Ask Dr. Economics

Ask Dr. Economics: The Stock Market

Posted on August 4, 2013 by pauldelancey

Dear Dr. Economics,penny

Should I buy or sell General Electric.

–  Howard Theend
Anaconda, IN
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Dear Howard,

Beats me,

– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,

How, the heck, can you say you don’t know?

– Howard Theend                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        forecasting tool
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Dear Mr. Theend,

I can say I don’t know because I know I don’t know.

– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,

I know you can say you don’t know because you know you don’t know, but I know those stock market analysts on TV manage to make predictions. Why can’t you do the same?

– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,

Because the financial players with the billions of dollars have access to the same information. The price of a stock gets set according to that information. Random shocks account for any other movement of the stock’s price.

– Howard Theend
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Dear Dr. Economics,

Then the analysts don’t know either. 1) How come they then talk for a half hour predicting stock prices? 2) How come you just say “Beats me?”

– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,

1) They get paid to predict for a half hour. 2) I don’t get paid to predict.

– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,

How do you predict if the price of a particular stock is going to rise or fall?

– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,

I flip a penny. I have a success rate in my predictions of 50%. I hope this helps.

– Dr. Economics

Send your questions about economics by commenting on this post.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Ask Dr. Economics: Greece Needs Help

Posted on December 1, 2012 by pauldelancey

Ask Dr. Economics: Greece Needs Help

I came up with a solution to Greek Debt Crisis two years ago. Did the powers that be listen to me? Noooo. So what happened? A continuing crisis and worldwide instability. So, in the interest of the entire world I resubmit my solution.

The mounting debt of the Greek government is threatening to destroy the Greek economy, the Euro, the economies of Portugal and Spain, and the cohesiveness of the European Union. If that happens the world economy will collapse and we will have 30%, 50%, 80, maybe even 200% unemployment–you will lose that second job you never had. You’ll lose your house, your car, your package of Bar-S hot dogs that sit in the fridge you will lose. There will be revolution in the streets, only reality shows will be allowed on tv, ketchup in the supermarkets will be a thing of the past. There will be no more supermarkets. There will be NO MORE LATTES. Earthquakes will become the latest trend, hailstones will rain down non-stop. Bug-eyed monsters will roam the streets devouring Bactrian camels and humans.

This is all bad. What can we do to support Greece? Best thing to do is to buy Greek debt but as it might lose 70% of its value, you might want to spend your sofa coins on something better. Try vacationing in Greece. If that is not in your budget, try buying gyros, you that pita bread that is stuffed with that beef/lamb meat.

Now, if we all buy gyros demand for beef/lamb meat will soar. And Greece is the only country where the rare lambcow animal roams. Sure, America has lambs and it has cows, but not the one animal that is both. So, if demand for the Greek lambcow rises, Greek lambcows herders will gain more revenue. More revenue from lambcow herders means more taxes for the Greek government. The Greek government pays off its debt. The debt crisis is averted and we and our fellow Bactrian camels will not get eaten in the streets.

Eat all the gyros you can. Besides, they’re tasty.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Dear Dr. Economics, My little Benny got

Posted on November 10, 2012 by pauldelancey

Dear Dr. Economics,

My little Benny got assigned his kindergarten’s annual $30,000 raffle to support Sorghum Awareness. Normally, a Kansan celebrity or a CEO from a local biotech company does this sort of thing. But they’re all busy this year, so it fell to my six-year old son.

He’s tried real hard during lunchtime, but he hasn’t even sold one of his three hundred $100 tickets. He’s darn near ready to burst into tears. Even holding “Patches,” his teddy bear, doesn’t erase his sense of failure.
Can you help me?

Dennis Epicenter,
Tentacle, KS

Dear Mr. Epicenter,

Why certainly, I can help you. I am Dr. Economics. Instead of Benny making each kindergartner cough up $100–and what are the chances of that given you describe him as little–why not sell partial shares?

Benny is sure to have more success selling 1/100th shares in each ticket for $1. Of course, this means the lad will need to sell 30,000 shares, so diligence and determination are must for this plan to succeed.

Alternatively, Benny could sell 1/10,000th shares in each ticket for 1c. This plan makes for easy sales. Again, I feel especially obligated to stress perseverance in selling the necessary 3,000,000 shares. Indeed, consider taking him to school early and picking him up late.

Benny should also learn about computer spreadsheets. Careful record keeping is a must for any successful raffle, whether it be for 3,000,000 records or the more modest 30,000.

Normally, I would advise keeping children clear of caffeinated beverages until the age of twelve, but it seems doubtful little Benny will have much time for sleeping. So, go for it!

– Dr. Economics

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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