observations

Busy Day

I didn’t have time to write a usual blog as I was busy doing medical stuff and paying Number Two Son’s tuition.

Back to normal tomorrow.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Technology

 

ON HOLD HAIKU #1

You put me on hold.

What’d I ever do to you

To be put on hold?

 

ON HOLD HAIKU #2

I am still on hold.

I feel my will to live leave.

I grow old waiting.

 

SPAMMED

You spammed me again.

I want to send you to Hell,

If they’ll accept you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grammar Lust

 

GRAMMAR HAIKU #1

It is a truism.

Good grammar and chocolates

Will impress your date.

 

GRAMMAR HAIKU #2

Remember tonight,

Lust is fleeting but grammar

Endures forever.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: haiku, lust, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lángos

Hungarian Entree

LÁNGOS
(Fried Bread)

INGREDIENTS

2¼ teaspoons yeast
1 cup water, lukewarm
3½ cups flour (2 tablespoons more later)
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons flour
4 cups vegetable oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1⅓ cups shredded cheese (Gouda, Edam, or your choice)
1 cup sour cream

Serves 8. Takes 2 hours 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add yeast and lukewarm water to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until yeast dissolves. Add 3½ cups flour, salt, and sugar. Mix with spoon until well blended. Knead mixture until it becomes a dough ball and is no longer sticky. Cover and let rise 50 minutes or until it doubles in size.

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Divide raised dough balls into 8 mini dough balls. Add mini dough ball to flat surface. Use hands to press mini dough balls into 6″ wide dough circles.

Add vegetable oil to large pot. Heat oil using medium heat. It is hot enough if a tiny bit of dough in the oil starts to dance. Carefully place a dough circle in the hot oil. Cook for 3 minutes until bottom side turns golden brown. Flip dough circle over. Cook for 2 minutes or until new bottom side turns golden brown. This is your fried bread. Reduce heat a bit if sides turn golden brown in fewer than 2 minutes. Raise heat a bit if it turns brown in more than 3 minutes.

Repeat for remaining 7 dough circles. You might need to reduce to heat to low with succeeding breads to prevent to dough circles browning before the inside is still doughy. Place fried breads on plate covered with paper towels. Pat dry. Spread sour cream equally over the 8 fried breads. Sprinkle mince garlic over cream cheese. Sprinkle shredded cheese over garlic.

TIDBITS

1) Everybody loves Lángos. Including soldiers of invading armies. Defending armies use this to their advantage. Whenever the wind blows toward the attackers, the defender cook thousands of fried breads. The attackers smell the alluring aroma and stampede the Lángos frying in oil. Just as the advancing soldiers reach the pots, the boiling oil bubbles over and scalds their hands. No one likes an oil owie. The attackers retreat. The war ends. Peace breaks out. All is good again.

 

Paul R. De Lancey, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

On the Phone With Medical Insurance

 

INSURANCE HAIKU #1

I call insurance.

I see continents drifting

While I wait, wait, wait

 

INSURANCE HAIKU #2

The check’s in the mail.

Your call is very important.

We’ll be right with you.

– Paul R. De Lancey

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mason Jar Chocolate Ice Cream

American Dessert

MASON JAR CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cups heavy whipping cream
5 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
⅛ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor or blender
3 cup Mason jar

Makes 2½ cups. Takes 20 minutes to make and 4 hours to firm in freezer.

PREPARATION

Add chocolate chips to pan. Melt using low-medium heat. Stir constantly. Add melted chocolate chips and all other ingredients to 3 cup Mason jar. Make sure that the lid to Mason jar is screwed on tightly. Shake jar vigorously for 5 minutes or until mixture thickens to the consistency of batter. Put jar in freezer. Let sit for 4 hours or until firm.

TIDBITS

1) Family dinners can often be quite contentious.

2) Why?

3) There’s always someone who doesn’t like some dish that you made for the gathering on the clan.

4) And you spent up to two days making your feast.

5) And someone always brings up politics, which always gets people riled.

6) But this argument gets forgotten when someone offers to help and puts your grandmother’s cast-iron skillet in the washer. 30 minutes your angel of a daughter, Sally, looks up at you with soulful eyes. Tears drip down as she quavers, “Mommy, you were going to give that skillet one day.” Her distress punches you in the feels as you review the ingratitude and argument of the dining room. You wish, you really wish that just once serenity could prevail while eating with those oafs.

7) With this recipe your wish is granted. Everybody, absolutely everyone loves chocolate ice cream. Eating this dessert makes everyone so happy that they become strangely pleasant. Furthermore, this dish takes almost no effort to make and is so easy to clean. What more could you want?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fraud! Moby Dick Was Not a Whale

 

 

Moby Dick was to be portrayed by a whale in the movie with the same name. There are, of course, sperm whales that can be hired for the role. However, sperm whales know they have no serious competition from human actors, not even the ever superb and ever versatile Tom Cruise. Sperm whales realize this and charge $100,000 a day while on the set. White sperm whales are much rarer and command acting fees of $10,000,000 a day. No motion-picture studio can afford such a cost.

This is why the movie Moby Dick starring Gregory Peck did not film actual white sperm whales. The studio simply could not afford to cast Spanky the Sperm Whale.

So what did they do? There answer was ingenuous. They simply boiled some far-cheaper weisswursts. German white sausages, and drew mouths and eyes on them with a black marker. You really can’t tell the difference unless you see the white sperm whale and the weisswursts side by side and motionless as can be seen below

 

 

Of course, Hollywood always wants a sequel to any blockbuster. It never happened in this case, because the studio’s coffee lady moved to New Zealand, However, my sources told me the sequel would have been called Caleb Dick, Moby’s son. The above picture on the right was a promotional poster for the never-materialized second movie. Now you know.

Oh, and it took more time than I care to reveal to come up with the above pictures. However, that time would have surely been spent by me fomenting revolution in the streets. And we don’t need that.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: are you a dick, observations, you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quinoa Shrimp Stew

Peruvian Entree

QUINOA SHRIMP STEW
(Quinoa Atamalada con Camarones)

INGREDIENTS

2¼ cups quinoa
3 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 tomato
¼ cup vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon oregano
¼ teaspoon pepper
1¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup chicken or beef broth
½ cup grated Chihuahua or mozzarella cheese
¾ pound medium-large shrimp (36-40 count) peeled, deveined
3 tablespoons fresh parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

fine-mesh colander

Serves 6. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Rinse and drain quinoa in colander. Do this 2 more times or until the run-off water is clear. Add quinoa to medium pot. Add enough water to cover quinoa. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir enough to prevent burning. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 12 minutes or until quinoa absorbs all the water. Stir enough to prevent burning.

While quinoa simmers, mince garlic, onion, and tomato. Add vegetable oil, garlic, and onion to large pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low-medium. Add cumin, oregano, pepper, red pepper flakes, and salt. Stir with spatula until well blended. Add broth, quinoa, tomato, and cheese. Simmer for 3 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add shrimp. Simmer stew for another 3 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir occasionally. While quinoa stew simmers, mince parsley. Garnish stew with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) If you’re going to propose after dinner, make a dish that’s just enough for two. Some recipes don’t say how many people they’ll serve. You have to guess. But if it the entree actually feeds 5,223, you’ll be too busy cooking to propose. And you’ll be eating leftovers for a long, long time.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Schrodinger’s Gas

A bit of gas from the stomach leaves the body through the mouth as a belch. A pocket of gas in the intestines exits the body via the butt as a fart. There must be a stomach/intestine interface. Any gas in this interface has equal probabilites of ending its existence as fart or a belch. Schrodinger would have been proud of me.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

How Many Strawberries Will Fit In Uranus?

Dear Reader,

Quite a few! Uranus is incredibly huge. So we’ll need to use a lot of large numbers to find the answer. Fortunately NASA, took a lot of accurate photos of Uranus. Hey, did you know that Uranus was originally called George? It’s true! Anyway,  . . .

1 cup = 8 medium strawberries
1 cup = 14.4375 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 254,358,061,056,000 or 2.544 * 10^14 cubic inches
1 cubic mile = 17,617,874,358,857 or 1.762 * 10^13 cups
1 cubic mile = 140,942,994,870.857 or 1.409 * 10 ^10^14 strawberries
Uranus = 68,300,000.000.000 or 6.83 * 10^13 cubic miles

So, ta da!

Uranus = 9,626,406,549,679,540,000,000,000,000 or 9.626 * 10^27 strawberries

There! That’s how many strawberries would fit in Uranus.

Now, you don’t have buy oodles of strawberries for a hands-on experiment. Besides Uranus is a cold and gaseous place.

 

Strawberry…………………………………… Uranus

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: