Monthly Archives: March 2019

Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Chicken Popper

American Entree

BACON WRAPPED JALAPENO CHICKEN POPPER

INGREDIENTS

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
4 ounces diced, roasted jalapenos
½ cup grated cheddar cheese (2 tablespoons at a time)
12 slices bacon

SPECIAL UTENSILS

kitchen mallet
toothpicks
wire rack
no-stick spray
baking pan This entree won the American Civil War.

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add chicken breasts to flat surface. Rub pepper and salt into chicken breasts. Put one plastic sheet under chicken breast and another over. Pound chicken with kitchen mallets until it is ¼-to-½” thin. Cut cream cheese into 4 long rectangles. Add 1 cream-cheese rectangle to middle of chicken breast. Flatten cream cheese with spatula. Sprinkle ¼ of diced jalapeno over cheese. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons cheddar cheese over jalapeno. Roll up chicken breast. and wrap with 3 slices bacon. Secure with toothpicks. Repeat for the remaining chicken breasts.

Spray wire rack with no-stick spray. Place pan in bottom rack setting of oven. (To collect drippings.) Put wire rack in the first rack setting over cooking pan. Bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes. Move wire rack to the top spot of the oven. (Careful, use kitchen mitts.) Increase temperature to 425 degrees and broil for 6 minutes. Turn poppers over and broil for another 6 minutes or until bacon is crispy.

TIDBITS

1) Confederate Armies during the Civil War subsisted on taste-free crackers. Union forces, however, feasted on scrumptious BWJCPs. This difference in diet gave Billy Yank s a morale boost over Johnny Reb. Indeed, Billy Yank would taunt his foes by tossing BCWJCPs high in the air. The Southern will to fight soon crumbled. Bitter Southerners would not forget. They practiced passing long distances in the hopes of establishing football supremacy should that sport ever be invented. This is why Southern Universities have won one national football title after another.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smoked Sirloin Roast

American Entree

SMOKED SIRLOIN ROAST

INGREDIENTS

3½ pounds top sirloin roast
5 tablespoons Montreal steak spice
2 tablespoons sea salt
2 cups wood chips: hickory, mesquite, or oak

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric smoker
kitchen string
digital thermometer (if your smoker doesn’t have one)

Serves 6. Takes 2 hours.*

PREPARATION

Preheat electric smoker to 250 degrees. Trim off excess fat from sirloin roast. Rub both sides with Montreal steak spice and sea salt. Roll up sirloin and tie it with kitchen string.

Add wood chips to electric smoker. Add sirloin to basket in smoker. Smoke until internal temperature, as measured by thermometer, reads 145 degrees. This will take about 2 hours.* The thermometer should be inserted into the thicket part of the meat. Check every 15 minutes after 1 hour. If you’re lucky, your smoker will be set up so that your smart phone will tell you when it’s done. Carefully remove basket from smoker and let sit 10 minutes. Carve and serve.

* = Please note that the various smokers perform differently. So, check the manual for placement of sirloin in smoker, cooking temperature, how to use wood chips, and other pertinent information.

TIDBITS

1) To serve six million people, simply multiply the ingredients and the number of special utensils by one million. Except for the ball of kitchen string. Simply get a ball of string that’s large enough. Buying ingredients for that number of guests will cost a lot of money. This is where your enormous ball of string comes in. People will pay good money to see a string ball that big. Why it would have a diameter (Does quick calculation in head.) of at least 25 feet. That’s all? Sorry, you’re on your own with expenses.

2) Then there’s the problem of finding 1,000,000 outlets. Even if you used every outlet in your city of 50,000, your smokers’ power surges would bring down your municipality’s power grid. The Pentagon, of course, knows this, and has plans to air drop millions of slow cookers and tons of ingredients around Russia’s nuclear basses. The resultant power surges will disable Russia’s entire nuclear capability. Now you know how the world will be safe.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Vanilla Bean Ice Cream

American Dessert

VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

1 vanilla bean
2 cups heavy cream
1 cup sugar
1⅓ cups warm whole milk
4 large egg yolks

SPECIAL UTENSIL

ice cream maker or churn

Serves 4. Takes 9 hours or more.

PREPARATION

Cut the vanilla bean in half lengthwise. Scrape out seeds with a small knife. Keep the pod. Add vanilla-bean seeds, vanilla-bean pod, heavy cream, sugar, and whole milk into pot. Simmer mixture at low heat until it is scalding (about 175 degrees). Stir gently and constantly. Remove from heat.

Add egg yolks to large mixing bowl and beat lightly with whisk. Add hot cream/milk mixture slowly to egg yolks while whisking gently. Add hot cream/milk/yolk mixture to pot. Heat mixture at low-medium heat until it thickens and leaves a trail on spoon.

Put pot in large mixing bowl. Add ice cubes to mixing bowl. Remove vanilla-bean pod. Cover and chill until in refrigerator. Churn hours later and then freeze according to instructions from ice cream maker. Serve to adoring quests.

TIDBITS

1) Eegah Olduvai, son of Ugg Olduvai, grandson of Ogg Olduvai, great grandson of Lucy, the first human, glanced up at the blazing Sun. He sweated so in the intense heat. So did the whole Oldivai tribe. Their sweat ran down their legs to the baked earth, merging into one rivulet. Nothing big mind you, a scant inch in width, but enough to give birth to the Nile River. In time, the Nile would expand until Egypt itself would be called the Gift of the Nile.

2) Meanwhile, Eegah craved something tasty, something to cool himself down, but what? His wife, her name sadly lost to history, suggested an refreshing ice cream. But there was no ice in Oldivai Gorge. There were no dairy cows. So they would search for ingredients. Perhaps they’d find them the next gorge, the next valley. If not there, they would trek forever until they found ice and heavy whipping cream. Thus began the human race’s great migration to all the continents of the world.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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