Posts Tagged With: San Diego

Exciting, Informative Football Headlines

Not all of us understand all the nuances and the intricacies of football. The following headlines from the San Diego Union-Tribune help us out:

1)
09-09-16a

 

 

 

I hadn’t thought of it, but yeah, that makes sense.

 

2)

09-09-16b

 

 

 

Another one of those things that seems obvious after someone else says it.

 

3)

09-09-16c

 

 

As opposed to nasally more confident or even adrenally* more confident.

 

I’d say more, but I want to spend some time to digest all this.

* = Spell check was cool with nasally but balked at adrenally, but I think I’m right on this.

Paul, sports fan

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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The First Pope in the NBA?

We live in exciting times as the following headline in the San Diego Union-Tribune shows. The photograph shows Pope Francis in his early days. I wish him well in his tryout.

Pope

4409-112413

 

– Paul R. De LanceyDeLanceyPaul
Future president of the United States of America.

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxx

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The Suicidal Ants of Poway, California

??????????

Was it a sign of the end of the world? Should we stocking up on mini-tacos? All I know for sure is that in my town of Poway, cultural an and capital of San Diego County, the ant population plunged last week. Specifically, they died in my refrigerator, in my freezer.

Why did they do that? Was it a long-postponed attempt to lay a guilt trip on me for that childhood ant farm where they all died? Honestly, I didn’t mean it. Perhaps I filled my farm with soldier ants from differing colonies. I’ll just have to live with the horrible uncertainty for the rest of my life.

Why did they commit suicide where they did? For a full day they streamed into the freezer section to meet their icy deaths. Who among us can really feel an ant’s angst” Were they exo-skeletal weary of the daily, relentless onslaught of spiders, lizards,  Rustler’s Round UpTM ant traps, and the terrifying stomping action of the human’s foot? Did they finally say, “Enough, cruel word!”                                                                                                               The Ant’s Graveyard

Or was Norway stirring things up again? After all, this country brought us Viking raids and lutefisk, the worst-tasting, smelliest, glueist food the world has even seen. Perhaps Norway’s dysfunctional lemmings infected Poway’s ants with their morose attitudes? Before the days of cable TV, I doubt may Powegian ants ever heard of suicidal lemmings. Now, look what happens.

Mass extinctions of species by suicide. It might be the end of the world. Bummer. Or maybe, I’ve just invented a better ant trap.

– Paul De Lancey, Mighty Hunter

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Strange Club

About an hour from the Pacific Ocean and in a canyon in the southeast corner of San Diego County there is a sign proclaiming, “Canyon Yacht and Gun Club.” This club intrigues me tremendously. How much yachting can you do in a waterless canyon? Do they use their guns while yachting? On dry land? If somehow they manage a yacht race, does the winner need to be extra gracious to the losers?

More strange clubs as I find them.

– Paul the Wonderer

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

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Almond Pork Stir Fry

Chinese Entree

ALMOND PORK STIR FRY

INGREDIENTSAlmondChicken-

1 pound pork loins
½ red onion
2 scallions
½ cup blanched, silvered almonds
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 ½ tablespoons chicken stock
1 tablespoon sherry
1 teaspoon sugar
1 pound bean sprouts
1 teaspoon Chinese five spices
1/2 tablespoon freshly grated ginger

PREPARATION

Cut pork into ½” cubes. Dice red onion and scallions. Rinse bean sprouts. Add almond, red onion, scallion, and soy sauce to wok or pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add pork, chicken stock, sherry, sugar, bean sprouts, Chinese five spices, and ginger to pan. Cook for 5 minutes on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until pork is no longer pink inside. (X-ray vision would be useful here. If you aren’t a super hero, it’s okay to slice open a pork cube and look.)

TIDBITS

1) In 1764, Spain worried about Russian encroachment on the west coast of America planted almond trees along El Camino Real (The Royal Road) from San Diego to San Francisco.

2) These trees did not significantly deter the Russian military which was generally equipped with ships, horses, cannon, and muskets.

3) The Spanish then tried planting all manner of cacti in Arizona. This failed as well. The Russians weren’t interested in Arizona and the cacti proved remarkably vulnerable to flanking maneuvers.

4) In 1769, the governor of California, Don Antonio Pico de Gallo, came up with the happy idea of building missions along El Camino and staffing them with priests and soldiers. The Russians saw that the price of conquering the Golden State would be too high and left.

5) President Clinton ate almonds at both his inaugurations. Some say he did this to send a message to the Russians, but it is more likely he just like to eat them.

6) Eat the almonds, not the Russians, for goodness sake.

– Chef Paul

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

 

As an e-book on Nook4novels

 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Peanut-Butter Pie

American Dessert

PEANUT-BUTTER PIE

INGREDIENTSPeanutButterPie-

4 ounces cream cheese
1 cup confectionery sugar
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
2 tablespoons evaporated milk
1 cup whipping cream
1 8″ ready graham cracker pie crust

SPECIAL ITEM

electric beater

PREPARATION

Add cream cheese to large mixing bowl. Use highest setting on electric beater to fluff cream cheese. Add confectionery sugar. Fluff mixture with beater set to highest level. Add peanut butter and evaporated milk. Fluff once more. Add whipping cream. Combine with electric beater set on blend or mix.

Spoon the mixture into the pie crust. Put pie in freezer. Check pie after 30 minutes to see if the filling has set.

TIDBITS

1) π, everybody’s favorite transcendental number, equals approximately, 3.14159.

2) Indeed Cal Tech used to have a cheer that went:
Tangent, secant, cosine, sine
Three point one four one five nine.

3) Cal Tech is renowned for the scientific prowess of their alumni. It is not nearly as well respected for its football teams. However in 1968, Cal Tech’s footballers did defeat my school, UC San Diego.

4) After that humiliation, the UCSD student body voted to not offer anymore football scholarships, partly because UCSD wanted to concentrate more on academics and intramural sports, partly to save money, and mostly because we could certainly field a team that could lose to Cal Tech without giving scholarships to the players.

5) The students were wrong. Without scholarships, not enough prospects showed up next year to field a team. UCSD dropped football. And so it goes.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Book Signing For My Cookbook and My Novels

I’m doing a book signing and bringing all my books:

We’re French and You’re Not

The Fur West

Eat Me, 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World

AllMyBooks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please come to the event on

Saturday, September 21, 2013

10 am – 1 pm
Paradise Hills Library
5922 Rancho Hills Drive
San Diego, CA 92139

Additional Parking will be available at St. Timothy’s
(Church on opposite corner)

LibraryEvent-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Safari Burger From Kenya

Kenyan Entree

SAFARI BURGER

INGREDIENTSSafariBurg-

1 onion
3 cloves garlic
1 pound ground beef
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 turmeric
4 tablespoons lemon juice

lettuce
4 hamburger buns

makes 4 hamburgers

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick frying pan

PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic cloves. In large mixing bowl, mix or, to use the scientific term, “moosh” together onion, garlic, ground beef, pepper, cayenne, curry powder, turmeric, and lemon juice. Form 4 patties.

Put patties in frying pan. Fry at medium-high heat with lid on for about 15 minutes or until the insides of the patties are done to the desired level of pinkness or brownness. There should be no need to flip the patties as the lemon juice should help cook the patties evenly. Also, these patties are crumbly, so flipping them over might make them fall apart.

Toast hamburger buns while patties are cooking. Serve patties together with lettuce on hamburger buns. This burgers have a delightful spicy/lemony kick to them.

TIDBITS

1) Safaris were originally hunting expeditions in East Africa.

2) Later safaris included journeys for tourists who wanted to see wild animals, well, in the wild.

3) San Diego’s Safari Park has short tours where you hop in busses and jeeps and take pictures of their critters for an additional fee.

4) The Park’s expeditions are thus firmly rooted in the modern, non-violent meaning of the word, “safari.”

5) Indeed, the authorities and personnel of Safari Park who look askance at you, if you and your friends took shotguns on the tour and blasted away at the park’s wildlife.

6) They’d probably end the tour right then and there and not give you a refund.

7) One could even imagine an even more vigorous response by the folks of Safari Park, one involving, say, SWAT teams.

8) Safari Park used to be called Wild Animal Park. I prefer the old name. I like to think the animals there agree with me.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Powegian Wonderful Soup Recipe

American Soup

POWEGIAN WONDERFUL SOUP

INGREDIENTSWonderS-

2 carrots
2 celery stalks
2 medium onions
2 red bell peppers
1 cup fresh spinach
3 big tomatoes
1/2 cup raw, unsalted peanuts
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup milk
2 cups vegetable broth
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon Jamaican All Purpose spice
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
1/2 teaspoon thyme

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Mince carrots, celery, onions, red bell peppers, spinach, and tomatoes. Grind peanuts into powder. Add all ingredients to large soup pot. Cook on medium-high heat until soup boils. Stir frequently. Lower temperature to low heat and simmer with lid on for 40 minutes or until onion and carrot is tender. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) This Powegian soup has a rich tradition.

2) In late 1863, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison left Vicksburg, Mississippi for good. They had lost everything during the Great Siege even though they had resolutely taken no sides during the Civil War. The Confederate Army had requisitioned all their crops, all their livestock. The Yankees burned their home and all their buildings to the ground.

3) After the briefest of cries, Annabelle had told her husband she never wanted to see their accursed land again. But Where would they go?

4) “I’d like to go to California to grow carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts,” said Clayton,
“Why, I declare,” said his devoted wife, “when did you come up with this pla?.”
Clayton furrowed his brows for dramatic effect. “I’ve always wanted to grow all that.”
“I never knew,” said Annabelle. “Why did you never say anything about it.”
Clayton shrugged. “There’s a powerful lot of pressure ‘round these parts to grow cotton. Folks would have laughed at me if I had grown anything but cotton. King Cotton, hah!” He gestured to the burnt farms all around. “Annabelle, I need to go to California, where a man can grow whatever produce and herbs he wants and no one will think the less of him for it.
Annabelle nestled against her husband’s shoulder. “And so you shall. I’ve always wanted to catch a peak of the Golden State.”

4) And so, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison made their way west by wagon train. They faced floods, raging rivers, poisoned wells, and Apache attacks. Some of their fellow wagoneers turned back, but not the Morrisons. Fired by their vegetarian dream, they pressed on.

5) Finally, on May 5, 1864, they reached Poway, California. Their hearts soared at the valley’s majestic beauty. So did the flocks of bluebirds that flitted and swirled about them.

6) Months later they harvested a bumper crop of carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts. Annabelle wanted to provide a feast right there and then.

“Not yet, dear wife. I need to go to the port of San Diego. I’ll be gone a few weeks.”
“Land sakes, Clayton, two weeks, whatever for?”
Clayton smiled. “A surprise, a wonderful surprise.”

7) Two weeks later Clayton returned bearing fabric for new dresses for his love. She had not had a new dress in years. More importantly though, he had traded for: bay leaves, Jamaican All Purpose spice, ground mustard, parsley, sea salt, tarragon, and thyme.

Annabelle threw up her hands in delight. “Now I can make wonderful. I’ve already made mayonnaise and vegetable broth and I can borrow some milk from the Hendersons.”

8) Thus Annabelle, Poway’s great pioneer lady, made her soup. And it was indeed wonderful.

cover

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Running For El Presidente of Venezuela: My Plans

To all the Venezuelans who might be holding back on voting for me Sunday simply because I live in San Diego, rest assured I will fly down right away to Caracas, the capital, to assume my presidential duties if elected. Indeed, here are my flight plans assuming I get sworn in on June 4.

venezuel

Once I get there I will vigorously press for affordable bacon, chocolate, and Venezuelan hot dogs. Then I’ll take a nap.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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