hand.

5) And for goodness sake, why do you keep approaching a bee hive, anyway?

6) Indeed, Paris once fell to the Vikings in because of bees.

7) The Viking Army, under the command of Ragnar Lothbrok, attacked Paris in 845.

8) The ferocious Vikings assaulted the city walls time and time again by climbing up tall, thin ladders.

9) But the defending Franks simply pushed the scaling ladders away.

10) Eventually, the Vikings became tired of falling backwards onto hard ground. Indeed, this whole ordeal made them rather cranky.

11) And there’s nothing worse than a cranky Viking.

12) The Vikings started to fight among themselves.

13) Until Ragnar walked toward a bee hive while holding a mug of honey beer.

14) Sure, the bees viciously attacked him ferociously, but he got an idea.

15) The very next day, Ragnar “Puffy Face” Lothbrok’s army catapulted bee hives and kegs of honey beer over the city walls. The enraged bees attacked the Parisians so mercilessly that the city’s clambered over the city’s fortifications unopposed. Paris fell. The Vikings would run amok in Europe for another 200 years. There you go.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Andy the Angry Avocado on Taping Sports

The struggle is real and eternal.

Andy the Angry Avocado #2

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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British Digestive Biscuits

British Dessert

DIGESTIVE BISCUITS

INGREDIENTS

⅔ cup flour
3 cups wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1½ cups confectioners’ sugar
1 cup butter, softened
½ cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

parchment paper
2 baking sheets

Makes 60 cookies. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add flour, wheat flour, baking powder, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk. Cut butter into ½” cubes. Knead with hands until mixture resembles bread crumbs. Add milk. Knead with hands until dough forms.

Roll out dough until it’s ⅛” thick. Cut dough into 2½” circles. Place parchment paper on baking sheet. Place biscuits on parchment. Prick biscuits all over with fork. (Make a design if you wish.) Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until biscuits turn golden brown. (You will most likely need to cook in batches.) Cool on wire rack. Goodness, these simple biscuits are tasty.

TIDBITS

1) From Professor Nicholas Baigent, London School of Economics, “ Did you know that they are seldom consumed in public places in the South of England, though lots are enjoyed privately with family and friends? In the Deep South here, dunking is thoroughly frowned upon. If you don’t want the job you are being offered, just dunk your biscuit in the cup of weak tea they will force upon you at the interview.”

2) Mitch Jagger attended the London School of Economics (LSE). However, he dropped out after only one year.

3) “He announced his attention of going into business but was worried about mathematics,”
– Walter Stern, Jagger’s tutor at the LSE

4) Mr. Jagger’s career path gained more traction when he became lead singer for The Rolling Stones. He did rather well while there, by all accounts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lemon Sherbet From Azerbaijan

Azerbaijani Dessert

LEMON SHERBET

INGREDIENTS

½ teaspoon saffron threads
½ cup water
2 lemons*
5½ cups water
¼ teaspoon coriander seeds
¼ cup sugar
crushed ice

* = There are only a few ingredients in this recipe, so their freshness is important. However, if you don’t have a juicer or a zester, substitute 2 tablespoon lemon zest and ¼ cup lemon juice for the 2 lemons.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

zester*
juicer*

Makes 6½ cups, enough for a party. Takes 4 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add saffron threads and ½ cup water to small bowl. Cover and let aside. Remove zest from lemons with zester. Keep the main part of the lemons. Boil 5½ cups water. Add boiled water, lemon zest , and coriander seeds to large mixing bowl. Let steep for 4 hours.

Strain the lemon zest/water into jug or other container. Extract the lemon juice with juicer. Add lemon juice and sugar to pitcher. Mix with long spoon until sugar dissolves. Strain saffron infusion. Add saffron infusion. Stir until well blended. Keep this sherbet liquid in refrigerator until completely cooled. Fill short glass with crushed ice. Pour sherbet liquid over crushed ice. Be happy. You now have a nice, cooling glass of lemon sherbet.

TIDBITS

1) If you were to attach the end of a screwdriver to the bottom of your glass of Lemon Sherbet, you could screw your glass into the dining room table. This would accomplish three useful things. First, it would be impossible to knock over your Sherbet, or any other drink for that matter, with your elbow. Second, even an severe earthquake couldn’t spill your cooling beverage spill. Of course, that would be bad if you were depending solely on your screwed-down beverage for your early warning earthquake detection system. Third, you could ask your guests to lift your screwed-down drink. Of course they won’t be able to do so. You then unscrew and lift it easily. Your guests will think you’re Thor. Wouldn’t that be cool?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Lemon Drizzle Cake from Britain

British Dessert

LEMON DRIZZLE CAKE

INGREDIENTS – CAKE

1½ cups sugar
2 tablespoons lemon zest (takes 2-to-3 lemons)
1 cup butter
4 eggs
¼ cup milk
5 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
2¼ cups flour
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
4½ tablespoon lemon juice

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
9″ * 12″ baking pan
parchment paper

Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 5 minutes to prepare and 30 minutes to cool.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 340 degrees. Add sugar, lemon zest, butter, eggs, milk, baking powder, and salt to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on high until mixture becomes fluffy. Fold in the flour with a spatula until cake mix is well blended. Line baking pan with parchment paper. Ladle cake mix into baking pan. Smooth cake mix with spatula. Bake at 340 degrees for 35 minutes or until cake turns golden brown, becomes springy, and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

While cake bakes, add confectioners’ sugar and lemon juice to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until confectioner’s sugar dissolves. Use toothpick to poke holes in the warm cake. Spoon drizzle over cake. Let cake sit in tin until it’s cools completely. Remove cake and cut into squares.

TIDBITS

1) In 1844, Alexander Cartwright was eating a corner piece of Lemon Drizzle Cake. His piece looked very much like the one like the one shone in this recipe. Then a mosquito landed on his cake. He flicked it off. This act inspired him to invent the sport of Lemon Drizzle. LD as it was called, was supposed to have been played a lot like baseball. However, the athletes would show up and stuff themselves cake after cake until they didn’t feel athletic anymore.

2) Then in 1845, Mr. Cartwright forbade the eating of Lemon Drizzle Cake. Once, players actually played baseball, they loved it. So much so, that it became the national pastime.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Mincemeat Pie

British Dessert

MINCEMEAT PIE

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

3¼ cups flour (2 tablespoons more later)
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar (1 tablespoon more later)
1¼ cups butter, cubed
1 egg
ice water, 1 teaspoon at a time, as necessary
2 tablespoons flour

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

1 28-ounce jar mincemeat
1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

round pastry cutter, glass cup, or muffin tray
sonic obliterator

Makes 12 small pies. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 3¼ cups flour and confectioners’ sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Use cold hands to fold butter and egg into flour. Add ice water 1 teaspoon at a time, if necessary, until dough starts to form a ball without being sticky. (Don’t over do it.) Cover pastry and let chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes. (You might to re-roll the dough so you can make more circles.)

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Place about ¼ of the dough at a time on flat surface.. Leave the rest in the refrigerator until needed. (You really do want to work with cold dough.) Roll out dough until it is 1/6″ thick. Use round pastry cutter to make a large circle sufficiently wide to fill the bottom and side of muffin cups, about 5″ wide. Re-roll the dough as needed to make more circles.

Line muffin cups with 5″ dough circles. Now make 12 small circles wide enough to cover the top of the muffin, about 3″ wide. Use ¼ of the remaining dough, left over from making the 5″ circles, Leaving the rest in the refrigerator until needed.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Fill the pastry-lined muffin cups ¾ full with mincemeat. Cover with 3″ dough circles. These lids should overlap the mincemeat-filled pastry cups. (But not go over onto the rest of the muffin tin.) Gently push down on lid edges to form seals. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on wire racks then sprinkle mincemeat pies with 1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar. Or serve right away. Zap any guest who doesn’t fully appreciate the care you took in making this dish.

TIDBITS

1) Mincemeat pies don’t have mincemeat in them.

2) But way back in the 16th century, in Tudor times, they did.

3) Because meat was cheaper than fruit in those days. The meats of choice were: beef, venison, and lamb. There was even a Tudor poem about this.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep.
But where did they go?
Into a neighbor’s pie they weeped.
Ho, ho. Ho, ho. Ho, ho.

In real life, the next-door neighbor was usually a rapacious, unfettered lord, who supported King Henry VIII. So many sheep were stolen by the greedy nobility that the peasantry became increasingly disgruntled.  It didn’t help that space aliens kidnaped the remaining sheep in 1535. Since the extraterrestrial sheep abductions occurred at night, no one saw them happen. The poor people naturally blamed the barons, lords, and earls.

A surly mob of peasants gathered at the Duke of York’s castle demanding the return of all their sheep. We are lucky to have the following exchange in writing as the historian John Haggis was just happened to be present. Here it is:

Surly Peasant Leader: We want our sheep back!
Duke of York: There are no sheep. I have no sheep. No one has sheep.
Surly Peasant 1: We don’t believe you.
Duke of York: I don’t care.
Surly Peasant 2: But how can we make mincemeat pies without sheep?
Duke of York: Eat mincemeat pie made from giraffes.
Surly Peasant Leader: C’mon lads, lets throw Duke Greedypants from off the castle walls.

They stormed the castle and they him down into the moat. This act precipitated a rather serious revolt with the rather mild title of The Pilgrimage of Grace. Eventually, King Henry VIII had this revolt put down.

But the king had seen the writing on the wall. King Henry proclaimed in The Great Ingredient Decree of 1538 that no matter the prevailing conditions of the realm, every peasant would had a right to find all she needed to make a proper mincemeat pie. Since, the sheep were all gone, pie makers switched to beef. Centuries later, the price of fruit began to fall compared to that of beef. So the beef in the pies began to be phased out in favor of dried fruits. Nowadays, mincemeat pies have no meat in them at all. Now you know. Oh, the sheep found their way back to Earth and England in 1567,

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Fluffy Curd Cake From Lithuania

Lithuanian Dessert

FLUFFY CURD CAKE

INGREDIENTS

½ cup milk
6 tablespoons semolina
3 eggs
3 tablespoons melted butter
5 tablespoons sugar
1 pound curds
¼ cup hard bread crumbs

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
8″ * 8″ casserole dish or casserole dish

PREPARATION

Serves 9. Takes 1 hour.

Add milk to medium mixing bowl. Add semolina. Set aside to let semolina swell. Separate eggs. Add butter and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. Add egg yolks. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Crumble curds, if necessary. Add curds. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Preheat oven to 370 degrees. Add milk/semolina to curd mix in large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add egg whites to small bowl. Use electric beater set on high. Whip egg whites until they form stiff beaks.

Spread bread crumbs into baking dish. Carefully pour semolina/curd mix into baking dish. Gently shake baking dish, or smooth with spatula, until mix is level. Carefully spoon egg whites onto semolina/curd mix. Bake for 30 minutes or until mix rises, hardens, and turn golden brown, or stick a toothpick in the center of the curd mix. If nothing sticks, it is ready. Serve warm.

TIDBITS

1) The game of dominoes remains the world’s most relaxing game. Sure, a nap loosens you up like nothing else can. But suppose you want it all? Let’s say you want to stay awake AND chill out. This is why we play dominoes. Modern dominoes uses black, solid tiles with white dots on them.

2) But back in 1919, the Lithuanian chef, Andrius Balkus, noticed that a square of his Fluffy Curd Cake looked like a gaming tile. Also, the tops of some of the squares seemed similar to each other while different to the rest. His Fluffy Curd CakesTM used the same rules as modern dominoes, But problems arose right away. People argued constantly about what the tops of the squares looked like. Also, game after game ended when hungry players ate the curd squares. We now play dominoes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Mason Jar Chocolate Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups heavy whipping cream
5 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar

Makes 2½ cups. Takes 20 minutes to make and 4 hours to firm in freezer.

PREPARATION

Add chocolate chips to pan. Melt using low-medium heat. Stir constantly. Add melted chocolate chips and all other ingredients to 3 cup Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar vigorously for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 4 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Family dinners can often be quite contentious.

2) Why?

3) There’s always someone who doesn’t like some dish that you made for the gathering on the clan.

4) And you spent up to two days making your feast.

5) And someone always brings up politics, which always gets people riled.

6) But this argument gets forgotten when someone offers to help and puts your grandmother’s cast-iron skillet in the washer. 30 minutes your angel of a daughter, Sally, looks up at you with soulful eyes. Tears drip down as she quavers, “Mommy, you were going to give that skillet one day.” Her distress punches you in the feels as you review the ingratitude and argument of the dining room. You wish, you really wish that just once serenity could prevail while eating with those oafs.

7) With this recipe your wish is granted. Everybody, absolutely everyone loves chocolate ice cream. Eating this dessert makes everyone so happy that they become strangely pleasant. Furthermore, this dish takes almost no effort to make and is so easy to clean. What more could you want?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chocolate Frosting

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE FROSTING

INGREDIENTS

1¾ cups heavy whipping cream
1¾ cups (10 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate chips
3¼ cups confectioners’ sugar

Makes 4½ cups. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

FROSTING NEEDED

Dessert Type Needs Cups of Frosting
—————– —————————–
2 layer cake                       3
3 layer cake                       4
12 cupcakes                      2
13″ * 9″ cake                     2

PREPARATION

Add heavy whipping cream to pan. Heat whipping cream at medium heat until cream just starts to bubble. Stir constantly. Remove from heat. Add chocolate chips. Stir with spatula or fork until all chips melt. Transfer to large mixing bowl. Keep in refrigerator until cooled and still pourable, about 40 minutes. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar.

Mix with whisk or fork. Lasts for 7 days in refrigerator when stored in Mason jar or other airtight container.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate has pleased billions of people for thousands of years. Just saying “chocolate” puts even the most stubborn people in a good mood. This is why chocolate figures prominently in peace treaties, legislation, and court cases.

2) If only there were enough chocolate to dispel all disagreements, the world would be perfect.

3) But there isn’t. Powerful people try to secure the globe’s chocolate supply for themselves. The Aztec nobility monopolized Mexico’s chocolate. This bred fierce resentment among the poor Aztecs and in all of the surrounding tribes. So, when Cortés and his fellow conquistadors set out in 1519 to conquer the Aztecs, the chocolate-lacking Mexicans said, “Sure, why not? Go ahead.”

4) The gold-lusting Spanish then went onto conquer the Incans in Peru for its gold. Spanish gold financed over a hundred years of wars in Europe. And all this happened because the Aztec elite wouldn’t share its chocolate. So when people ask for part of your chocolate bar, give them some. Oh look, I have an extra line left. Let’s use this space to daydream about chocolate. Mmm.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Red Velvet Cookies

American Dessert

RED VELVET COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

1¼ teaspoons baking soda
¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2⅔ cups flour
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
1½ cups sugar
2 eggs, room temperature
¾ teaspoon lemon juice
3½ teaspoons red food coloring
1¾ teaspoons vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
parchment paper
2-to-3 cookie sheets

Makes 40 cookies. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add baking soda, cocoa powder, flour, and salt to 1st large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add butter and sugar to 2nd large mixing bowl. Use electric beater set on high to beat butter and sugar until the mix is light and fluffy. Add eggs, lemon juice, red food coloring, and vanilla extract. Mix with electric beater set on high until well blended. Gradually add in flour/cocoa powder while mixing with electric beater set on high. Mix until dough is well blended. Chill in refrigerator for 10 minutes.

Form 1″ dough balls. Put parchment paper on cookie sheets. Place dough balls 1″ apart on parchment paper. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until edges of cookies turn golden brown. Transfer cookies with spatula to plate and let cool. Cookies go well with cream-cheese frosting.

Red Velvet flag………. Soviet flag

TIDBITS

1) By March 15, 1917, the Red Velvet Cookie makers of Russia finally had enough of the Czar’s indifference, cruelty, and incompetence. So they up and overthrew him, setting up the Provisional Red Velvet Government. The Red Velvet Makers chose the red background of the new flag to match their cookies. They also put their cookies in the upper left corner because you can never have enough red velvet cookies. Then the bratty Communists overthrew the Provisional Government and replaced the cookies with the hammer and sickle, because the Soviets weren’t into nice things.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

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