poems

Haiku Monday

Posted on March 28, 2022 by pauldelancey

Where are my glasses?
I cannot see without them.
Oh, where did they go?

Tacos, oh tacos,
You’re the world’s tastiest food
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Zombies, oh zombies,
You are ever so scary,
Just less than live folks

Do zombies need to
practice social distancing?
I dont want them close.

My glasses are lost.
Can’t see approaching zombies.
I am so, so doomed.

Science is helpful.
I often use my landline
to find my cell phone.

Laundry, oh laundry,
In apocalyptic times,
Will you still pile up?

See the butterfly.
Does it know its algebra?
Does it have a need?

Knowing calculus,
Does it help you get a date?
Or is it just looks?

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Haikus About Chocolate

Posted on April 11, 2021 by pauldelancey

I want chocolate.
Give me all the chocolate
And no one gets hurt.

My sweetheart left me.
But he left the chocolate.
So, it’s all okay.

Oh my chocolate,
Wonderful gift of the gods,
You make the sun rise.

Milk chocolate and
Dark chocolate, yum, yum, yum
You’re the basic food groups.

Oh my chocolate,
You are delicious as well
as ornamental.

If your sweetheart cares,
He’ll give you dark chocolate
And some roses too.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, humor, love, poems | 2 Comments

Poem About Borsch

Posted on April 9, 2021 by pauldelancey

Borsch

I drove my Porsche
full of borsch
to the forest.
Now I can’t see
the trees
for the borsch.

It sorta rhymes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Pithy Poems About Food

Posted on April 8, 2021 by pauldelancey

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

 

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Restaurants making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In hard times, such as these,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

But when times get better,
We shall go restaurant hopping.
Because we can.
Maybe we’ll even rhyme.

 

Hungry

I’m so hungry.
I will have to eat something
Or I will get hungrier.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Loving Poems About Chocolate

Posted on September 28, 2012 by pauldelancey

Chocolate, while not exactano
Is within a nano
Of being heavano.

There once was a man named Boclate
Who dreamed all night of eating chocolate
Under a willow.
That silly fellow,
By morning, he’d eaten his pillow.

Won’t be a zombie
They only like to eat brains
I love chocolate

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, poems | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Evil People

Posted on September 24, 2012 by pauldelancey

Evil People

Did Hitler start a global war
And form death-armies
Because he had to augur a toilet
One too many times?

Did Stalin starve millions,
Kill millions, imprison millions
Because someone ahead of him
in the ten-items-or-fewer line had eleven?

Did Pol Pot exterminate
one Cambodian in six
Because his laptop froze
That thousandth time?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Paul De Lancey, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Bean Burritos

Posted on September 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poems About Talibabe Girls And Cosmic Collisions

Posted on September 10, 2012 by pauldelancey

 Talibabe Girls

Well Saudi girls are clothed
I really dig those layers they wear
And the Yemen girls with the way they’re mute
They hear me out when I’m down there

The mideast guns really have you in their sights
And the northern girls with the way they run
They keep their boyfriends scarce at night.

I wish they could all be Talibabe, yeah
I wish they could all be Talibabe, yeah
I wish they could all be Talibabe yeah girls.

The gulf coast has the oil wealth
And the girls all get so bland
I dig a French Peugeot in some ‘istan
Lots of car bombs in the sand

I’ve been all around this great big land
And I’ve seen no skin of girls
Yeah, but I couldn’t wait to get back to ‘istan
Back to the most clothesed girls in the world

I wish they all could wear thick black burkhas
I wish they all could wear thick black burkhas
I wish they all could be thick black burkha girls

I wish they all could be Talibabe, yeah
(girls, girls, girls, yeah I hide the)
I wish they all could be Talibabe, yeah
(girls, girls, girls, yeah I hide the)
I wish they all could be Talibabe, yeah
(girls, girls, girls, yeah I hide the)
I wish they all could be Talibabe, yeah
(girls, girls, girls, yeah I hide the)

Cosmic Collisions

The History Channel does so fear
Countless comets far and near.
What if a comet comes too near
To us on Earth where here is here?

WE ‘RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
If not now, then in 100 million years
WE WILL ALL DIE!
Drink up all your beers.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two Loving Poems About Peas And Romance

Posted on September 6, 2012 by pauldelancey

Peas

Peas porridge hot.
Peas porridge hot.
Aw, to heck with it.
There’s no plot.
No character development.
I’m taking my poem
And going home.

Romance

My alter ego loves your alter ego
And I love you.
Shall we double date?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Laundry

Posted on September 1, 2012 by pauldelancey

Laundry

O pile of laundry.
O pile of laundry.
Lying securely in
The walk-in closet.

Walk out, laundry
I say, walk out.
Clean yourself.
Come back clean.

But the laundry
never listens.
Bad laundry,
Go to your room.

There will be laundry
Until we die.
Does life cause laundry
or does laundry cause life?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, obsevations, poems | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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