international

Anglesey Eggs

Posted on April 30, 2024 by pauldelancey

British Breakfast

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ANGLESEY EGGS

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INGREDIENTS – POTATOES­
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1½ pounds russet, Yukon gold, or King Edward potatoes
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 large leeks
3 tablespoons butter (2 tablespoons more later)
½ tablespoon butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
1¼ cups milk
6 hard boiled eggs
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* = Caerphilly can be difficult to find and be expensive to buy online.
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INGREDIENTS – SAUCE & TOPPING
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1½ tablespoons butter
5 teaspoons flour
1 cup milk
¼ cup breadcrumbs
½ cup grated, or crumbled, Caerphilly* cheese or Cheddar cheese (½ cup more later)
½ cup grated, or crumbled, Caerphilly cheese or Cheddar cheese
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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9″ casserole dish
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION – POTATOES
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into eight pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Drain potatoes. Add pepper and salt. Mash potatoes with potato masher.
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While potatoes boil, remove stringy root end of the leeks. Remove the dark green tops. Wash leeks. (Dirt can get between the leek layers.) Slice leeks into circles ¼” thick..Add 3 tablespoons butter and sliced leeks. Sauté for 12 minutes at medium heat or until leek slices soften.
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Coat casserole dish with ½ tablespoon butter. Add leek circles and mashed potatoes to large mixing bowl. Mix with large spoon until well blended. Add leek circles/mashed potatoes to casserole dish. Smooth with spatula. Boil eggs. (6 minutes for soft-boiled and 12 minutes for hard-boiled.) Peel and cut eggs in half. Arrange egg halves evenly over mashed potatoes. Press eggs gently into the top of potato mix.
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PREPARATION – SAUCE & TOPPING
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While eggs boil, add 1½ tablespoons butter to pot. Melt butter using low heat. Add flour. Mix with spatula until well blended. Cook for 2 minutes at medium heat. Stir frequently. Add milk. Mix with spatula until well blended. Cook for 3 minutes at medium heat or until sauce thickens. Stir constantly. Add ½ cup cheese. Cook for 1 minute at medium heat or until cheese melts. Stir frequently. Ladle sauce over mashed potatoes and egg halves.
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Add bread crumbs and ½ cup cheese to small mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Sprinkle bread crumb/cheese mix over sauce. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until  golden brown and crispy.
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TIDBITS
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1) How many times has this happened to you? You’ve made scrambled eggs just before the start of the seventh game of the World Series. You made a lot. You get ready to clean the pan.
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2) But your friends in the den yell, “The game’s started.” As you head to the TV, you tell yourself that you’ll scrub off the eggs bits from the pan when there’s a lull in the ball game.
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3) But there is never is lull in the action. In fact you are watching the most exciting baseball game ever, and in the game of the World Series! And between the Mariners and the Pirates. They had gone decade after decade without appearing in baseball’s fall classic.
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4) It’s the sixth inning. Barney Bubble and Louis Courgette are both throwing perfect games. How exciting is that? But in the back of your culinary mind, you sense the eggs in the frying pan petrifying into rock. You sense a cup has fallen into the mixing bowl used for whisking the eggs. You feel the egg remnants in the mixing bowl cementing the cup to the bowl in a bond so strong that it will last until the Sun becomes a red giant and incinerates the Earth.
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5) “Why, oh why?” you think, “didn’t I make Anglesey Eggs for everyone. It’s ever so tasty and it leaves no egg glue.”
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6) Your synapses fire an existential thought. “Why didn’t I tell my wife to make us sandwiches?” But you knew why not. She tried to kill you the last time you tried this stunt. An all-woman jury acquitted her.
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7) 22 innings later, the Mariners win. A walk-home run ends it; it’ provides the only man on base. But there is no joy in your kitchen. That pan will never scrub clean. In fact, a rhino’s become fossilized in the egg strata that lies between the cup and the mixing bowl.
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8) How the rhino get into your kitchen without anyone noticing? Perhaps it tiptoed? How did it get between the cup and the mixing bowl? Perhaps it was on a diet.
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9) So plan your meals wisely.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Serbian Pljeskavica

Posted on April 15, 2024 by pauldelancey
Serbian Entree
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SERBIAN PLJESKAVICA

(Ser­bian Burger)

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INGREDIENTS
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1 garlic clove
1 large onion (1 small one later)
2 tablespoons olive oil or vegetable oil
1 pound ground beef
¾ pound ground pork
1 teaspoon Spanish paprika or paprika
no-stick spray
8 pita loaves*
some kajmak** (optional)
some ajvar*** (optional)
1 green onion
1 small onion
your favorite condiments.****
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* = Lepinje buns are more authentic, but also very hard to find.
** = Can be found online. Substitutes are crème fraîche, crema Mexicana, sour cream, or clotted cream
*** = Can be found online. Substitutes are baba ganoush, chili oil, or relish made with bell peppers and eggplant
**** = Kajmak, ajvar, onion are the most authentic condiments for a Serbian. However, red onions, cabbage, pickles, cucumbers, and lettuce are used sometimes.
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Mince garlic clove and 1 large onion. Add garlic, onion and olive oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add minced garlic and onion, ground beef, ground pork, and Spanish paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Divide meat into 4 portions. Flatten meat portions until they are 6″ wide patties. Cover and let cool in refrigerator for 45 minutes.
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Spray pan with no-stick pray. Add patty to pan. Fry each patty at medium heat for 4 minutes. Flip patty and cook on low-medium for 4 minutes. Repeat for each patty . Put patty on pita loaf. Spread kajmak and ajvar as desired on patty. Thinly slice green onion and small onion. Place ¼ of the onion slices on kajmak and ajvar. Sprinkle with ¼ of the green onion. Top with 2nd pita loaf. Repeat 3 more times.
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TIDBITS
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1) Pljeskavica is pronounced just like it looks.
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2) Just like hot dog is pronounced, “hot dog.”
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3) Of course, pljeskavica is an anagram for “java pickles.”
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4) If you haven’t heard of java pickles, it’s because they’re not wildly popular.
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5) Or even popular at all.
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6) To make java pickles, add coffee grounds to the coffee filter.
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7) Then instead of water, pour pickle brine into the coffee maker’s reservoir.
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8) Turn on your coffee maker and wait.
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9) Take your java pickles to your next potluck.
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10) You won’t be asked to bring anything ever again.
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11) The moral of all this, is that there are some anagrams people aren’t meant to create.
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12) Better to search for lepinje buns. This quest would keep you off the streets where you’d only foment revolution.
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13) And why can’t we have lepinje delivered to our home?
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14) Of course, you could try the superbly efficient AmazonTM to send some to your home.
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15) What’s this? Amazon has no lepinje!
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16) Why can’t we have a lepinje truck cruising the neighborhood everyday? The truck would play pleasant Serbian folk tunes, so we’d know the lepinje man was on his way.
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17) And while we’re at it, why not have the truck carry bread, carry bread from all over the world?
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18) And herbs from all over the world? One herb can only be found in desolate areas of northwestern China and rarely at that. And let me tell you, the Chinese police and military frown on such unsupervised activities. “But Colonel, I was only looking for a rare herb,” you’d say. The official’s reply would surely be, “Like, I’ve never heard that one before.” And you’d go to a Chinese prison.
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19) Since incarceration is bad, we’ll have to hold out for a local bread and herb truck.
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20) And add spices and produce. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t have the right bread, herb,  spice, or produce. “You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one,” John Lennon. Let’s make that truck so. Let’s turn our street into a culinary garden of Eden.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Cheese Lasagna

Posted on March 29, 2024 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

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CHEESE LASAGNA

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INGREDIENTS – PASTA
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3 cups flour*
2 eggs
1 egg yolk
½ cup water or more
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* = More might be needed for dusting, texture.
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INGREDIENTS – CHEESE
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3 garlic cloves
1 white onion
2½ cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1¼ cups shredded Parmesan cheese (2 tablespoons more later)
2¼ cups ricotta cheese
⅓ cup red wine
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 26-ounce jar spaghetti sauce
1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon oregano
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
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INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY
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2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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9-inch x 13-inch baking dish
no-stick pastry mat
rolling pin
hand crank pasta machine
cooking scissors (If your baking dish is 8-inches x 8-inches, for example)
no-stick spray
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Serves 12. Takes 3 hours 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION – DOUGH
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Combine 3 cups flour, eggs, egg yolk, and water into large mixing bowl. Knead with hands for 15 minutes. Make a ball of the mixture. It should be only slightly sticky and should just be able to come off your hand. If some of the ball sticks to your hand, then add a bit more flour, mix again, and try the new flour. If the flour ball is powdery, it is too dry. Add a bit more water, mix again, and try the consistency of the next ball. There may be a number of these iterations but it must be done. Divide dough ball into 3 equal mini-dough balls. Wrap mini-dough balls with plastic wrap and let sit in refrigerator for 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – CHEESE
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Add mozzarella, Parmesan, and ricotta cheeses to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended
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Add onion, garlic, and olive oil. to frying pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add red wine, spaghetti sauce, diced tomatoes, basil, bay leaf, Italian seasoning, oregano, pepper, salt, and thyme. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.
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PREPARATION – PASTA
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This preparation needs to be done 3 times. Dust no-stick pastry mat with flour. Remove 1 dough ball from refrigerator. Keep remaining dough balls in fridge until needed. Put this dough ball on pastry mat. Dust rolling pin. Roll out dough into oval shape 5½” wide and ¼” thick. (Anything thicker inhibits dough from going through hand-crank pasta machine.)
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Use pasta machine’s thickest setting. (#1 on mine.) Hold dough vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Turn crank slowly to feed dough oval through roller. Fold resulting dough sheet in half. Cut about ¼” off each side to make it rectangular and thus easier to feed into roller. (This also makes for uniform dough sheets.) Run this folded sheet through roller.
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Dust dough sheet. Set pasta’s setting the next narrower setting. (#2 on mine.) Again, hold dough sheet vertically and straight as possible over pasta machine’s roller. Repeat process, selecting a narrower setting each time, until final pasta sheet is about 1/16″ thick. Repeat entire pasta-sheet preparation until all dough is used. Trim pasta sheets to be 13″ * 4½”. The cutoff pieces of dough can be used to make another sheet.
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PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY
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Grate 2 teaspoons Parmesan. Use no-stick spray on baking dish. Put a layer of lasagna, 2 side-by-side noodles on the dish. If the noodles happen to be longer than your baking dish, snip off the excess length with your scissors. In this recipe, 6 noodles will make one lasagna dish with 2 layers of meat sauce. Reserve about ½ cup meat sauce. Divide remaining meat sauce and cheese equally between layers.
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Cover this 1st layer of noodles with a layer of meat sauce and a layer of cheese. Add a 2nd
layer of noodles, meat sauce, and cheese. Add a 3rd layer of noodles. Spoon just a little meat sauce atop the top layer along with 2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese. Put glass lid or aluminum foil on top of baking dish. Cook lasagna in covered baking dish in oven at 375 degrees for 45 minutes. Cook uncovered for an additional 15 minutes or until bubbly. Remove and let sit for 5 minutes more.
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TIDBITS
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1) Lucy Olduvai of Olduvai Gorge was the world’s first human. Her parents were almost human. And oh my gosh, her brother Ogg, older than her by two years, was oh so close to be human. But with Lucy, they had finally got birthing a human right.
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2) But, sad to say, Little Lucy was a brat. She taunted her sibling mercilessly. “You’re subhuman,”  The sensitive Ogg ran crying to Mama Olduvai. Mama Olduvai got cross with Little Lucy. “Go play with that herd of mammoth cattle until you’re ready to apologize to your brother.”
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3) Oh, tidbit 3) proves that the nearly humans and first humans had the power of speech and in fact, could speak English. Well done, you.
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4) Anyway, proud Little Lucy wasn’t ready to apologize. So, she spent a lot of time poking the cattle. Then she started pulling. Fortunately for the ascent of humanity, she didn’t start with a bull. She began with a cow and got milk. “Wow, this tastes great! I call it milk.”
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5) Then she spotted a field of wheat. The equivalent of a light bulb turned on her first-human brain. “I’ll bet if I can get the cattle to stampede over the wheat field, they’ll trample and crush the wheat into flour.*”
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6) * = First Human speech was much complex than was first suspected, constructing complicated sentences with commas and everything.
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7) So, Little Lucy, ran back to her family as fast as her first-human legs would carry her. “Mama, Mama, I’ve discovered milk and wheat. We can evolve.”
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8) Mama Ogg scowled. “Evolution can wait. Are you ready to apologize to Ogg?”
“I am. Sorry Ogg.”
“It’s okay,” said Ogg, “Do you think we could make lasagna? I’ve had visions of it in my sleep?”
“Well,” said Little Lucy, “we need culture to make cheese.”
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9) So, the Olduvai Gorgers invented cave painting and five-act plays. But this was the wrong culture for making cheese out of milk. The next day, however, they discovered the right culture.
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10) The Gorgers, being hunter-gathers, par excellence, gathered eggs, garlic, cloves, onions, grapes, olives, tomatoes, basil, bay leaves, peppercorns, thyme, and salt. With their almost-human synapses firing something fierce, they eventually uncovered the secret of making tasty cheese lasagna. Life was truly good for the Gorgers.
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11) Until the mammoth-cattle herd migrated out of Africa. Oh no! No herd, no milk. No milk, no lasagna. “What’s the point of evolving?” said Papa Ogg, “if we can’t dine on lasagna?”
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12) “Let’s follow the mammoth cattle,” said Little Lucy. “Let’s follow the most important ingredient in lasagna.” so they did. And this is how humanity spread over the entire planet. Yay.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Fajita Bowls

Posted on February 25, 2024 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

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FAJITA BOWLS

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INGREDIENTS
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4 8″ flour tortillas
non-stick spray
½ teaspoon red chili powder
¾ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon coriander
¾ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice or chicken seasoning
1½ pounds chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
½ green bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
½ red bell pepper
4½ tablespoons vegetable oil (3 times at 1½ tablespoons)
1½ tablespoons lime juice (3 times at 1½ tablespoons)
¼ teaspoon TabascoTM sauce or a Mexican hot sauce
1½ cups lettuce
½ cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses
salsa (optional)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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4 nonstick tortilla salad bowl molds (nonstick and oven safe)
mandoline (optional)
lazy Susan, about 24 inches across, if you can find one.
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – FAJITA SHELLS
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray both sides of tortilla with non-stick spray. Gently push flour tortilla down into tortilla mold. Do this for every tortilla mold. Put tortilla molds in oven. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes or until tortilla molds brown around the edges and become crispy.
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PREPARATION – FIXINGS
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While tortilla bowls bake, make spice mix by whisking together in small bowl: chili powder, cumin, coriander, poultry spice, and Tabasco sauce. This is the spice mix. Cut chicken into strips ½” wide and 2″ long. Add ⅓ of spice mix to chicken. Mix until chicken is coated with spice.
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Mince garlic cloves. Use mandoline to slice the onion into rings. Cut rings into fourths. Combine ⅓ of spice mix with garlic and onion. Use mandoline to slice all the bell peppers into rings. Cut bell-pepper rings into fourths. Combine ⅓ of spice mix with bell peppers.
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Add garlic, onion , 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil, ½ and tablespoon lime juice to frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until bell pepper softens. Transfer to bowl on lazy Susan. Add garlic, onion, 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil, ½ tablespoon lime juice to frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Transfer to bowl on lazy Susan.
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Add bell pepper, 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil, and ½ tablespoon lime juice to frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until bell pepper softens. Transfer to bowl on lazy Susan. Add garlic, onion, 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil, ½ tablespoon lime juice to frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until bell pepper softens. Stir frequently. Transfer to bowl on lazy Susan.
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Add chicken strips,  tablespoons vegetable oil, and ½ tablespoon lime juice to frying pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until cooked through. Stir frequently. Transfer to bowl on lazy Susan.
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Shred lettuce. Put lettuce and cheese in bowls on lazy Susan. Fill tortilla bowl with chicken, onion/garlic, bell pepper, lettuce, and cheese. Arriba.
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TIDBITS
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1) It is doubtful there ever was a real lazy Susan.
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2) To clear the good name of Susan, here is a list of famous Susan singers: Susan Boyle, Susan McFadden, and Suzi Quatro–Okay a variation on Susan, but I listened to her in college, so there.
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3) Famous Susan actresses: Susan St. James, Susan Hampshire–I  watched her in a Masterpiece Theater series during college; she rocked, Ms. Hampshire–Susan Dey, Susan Lucci, Susan Oliver, Susan Sarandon–star of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show–and Susan Hayward
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4) Famous Susan authors: Susan Cheever, Susan Isaacs, Susan Sontag–I have a book of hers sitting on my bookshelf–and Susan Fromberg Schaeffer.
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5) Famous U.S. senator: Susan Collins.
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6) Famous social reformer and women’s right activist: Susan B. Anthony
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7) Famous interdisciplinary structural biologist: Susan S. Taylor
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8) Famous dog of Queen Elizabeth II: Susan.
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9) Famous Susan mass murderers: None.
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10) Famous Susan dictators: None.
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11) See? Susans are brilliant and nice. I can vouch for the niceness of every Susan I’ve met.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Adana Kebab

Posted on February 7, 2024 by pauldelancey

Turkish Entree

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ADANA ­KEBAB

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INGREDIENTS
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½ small red onion or onion
1 tomato
⅓ cup breadcrumbs
1 pound ground lamb
½ tablespoon salt
2½ teaspoons sumac
5 teaspoons Urfa biber*
2 tablespoons ice cold water
¼ cup  fresh parsley
2 tablespoons olive oil
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* = Also known as Urfa pepper and Isot pepper. Substitute with red pepper flakes.
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Serves 4. Takes 1 hours 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Thinly slice onion and tomato. Add bread crumbs, lamb, salt, sumac, Urfa biber, and ice-cold water to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Form into 8 logs 5″ long. These are the kebabs. Chill in refrigerator for 45 minutes.
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Add olive oil to large pan. Heat oil at medium-high heat until a few bread crumbs in the oil start to dance. Cover and grill for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until lamb is no longer pink.inside. Turn once. Garnish with onion, tomato, and parsley. Goes well with pita loaves, lavash loaves, salad, and rice.
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TIDBITS
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1) The city of Adana is in Turkey.
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2) But I am not.
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3) You are probably not there either.
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4) So that’s one thing we have in common.
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5) You most likely have salt in your kitchen.
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6) Whoa, we are so alike!
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7) Do you like Urfa biber? I hope so as I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Five Layer Chicken Florentine

Posted on February 5, 2024 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

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FIVE LAYER CHICKEN FLORENTINE

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INGREDIENTS
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 FIRST  LAYER – BOTTOM SAUCE
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1 10.5-ounce can of cream of celery
½ cup mayonnaise
¾ cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
1 tablespoon lemon juice
⅛ teaspoon salt (⅛ teaspoon more in FOURTH LAYER)
⅛ teaspoon pepper
⅛ teaspoon Mediterranean rice spice
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
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SECOND LAYER – RICE
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1 cup rice
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THIRD LAYER – CHICKEN
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2 chicken breasts
2 tablespoon vegetable oil
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FOURTH LAYER – TOP SAUCE
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1 10-ounce package creamed spinach
½ cup milk
¼ cup grated Swiss cheese
1 small onion
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
⅛ teaspoon thyme
¼ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
⅛ teaspoon salt
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FIFTH LAYER – BREAD CRUMBS AND CHEESE
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½ cup bread crumbs
1 tablespoon butter, melted
¼ cup Parmesan cheese
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SPECIAL EQUIPMENT
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large casserole dish
medium casserole dish
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Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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The five layers are from bottom to top:
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First: bottom sauce
Second: rice
Third: chicken breast
Fourth: top sauce
Fifth: cheese and bread crumbs
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FIRST LAYER – BOTTOM SAUCE
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Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add celery soup, mayonnaise, Cheddar cheese, lemon juice, Mediterranean rice spice, ⅛ teaspoon salt, pepper, and rice vinegar to baking dish. Mix thoroughly with fork or whisk. Bake in large casserole dish for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. Set aside. (You can save time by preparing the fourth layer and putting in the oven after you have put this layer in the oven.)
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SECOND LAYER – RICE (Above bottom sauce)
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Cook rice according to instructions on package. Spread evenly over FIRST LAYER in large casserole dish when both are done.
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THIRD LAYER – CHICKEN BREAST (Above rice)
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While at the bottom sauce is baking and the rice is cooking, cut each chicken breast into 12 pieces. Add chicken and vegetable oil to non-stick frying pan. Sauté chicken on high heat for 10 minutes or until it starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Put chicken breasts on top of the SECOND LAYER of rice when all 3 layers are done. (Resist the temptation to drive to KFC.) Set aside,
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FOURTH LAYER – TOP SAUCE (Above chicken breast)
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Dice onion. Add creamed spinach, milk, Swiss cheese, onion, Dijon mustard, thyme, coriander, poultry spice, and ⅛ teaspoon salt to medium casserole dish. Bake for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. Remove and set aside. Put sauce on top of the THIRD LAYER of chicken breast when all 4 layers are done.
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FIFTH LAYER – BREAD CRUMBS AND CHEESE (Above top sauce)
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After you have taken the casserole dishes out of the oven, and have placed the first four layers in order, spread the bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese evenly over the FOURTH layer. Pour the melted butter evenly, as always, over everything. Put the five layers in the large casserole dish back in the oven.
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Bake for 25 minutes at 375 degrees. The sauce layers should be set and the chicken cooked through.
Grab a cold mug of root beer. Sip it slowly. Savor the taste. Grab the frying pan with your other hand. Use the pan to threaten anyone who complains about the wait for this dish. Then eat it all yourself. It’s great.
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TIDBITS
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1) Spinach was cultivated 2,000 years ago in Iran. Now, Iran may very well be contemplating building a nuclear bomb for dubious purposes.
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2) The ancient Romans and Greeks cultivated spinach as well and never built a nuclear device.
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3) So maybe we shouldn’t worry about Iran.
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4) After all Popeye The Sailorman always consumed cans of spinach in times of crisis and always fought for the honor and welfare of his beloved Olive Oyl.
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5) California produces half of America’s spinach.
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6) Did Popeye’s spinach come from California?
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7) Did Popeye ever marry Olive Oyl? I’d like to think so, even if they had to elope to do it.
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8) I had a Yogi The Bear lunch box in first grade. I don’t believe I ever had Five Layer Florentine Chicken put in it.
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9) This recipe originally called for 10.75-ounce can of cream of celery soup. The recipe uses a 10.50-ounce can.
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10) Why?
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11) Shrinkflation. Inflation describes how prices rise over time. Companies know we don’t want to keep paying more for the same thing. So, they shrink the size of their products. They still get the same amount of money from us, but smaller amounts of ingredients, means their products cost them less to produce. They make bigger profits as they think we aren’t clever or observant enough to notice.
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12) Shrinkflation is rampant, especially in times of higher inflation. The size of cans, bottles, jars, and packages in most of my recipes have decreased since press time. Bastids.
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13) It makes me wonder about the opportunities for shrinkflation outside the food industry.
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14) Instead of raising the price of basketballs, make them smaller and smaller. Would this affect basketball games in the NBA? Yes, it would.
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15) Car tires. The price of these tires are already high. Why not make them smaller? And smaller tires will slow your car. You’ll receive fewer speeding tickets. Note, there’s a limit to tire smallness. If the tires become so tiny that they can’t reach the road, the car won’t more. No more shrinkflation. Yay!
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16) Lens size for glasses. Why pay more for a pair of glasses, when you can shrink the lenses? After a while others and you won’t be able to see them. (See what I did there?) No more self consciousness about your appearance.
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17) There should be three more lines of tidbits, but I shrank this section’s size.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Golden Berry Pico De Gallo

Posted on January 29, 2024 by pauldelancey

Fusion Appetizer

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GOLDEN BERRY PICO DE GALLO

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INGREDIENTS
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1 jalapeno chile or serrano chile
6 ounces cherry tomatoes
6 ounces golden berries
½ red onion
½ cup fresh cilantro
1½ tablespoons lime juice
¼ ounce pepper
½ ounce salt
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Serves 4. Takes 30 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Remove seeds from chile if you desire a milder salsa. Dice cherry tomatoes, cilantro, golden berries, jalapeno, and red onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with fork until well blended. It should last for about 5 days if stored in the refrigerator in an airtight container. Golden berry pico de gallo goes well with tortillas chips or as a side to any Mexican dish.
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TIDBITS
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1) This recipe asks you to use a half a red onion.
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2) Sure, you could buy an entire red onion and use half of it. But can you do with the unused half?
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3) You need an entire red onion to participate in red-onion bowling leagues. So that’s out.
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4) People really don’t appreciate red-onion halves as a stocking stuffer.
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5) I suppose if you have twelve red-onion halves and your opponent has twelve white-onion halves, you could play onion checkers. But as of press time, America displays a rather striking lack of interest in such a pastime.
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6) And you know in your heart of hearts, some neighbor, perhaps just a block away, needs a red-onion half. Perhaps she needs it to make her own Golden Berry Pico de Gallo. Whatever, she needs it and would dearly love to obtain your red onion half.
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7) Wahoo! The answer’s obvious. Organize a market for such a thing. Set it up for Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday at 11 am. Bring your half vegetables and swap for the half vegetables you do need. You save money. You cut on waste. And don’t have to waste time and gas needed to go to the store for just a half a head of lettuce. You’ll make America safer from a possible oil embargo.
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8) And you’ll meet new people. Perhaps a romance will bloom. How cool is that?
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pizza Bread

Posted on January 18, 2024 by pauldelancey

Fusion Entree

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PIZZA BREAD

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INGREDIENTS­
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½ bell pepper
1 small onion
8 slices bread
1 teaspoon oregano or pizza seasoning
24 slices pepperoni
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
½ cup pasta sauce (8 times at 1 tablespoon)
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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mandoline (optional)
parchment paper
9″ * 12″ baking tray
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Serves 4 or makes 8 pizza breads. Takes 20 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Seed bell pepper. Use mandoline on bell pepper to make ¼”-thick rings. Dice onion. Spread 1 tablespoon pasta sauce over each bread slice. Sprinkle oregano equally over bread slices. Place 1 bell-pepper ring on each bread slice. Place 3 pepperoni slices on each bread. Sprinkle onion equally over bread slices. Sprinkle mozzarella over  over onion toppings.
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Cover baking tray with parchment paper. Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or until cheese melts and turns golden.
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TIDBITS
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1) I served “Pizza Bread” to the natives tonight. It was “great.”
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2) On July 11, 1939 President Roosevelt served hot dogs to King George VI of Great Britain.  One version of the menu read, “Hot Dogs (if weather permits).” This fairly formal picnic proved to be front page news. The New York Times ran the headline, “KING TRIES HOT DOG AND ASKS FOR MORE.”
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3) Sad to say, I expect no such headline for my Pizza Bread, although one native ate three pizza breads. King George ate only two hot dogs. Three is greater than two. I win.
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4) What must I do to get the same celebrity status that Roosevelt gained by his hot-dog meal? Simple, I hereby formally invite King Charles III for tacos at my humble manor. Any date he desires. There, that ought out to do it. I’ll keep you posted.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Masoor Dal (Red Lentils)

Posted on January 15, 2024 by pauldelancey

Indian Entree

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MASOOR DAL

(Red Lentils)

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INGREDIENTS
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1 cup split red lentils
2 green chiles
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
2 tomatoes
1 dry red chile
2¾ cups water or vegetable broth
3 tablespoons ghee* or 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
¾ teaspoon mustard seeds
2¼ teaspoons minced ginger
¼ teaspoon asafoetida*
¼ teaspoon garam masala
½ teaspoon Kashmiri* chili or cayenne powder
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon turmeric
½ teaspoon fenugreek leaves
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1½ tablespoons fresh cilantro or ½ tablespoon dried cilantro
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* = Can be found online or ethnic supermarkets
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SPECIALTY UTENSIL
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instant pot
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Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Rinse red lentils. Seed green chiles if you desire a milder taste. Dice garlic cloves, green chiles, onion, and tomatoes. Crumble red chile. Add red lentils and water to instant pot. Stir once to prevent sticking to the pot. Set instant pot to high and to cook for 5 minutes. Let pressure drop naturally for 10 minutes. Gradually open steam release. Carefully open lid. Mash red lentils to your liking.
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While red lentils cook, add ghee to pan. Heat on medium heat until ghee melts. Add cumin seeds, mustard seeds, and crumbled red chile. Sauté seeds until they crackle. Stir constantly. Add garlic, green chile, minced ginger, and onion. Sauté on medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently, Add tomato, asafoetida, garam masala, Kashmiri chili, salt, and turmeric. Cook for 5 minutes or until tomato becomes mushy.
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Add red lentils and fenugreek leaves to pan. Simmer on low heat for 2 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add lemon juice. Stir until well blended. Garnish with fresh cilantro. Goes well with naan.
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TIDBITS
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1) Masoor Dal was born in India in the tiny village of Taaja Adarak. Not only was Masoor born in a specific place, he was born at specific time, 9:23 am, May 16th, 422 BC. Nobody would play with little Dal because he used to take asafoetida baths. Indeed, Masoor’s only companion was a time-traveling dog named Olafo. Olafo had materialized on Earth in 408 BC.
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2) “What a nice corgi,” thought the overly fragrant Masoor. “I do hope he won’t run away.”
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3) But Olafo stayed put. He’d suffered an olfactory injured in the Great Universal War between Olafo’s Orion Beltian and the sinful, hateful, evil Lutefisk Confederation of Pluto and couldn’t smell worth a darn.
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4) Masoor would often say, “I had friends.”  Olafo would reply, “I wish could smell dog butts.”
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5) “Why can’t you smell?” asked little Dal. “I damaged my nose in the war, yipped Olafo. A Lutefisker hurled a smell-stopper grenade (STG) at my squad. I sat on it. I saved my comrades, but at the cost of my nose. I’m hear on R and R.”
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6) “I notice you always carry a Lassie Laser with you?” said Masoor. “Why didn’t you fire it at him?” Olafo sighed. “The Lutefiskers had just developed an anti-electronics shield (AES). My laser couldn’t couldn’t penetrate it.” Masoor looked at his thumbs, for no apparent reason. “You need a catapult. They’re lethal and have no electronics. You’ll be invincible.”
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7) Olafo agreed. Soon the happy pair built their catapult. They loaded it with red lentils, chiles, garlic cloves, an onion, ghee, cumin seeds, mustard seeds, ginger, garam masala, Kashmiri chili, salt, turmeric, fenugreek leaves, tomatoes a huge lemon, and cilantro leaves for a flourish.
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8) Unfortunately, a mishap occurred on the first trial, hurling the enormous lemon at Olafo’s nose and knocking the No-Smell Particles (NSPs) loose that had lodged there. A canine sneeze soon dislodged them.
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9) Masoor’s asafoetida coated hand, patted Olafo’s head. “There, there.”
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10) “I can smell again,” yipped Olafo. “And you stink of asafoetida.”
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11) Little Lal’s face fell. “But that stuff on your hands would go great with the other ingredients in the catapult, of course.”
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12) “And if you put a huge rock, nothing else in the catapult, Olafo, you have a devastating weapon to use against the Lutefiskers.
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13) And so Olafo went back to his squad with his catapult. This weapon propelled the Orion Beltians to decisive victory. Masoor now put his asafoetida into his culnary masterpiece, Masoor Dal. People loved it and the now sweet-smelling chef got all the women. So, things ended well. Yay.

 Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Garlic Naan

Posted on January 11, 2024 by pauldelancey

Indian Appetizer

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GARLIC NAAN

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INGREDIENTS – NAAN
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1 teaspoon sugar
2 teaspoons yeast (room temperature)
⅓ cup warm water
3⅓ cups flour
½ cup warm milk
¼ cup olive oil (a total of 6⅓ tablespoon more later)
½ cup plain yogurt
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil (5⅓ tablespoons more later)
5⅓ tablespoons olive oil (16 times with 1 teaspoon each time)
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INGREDIENTS – GARLIC SAUCE
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2½ tablespoons ghee or butter
1½ tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons fresh cilantro
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Makes 8 naans. Takes 2 hours.
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PREPARATION – NAAN
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Add sugar, yeast, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until sugar and yeast dissolve. Let sit for 10 minutes or until foamy. Add flour, warm milk, ¼ cup olive oil, yogurt, and salt. Mix with fork until well blended. Knead with hands until a smooth dough ball forms. Add 1 tablespoon oil. Rotate dough ball in oil until well coated. Cover and let sit for 1 hour or until dough ball doubles in size. Push down on dough.
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Add dough ball to flat surface. Divide dough ball into 8 mini-dough balls. Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour.) Roll out mini-dough balls until they are ⅛”-to-¼” thick and about 6″ wide. These are your naans. Add 1 teaspoon olive oil to pan. Warm at medium-high heat until a tiny bit of dough starts to dance. Add 1 mini-dough ball to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 1 minute or  until bubbles form on top. Carefully flip naan, add 1 teaspoon olive oil and sauté for another 1 minute.  Repeat for remaining naans. (Sauté tend to diminish with each naan.
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PREPARATION – GARLIC SAUCE
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Mince cilantro. Add ghee to small pan. Melt ghee at medium heat. Add garlic. Sauté at medium heat for 30 seconds. Stir frequently. Brush naans with equal amounts of ghee/garlic. Sprinkle with cilantro .
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TIDBITS
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1) It’s rainy outside. This makes people, like me, silly. So these tidbits will be devoted to naan sense.
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2) Q: What’s the IT’ crowd’s favorite food?
A: Naan o’ Bytes.
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3) Genghis Khan, a Haiku
Mongol Genghis Khan
Who conquered lands far and wide
Ate our Garlic Naan
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4) Naan
Nan’s Naan
Nun Nan’s Naan
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named gnomes’ knowledge
Nun Nan’s Nantucket Naan needs nearly nervous Ned’s nerdy named gnomes’ knowledge now
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5) Q: Can a naan become an American president?
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A: Yes, if was baked in America more than 35 years ago.
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6) Q: Doesn’t a president have to be alive?
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A: That’s why naans who want to become president get frozen.
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7) Q: Doesn’t the American Constitution say anything against cryogenically frozen people?
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A: No, it does not, but neither does it specifically rule out naans.
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So probably frozen naans are okay to preside over America.
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8) Q: But won’t the frozen naan will need to thaw when it’s time to run things? I mean, once it’s thawed, it will only last a few days if left out or at most a few weeks in the fridge?
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A) Yes indeed. This is why political parties try to pick a qualified candidate for vice president.
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9) Q: Couldn’t a progressively stale naan picked a fresh naan to be vice president? Then when that naan becomes president, select another naan to follow in its footsteps? Couldn’t we have one naan president after another until the next election?
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My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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