poems

One Word Haikus

Posted on April 23, 2023 by pauldelancey

Haikus are little three-line poems. The first lines has five syllables. The next line has seven, while the last lines reverts back to five.

See the following traditional haiku. It evokes clumsiness, mess, iredeemable loss, and hunger.

LOSS

I dropped my soup bowl.
Soup went all over the floor.
I shall go hungry.

 

Sure, that’s brilliant but, in general, writing good poetry is hard. That’s why today’s aspiring poets are flocking to one-word haikus.

The following one-word haiku evokes tacos.

TACOS

Tacos.

 

See great one-word haikus are easy. Give it a whirl. Please send me what you come up with.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Loving Poem About Hot Peas

Posted on April 19, 2023 by pauldelancey

HOT PEAS

Peas porridge cold.
Peas porridge hot.
Peas porridge scalding.
Peas porridge fiery

Are my now volcanic peas
Hot from global warming?
No! The Earth is spiralling toward the Sun.
Aah! Aah! Aah!

Poetry is hard.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem About Sausages

Posted on April 12, 2023 by pauldelancey

SAUSAGES

“Bite me! Bite me!”
Said the habañero sausage.
“No, I won’t. You’lle see,”
Said the fair, young maiden.

“You will! You will!”
Said the habañero sausage.
“Okay, I’ll eat me fill.”
Said the fair, young maiden.

And she did. She did a lot.
And her breath became fiery hot.
Munching her way through the woods.
To granny’s house with her goods.

“Give me, give me, your basket good,”
Said the big, bad wolf mean all through
But deadly Little Red Riding Hood
Killed him with one flaming breath, not two.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Loving Poem About a Printer

Posted on April 9, 2023 by pauldelancey

Printer

Oh printer! Oh printer!

Pure Evil

You putrid pile of pig pool.
You use up ink. You jam.
You send us into fits.

All I want from a printer is for it to:
Work.
Work.
Work.

Yet it jams until eternity.
The only time it prints is
To spew out that test page
That uses up my ink cartridge.

I grow poor buying ink
While the printer’s makers
Earn enough to appear
On American Greed(tm).

May producers of computer printers
Be sentenced to sixty years of hard labor
Or be eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I’m reasonable; either will do.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Loving Poem About Cows

Posted on April 6, 2023 by pauldelancey

Cows

Bovine warrior

.
Praise to the noble cow.
Its flesh gives us beef.
Its hide gives us baseballs.
Its udder gives us milk.

What does the cow get from us?
A little bit of food in a small pen.
Artificial insemination.
Then we kill it with whirling knives.

Bovine silence can’t be good.
It’s thinking up something.
Chomping. Chomping. Plotting revenge.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Loving Poem – Elegy for Eggo

Posted on April 3, 2023 by pauldelancey

Elegy for Eggo

The saddest words in Tierra del Fuego are,
“There are no more Eggos(tm).”
On November eighteenth*, or so
Eggo land was flooded, not from snow.

Not even if you got in your Winnebago(tm)
And drove from here to great Ohio
And even stoppoed in far-off Reno,
You’d find no stores with Eggo.

O my! O my! No Eggo! No Eggo!
Not even for those with lumbago.
So dry out soon, o wondrous dough.
Then shall our buttery smiles grow.

* = I wrote this poem some years ago. I don’t remember the year. Poems are hard.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem About Love

Posted on April 1, 2023 by pauldelancey

Love
.

Loving Poem #14

My love is like a red, red rose
Covered with green, green aphids.
Hurry! Quick!
Spray my red, red rose with Aphids B-Gon(tm).

Now my red, red rose is aphid free.
At least metaphorically so.
Did using the Aphids B-Gon
Pollute the love garden of the world?

Boy, I hope not!
Love is complicated.
Isn’t it?
Metaphors too.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poem – Men’s Hairy Ears

Posted on March 8, 2023 by pauldelancey

Can’t hear you. My ears are hairy.

Now that I’m getting older
Hair will grow longer in my ears.
I’d rather not have it happen.
Does it help the cause of evolution?

Bread slices evolved o’er the years
To hold PB&J, roast beef,
And chili cheese dogs, too.
But why hair in men’s ears?

At least we now have an excuse.
Sorry, boss. Sorry, dears.
We can’t hear you ‘cuz
There’s hair in our ears.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Loving Poetry – Weeds

Posted on March 4, 2023 by pauldelancey

Is it safe to visit?

Weeds

If you kill a neighbor,
You’ll die for murder.
If you kill a weed,
You’ll never bleed.

I do good deeds
When I’m happy.
I attack my weeds
When life goes crappy.

If the garden looks like sin,
By all means, please come in.
No weeds! Don’t knock on my sill
Without writing your will,

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ode to Procastination

Posted on March 2, 2023 by pauldelancey

 

Mañana.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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