Posts Tagged With: Caesar

Flatbread From Somalia (Sabaayad)

Somali Appetizer

FLATBREAD
(sabaayad)

INGREDIENTSFlatbread-

2⅓ cups flour
⅔ cup wheat flour (another ⅓ cup later)
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ghee or vegetable oil
1 to 1½ cups water
4 tablespoons vegetable oil (another 4 teaspoons later)
⅓ cup flour
4 teaspoons vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Add flour, wheat flour, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add ghee. Mix again with whisk. Gradually add water to bowl. Knead flour and water by hand each time. Add water until dough becomes smooth and flexible. Let dough sit for 45 minutes.

Make 8 equal dough balls. Dust hard surface with ⅓ cup flour. Roll out dough ball into a circle 8″ wide. Spread ½ tablespoon oil evenly over dough circle. Fold edges of dough circle in so that four parts meat in the square. You should now have a square.FlatbreadDough-

Roll out square until it is again 8″ wide. (This gives the bread layers and makes it flakier.) Repeat for 7 remaining dough circles.

Set skillet to 325 degrees or medium. Place 8″ dough square in skillet. Let dough square cook for 1 minute or until dough square starts to puff. Flip the dough square and add ½ teaspoon oil evenly to the top. Cook for 1 minute. Continue to cook 1 minute per side until each side turns golden brown Repeat for the remaining 7 dough squares. Drain the golden brown flat breads of paper towels.

Serve warm with: fried eggs, honey, curries, or other stews

TIDBITS

1) The top picture on the previous page looks like a sock. The bottom picture on that page appears to be a sock puppet. These similarities are not an accident. There are an homage to the great Rome-to-Somalia olive-oil-for-socks trade.

2) This trade started in 31 BC after Caesar Augustus secured his position as emperor with his victory over Mark Anthony in the battle of Actium.

3) Rome desperately needed a new source of socks for its vaunted army. Without good socks, the legionnaires developed foot blisters. No soldier can march far with blistered feet. If the Roman legionnaires couldn’t march, they couldn’t catch the invading barbarian hordes before they looted and fired the Roman towns. Unfortunately, the long series of Roman civil wars, 83 BC – 31 BC had completely destroyed the once vibrant sock industry. Things looked grim. The Roman Empire was readt to collapse. The plays of Plautus, Terrance, and Maccius would have been replaced by barbarian reality plays.

6) Fortunately, in 18 BC, Primus Secundus Tertius, a goat herder set out from the tiny village of Perdiem in the southern Egypt to find a missing goat. He headed south, because all good goat herders know that goat only go missing in the south.

7) He walked for years looking for that goat. He was no quitter. Finally, he came across some villagers in Somalia. They were cooking lamb stew. The villagers didn’t give their real names upon meeting Primus for the first time. After all, Somalia is an anagram for Mo’ Alias.

8) While enjoying a delicious meal, Sam and the villagers engaged in pleasant conversation and swapped witty and urbane anagrams. Eventually, Sam handed his empty bowl to the villagers; his mother had raised him to always bring his dirty dishes to the sink. As he did so, he noticed a goat tag at the bottom of his bowl. It read, “Daphne, owned by Primus Secundus Tertius.” The villagers had killed his own goat. The fact that Daphne tasted great after being marinated in lemon juice and pepper only eased his rage a tiny bit.

9) With all the wonderful books deliberately burned in Alexandria’s magnificent library in 395 AD, it’s amazing and perhaps ironic that we have amazing that we have a partial, written record of the following conversation:

Primus: You killed my Daphne?
Villager #1: Who is this Daphne? No woman around here is called Daphne.
Villager #2: I think he means his goat. Roman goat herders like to name their goats Daphne.
Villager #3, Good Primus, are referring to the goat that was in this stew?
Primus: (Shows the goat tag.) I am.

10) The villagers, as was their custom, agreed to compensate Primus with ten pairs of socks. Primus was ecstatic. Emperor Augustus had promised to give a million denarii to any one securing a sock source for the empire. So Primus became fabulously wealthy, the legionnaires got their socks, and the empire became well defended again. It was only when the olive-oil-for-socks trade route got permanently disrupted in 476 AD, that Rome fell. Today, the production of socks is protected everywhere by an international treaty.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperpack
or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Tikka

Indian entree

CHICKEN TIKKA

INGREDIENTSChickenTikka-

4 chicken breasts
2 cups whole-milk yogurt
2 tablespoons lime juice
¼ cup chicken tikka masala
2 limes
1 teaspoon cilantro

SPECIAL ITEMS

skewers
grill

Serves 4. Takes 10 minutes preparation, overnight to marinate, and 30 minutes to cook.

PREPARATION

Slice chicken into 2″ squares. Put yogurt, lime juice, and chicken tikka masala in mixing bowl. Mix with fork. Add chicken squares to bowl. Thoroughly coat chicken squares with yogurt. Cover bowl and marinate in refrigerator overnight.

Preheat grill to 400 degrees. Cut limes into wedges.

Put coated chicken squares on skewers. Grill for 20 minutes or until chicken is tender and browned on all sides. Turn frequently. Remove chicken squares from skewers and place on plate. Sprinkle chicken squares with cilantro and garnish with lime wedges.

TIDBITS

1) Most jokes that are both popular and long lasting employ simple and universal themes. Such is the case with the ever popular “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side,” which involves the humble chicken and the surprise ending.

2) Well, it was a surprise ending when printed in The Knickerbocker in 1847.

3) The Chicken Crossing the Road joke became a staple of vaudeville shows during the late nineteenth century.

4) Potter’s American Monthly printed the first known, at least to me, variation of this joke. Here it is. “Why should not a chicken cross the road?” “It would be a fowl proceeding.” Yes, it took apparently a half century before someone altered the joke. But the comedic floodgates had been opened. Variations of this amusing jest appeared with greater and greater rapidity. Here are some of them:

5) Why did the punk rocker cross the road?ChickenCrossRoad-
He had a chicken stapled to his forehead.

6) Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.

7) Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens weren’t around yet.

8) Why did the duck cross the road?
To prove it’s no chicken.

9) Why did the chicken simultaneously cross and not cross the road?
It was Schrodinger’s chicken.

10) Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
It was afraid someone would Caesar!

11) Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again?
Because it was a dirty double-crosser.

12) Why did George’s W. Bush think about the chicken crossing the road?
We don’t care why the chicken crossed the road. We just need to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.

13) Why Barack Obama’s chicken cross the road?
It wanted CHANGE!

14) Why did Captain Kirk’s chicken cross the road?
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

15) Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from Colonel Sanders.

16) Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway?
To lay it on the line.

17) Why did Ancient Egyptians mummify chickens when they died?
To help them get to the other side.

18) Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.

19) Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was a part of a chicken conga line.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Frikadellen – German Hamburger Recipe

German Entree

FRIKADELLEN
German Hamburgers

INGREDIENTSFrikade-

1 onion (1/2 more used later)
1/2 onion
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 pound ground pork (or pork sausage)
2 eggs
1 tablespoon German mustard or deli mustard
6 tablespoons bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon caraway seeds
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 Kaiser rolls
8 leaves lettuce

PREPARATION

Mince 1 onion. Slice 1/2 onion into rings. Thoroughly combine minced onion, beef, pork, eggs, mustard, bread crumbs, caraway, nutmeg, pepper, parsley, and salt in mixing bowl with hands. Contemplate the infinite while doing so.

Make 8 large meatballs with hands. Flatten them slightly to make thick patties. Fry patties in pan at medium heat for about 5 minutes on each side or until sides begin to brown. While patties are cooking slice 1/2 onion. Sauté onion slices in burger drippings until golden brown. (The onion rings, not you for goodness sakes.) Toast Kaiser rolls. (Hail, Kaiser rolls.)

Assemble the burger with: roll, patty, lettuce, and sautéed onion slices.

TIDBITS

1) The German word Kaiser means emperor and derives from Julius Caesar’s last name.

2) Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River in 49 B.C. starting a vicious round of civil wars that brought down the Roman Republic for good. Republics were pretty much non-existent round the world after that except in Iceland until the American Revolution in 1775.

3) Future despots though loved what Julius had done, conquering Gaul, overthrowing the Republic, and all that. So much so, they took his last name as their own or even taking the title of Caesar.

5) We see this trend in modern time. KleenexTM became so popular that all facial tissues are often known as KleenexTM.

6) Caesar also gave his name to Caesar’s salad. Blood on his hands sure, but his salad is truly tasty.

7) So if you want to achieve culinary immortality, conquer Gaul or some other country and set up your dictatorship or monarchy.

8) I have to go. I need to sneeze into my KleenexTM.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spinach Ravioli

Italian Entree

SPINACH RAVIOLI

INGREDIENTS

PASTA

3 cups or more of flour (1/4 cup more later in FINAL STAGE)
2 eggs
3/4 cup water or more
1 tablespoon olive oil (1 tablespoon more used later)
1 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)

FILLING

2 garlic cloves
1/2 pound fresh spinach
1 1/2 teaspoons parsley
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)

MARINARA SAUCE

6 Roma tomatoes
1/2 large white onion
2 garlic cloves
2 teaspoons basil
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt (Used 3 times for a total of 2 teaspoons)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 6 ounce can tomato sauce

UTENSILS

rolling pin
cutting board

FINAL STAGE

water
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil (1 tablespoon more used earlier)
1/4 cup flour (3 cups more earlier in PASTA)

Makes about 40 ravioli.

PREPARATION OF PASTA

Combine flour, eggs, and cup water. Mix with hands. Make a ball of the mixture. It should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, until the consistency of the next ball is just right.

Sprinkle a generous amount of flour on your cutting board and rolling pin. Roll flour ball out until it is NO THICKER than 1/4-inch. Frequently sprinkle the rolling pin to keep the dough from sticking. Let rolled-out flour sit for AT LEAST 4 hours. It should be nearly dry.

PREPARATION OF FILLING

While rolled out flour dries, peel and mince 2 garlic cloves. Dice spinach. Put garlic, spinach, parsley, Parmesan cheese, and salt in frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes. Put contents of frying pan into bowl. Mix and put spinach filling in fridge.

PREPARATION OF MARINARA SAUCE

Mince Roma tomatoes. Peel and mince 1/2 onion (Wouldn’t it be nice if you could buy a 1/2 onion at the store?) and 2 garlic cloves. Add tomato, onion, garlic, basil, marjoram, oregano, salt, thyme, and tomato sauce to sauce pot. Cook ingredients on medium-high heat until it boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes with the lid on. Stir occasionally.

FINAL PREPARATION

Dust cutting board with flour. Use knife to make 1 1/2-inch wide strips in the flour. Cut these strips into rectangles every 3 inches. Dust strips with flour. Put a 1/2 teaspoon or so of the filling on the right side of the 1 1/2-inch by 3-inch flour rectangle. (Did you know there is cutting board that has all sorts of measurements and angles on it if you want to make an exact 1 1/2-inch square ravioli? You can order it on line.) Fold the left side over the filling. Push down on the open sides with the tines of the fork to seal the spinach ravioli.

Fill pot with enough water to cover ravioli. Add salt and olive oil. Boil water. Add ravioli and cook for 20 to 30 minutes. Ravioli should float to the top and the dough should be completely soft.

While your ravioli boils itself to perfection, cook pasta sauce in pot on medium heat until it is warm. Put ravioli in bowl and add pasta sauce.

TIDBITS

1) There are a lot of Italians in Italy.

2) There are a lot outside Italy as well. This is why Italian cuisine is so easy to find.

3) But Caesar’s salad isn’t Italian. This salad is often considered to be American though it was actually first made at Caesar’s Hotel in Tijuana, Mexico.

4) I recently went to a dentist in Tijuana for my teeth. Dentist’s in Mexico are much cheaper than in America. Caesar’s Hotel was only a block away.

5) The savings from seeing the Mexican dentist vastly outweighed the cost of the meal.

6) Indeed, there are “surgery” cruises and vacation packages to Mexico. People enjoy the cruise ship, the sights of the Mexican ports, and have a surgery for less than the cost of the same surgery in the United States.

7) There are a lot of ordinary American tourists in Mexico as well.

8) And there are certainly a lot of Mexicans in Mexico.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Berbere Burgers From Cookbook, “Eat Me”

Moroccan Entree

BERBERE BURGERS

INGREDIENTSBerbeHB-

1/2 head lettuce
1 medium yellow onion
1 tablespoon Berbere spices (See recipe for BERBERE SPICE MIX INGREDIENTS, if you can’t find the mix)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 tablespoon ground coriander
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
8 buns or 16 multi-grain bread slices
1 cup grated Mozzarella cheese
no-stick spray

UTENSILS

electric skillet

spice grinder (To make your own Berbere spice mix.)

PREPARATION

Tear lettuce into bun-size pieces by hand. Peel and dice onion. Put Berbere spices, cayenne pepper, cinnamon, coriander, ginger, parsley, pepper, salt, and ground beef in mixing bowl. Pretend you’re making the mortar for the mighty Egyptian pyramids as you mix everything together with your hands. (Edible pyramids. What a concept.) Make 8 hamburger patties.

Use non-stick spray on frying pan. Put 4 patties in pan. Cook on medium-high heat for 2 to 3 minutes. Flip patties over and cook for another 2 to 3 minutes. Don’t squash the patties with your spatula. This forces the juices out of the patties. (I also don’t recommend flattening oranges with your spatula for a similar if not more spectacular reason.) Patties should have no pink remaining. Repeat to make 8 patties. Toast buns.

Put a patty on each bun bottom. Top with lettuce and cheese. Put bun top and, violà, you have a burger so tasty you’ll want to conquer all of North Africa just to bring this dish’s culinary greatness to all its peoples.

TIDBITS

1) Most world conquerors, such as Napoleon, Cortes, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, and Julius Caesar didn’t bring much culinary enlightenment to their defeated nations.

2) Pretty much just death by the thousands and enslavement.

3) What would it have hurt them to give their newly enslaved peoples a wondrous culinary novelty in compensation?

4) Oh sure, there are such things as Napoleons and Caesar salad.

5) But those military geniuses didn’t come up with them.

6) The Caesar salad was invented last century at Caesar’s hotel in Tijuana Mexico.

7) Indeed, it is also verifiable that Julius Caesar and all of the Julian-Claudian Emperors had nothing to do with the comedic brilliance of Sid Caesar.

8) Frederick the Great did encourage potato production in his Kingdom of Prussia, the precursor to modern Germany. The mighty tuber enabled Prussia to feed all its people even though its lands were repeatedly invaded by its enemies.

9) To this day, one may still buy French Fries in Germany.

10) Well done, Frederick.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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