Monthly Archives: April 2022

You Need to See a Baby Hedgehog

And you need to see it looking at floating petals. Right away. Think of this picture while sitting through another interminable meeting. The very thought of this little hedgehog will help you survive.

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Kazakhstani Beshbarmak (Boiled Meat with Noodles)

Kazakhstani Entree

BESHBARMAK
(Boiled Meat with Noodles)

INGREDIENTS

1 small onion (1 more later)
1¼ pounds lamb or beef steak
1 bay leaf
¼ teaspoon pepper
water to cover steak, about 4 cups
½ teaspoon salt
1 egg
½ cup water (about)
1¼ cups flour (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons flour
1 medium potato (optional)
1 tablespoon ghee or butter
1 small onion

Serves 4. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut 1 small onion into slices ¼” thick. Add onion slices, steak, bay leaf, pepper, and enough water to cover steak and 1″ more. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 1½ hours. Stir every 20 minutes. Keep steak covered with water.

While meat simmers, add salt and 1¼ cups flour to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork. Whisk egg in cup. Add egg to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Gradually add ½ cup water, as needed, until you get a smooth dough. Mix with hands each time you add water. Knead dough for 5 minutes. Cover dough and let it sit for 20 minutes.

Sprinkle flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Divide dough into 2 dough balls. Roll out a dough ball on flat surface until it is about ⅛” thick. Cut flatten dough into 3″ squares. Repeat for each dough ball.

When meat has been simmering for 1½ hours, cut potato into ½” cubes. Add potato to pot. Simmer on low for 35 minutes or until meat and potato are tender to the fork. Keep potato and steak covered with water. Remove simmered onion and potato and set aside on 2 different plates. Cover to keep warm. Keep broth in pot.

While steak still simmers, cut 1 small onion into slices ¼” thick. Add onion slices and ghee to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Remove sautéed onion slices from heat.

Divide broth into 2 pots. (This will speed things up and keep meat and potato from getting cold.) Bring broth to boil using high heat. Add ¼ of the dough squares each to the 2 pots. (Add squares one at time to prevent sticking. Reduce heat to medium. Simmer for 4 minutes. Remove dough squares with slotted spoon. Repeat for remaining 2 portions of dough squares.

While dough square boil, cut steak into 1″ cubes. Cover again to keep warm. Remove bay leaf. Divide pasta squares between 4 plates. Top pasta squares with meat cubes. Top meat with simmered onion slices and potato cubes. Garnish with sautéed-onion slices. Spoon remaining broth over sautéed onion. Serve immediately.

TIDBITS

1) This dish, Beshbarmak, is undeniably tasty. This is why some many Kazakhstanis eat it so often.

2) However, take a look at the picture at the above picture. The tablecloth depicts, among other things, an oversized pineapple.

3) This is because all Kazakhstanis love pineapple. I mean, who doesn’t it?

4) But the inhabit of Kazakhstan really, really love the pineapple.

5) Whence sprang this deep and abiding taste?

6) From Genghis Khan.

7) Here how it started. It’s remarkable that we all the words in the following conversation.

8) Genghis Khan: Yo ho, Beshbarmak tastes great, but I really have a yearning for something sour and tart.

Kublai: And something with lots of Vitamin C to ward off colds. I do so hate the sniffles.

Subotai: How do you know about Vitamin C?

Kublai: I went to a fortune teller. She told me that 1,000 years from now, people would be eating pineapples to fight off sniffles.

Genghis: Well, there’s nothing more useless than a sniffling warrior. By heavens, we’ll get us some pineapples even if we have to destroy entire civilizations to do so.

All the Mongols: Yay! Yay!

9) But pineapples, back then, grew only in Brazil. So the Mongols conquered their way ever westward, stopped only in Hungary when their pineapple-lacking army came down with sniffles.

10) But in return for widespread destruction of Kazakhstan, the Mongols gave the locals the recipe for Beshbarmak. So, some good came out of the invasion. The Mongols also passed on their hunger for pineapples. Hence, the frequent pineapple imagery seen in Kazakhstan.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Your Cat Wants This Food

Dear Cat Owner,

Why spend tons of money on gourmet cat food when your cat will only turn up its nose at what you feed it, then go outside to eat bugs and twigs?

Why not give your feline what it really wants? Mr Whiskers. It wants Mr. Whiskers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Book Review – The Healing 100 by Cherie Kephart

***Chronic illness tires us out, all the time. The perpetual pain colors our outlook on life and can lead to frequent depression. When this occurs, assembling the will and strength to do the comprehensive research needed to help us can be quite impossible. With Kephart’s The Healing 100 we don’t have to. Each of her 100 healing methods is short, uplifting, and easy to assimilate. She gives us a holistic approach. We get to pick and choose the approaches we know will work for us. Her ideas derive from her extensive physical obstacles. Yet, her voice remains friendly and encouraging voice throughout. I recommend The Healing 100 highly.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Fragrant Beef Stew From Vietnam

Vietnamese Entree

FRAGRANT BEEF STEW

INGREDIENTS – MARINADE

2¼ pounds beef, chuck, top round
3 garlic cloves
3 lemongrass stalks or 1 tablespoon lemongrass paste
¼ teaspoon annatto powder
2 teaspoons Chinese five spice
½ tablespoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons fish sauce
1½ tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon palm sugar or brown sugar

INGREDIENTS – STEW

3 carrots
3 shallots
1 tomato
1 green chile or Thai chile
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cinnamon stick
3 kaffir, curry, or bay leaves
3 star anise pods
2⅓ cups coconut water, beef stock, or beer
¼ cup fresh* Thai basil or basil
⅓ cup fresh** mint leaves

* = or 4 teaspoons dried Thai basil
** = 5¼ teaspoons dried mint

Serves 4. Takes 2 hours 10 minutes.

PREPARATION – MARINADE

Cut beef into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Remove white outer leaves from lemongrass stalks. Mince remaining green part of lemongrass. Add all marinade ingredients to mixing. Mix with hands until well blended and beef cubes are well coated. Marinate for 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – STEW

Dice carrots, shallots, and tomato. Seed and mince chile. Dice Thai basil and mint. Add vegetable oil to large pot. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a little bit of shallot starts to dance in the oil. Add marinated beef cubes. Sauté at medium-high heat until beef cubes turn completely brown. Stir enough to ensure even browning. Add shallot. Sauté at medium-high heat until shallot softens.

Add tomato, chile, cinnamon stick, kaffir leaves, and star anise. Stir until well blended. Add coconut water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Stir until well blended. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 30 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add carrot. Simmer for 30 minutes more or until beef cubes and carrot become tender. Remove cinnamon stick, kaffir lime leaves, and star anise pods. Garnish with Thai basil and mint.

1) The Western Roman Empire fell in 476.

2) Too many barbarian armies attacked Rome for its vast supply of eggs.

3) The barbarians loved to eat Pionono.

4) For every single meal.

5) This meant they needed Rome’s eggs.

6) Rome had lots of eggs and chickens. All civilizations have them.

7) So, the invading hordes destroyed Rome. The lands descended into anarchy.

8) With the collapse of Western Civilization, came the disappearance of the poultry industry.

9) Hardly anyone had eggs.

10) If word got out that you had a chicken ranch, cutthroat gangs would raid your lands and carry you off to lead a hard existence in some faraway land.

11) And you’d never eat another egg.

12) Not ever. And without eggs, you could never eat Pionono again. Who’d want to go through life knowing that?

13) Clearly, this was an untenable existence.

14) But would could be done?

15) As we all know, the gene that directs some people to chicken ranching, also makes them extremely poor fighters. These ranchers needed brave, sturdy fighters to protect them.

16) Indeed in the sixth century, strongmen emerged all over Western Europe to protect the chicken ranchers in return for eggs. This arrangement soon extended to all aspects of agriculture. This system became known as feudalism.

17) Now, no inventions occurred under feudalism as thinking stagnated. But hey, eggs.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Angry Man Rants About Passing Trucks

Angry Man #8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Livers Lane

Why I shouldn’t become a liver doctor. I’d be tempted to open an office like this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Carl La Fong, love, you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stuffed Pionono From Uruguay

Uruguayan Entree*

STUFFED PIONONO

INGREDIENTS – PIONONO

4 eggs (2 hard boiled eggs later)
2½ tablespoons sugar (2½ tablespoons more later)
½ cup flour
2½ tablespoons sugar
⅓ cup sugar
⅛ teaspoon salt
no-stick spray

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

2 eggs, hard boiled
5 ounces ham
1 tomato
1 cup grated cheese (your favorite)
5 tablespoons mayonnaise

* = This is often made as a dessert. To do so, ladle dulce de leche over the rolled up pionono and substitute sweet ingredients for the above savory ones.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
10″ x 14″ baking sheet
parchment paper
sonic obliterator

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION – PIONONO

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Separate eggs into yolks and whites. Add yolks and 2½ tablespoons sugar to medium mixing bowl. Whip yolks with electric beater until mixture becomes creamy. Add flour. Mix with whisk until well blended.

Add egg whites, 2½ tablespoons sugar, and salt to small mixing bowl. Whip until mixture until soft peaks form. Use electric beater set on lowest level to fold egg whites into yolk/flour mixture.

Spray baking sheet with no-stick spray. Cover baking sheet with parchment paper. Spray parchment paper with no-stick spray. (This makes removing the pionono easier late on.) Gently pour in the egg yolk/egg whites/flour mix onto the parchment paper. Level mixture with spatula. Make sure mixture reaches all the sides of the baking sheet.

Bakes 400 degrees for 8 minutes or until egg mixture turns golden brown and becomes spongy and flexible.. Use edges of parchment paper to remove egg mixture from baking sheet. Keep pionono or doughy/egg mixture on parchment paper. Cool doughy egg mixture by placing it on a damp towel. Gently roll up pionono and parchment paper. Surround pionono with damp towel. Let Cool.

PREPARATION – FILLING

While pionono cools, dice hard boiled eggs, ham, and tomato. Add all filling ingredients to 3rd mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.

Gently unroll the pionono. Gently separate pionono from parchment paper. Use spatula to evenly and gently spread filling over pionono. Carefully and tightly roll up filled pionono. Carefully cut pionono into 6 pieces along its width. Serve to adoring guests. Use sonic obliterator on those who thought you weren’t gentle or careful. You don’t need such negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) A black op is a clandestine, usually illegal, action launched by a government agency or private organization to wreak havoc on another country. These tend to be rather secretive affairs and never discussed on social media. Nope, neither before or after the operation.

2) “Pionono is an anagram for “onion op.”

3) An onion op is a clandestine, usually illegal, action launched by a government agency or private organization to wreak havoc on another nation’s cuisine.

4) Typically an onion op will do something like inserting minced onion into every aspect of a nation’s dairy supply.

5) After a successful such op, the victim country will have all its milk taste like onion. Its buttered toast will taste like onion. Ice cream will taste like onion. Malts will taste like onion. Oh this is too horrible to contemplate any further.

6) Suffice it to say, this onion op would decimate the dairy industry forever. The effects then cascade to all other industries. The nation’s economy collapses.

7) The afflicted country would be ripe for take over. All the invaders would need to say is, “Our dairy products taste like dairy products. All you need do is to get them to reply, “We accept you as our new overlords.” And that will be that.

8) This recipe uses no onions.

9) So if someone cooks you this recipe and uses onions, he is a foreign agent trying to carry out an onion op on your homeland.

10) I thought you should know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Cats Aren’t Construction Workers

They knock everything down.

A cat hard at work

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What We All Really Want

Keeping fit with Doughnut Toss

We all want to eat doughnuts all day long and never gain a pound.

But that’s impossible, you say.

Until now!

Because of Doughnut TossTM.

Yes, buy Doughnut Toss. It comes with a starter set of six doughnuts.

How do I play?

Just stand twelve feet away and throw a doughnut at your fellow player. If she catches it, she gets to eat it. If he drops or misses the doughnut, he has to toss the doughnut back to you. Keep throwing doughnuts until they’re all eaten. You can almost feel the calories burning off. The player who eats the most doughnuts, wins. It’s that simple.

You want to play again and again. So, be sure to stock up on official Doughnut Toss replacement packs. (Comes in sizes of six or twelve.)

Doughnut Toss, making fitness tasty!

You betcha.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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