Monthly Archives: September 2012

Swedish Sliders

Swedish Entree

SWEDISH SLIDERS

INGREDIENTS

1 onion
1 parsnip
1 beet
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil

1 pound ground beef
1/2 pound ground pork
4 egg yolks
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon capers
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 teaspoon allspice

1 1/2 tablespoons cider vinegar
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons butter

8 slices potato bread

PREPARATION

(Sweden is at peace with the world, but not with the culinary community as you will see.)

Mince onion, parsnip, and beet in food processor. Melt butter. Add olive oil. Saute onion, parsnip, and beet in frying pan on medium heat for about 5 minutes.

Put sauteed onion, parsnip, and beet in large mixing bowl. Add beef, pork, yolks, heavy cream, capers (diced), mustard, salt, pepper, and allspice. Mix thoroughly with fork.

Make patties about 1 1/2-inch to 2-inches wide. Melt butter in large frying pan. Add olive oil and cider vinegar. Cook on medium heat for 4 to 6 minutes or until done. Turn over every 90- to-120 seconds. (Be sure to use a spatula bigger than the patties as they are more “liquidy” in the first few minutes than a traditional American burger patty.)

Toast 8 slices of potato bread. Put a patty on one side of the bread, fold over the bread, and voilà, you have a Swedish Slider.

TIDBITS
1) How did the Swedes come up with idea of putting beets and heavy cream in hamburgers? I don’t know.

2) As far as I know the first Swede to put a beet in a hamburger patty did so in 1862.

3) Sweden has been at peace since 1862.

4) America’s first known hamburger was served sans beets in 1826 and has been beet free ever since. We’ve also had the Mexican-American War, the Civil War, Spanish-American War, two World Wars, Korean War, Vietnam, and two Gulf Wars. We are currently fighting in Afghanistan.

5) Might we not try making our hamburgers like the Swedes? All I am saying is give beets a chance.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Powegian Potato Soup From Fortcoming Cookbook

American Soup

POWEGIAN POTATO SOUP

INGREDIENTS

2 russet potatoes
2 red potatoes
2 garlic cloves
2 celery stalks
1 tablespoons olive oil
1 10.5 ounce can condensed cream of chicken soup
1 10.5 can filled with water
1/2 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon parsley flakes
1/2 teaspoon chives

PREPARATION

Wash and peel all potatoes. (This isn’t all that fun. Do you have a ready source of labor such as a nine-year old boy around?)
Cut potatoes into bits no larger than an inch on any side. Mince potato bits and garlic cloves. Devein celery stalks of those long threads by breaking stalk in half and pulling off exposed silky threads. Minced deveined celery.

Put olive oil in frying pan. Add minced garlic and celery. Saute potato bits, cloves and celery at medium high for about 5 minutes.

Empty condensed cream of chicken into large soup pot. Fill empty cans with water and add to pot. Add minced potato, vegetable spice, parsley, and chives. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes, then add sauteed garlic and celery. Stir frequently. Cook on warm heat for 55 minutes. Stir every minute or so to prevent burning.

TIDBITS

1) The wild form of celery is smallage.

2) I have trouble visualizing vast open fields filled from horizon to horizon with wild celery.

3) I don’t think settlers who traveled the Oregon Trail during the 1840s came across great vistas of wild celery.

4) Certainly, the Donner Party didn’t.

5) Parties often have celery sticks as appetizers.

6) The modern, party, celery stick was first cultivated in Michigan in 1874.

7) Which means most Americans forgot to celebrate the modern celery stick’s centennial. I know I did.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Loving Poems About Chocolate

Chocolate, while not exactano
Is within a nano
Of being heavano.

There once was a man named Boclate
Who dreamed all night of eating chocolate
Under a willow.
That silly fellow,
By morning, he’d eaten his pillow.

Won’t be a zombie
They only like to eat brains
I love chocolate

 

 

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Simple French Dip Sandwiches

American Entree

SIMPLE FRENCH DIP SANDWICHES

INGREDIENTS

1/2 pound deli roast beef, thinly sliced
1 10.5 ounce can condensed French onion soup
1/3 cup water
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
2 tablespoons butter
4 slices provolone cheese, about 4 ounces
4 French rolls

PREPARATION

Turn oven to broil and preheat to 350 degrees.

Combine roast beef, French onion soup, water, pepper, meat spice, and butter in microwavable bowl. (You will know if the bowl you picked is too small if the French onion soup cascades over the sides. Any bowl of quart size or bigger is ample.)

Microwave bowl filled with spices, roast beef, and soup for about three minutes or until quite warm. While this is being done, put a half slice of provolone on each half of a French roll. Put all 8 cheese-covered French-roll halves in the oven and broil at 350 degrees for 1 to 2 minutes or until cheese is melted, but pull the halves out before they turn golden brown.

Put two half rolls on a plate. Use a spoon with holes to remove the roast beef from the bowl and put about 1/4, or 2 to 3 slices, of the roast beef on one of the roll halves. Close the two halves. Serve with a bowl of onion soup for dipping.

(This is the ideal meal for your spouse who can do the four-minute mile. Heavens, it’s tasty, too.)

TIDBITS

1) World War One ended in 1918.

2) The French dip sandwich was invented at Philippe’s in Los Angeles in 1918.

3) So some good things came from 1918.

4) Philippe’s restaurant still exists and was recently featured on the TV show, Man Versus Food.

5) French-dipped sandwiches can be made with: roast beef, roast pork, lamb, turkey, or ham.

6) It’s a wonderful world.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Ham, Cheese, And Potato Casserole

American Entree

HAM, CHEESE, AND POTATO CASSEROLE

INGREDIENTS

3 brown or russet potatoes
1 cup cooked ham
1/4 cup grated Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup grated Swiss cheese
1/4 cup grated Four-Mexican cheese
1/2 medium onion
1 cup sour cream
5 ounces condensed cream of celery soup (about 1/2 can)
1/2 green bell pepper
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/8 teaspoon thyme
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 tablespoon Parmesan cheese

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil 3 potatoes for about 30 minutes.

While potatoes are boiling, cut cooked ham into 1/4-inch cubes. Mince small onion. (If you wish to anthropomorphize the onion, call it, “Jim.”) Dice green bell pepper after scooping out its seeds.

In a large mixing bowl, combine ham, Cheddar cheese, Swiss cheese, Four-Mexican cheese, Jim (the minced onion), sour cream, condensed cream of celery soup, green bell pepper, flour, mayonnaise, butter, salt, meat spice, thyme, and black pepper. Mix by hand or masher.

Peel skin from potatoes. This should be easy after you let the taters sit for a few minutes. Cut potatoes into thin slices.
Add potatoes to ingredients already in mixing bowl. Mix again with fork. Transfer to 9″-round baking or casserole dish. Sprinkle top with Parmesan cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for 60 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) It just doesn’t seem right that “mayonnaise” is spelled with two n’s.

2) French fries are called frites in Holland. When I lived there, you were given a choice of met or zonder, with or without mayonnaise. The mayonnaise was spicy and tasted quite good, the Dutch ketchup not so much.

3) You also couldn’t get root beer in Europe for love or money. Why? Why? Didn’t we save Europe in World War II?

4) And as far as I know, you can’t get European potato chips that aren’t dripping with oil.

5) And don’t even look for good chewing gum.

6) Of course, if you want steak au poivre vert or a good rijstaffel, I heartily recommend going there.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Peruvian Papa Rellena

Peruvian Entree

PAPA RELLENA
(Peruvian Stuffed Potato)

INGREDIENTS

DOUGH
4 medium-to-large potatoes
1 cup flour
1 egg (4 eggs total, 1 here and 3 in filling.)

FILLING
1 medium onion
4 garlic cloves
3/4 pound ground beef
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon parsley
3 eggs (4 eggs total, 3 here and 1 in dough.)

Vegetable oil

SPECIALITY COOKWARE

Deep fryer or deep pot
potato masher
a cheap Monet painting

INITIAL PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Boil the spuds in large pot for about 40 minutes.

FILLING PREPARATION

While potatoes are boiling, boil 3 eggs for 12 minutes. (If you’re feeling particularly efficient, boil the eggs with the potatoes. Just be sure the eggs are only in the boiling water for the required 12 minutes.)

While eggs are boiling, mince onions and garlic. Add onion, garlic, ground beef, pepper, salt, meat spice, and parsley to frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat until beef is no longer red and onions are soft. Put beef mixture in first mixing bowl.

Remove hard-boiled eggs. Peel and dice them. Add diced hard-boiled eggs to beef mixture in bowl.

DOUGH PREPARATION

Remove potatoes. Pulverize them with a potato masher. (You say your son’s Little LeagueTM coach kept him on the bench? Then pulverize them taters! Put some muscle behind your blows. Smash ‘em, smash ‘em, make ‘em beg. Ahem.) Combine the surviving mashed potatoes with flour and egg in second mixing bowl.

Admire cheap Monet painting. Fill deep fryer with 4 inches of vegetable oil or a neutral cooking oil. Heat oil to 340-to-350 degrees. Anything higher gets kinda scary.

While oil heats, put a generous amount of flour on your hand. (This prevents the sticky flour from well, sticking to your hand.) Put a ball of the potato mixture–1 to 2 tablespoons–in your palm. Use four fingers of the other hand to make a hole in the mixture. Put about a teaspoon of the cooked ground-beef mix in the hole. Fold top of potato ball completely over the beef center. Roll the potato-meat ball in your hands to make it smooth. (Again, coat your hands with flour before making each potato-meat ball.)

Use a ladle or tongs to gently lower the potato-meat ball into the hot oil. (You don’t want to get too close to that stuff.) Fry the ball until it is golden brown. Remove and dab with paper napkin to remove excess oil.

This is a great and tasty way to use up those potatoes skulking in the corner of the pantry.

TIDBITS

1) Lima is the capital of Peru.

2) Boston is the capital of Massachusetts.

3) I like Boston baked beans much more than lima beans.

4) Peru has fourteen golf courses.

5) With 3,000 species of potatoes originating in Peru, the (potato species originating / golf course) ratio is 214:1.

6) Peru also has a lot of earthquakes.

7) Ireland is famous for having potatoes without earthquakes.

8) But Ireland also had the Great Potato Failure in the 1840s.

9) Growing potatoes is kinda scary, isn’t it?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Evil People

Evil People

Did Hitler start a global war
And form death-armies
Because he had to augur a toilet
One too many times?

Did Stalin starve millions,
Kill millions, imprison millions
Because someone ahead of him
in the ten-items-or-fewer line had eleven?

Did Pol Pot exterminate
one Cambodian in six
Because his laptop froze
That thousandth time?

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Loving Poems About Hamburger And Parachuting

Hamburger

Oh hamburger! Oh hamburger!
Recession proof, yet so yummy.
Gastric juices assault you
In my tummy.

Companies making fillet mignon
Are awash in red.
But McD’s is in the green with
Beef and bread.

In recessions, such as this,
People buy more burgers
Because they’re cheap and tasty.
Yum!

Parachuting

I’d like to take up parachuting.
I’d jump at least once
And maybe one more time
If I were successful.

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Soupe Au Pistou

French Soup

SOUPE AU PISTOU

INGREDIENTS

PISTOU

6 ripe tomatoes
6 garlic cloves
4 ounces grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 cups olive oil
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

SOUP

2 ripe tomatoes
1 leek
1 medium onion
4 medium russet potatoes
4 tablespoons butter
32 ounces vegetable broth

PREPARATION OF SOUP

Wash, seed, and peel the 2 tomatoes. Chop them into little bits. Rinse and peel the potatoes. Chop the potatoes into bits, put the bits into a food processor, and mince them. Peel the onion and mince it. Remove leek’s bulb. Take leek apart and dice it. Dice onion.

Saute the onion and leek in frying pan with butter. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until the onions start to turn brown.

Put sauteed onion and like in large soup pan. Add vegetable broth, the pieces from the 2 tomatoes, potato, onion, and leek.

Cook soup over low heat for about 45 minutes or until potato bits are soft. Stir occasionally. Keep lid on pot, when not stirring, to prevent evaporation of liquid.
PREPARATION PISTOU

Do you know how to peel tomatoes? I hope so. Oh c’mon, you can learn. Or your kids can learn.

Wash, seed, and peel the 6 tomatoes. (Peeling the tomatoes is much is easier when sliced into at least four pieces. Quickly peeling takes practice or you might find it faster to peel if you boil the tomato for 30 seconds first.) Chop the peeled tomatoes into small pieces. Peel and mince the garlic cloves.

Put chopped tomato and minced garlic in mixing bowl. Add Parmesan, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Mix together with fork or whisk.
Pour soup into bowls. Ladle the pistou equally over the soup in each bowl.

Serve to adoring guests. You took a long time to make this meal. So, if they are not adoring, my I suggest you let them meet your pet boa constrictor, Bernie, who has just fallen off his diet.

TIDBITS

1) The leek is a national symbol of Wales.

2) Wales doesn’t sound so fierce, does it?

3) Leeks have a high amount of potassium in them just like the banana. Unlike the banana, leeks do not go well with nut bread.

4) Just prejudice and taste, I guess.

5) The leek stores its energy in its leaves. People, being leafless, store energy elsewhere.

6) Nero ate lots of leeks when he was Emperor.

7) Within a year of Nero’s death, Galba, Otho, Vitellius, and Vespasian sent their legions fighting toward Rome in a bloody effort to become Emperor and eat all the leeks they could ever want.

8) There are a lot of sites listing fun facts about leeks. It is a happening vegetable.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lemon Chicken

Chinese Entree

LEMON CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cups rice
3 cups water

MARINADE
2 1/2 pounds chicken breasts
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/4 tsp. for batter, and tsp. 1/4 for sauce.)

BATTER
3 eggs
1/3 cup cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/2 tsp. for marinade, and 1/4 tsp. for sauce.)

vegetable oil for frying

SAUCE
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 1/4 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1/4 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (1 teaspoon total, with 1/2 tsp. for marinade, and 1/4 tsp. for batter.)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on accompanying bag. This should take about 30 minutes.

Cut chicken breasts into 1-inch cubes. This cutting is easiest when the chicken is partially thawed. Use a large bowl to coat all sides of the chicken cubes with soy sauce and poultry spice. Put this bowl in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

While chickens marinates or rice cooks, use whisk or fork to thoroughly mix eggs with cornstarch, baking powder, and poultry spice. Coat the chicken cubes with this batter.

Put brown sugar, chicken broth, lemon juice, honey, ginger, and poultry spice in bowl. Mix this sauce thoroughly with whisk, fork, or briefly in a particle accelerator.

Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Put chicken in skillet along with excess batter. Don’t stack chicken cubes; cook another batch instead. Cook until the chicken is done; it should be firm and white, not purplish and translucent. Remove cooked chicken cubes and place them on paper towels to remove grease.

Heat 2 tablespoons vegetable oil in sauce pan and mix in the sauce. Stir frequently and cook on medium heat until sauce becomes clear.

Put rice in bowls. Top rice with lemon chicken and sauce and serve.

TIDBITS

1) I have a lemon tree growing in my back yard as well as an orange tree.

2) We had a loquat bush and a guava bush when I was growing up.

3) Lemons grow in California, Italy, Portugal, and Spain.

4) Christopher Columbus discovered the New World in 1492. He hailed from Italy and sailed for Spain. Spain and Portugal were responsible for most of the world’s discoveries in the 16th century.

5) America was really first discovered by intrepid people crossing the land bridge from Asia to Alaska. They did not eat lemons.

6) Neither did the Vikings who discovered America about a thousand years ago.

7) My goodness, America got discovered a lot.

8) People during the Middle Ages served fish with lemon slices. They thought the lemon’s acid would dissolve any fish bones they accidentally swallowed.

9) Lemon juice slows the browning of sliced apples.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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