humor

We Are Calling You

Surely, this has happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Simplify Tic Tac Toe

Tic tac toe takes too long. And that’s when the players use a time clock. Moreover if both players, play correctly, the game will always end in a tie. Where’s the fun in that?

I have a brilliant idea.

Make the tic-tac-toe game consist of one box and one box only.

This breakthrough will make the game faster. The first player has only box to put his x.

This first player will always win, no more dreary ties.

I show to the right a simulated game of New Tic Tac Toe. It has an elegant simplicity to it, don’t you think?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, observations, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Motivational Posters 8 & 9 – Stop the Spread

America is facing two health crises, Covid-19 and obesity. We need all the resources we can get to put the epidemic and obesity behind us. The question we should all ask ourselves is, “What can I do to free up time to fight these assaults on our health?”

Here is my contribution.

I am using the same slogan for a poster on covid AND a for a poster on obesity.

People no longer have the memorize two slogans. That freed up brain space can be used to develop a better cure for Covid or to come up with an easier to follow diet. Or they can poster another picture of a kitten on Facebook(tm). Either way our lives have been made better.

Here, then, are my motivational posters.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

My Favorite Funny TV Shows – Part 2

These are more of my favorite funny TV Shows. I sure forgot a lot of them in the previous list. There are, doubtless, many funny shows I’ve never seen.

* = Shows that were side splitting and I would very much want to see more episodes.

There’s quite a few hilarious British TV shows. Unfortunately, the Brits don’t seem to make a lot of episodes.

Blandings*
Crackanory*
Doctor in the House
Family Guy
Friends
I Love Lucy
Jeeves and Wooster*
King of the Hill
Lucy Show
Mind Your Language*
My Living Doll
One Foot in the Grave
On the Buses
Roseanne
Thin Blue Line
Vicar of Dibley
Wodehouse Playhouse
Yes, Minister*
Yes, Prime Minister*
Young Ones
30 Rock

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Favorite Funny TV Shows

 

These are my favorite TV Shows. I hope I didn’t forget any.

* = Shows that were hilarious and I would very much want to see more episodes. Alas, it’s not possible. These tend to be shows that produced only a few episodes a year.

I hope the below list is helpful and that you get as much enjoyment from them as I did.

Absolutely Fabulous
All in the Family
Barney Miller
Beverly Hillbillies
Big Bang Theory
Black Adder I-IV*
Blacks Books*
Bob Newhart Show
Cheers
Corner Gas*
Corner Gas (animated)*
Cosby Show
Dad’s Army*
Dick Van Dyke Show
Fawlty Towers*
Father Ted*
Frasier
Friday Night Dinner*
Get Smart*
Goes Wrong Show*
Home Improvement
Honeymooners
How I Met Your Mother – Skip the last two seasons
IT Crowd*
Malcom in the Middle
MASH
Miranda*
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Mr. Bean*
My Name Is Earl*
Northern Exposure
Odd Couple
Parks and Recreation – Skip the last two seasons
Petticoat Junction
Psych
Red Dwarf
Sanford and Son
Seinfeld
Simpsons
Scrubs
Top Gear (First 20 seasons) Mostly a car show, but the presenters are quite funny.
Workaholics – Mostly hilarious, but a few are a bit mean.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor, observations, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cottage Pie

British Entree

COTTAGE PIE

INGREDIENTS – MASHED POTATOES

4 medium potatoes
⅔ cup milk
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt (½ teaspoon more later)
½ cup Cheddar cheese (¼ cup more later)

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

2 carrots*
1 garlic clove*
1 onion*
1 pound lean ground beef
2 tablespoons fresh parsley**
1 teaspoon fresh rosemary**
2 teaspoons fresh thyme**
2 tablespoons flour
1½ cups beef broth
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon tomato paste
½ tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup frozen peas*

INGREDIENT – FINAL

¼ cup Cheddar cheese

SPECIAL UTENSILS

potato masher
9″ round casserole dish
sonic obliterator (This gadget really is essential for the modern kitchen.)

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes..

* = There is a fierce controversy over what veggies go into a cottage pie. You are one your own on this one. Carrots and peas are the most popular. You’ll probably want a sonic obliterator on hand in case one of your guests argues with you over your vegetable choice. It’s okay to zap them with your sonic obliterator. There is indeed a legal precedent for this. (See M. Soult v M. Oudinot, 1809) Just remember, a cottage pie uses beef while a shepherd’s pie uses lamb.

** = If you don’t have fresh herbs handy, use 1 teaspoon dried herbs for 1 tablespoon fresh herbs.

PREPARATION – MASHED POTATOES

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Peel and cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Add potatoes and enough water to cover them to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes or until potato cubes are tender. Drain water. Add milk. Mash potato cubes with potato masher. Add pepper, ¼ teaspoon salt, and ½ cup cheese. Stir with fork until well blended.

PREPARATION – FILLING

While potatoes boil and simmer, dice carrots, garlic clove, and onion. Add carrot, garlic, onion, and beef to large pan. Cook at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Briefly remove from heat. Dice parsley, rosemary, and thyme. Add parsley, rosemary, thyme, and flour to pan.

Add beef broth, ½ teaspoon salt, tomato paste, and Worcestershire sauce to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add contents from mixing bowl to pan. Return pan to heat. Simmer at low-medium heat for 20 minutes or until most of the liquid has been absorbed. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Stir in peas.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Add filling to casserole dish. Smooth until level. Spread mashed potatoes evenly over filling. If you are adventurous, use fork to make swirly designs in the mashed potatoes. Sprinkle ¼ cup cheese over mashed potatoes.

Bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes or until top turns golden brown. Serve to appreciative guests. Use sonic obliterator on the ungrateful ones.

TIDBITS

1) Cottage pie uses peas. Peas were likely eaten by Neanderthals 46,000 years ago.

2) Because peas help with: protein, blood-sugar management, digestion, your heart, and protects against cancer. But even so, the Neanderthals died out just 6,000 years later. Why?

3) We know that peas were eaten by modern humans, Cro Magnons 23,000 years ago. So apparently, they went 17,000 years without peas. Yet their branch of the human family tree prospered, Cro Magnon’s descendants walk among us today. I confess to being one of them.

4) Culinary anthropologists agree on the following explanation. From 40,000-to-23,000 thousand years ago, Neanderthals and Cro Magnons engaged in a life-and-death struggle. Both sides strove to gain control of the life-sustaining, wild-pea patches. Ultimately, the Cro Magnons prevailed. So, they lived. The pealess Neanderthals went extinct. Bummer.

5) The Romans ate peas. The built, by conquest, one of the greatest empires in history. The Saxons did not eat peas. The Normans did. This explains the Norman Conquest in 1066.

6) So when your parents told you to eat your peas, they knew what was at stake.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Motivational Poster #5, Finding Quiet Time

Worries and cares besiege us from all sides. Numerous must-do-now projects clamor for our attention. Our nerves are on edge around the clock. We grow ever more irritable. We need time to calm down, time to think unhurried thoughts, time to dwell on loved ones, or even just time to clear mind and think of nothing. Just be. But we know this special time is impossible. There is no place to do this, thanks to cell phones, where we can’t be contacted by our bosses. If we work for ourselves at home, we know that when we relax we really could be working on some project. Our computer beckons, beckons, and soon enough we obey. We are back at work getting stressed and more stressed.

If only there were a place where we could meditate unmolested. A place where even if the world contacts us we can legitimately say, “Sorry, but I won’t be able to do anything at all for some hours. Sorry.”

Where is this paradise of meditation?

Your local DMV. Just get in line, for anything really, and you can kiss the outside world goodbye for hours. Now find your quiet place inside your mind and let your thoughts roam free.

The DMV, recharging souls for nearly a century.

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor, motivational, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Italian Sub

American Entree

ITALIAN SUB

INGREDIENTS

1 Italian sub roll* or ⅓ baguette
2 tablespoons olive oil
1½ ounces sliced capicola
1½ ounces mortadella
1½ ounces Genoa salami
1½ ounces provolone
1 leaf iceberg lettuce, shredded (optional)
1 Roma tomato (optional)
¼ red onion (optional)

* Sub rolls can be made crunchy by putting them in a toaster oven. Use “toast” setting for 1 minute.

Serves 1. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut Italian roll in half lengthwise. Drizzle both halves with olive oil. Add capicola, mortadella, and Genoa salami to bottom half of the roll. Put provolone on top of meat. Sprinkle iceberg lettuce on provolone. Cut Roma tomato lengthwise into 4 slices. Place tomato slices on lettuce. Thinly slice the red onion. Place red-onion slices on tomato slices. Put top half of sub roll on tomato slices. And Bob’s your uncle.

TIDBITS

1) In 1794, Signor Fabio Grimaldi of Florence develops the world’s first USB port. Nothing happens. The invention comes way ahead of its time. There are no computers, absolutely no place to put a USB port. There are even no memory sticks to go into the USB port.

2) And anyway Napoleon’s invasion of Italy in 1796 signals the start of nearly non-stop fighting across the European continent. Scientific investigation ends except for Signor Gabelli’s single attempt to build a under water fighting vessel made from bread. This sub research ends in frustration.

3) In 1903 Giovanni Amati makes the first edible Italian sub. It’s too big for Grimaldi’s USB port which unfortunately was tied to a kite’s tail and was blown away, lost forever.

4) But this sub was roughly the right shape. In 1955, for reasons which have been lost, Sarah Marston baked a tiny stick like sub. The dyslexic Sarah called it a USB stick.. Her husband the wine drinker munched on the stick and declared, “It needs port.” Of course, he meant port, the wine, but he had once raised again the USB-port idea. This vision was bound to grow again in the mind of science geeks everywhere. And it did. Today, every computer comes with USB ports and memory sticks. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Motivational Poster #4, Data Analysts

Normal people bore. Data Analysts sparkle.

Normal people blend into beige scenery. Data analysts tantalize with heart-racing sexiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The above picture is proof you cannot deny.

Become a data analyst and live life as it is meant to be!

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Poway Ballet

 

Crave the action, the adrenaline rush of a Die Hard(tm) movie, but with the elegance of live ballet?

Come see Poway Ballet Company’s hard-hitting updates of beloved ballet classics.

Get your tickets now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: humor, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: