HOT PICKLED CARROTS
1 pound carrots
1 small onion
2 jalapeno peppers or 6 ounces sliced
3 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
1 cup white vinegar or cider vinegar
1 cup water
2 bay leaves
½ tablespoon sea salt or salt
1 teaspoon sugar
mandoline (optional, but so helpful)
2 3-cup Mason jars
Makes 4 cups. Takes 40 minutes preparation, 1 hour 30 minutes cooling to room temperature, and up to 1 day in refrigerator.
Use mandoline to cut carrots into ¼”-to-½” thick diagonal slices. Use julienne blade, if possible. Use mandoline or knife to slice jalapenos into rings ¼”-to-½” thick.. Use mandoline to cut onion into ⅛” thick slices. Cut each garlic clove into 4 pieces.
Add vinegar and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add all other ingredients to pot. Let boil for 5 minutes. Stir until sugar dissolves, then enough to prevent burning. Remove pot from heat. Let cool for 1 hour 30 minutes or until contents, hot pickled carrots, reach room temperature.
Pour everything into Mason jars. Let sit in refrigerator for 1 day for best taste. They should keep for 1 week.
1) To be “pickled” is slang for “to be drunk.” So, pickled carrots are drunken carrots. How do we know when carrots are drunk? Culinary patrolmen will tell you weaving while driving is a sure sign of an inebriation. Fortunately, drunk carrot driving remains quite rare as hardly any carrots attain the minimum driving age of 16.. Indeed, most carrots get eaten within days of being plucked from the ground. Another sign of a soused carrot is slurred speech. However, you really do need to listen carefully for this as carrots have tiny voices. Mostly, though, a drunken carrot resorts to giving people the silent treatment, which has proved to be a feeble defense against being eaten. And anyway, surly carrots are annoying. Just eat them. Show them you’re the boss.
Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.