Posts Tagged With: dessert

Strawberry Cobbler

American Dessert

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STRAWBERRY COBBLER

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INGREDIENTS
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1¾ fresh strawberries
½ cup sugar (½ cup more later)
1¾ teaspoons baking powder
1 cup flour
1 cup warm whole milk
⅜ teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup melted butter (1 tablespoon more later.)
1 tablespoon butter
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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8″ * 13″ casserole dish
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Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Completely remove stem from strawberries. Cut strawberries in half. Add strawberries and ½ cup sugar to 1st mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with spatula. Add baking powder, flour, milk, salt, ½ cup sugar, and vanilla extract to 2nd mixing bowl. Use spatula to slowly fold in melted butter. This is the batter. Stop when all is combined. (Overstirred crust will be dense, not fluffy.)
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Grease casserole dish with 1 tablespoon butter. Pour batter into casserole dish. Use slotted spoon to sugar-coated strawberries onto batter. Do not stir. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until cobbler turns golden brown andl strawberry juices bubble.
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TIDBITS
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1) Just as pigging is the process of making new pigs, shoemaking is the process of making new shoes. In the 19th-century shoes were made by shoemakers. Cobblers cobbled things together, such as shoes that had come apart. All this should have been easy to understand–unlike quantum physics or nuclear missile repairs–to the many 19th-century peasants, who called shoemakers cobblers.
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2) So, if people get confused so easily, it’s hardly surprising that in 1812 Napoleon invaded Russia instead of Austria. His soldiers shoes fell apart from the wet Russian rain. But there was no leather to be had, the French soldiers had eaten all the cattle. Fortunately, there were a lot of strawberries in Russia in 1812, The Year of Napoleon and Strawberries. In the winter, Nappy’s plucky cobblers repaired shoes with layers of frozen strawberries. These repairs lasted all the way back to France. French chefs used these strawberries to make strawberry cobblers to honor the heroic cobblers.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Gluten Free Chocolate Chip Cookies

American Dessert

GLUTEN FREE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

1¼ teaspoon baking soda
2¼ cups gluten free flour*
¾ teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
½ cup sugar
2 eggs
1½ teaspoons vanilla
12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips

* = I used King Arthur Gluten-Free Measure For Measure Flour.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
2 cookie sheets

Makes 50 cookies. Takes 1 hour. (Varies with the number of batches.)

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add baking soda, flour, and salt to 1st, large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until thoroughly blended. Add butter, brown sugar, sugar, eggs, and vanilla to 2nd, larger mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on medium until mixture becomes fluffy. Gradually add dry mixture from 1st mixing bowl to the butter/sugar mixture in 2nd mixing bowl. Mix with beater at medium setting until thoroughly mixed. Fold in chocolate chips. Mix with hands until well blended.

Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Leave a 1″ gap between chocolate chip/dough balls. Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. (Baking times for successive batches may vary.) Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate. Cool for an additional 5-to-20 minutes or as long as you can stand waiting.

TIDBITS

1) Culinary archaeologists hold Lucy of Olduvai Gorge baked the first cookies 3.2 million years ago. Lucy cookies inspired her hominid neighbors to evolve into humans and to develop agriculture. Farming freed people from non-stop hunting and gathering. This left time for adults to get frisky. Frisky adults sparked a population explosion that ate up all the wheat. Whole tribes left Africa searching for new lands suitable for wheat and gluten-free substitutes. Humanity’s ascent had begun.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Vanilla Pudding 2

American Dessert

VANILLA PUDDING

INGREDIENTS

2 egg yolks
3 tablespoons cornstarch
⅛ teaspoon salt
½ cup sugar
2⅓ cups whole milk
1½ tablespoons butter, softened
½ tablespoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

4 dessert dishes or ramekins
plastic wrap

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Beat egg yolks in mixing bowl. Add cornstarch, salt, and sugar to saucepan. Mix with spatula. Add whole milk slowly, while stirring gently with spatula. Cook using medium heat until mixture boils and thickens. Stir constantly to prevent burning. Boil for 1 minute, stirring constantly.

Add ½ of the cornstarch/sugar/whole milk mixture to egg yolks. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add this mixture to saucepan. Bring to boil using medium heat. Boil for 1 minute. Stir constantly and gently.

Remove from heat. Add butter and vanilla. Stir gently until well blended. Pour pudding into dessert dishes. Cover with plastic wrap. Chill in refrigerator for 1 hour mixture firms into pudding.

TIDBITS

1) Stars are made from vanilla pudding. How do we know this? Stars are white. So is vanilla pudding white. The Sun is hot. That is because it’s yellow and not made from vanilla pudding.

2) If you were somehow able to catapult your vanilla pudding millions of light years away it would be far too small to be seen, even by the Hubble telescope. Indeed, you would need to buy trillions of pounds of: cornstarch, salt, sugar, milk, butter, and vanilla extract to fling a visible vanilla-pudding star into the far reaches of space. But don’t do it. Every van in the world would be needed to deliver your ingredients. The global economy would collapse. Oh my gosh, we’d have nothing left to make cake! For millions of years! What would we do for birthdays? I beg of you, reconsider this giant-star project!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pineapple Pie

Fijian Dessert

PINEAPPLE PIE

INGREDIENTS

2 egg whites (2 entire eggs used later.)
3 tablespoons sugar

1 ¼ cups minced pineapple (no juice)
¼ cup pineapple juice
4 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
juice from three limes
2 eggs
1 pie crust

PREPARATION

Combine 2 egg whites (The yolks from these eggs are not used here.) and 3 tablespoons sugar in bowl. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Set aside. Squeeze juice out of three limes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Heat crushed pineapple and pineapple juice on medium heat. Mix in 4 tablespoons flour, sugar, salt, lime juice, and two entire eggs. Heat and stir constantly until eggs are cooked and the mixture thickens. (The phrase “the plot thickens” is of culinary origin. Well, quite possibly.)

Pour pineapple mixture into pie crust. Make sure surface is smooth. Spread egg white mixture evenly over top. Put pie in oven and bake at 350 degrees for about 35 minutes or until top is golden brown. Take pie out to cool. If the hungry horde will let you, put the cooled pie in the fridge to chill. It’s okay if they don’t. It also tastes great warm.

TIDBITS

1) Jim Carrey’s character in the movie, The Truman Show, dreamed of going to Fiji. I have the identical map that adorns his wall in one scene.

2) Why is “fridge” spelled with a “d,” but “refrigerator” spelled without it?

3) Why is a bicycle feminine in French, but a bike is masculine?

4) The idea behind the FrisbeeTM came from pie tins.

5) “A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.” – Mary Poppins

6) At one time British sailors were called “limeys” because they ate limes at sea. This was done to prevent scurvy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Banana Peanut-Butter Milkshake

American Dessert

BANANA PEANUT-BUTTER MILKSHAKE

 

INGREDIENTS

3 bananas (best when ripe)
2½ cups milk
1 cup peanut butter

UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Flex your fingers. Peel the bananas. Put bananas, milk, and peanut butter in blender. Use “milkshake” setting. Blend until shake is sufficiently smooth for your taste.

This delicious milkshake is a diet buster. Drink with care.

TIDBITS

1) The smell of a banana is the same as the pheromones produced by enraged swarms of bees. Just smelling a banana makes them think they should savagely attack an intruder. So, don’t walk up to a hive of bees with a banana in your hands and expect to make friends.

2) And don’t, don’t throw your banana at the hive.

3) You can polish your shoes with a banana peel. If you do, change shoes before approaching the abode of the busy bees.

4) You can buy banana beer in East Africa. I haven’t heard anything about approaching a hive with a mug of banana beer in your hand.

5) And for goodness sake, why do you keep approaching a bee hive, anyway?

6) Indeed, Paris once fell to the Vikings in because of bees.

7) The Viking Army, under the command of Ragnar Lothbrok, attacked Paris in 845.

8) The ferocious Vikings assaulted the city walls time and time again by climbing up tall, thin ladders.

9) But the defending Franks simply pushed the scaling ladders away.

10) Eventually, the Vikings became tired of falling backwards onto hard ground. Indeed, this whole ordeal made them rather cranky.

11) And there’s nothing worse than a cranky Viking.

12) The Vikings started to fight among themselves.

13) Until Ragnar walked toward a bee hive while holding a mug of honey beer.

14) Sure, the bees viciously attacked him ferociously, but he got an idea.

15) The very next day, Ragnar “Puffy Face” Lothbrok’s army catapulted bee hives and kegs of honey beer over the city walls. The enraged bees attacked the Parisians so mercilessly that the city’s clambered over the city’s fortifications unopposed. Paris fell. The Vikings would run amok in Europe for another 200 years. There you go.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Andy the Angry Avocado on Taping Sports

The struggle is real and eternal.

Andy the Angry Avocado #2

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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British Digestive Biscuits

British Dessert

DIGESTIVE BISCUITS

INGREDIENTS

⅔ cup flour
3 cups wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1½ cups confectioners’ sugar
1 cup butter, softened
½ cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

parchment paper
2 baking sheets

Makes 60 cookies. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add flour, wheat flour, baking powder, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk. Cut butter into ½” cubes. Knead with hands until mixture resembles bread crumbs. Add milk. Knead with hands until dough forms.

Roll out dough until it’s ⅛” thick. Cut dough into 2½” circles. Place parchment paper on baking sheet. Place biscuits on parchment. Prick biscuits all over with fork. (Make a design if you wish.) Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until biscuits turn golden brown. (You will most likely need to cook in batches.) Cool on wire rack. Goodness, these simple biscuits are tasty.

TIDBITS

1) From Professor Nicholas Baigent, London School of Economics, “ Did you know that they are seldom consumed in public places in the South of England, though lots are enjoyed privately with family and friends? In the Deep South here, dunking is thoroughly frowned upon. If you don’t want the job you are being offered, just dunk your biscuit in the cup of weak tea they will force upon you at the interview.”

2) Mitch Jagger attended the London School of Economics (LSE). However, he dropped out after only one year.

3) “He announced his attention of going into business but was worried about mathematics,”
– Walter Stern, Jagger’s tutor at the LSE

4) Mr. Jagger’s career path gained more traction when he became lead singer for The Rolling Stones. He did rather well while there, by all accounts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lemon Sherbet From Azerbaijan

Azerbaijani Dessert

LEMON SHERBET

INGREDIENTS

½ teaspoon saffron threads
½ cup water
2 lemons*
5½ cups water
¼ teaspoon coriander seeds
¼ cup sugar
crushed ice

* = There are only a few ingredients in this recipe, so their freshness is important. However, if you don’t have a juicer or a zester, substitute 2 tablespoon lemon zest and ¼ cup lemon juice for the 2 lemons.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

zester*
juicer*

Makes 6½ cups, enough for a party. Takes 4 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add saffron threads and ½ cup water to small bowl. Cover and let aside. Remove zest from lemons with zester. Keep the main part of the lemons. Boil 5½ cups water. Add boiled water, lemon zest , and coriander seeds to large mixing bowl. Let steep for 4 hours.

Strain the lemon zest/water into jug or other container. Extract the lemon juice with juicer. Add lemon juice and sugar to pitcher. Mix with long spoon until sugar dissolves. Strain saffron infusion. Add saffron infusion. Stir until well blended. Keep this sherbet liquid in refrigerator until completely cooled. Fill short glass with crushed ice. Pour sherbet liquid over crushed ice. Be happy. You now have a nice, cooling glass of lemon sherbet.

TIDBITS

1) If you were to attach the end of a screwdriver to the bottom of your glass of Lemon Sherbet, you could screw your glass into the dining room table. This would accomplish three useful things. First, it would be impossible to knock over your Sherbet, or any other drink for that matter, with your elbow. Second, even an severe earthquake couldn’t spill your cooling beverage spill. Of course, that would be bad if you were depending solely on your screwed-down beverage for your early warning earthquake detection system. Third, you could ask your guests to lift your screwed-down drink. Of course they won’t be able to do so. You then unscrew and lift it easily. Your guests will think you’re Thor. Wouldn’t that be cool?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Lemon Drizzle Cake from Britain

British Dessert

LEMON DRIZZLE CAKE

INGREDIENTS – CAKE

1½ cups sugar
2 tablespoons lemon zest (takes 2-to-3 lemons)
1 cup butter
4 eggs
¼ cup milk
5 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
2¼ cups flour
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
4½ tablespoon lemon juice

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
9″ * 12″ baking pan
parchment paper

Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 5 minutes to prepare and 30 minutes to cool.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 340 degrees. Add sugar, lemon zest, butter, eggs, milk, baking powder, and salt to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on high until mixture becomes fluffy. Fold in the flour with a spatula until cake mix is well blended. Line baking pan with parchment paper. Ladle cake mix into baking pan. Smooth cake mix with spatula. Bake at 340 degrees for 35 minutes or until cake turns golden brown, becomes springy, and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

While cake bakes, add confectioners’ sugar and lemon juice to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until confectioner’s sugar dissolves. Use toothpick to poke holes in the warm cake. Spoon drizzle over cake. Let cake sit in tin until it’s cools completely. Remove cake and cut into squares.

TIDBITS

1) In 1844, Alexander Cartwright was eating a corner piece of Lemon Drizzle Cake. His piece looked very much like the one like the one shone in this recipe. Then a mosquito landed on his cake. He flicked it off. This act inspired him to invent the sport of Lemon Drizzle. LD as it was called, was supposed to have been played a lot like baseball. However, the athletes would show up and stuff themselves cake after cake until they didn’t feel athletic anymore.

2) Then in 1845, Mr. Cartwright forbade the eating of Lemon Drizzle Cake. Once, players actually played baseball, they loved it. So much so, that it became the national pastime.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Mincemeat Pie

British Dessert

MINCEMEAT PIE

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

3¼ cups flour (2 tablespoons more later)
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar (1 tablespoon more later)
1¼ cups butter, cubed
1 egg
ice water, 1 teaspoon at a time, as necessary
2 tablespoons flour

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

1 28-ounce jar mincemeat
1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

round pastry cutter, glass cup, or muffin tray
sonic obliterator

Makes 12 small pies. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 3¼ cups flour and confectioners’ sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Use cold hands to fold butter and egg into flour. Add ice water 1 teaspoon at a time, if necessary, until dough starts to form a ball without being sticky. (Don’t over do it.) Cover pastry and let chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes. (You might to re-roll the dough so you can make more circles.)

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Place about ¼ of the dough at a time on flat surface.. Leave the rest in the refrigerator until needed. (You really do want to work with cold dough.) Roll out dough until it is 1/6″ thick. Use round pastry cutter to make a large circle sufficiently wide to fill the bottom and side of muffin cups, about 5″ wide. Re-roll the dough as needed to make more circles.

Line muffin cups with 5″ dough circles. Now make 12 small circles wide enough to cover the top of the muffin, about 3″ wide. Use ¼ of the remaining dough, left over from making the 5″ circles, Leaving the rest in the refrigerator until needed.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Fill the pastry-lined muffin cups ¾ full with mincemeat. Cover with 3″ dough circles. These lids should overlap the mincemeat-filled pastry cups. (But not go over onto the rest of the muffin tin.) Gently push down on lid edges to form seals. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on wire racks then sprinkle mincemeat pies with 1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar. Or serve right away. Zap any guest who doesn’t fully appreciate the care you took in making this dish.

TIDBITS

1) Mincemeat pies don’t have mincemeat in them.

2) But way back in the 16th century, in Tudor times, they did.

3) Because meat was cheaper than fruit in those days. The meats of choice were: beef, venison, and lamb. There was even a Tudor poem about this.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep.
But where did they go?
Into a neighbor’s pie they weeped.
Ho, ho. Ho, ho. Ho, ho.

In real life, the next-door neighbor was usually a rapacious, unfettered lord, who supported King Henry VIII. So many sheep were stolen by the greedy nobility that the peasantry became increasingly disgruntled.  It didn’t help that space aliens kidnaped the remaining sheep in 1535. Since the extraterrestrial sheep abductions occurred at night, no one saw them happen. The poor people naturally blamed the barons, lords, and earls.

A surly mob of peasants gathered at the Duke of York’s castle demanding the return of all their sheep. We are lucky to have the following exchange in writing as the historian John Haggis was just happened to be present. Here it is:

Surly Peasant Leader: We want our sheep back!
Duke of York: There are no sheep. I have no sheep. No one has sheep.
Surly Peasant 1: We don’t believe you.
Duke of York: I don’t care.
Surly Peasant 2: But how can we make mincemeat pies without sheep?
Duke of York: Eat mincemeat pie made from giraffes.
Surly Peasant Leader: C’mon lads, lets throw Duke Greedypants from off the castle walls.

They stormed the castle and they him down into the moat. This act precipitated a rather serious revolt with the rather mild title of The Pilgrimage of Grace. Eventually, King Henry VIII had this revolt put down.

But the king had seen the writing on the wall. King Henry proclaimed in The Great Ingredient Decree of 1538 that no matter the prevailing conditions of the realm, every peasant would had a right to find all she needed to make a proper mincemeat pie. Since, the sheep were all gone, pie makers switched to beef. Centuries later, the price of fruit began to fall compared to that of beef. So the beef in the pies began to be phased out in favor of dried fruits. Nowadays, mincemeat pies have no meat in them at all. Now you know. Oh, the sheep found their way back to Earth and England in 1567,

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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