Monthly Archives: August 2021

Your One-Stop Corridor

How many times has this happened to you? You’re at a student union and you want a place to pray quietly, but you’ve drunk too much coffee. You want a restroom close by. In fact, you want one right next door. Well this university’s student center is just the place for you.

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hewlett Packard’s Evil Printer

It hates us.

Some ten-to-twenty years ago printers achieved consciousness and took an instant dislike to us.

Yesterday, my HP OfficeJet Pro 8025e had a particularly strong infusion of ungodly essences from the dark side. It printed out the two pages I wanted printed. Then the HP OfficeJet threw off its earthly disguise and assumed it position as the evil leader of the printer pack. It started printed other pages. It then printed all these pages over and over and over again. My wife called Hewlett Packard last night. Nothing got solved.

My wife tag teamed talking to HP for six hours today. They tried blaming us. They then told not to print double sided as that wouldn’t work! They dragged us through one rabbit hole after another only to say they fixed the problem. But they didn’t. The same problems persisted. I asked for our money back. Hah! I told them that although they were getting paid to talk to us, that they were wasting our day, destroying our productive moments.

Can we use the word “HPed” to mean wasting one’s time with worthless fixes, so that the customer gives up and HP doesn’t have give any money back?

Anyway, this is why I didn’t write a funny blog today.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: face of evil | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cookie Day

Today is the first cookie day in a while. I’ve been busy, but now I’m not. I’m making thank-you cookies, cheering-up cookies, and cookies for neighbors, and family. I’ll be tired, but happy when it’s done.  So no time for a long blog.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cookbook, food | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Japanese Steak Bowl

Japanese Entree

STEAK BOWL

INGREDIENTS

1⅓ cups rice
2⅔ cups beef broth
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 pound sirloin steak or New York strip steak
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)
2 tablespoons butter
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
½ tablespoon mirin or sake
3 tablespoons soy sauce
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon fresh parsley

SPECIAL UTENSILS

rice cooker
mandoline

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add rice and beef broth to rice cooker. Cook rice and beef broth according to instructions that come with rice cooker or on rice package . While rice cooks, rub pepper onto steak. Add steak and 1 tablespoon oil to pan. Cook steak over high heat for 7-to-14 minutes depending on your desired level of doneness. (Steaks resist pressure from a finger ever more as they go from raw to medium well.) Flip 4 times to ensure even cooking. Add butter. Flip steak until it is evenly coated with butter. Cook for 1 minute. Cut steak into ¼” thick slices.

While steak cooks, mince garlic cloves. Use mandoline or knife to onion into slices ⅛” thick. Add garlic, onion, and 1 tablespoon oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens.

While rice and steak cook, add mirin, soy sauce, and Worcestershire sauce to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until well blended. Dice parsley. Divide rice equally into serving bowls. Ladle sauce from mixing bowl over rice. Garnish rice with parsley. Carefully add beef strip/onion mixture onto rice. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Steaks can’t bowl as they’ve no athletic ability. But they can be served in a bowl like in this dish.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Need to See Three Dogs on a Motorcycle

 

 

These three dogs say, “Hi” and invite you to go on a road trip with them. Go ahead. You know you want to.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Presidential Inauguration

Wouldn’t this make you laugh?

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: extended warranty | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Scrambled Eggs (Revoltillo de Huevos)

Dominican Breakfast

SCRAMBLED EGGS
(Revoltillo de Huevos)

INGREDIENTS

1 bell pepper, red or yellow
1 small onion
1 large tomato
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
6 eggs
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

Serves 3. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice bell pepper, onion, and tomato. Add oil, bell pepper, onion, and tomato to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove pan from heat. Add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat eggs with whisk or fork until well blended. Add eggs to pan. Cook at medium heat until eggs set and are done to your liking. Stir slowly and frequently enough to prevent burning. Sprinkle scrambled eggs with pepper and salt.

TIDBITS

1) This version of scrambled is truly tasty. It’s also visually appealing. This dish was not invented by Andy Warhol, the famous pop artist. No indeed, Pedro Castillo invented Revoltillo de Huevos in the early 1960s. But until then he had been a rather conventional egg scrambler.

2) But one with communist leanings and sympathies. So, he filled his life with everything red including the flags of the USSR and China. And roses. His wife liked the roses but detested his politics. “Your communism constantly brings the government down on us,” said Maria. “The policía shut down our huevoria every week.” This marital discord came to a head when Pedro brought home 100 pounds of red bell peppers to throw during the upcoming anti-government demonstration. “¿Estas loco?” Maria pummeled her husband. “They will surely jail you for this. Get rid of those red veggies or we’re through.”

3) Pedro loved his wife than any people’s revolution, but he was also thrifty. How to use the red bell peppers? Suddenly, lightning struck his head. (Pedro was quite tall.) The bolt’s electrical surge reordered the synapses in his brain. “Aha, “I shall add diced red bell peppers to my scrambled eggs.” And so Revoltillo de Huevos was born. A few days later, Andy Warhol ate this dish at Pedro’s huevoria. The inspired, but unknown Warhol unveiled Revoltillo de Huevos at a museum. He became an instant sensation. Warhol shared his Revoltillo royalties with Pedro. Pedro and Maria lived out their lives as a rich and happy couple. The end.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We Are Calling You

Surely, this has happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Because You Have Not Responded

Because you have not responded to multiple courtesy calls about your extended warranty:

we will be making a house call to explain all the benefits.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: history, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kulfi Ice Cream

Indian Dessert

KULFI ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTS

10 saffron threads
1 tablespoon hot water
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk, chilled
½ cup ground cardamom
⅔ cup chopped pistachios
⅓ cup chopped or slivered almonds

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater.
ramekins, small bowls, or popsicle molds

Serves 8. Takes 25 minutes plus at least 6 hours for freezing..

PREPARATION

Add saffron and hot water to cup. Add heavy whipping cream to large mixing bowl. Whip with electric beater until just get whipped cream or soft peaks start to form. (Do not overdo it or you’ll get butter.) Use spatula to gradually fold condensed milk into whipped cream. Use spatula to gradually fold in saffron with its water, cardamom, pistachios, and almonds. Gently pour into ramekins. Cover ramekins with plastic wrap or lids. Freeze for at least 6 hours on until it sets and becomes ice cream.

TIDBITS

1) Clark KentTM and SupermanTM are never in the same place at the same time. Why? Because they are the same person. Kulfi Ice Cream and the planet Mars are never in the same place at the same time. Why? Because they are one and the same. They certainly look alike. See the photos below.

 

2) But, I hear you say, Mars is millions of miles away in space and my kulfi is right in front of me. How is this possible? Magic. When you eat kulfi, Mars is in your ramekin. When you look at the night sky, Mars will be there. Mars, however, won’t be in the sky if you take your kulfi outside with you. So be careful. You don’t want to mess with the workings of the Solar System.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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