Posts Tagged With: meatloaf

Halloween Skull Meatloaf

American Entree

HALLOWEEN SKULL MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
1 small onion
2 tablespoons whole milk
1 pound ground beef
1 teaspoon ground mustard
¼ teaspoon paprika
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ketchup
6 slices provolone, about ¼ pound
2 stuffed queen olives
3 ounces tomato paste
1 red bell pepper
9, or so, tic tacsTM (Only for display. Do not eat.)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″-x-8″ loaf pan

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add bread crumbs and eggs to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Mince onion. Add onion, milk, ground beef, mustard, paprika, pepper, salt, and ketchup. Mix with hands until well blended. Transfer meatloaf mix to loaf pan. Smooth with fork or spatula. Shape meatloaf into a skull. Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes or until meatloaf is no longer pink in center.

Okay, this is where the meatloaf becomes Halloweenish. Remove loaf pan from heat. Completely cover top of meatloaf with provolone slices. (Cover top half of the meatloaf’s side with cheese. (Do not completely cover the sides. The cheese on the bottom will melt onto the pan, taking away from the effect of the skull.)

Poke holes in cheese for the eyes. Place queen olives in these holes. Remove cheese from where nose will be. Cut a ring large enough for a mouth from red bell pepper. Place bell-pepper ring where the mouth should be. Spread tomato paste in the nose hole and in the mouth

Put meatloaf back in oven and bake for another 10 minutes. Use spoon to remove any stray bits on the side or any cheese that melted past the meatloaf skull. Place tic tacs inside bell-pepper ring. These are the teeth. (The tic tacs are for display only. Don’t eat them with the meatloaf). Boo!

TIDBITS

1) Get into the Halloween spirit and serve this dish during October to valued friends and family.

2) Serve it during all the other months to all other guests.

3) As a hint.

4) Should one complain, simply, “Ha, ha, my mistake, is it really not October?”

5) When he retorts, “No, it’s April.”

6) Then you say, “Well, it must be April in the Southern Hemisphere.”

7) They’ll say, “It’s still April, even there.”

8) Don’t give in. “I know for a fact the seasons down there are reversed. It’s spring here. So it must be fall down there.

9) At this point the recalcitrant guest will cover his face with his hands and commence to moaning.

10) Press home your advantage. “October is in fall. If it is fall down there, it must be October in the Southern Hemisphere. Quod Erat Demonstratum.

11) This will rouse the guest. “That was to be proved. You know Latin. I’m impressed.”

12) Puff out your chest. “I’m not just another pretty face.”

13) “Maybe so, but it is still April in the Southern Hemisphere. If it’s April here, it’ll be April there.

14) “How do you know?” you’ll ask. “Have you been to both hemispheres at the same time? Can you bilocate?

15) Your rapier-like insights will temporarily flummox him. “No I have not,” he’ll manfully concede. “But, I know the American ambassador in Australia. Australia is in the Southern Hemisphere. I’ll give him a call if that is all right with you.” You agree as you are fairness incarnate.

16) Your guest calls his friend in Australia. “I have someone here who claims it’s April where you are. Would you please tell him the month?”

17) He passes his cell phone to you. The ambassador says, “Hi, it really is April in Australia.”

18) “Thank you,” you say, “you have solved a rather knotty scientific conundrum. Sorry to have disturbed you at work.”

19) “Not at all,” says the Ambassador, “while it is Friday where you live, it is Saturday here.”

20) “Good heavens!”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Syrian Meatloaf

Syrian Entree

SYRIAN MEATLOAF
(lahme bil sanieh)

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon butter, softened
1 large onion
2 pounds ground beef
1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper or black pepper
2½ teaspoons pomegranate syrup*
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 Roma tomatoes

* = Found in Middle Easter or World supermarkets

SPECIAL UTENSILS

8″ casserole dish
mandoline (optional)

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat casserole dish with butter. Dice onion. Add beef, onion, Aleppo pepper, pomegranate syrup, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Add beef/onion mix from bowl to casserole dish. Smooth surface with spatula. Gently poke about 30 shallow holes in meat. Drizzle vegetable oil over meat. (The shallow holes you made let the oil get into meat.) Slice tomatoes ¼” thick with mandoline or knife. Arrange tomato slices over meat. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) 1,000,000 B.C. – 1519: Nothing happens in history on in cooking.
1519 – Conquistador Cortez brings tomatoes back to Spain. People don’t eat the pretty plants.
1595 – Europeans note that tomatoes are part of the poisonous nightshade family. The French also believe that tomatoes, pommes d’amour, have aphrodisiacal properties. Tomatoes still aren’t eaten.
1872: Tomatoes first appear in an ingredient in a American recipe for tomato chowder.
1870s: The modern American meatloaf appears on the scene.
1894: Joseph Campbell cans condensed tomato soup. This proves wildly successful.
1929-1939: The Great American Depression forces starving family to extend precious protein to great lengths. Making meatloaf ensures that everyone gets some beef. All Americans eat meatloaf.
1949: LegoTM starts producing Legos. Legos look like squares with four raised dots.
1962: Syria gains its independence. Syria starts making meatloaf. Its meatloaf squares have four raised tomatoes slices. Was this meatloaf inspired by Legos? I like to think so.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Banana Meatloaf

Bermudan Entree

BANANA MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
1 banana
1 small onion
1 pound ground beef
1 teaspoon ground mustard
¼ teaspoon paprika
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ketchup
6 strips bacon (3 on bottom and 3 on top)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

9″-x-5″ loaf pan
x-ray goggles

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add bread crumbs and eggs to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Mash banana with fork. Mince onion. Add banana, onion, and all remaining ingredients except bacon to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Place 3 bacon strips in loaf pan. Add banana/meat mix. Smooth with fork or spatula. Place 3 bacon strips on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until meatloaf is no longer pink in center. (This is easier to ascertain if you have x-ray goggles. Alternatively, lift up a tiny bit of the meatloaf with a fork and peek.)

TIDBITS

1) Again, this recipe is much easier with x-ray goggles. However, such goggles are expensive. Have you tried to buy one? I mean when you check out at WalMartTM and the checker asks you, “Did you find everything you need?” and you respond with, “No, I couldn’t find the x-ray goggles,” people will look at you askance. So you drive home sad, with your head between your knees. Wait, don’t drive like that! Not safe. Develop super-hero powers instead.

2) Here’s a list of super powers that would make preparing meatloaf a snap:
A) Flying: easier and less stressful than driving to the store for ingredients. (Like SupermanTM.)
B) X-ray vision: to see inside the loaf. (Again like Superman.)
C) Heat-impervious hands: oven mitts can never be found when you need them. (Like ???)
D) Super speed: Super fast hands blend the ingredients in no time. (like FlashTM.)
Is there a comic-book hero with all those powers? If not, create one and make big bucks.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Danish Meatballs in Curry (boller i karry)

Danish Entree

MEATBALLS IN CURRY
(boller i karry)

INGREDIENTS – MEATBALLSMeatballsCurry-

4 garlic cloves
2 small onions
½ pound ground beef
½ pound ground pork
1 cup bread crumbs
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
5 cups beef stock

INGREDIENTS – CURRY SAUCE

2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons curry powder
1 leek
1 medium onion
4 tablespoons flour
3/4 cup cream
1 teaspoon chives
1 teaspoon parsley

Serves 6, particularly if everyone eats 1/6th of this.

PREPARATION – MEATBALLS

Mince garlic cloves and 2 small onions. Mix ground beef, ground pork, bread crumbs, garlic, onion, egg, pepper, and salt with hands in mixing bowl. Make 1″ meatballs.

Add beef stock to large pot. Bring beef stock to boil on high heat. Carefully add meatballs to pot. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until meatballs begin to float. Remove meatballs from pot and set aside. Save the beef broth in pot.

PREPARATION – CURRY SAUCE

While meatballs simmer, dice leek, and medium onion. Add butter, curry powder, leek, and diced medium onion. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until diced medium onion softens. Stir frequently. Add flour. Mix well with spoon. Gradually mix in 2 1/2 cups of broth taken from pot or until sauce thickens. Add cream and meatballs. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Sprinkle chives and parsley on top. This dish goes well over rice.

TIDBITS

1) The meatball is really a smaller version of meatloaf. Some people have meatballs as a topping for their pizzas.

2) Wouldn’t a meatloaf pizza be exciting? Imagine getting a 16″ pizza topped with three 9″ by 6″ meatloaves. It would feed an army.

3) The Roman Empire is known for its all conquering armies. It’s less known for its culinary achievements. That’s a shame as Rome is the birthplace of the meatball. Rome rocks.

4) Okay, ancient Rome didn’t rock for everyone, the slaves, for example, come to mind as do the people of the many conquered nations.

5) One might wonder how the Roman Empire kept all its conquered peoples from continually revolting. After all, the legions marched everywhere and took longer than waiting in lines at Disneyland to get from their barracks to disaffected regions.

6) The answer is in the massive stockpiles of meatballs kept at all the crossroads of the Empire. As long as the Roman authorities could rush meatballs to its conquered peoples, no riot ever grew so large the slowly arriving legionnaires couldn’t handle it.

7) Rome almost fell to barbarians, in the third century A.D., when they lost the province of Dacia with its rich cattle lands. Fewer cattle, fewer meatballs. Fewer meatballs, more riots. More riots not stopped with meatballs, more revolts. And that meant legions got withdrawn from the frontiers to put the revolts. Barbarians poured across the sparsely defended border.

8) It really appeared as Rome was going to fall. Fortunately the cattlemen of Dacia organized cattle drives to still safe provinces such as Cisalpine Gaul and Thracia. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.” Meatball production bounced back within a few decades and the Empire recovered.

9) In 405, however, the health sage, Atticus Bananicus, convinced the legionnaires to go vegetarian. As a result, many of Rome’s cattlemen switched to raising free-range chickens.

10) But in 406, Bananicus was seen by legionnaires eating a meatball pizza. The dormant meatball tastes of the Roman soldiers came out of hibernation. All at once, every soldier demanded meatballs. But there were no longer enough meatballs for the army and the peoples of Rome. The army garnered all the meatballs, leaving none for the restive populace. Unquenchable revolts erupted everywhere. The entire Roman army abandoned the frontier, getting decimated putting down the ferocious uprisings.

12) Alaric and the Visigoths–that sounds like a 60s rock band doesn’t it?–sacked Rome in 410 A.D.. The Roman Empire never rebounded from this disaster and soon collapsed. Always keep meatballs in your refrigerator. It’s frightening to contemplate what would happen if our supermarkets ran out of that peace-ensuring food.

13) Food connoisseurs are invited to read book II of Marcus Gavius Apicus’ “De re coquinaria libri decem (Cuisine in Ten Books)” to see the world’s first recipe for meatballs. And feel at peace.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meatloaf Provençale

French Entree

MEATLOAF PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTSMeatloafPro-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 cloves garlic
1 green bell pepper
1 carrot
1/2 cup spinach
1 Roma tomato
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs
1/4 cup shredded cheese (Gruyère or Doubs, if you can find it)
1 1/2 pounds beef
3 eggs
1 tablespoon herbes de Provence
1 tablespoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper (mignonette if you can find it)
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup red wine

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 8″ casserole dish
no-stick spray.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mince white onion, red onion, and garlic. Seed bell pepper. Mince bell pepper, carrot, spinach, and tomato. Add olive oil, white onion, red onion, and garlic to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently.

Put all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Combine everything with hands. Is this messy? Yes, it is. Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Put mixture in casserole dish. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Greeks believed mustard soothed sore muscle, and cured toothaches.

2) Being so much smarter, we now think mustard stimulates the appetite, improves digestion, clears sinuses, and increases blood circulation.

3) Sprinkle mustard flour in your socks to prevent frostbite.

4) Throwing mustard seeds over your right shoulder at your clothes washer and dryer will prevent them from stealing one sock from every pair.

5) Some Danes and Indians think you can ward off evil spirits by scattering mustard seeds around your home’s perimeter.

6) Lutefisk placed all around your home repels all evil spirits, people, and indeed every organism on this Earth.

7) Extraterrestrials will not visit our planet as long as we make lutefisk.

8) There is not a single nation in the world that even considers using lutefisk as a weapon of war.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bajan Meatloaf From Barbados

Barbadian Entree

BAJAN MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTSBajanMeatLoaf-

4 Roma tomatoes
1 orange bell pepper
2/3 cups spinach
1/2 white onion
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cup bread crumbs
1 tablespoon banana ketchup
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
4 tablespoons Bajan seasoning
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon celery salt
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince tomatoes, bell pepper, spinach, and onion. Add onion to butter and sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are soft.

Combine spinach, onion, tomato, bell pepper, ground beef, eggs, cheese, bread crumbs, banana ketchup, mustard, Bajan seasoning, cayenne, celery salt, cumin, and parsley. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

(Better yet, get your ten-year old to mix this up. Oh heck, he’s at a friend’s house.)

Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat and bake for 50 minutes. Let cool for 5 – 10 minutes. Oh, don’t forget to wash your hands.

TIDBITS

1) It is so difficult to find fun facts about meatloaf. The rock-music star Meatloaf so enamors all the fun-fact website producers that there are no fun-fact sides for the meatloaf showcased in this recipe.

2) But I own one of Meatloaf’s albums. In homage to him let me give him a tidbit. He once worked as a valet at a concert hall or arena. One of the cast members for the musical, Hair, quit. Meatloaf was pressed into action and the rest is non-culinary history.

3) Now back to Barbados. That sounds like a Caribbean John Wayne movie doesn’t it?

4) Mongooses were brought to Barbados from India to kill the rats in the sugar cane fields. Unfortunately, the nocturnal mongooses never came into contact with the rats who scurried about during the day. The mongooses did however, decimate the island’s herds of snakes that actually ate rats.

5) I know snakes don’t travel in herds, but I do love the image. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.”

6) In 1976 Captain and Tennille had a huge hit with the song “Muskrat Love.” It could just as easily been called “Mongoose Love.”

7) They didn’t, of course, due in part to the bad rep the mongooses got from their activities in Barbados.

8) This is a cautionary tales for all mammals.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pepper Jack Meatloaf Recipe

American Entree

PEPPER JACK MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTSPeppeJM-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 garlic cloves
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon parsley
1 green bell pepper
1 green chile
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro
1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince red onion, white onion, and garlic. Add this to olive oil and sauté on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.

Dice bell pepper and green chile. Combine red onion, white onion, garlic, ground beef, eggs, bell pepper, green chile, diced tomatoes, coriander, cumin, tarragon, cilantro, pepper jack cheese, and bread crumbs. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

(Better yet, get your nine-year old to mix this up. He’ll welcome the opportunity to be helpful while getting his hands messy. Take advantage of this willingness before he becomes a teenager.)

OR…dice and mince all the above ingredients and put them all into the oil to sauté at once. This will save six minutes.

(Saving six minutes is particularly useful if there is an accidental nuclear countdown near your home, you’re the only one with the key to abort the launch with the resulting global nuclear war, and you really don’t have the extra six minutes needed to perform this extra culinary step, eat this meal, and get to the missile silo in time.)

Spray 8″-by-8″ baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat until it is a flat as the Kansan prairie. Bake for about 1 hour at 350 degrees. Let cool for 5 – 10 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) According to The Tales of the Arabian Nights, coriander is an aphrodisiac.

2) We should all absorb the lessons of great literature.

3) Coriander is also mentioned in the Bible. The Bible does not mention any non-culinary benefits from Tarragon.

4) Indeed, The Good Book commands, “Do not commit adultery.”

5) Sometime in the 1600s, two English publishers came out with a Bible with the exciting command, “Thou Shall Commit Adultery.”

6) The King of England fearing for the morals of his people, outlawed this version of the Bible, and heavily fined the publishers.

7) Editing and correct spicing are musts.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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