food to die for

February 25: This entree from Brunei celebratesbrate a drunken man breaking into a Pizza Hut(tm) on this day to fry wings

You love Pizza Hut(tm). Who does not? You love chicken.  Billions of people devour chicken. You want your chicken wings fried just the way you like it. But there’s that saying, “If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself.” Normally you’d fry your chicken at home. Alas and alack, you don’t can’t find your deep fryer or even a frying pan. Maybe you don’t have electricity or gas as you forgot to pay your utility bills.  Certainly no electricity would cause the chicken wings in your fridge to go bad. Or perhaps your synapses aren’t firing today.

What to do? Most people, at this point, would look harder for the deep fryer and the frying pan. Most folks would get on the phone and use their credit card to pay their utility bills. The rest of us would make our way to a restaurant or fast food joint and order chicken.

Not so for our plucky hero. He thought outside the box. He broke into a Pizza Hut and used their kitchen to fry his chicken wings. Alas, the enterprising fellow found himself being arrested by the police. I don’t know if he managed to eat his chicken wings. Now, he thinks inside the cell. Life can be hard.

The meal you should serve to commerate this day:  Honey Garlic Barbecue Pizza

If only the drunken chicken-wing lover had enough money and patience to fly halfway across the world to Brunei, where there is a Pizza Hut, he could have eaten honey garlic barbecue pizza. But luckily for you, I have a recipe for this dish.  It’s like the pizza served at the Pizza Hut in Brunei. And it has chicken as a topping! You can eat this tasty meal legally and in the comfort of your home.

HONEY GARLIC BARBECUE CHICKEN PIZZA

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1 teaspoon cornstarch
¾ cup water
3 garlic cloves
⅔ cup barbecue sauce
¼ cup honey
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 chicken breast
1 large bulb garlic (about 12 cloves)
½ tablespoon olive oil (1 more tablespoon later)

INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY

2 green onions
1 pre-made crust (store bought or your own)
1 tablespoon olive oil
½ pound grated mozzarella cheese
½ tablespoon sesame seeds

SPECIAL UTENSILS

roasting pan or baking pan
pizza pan
sonic obliterator

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – SAUCE

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add cornstarch and water to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until cornstarch dissolves. Mince 3 garlic cloves. Add cornstarch/water blend, minced garlic cloves, barbecue sauce, honey, and soy sauce to pot. Bring to boil at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Lower heat to low-medium and simmer until sauce thickens. Remove and set aside. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add chicken cubes to pot. Stir until sauce coats chicken cubes. Marinate until garlic bulbs in next step are done roasting.

Cut off top of garlic bulb. Drizzle ½ table spoon olive oil onto bulb. Place garlic bulb on roasting pan. Roast in oven at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until garlic starts to bubble. Remove and set aside.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY

While chicken marinates in sauce and garlic bulb roasts, dice green onions. Remove chicken with slotted spoon. (This makes spreading the sauce much easier.) Brush crust edge with 1 tablespoon olive oil. Brush sauce evenly sauce over crust except for the edge. Squeeze out the roasted garlic cloves from the garlic bulb. Cut roasted garlic cloves into 3 pieces each. Sprinkle roasted garlic pieces over sauce. Add chicken cubes evenly over pizza. Sprinkle cheese over pizza. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until cheese and crust brown. Sprinkle pizza with green onion and sesame seeds.

Serve to adoring quests. Zap unappreciative ones with sonic obliterator

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.