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Lemon Sherbet From Azerbaijan

Azerbaijani Dessert

LEMON SHERBET

INGREDIENTS

½ teaspoon saffron threads
½ cup water
2 lemons*
5½ cups water
¼ teaspoon coriander seeds
¼ cup sugar
crushed ice

* = There are only a few ingredients in this recipe, so their freshness is important. However, if you don’t have a juicer or a zester, substitute 2 tablespoon lemon zest and ¼ cup lemon juice for the 2 lemons.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

zester*
juicer*

Makes 6½ cups, enough for a party. Takes 4 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add saffron threads and ½ cup water to small bowl. Cover and let aside. Remove zest from lemons with zester. Keep the main part of the lemons. Boil 5½ cups water. Add boiled water, lemon zest , and coriander seeds to large mixing bowl. Let steep for 4 hours.

Strain the lemon zest/water into jug or other container. Extract the lemon juice with juicer. Add lemon juice and sugar to pitcher. Mix with long spoon until sugar dissolves. Strain saffron infusion. Add saffron infusion. Stir until well blended. Keep this sherbet liquid in refrigerator until completely cooled. Fill short glass with crushed ice. Pour sherbet liquid over crushed ice. Be happy. You now have a nice, cooling glass of lemon sherbet.

TIDBITS

1) If you were to attach the end of a screwdriver to the bottom of your glass of Lemon Sherbet, you could screw your glass into the dining room table. This would accomplish three useful things. First, it would be impossible to knock over your Sherbet, or any other drink for that matter, with your elbow. Second, even an severe earthquake couldn’t spill your cooling beverage spill. Of course, that would be bad if you were depending solely on your screwed-down beverage for your early warning earthquake detection system. Third, you could ask your guests to lift your screwed-down drink. Of course they won’t be able to do so. You then unscrew and lift it easily. Your guests will think you’re Thor. Wouldn’t that be cool?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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One Does Not Simply Find

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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One Does Not Simply Make

Making English mincemeat pies to my satisfaction was a challenge for me. I succeeded eventually. Eventually.

One Does Not Simply #2

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Mincemeat Pie

British Dessert

MINCEMEAT PIE

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

3¼ cups flour (2 tablespoons more later)
1¾ cups confectioners’ sugar (1 tablespoon more later)
1¼ cups butter, cubed
1 egg
ice water, 1 teaspoon at a time, as necessary
2 tablespoons flour

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

1 28-ounce jar mincemeat
1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

round pastry cutter, glass cup, or muffin tray
sonic obliterator

Makes 12 small pies. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 3¼ cups flour and confectioners’ sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Use cold hands to fold butter and egg into flour. Add ice water 1 teaspoon at a time, if necessary, until dough starts to form a ball without being sticky. (Don’t over do it.) Cover pastry and let chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes. (You might to re-roll the dough so you can make more circles.)

Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Place about ¼ of the dough at a time on flat surface.. Leave the rest in the refrigerator until needed. (You really do want to work with cold dough.) Roll out dough until it is 1/6″ thick. Use round pastry cutter to make a large circle sufficiently wide to fill the bottom and side of muffin cups, about 5″ wide. Re-roll the dough as needed to make more circles.

Line muffin cups with 5″ dough circles. Now make 12 small circles wide enough to cover the top of the muffin, about 3″ wide. Use ¼ of the remaining dough, left over from making the 5″ circles, Leaving the rest in the refrigerator until needed.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Fill the pastry-lined muffin cups ¾ full with mincemeat. Cover with 3″ dough circles. These lids should overlap the mincemeat-filled pastry cups. (But not go over onto the rest of the muffin tin.) Gently push down on lid edges to form seals. Bake at 375 degrees for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on wire racks then sprinkle mincemeat pies with 1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar. Or serve right away. Zap any guest who doesn’t fully appreciate the care you took in making this dish.

TIDBITS

1) Mincemeat pies don’t have mincemeat in them.

2) But way back in the 16th century, in Tudor times, they did.

3) Because meat was cheaper than fruit in those days. The meats of choice were: beef, venison, and lamb. There was even a Tudor poem about this.

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep.
But where did they go?
Into a neighbor’s pie they weeped.
Ho, ho. Ho, ho. Ho, ho.

In real life, the next-door neighbor was usually a rapacious, unfettered lord, who supported King Henry VIII. So many sheep were stolen by the greedy nobility that the peasantry became increasingly disgruntled.  It didn’t help that space aliens kidnaped the remaining sheep in 1535. Since the extraterrestrial sheep abductions occurred at night, no one saw them happen. The poor people naturally blamed the barons, lords, and earls.

A surly mob of peasants gathered at the Duke of York’s castle demanding the return of all their sheep. We are lucky to have the following exchange in writing as the historian John Haggis was just happened to be present. Here it is:

Surly Peasant Leader: We want our sheep back!
Duke of York: There are no sheep. I have no sheep. No one has sheep.
Surly Peasant 1: We don’t believe you.
Duke of York: I don’t care.
Surly Peasant 2: But how can we make mincemeat pies without sheep?
Duke of York: Eat mincemeat pie made from giraffes.
Surly Peasant Leader: C’mon lads, lets throw Duke Greedypants from off the castle walls.

They stormed the castle and they him down into the moat. This act precipitated a rather serious revolt with the rather mild title of The Pilgrimage of Grace. Eventually, King Henry VIII had this revolt put down.

But the king had seen the writing on the wall. King Henry proclaimed in The Great Ingredient Decree of 1538 that no matter the prevailing conditions of the realm, every peasant would had a right to find all she needed to make a proper mincemeat pie. Since, the sheep were all gone, pie makers switched to beef. Centuries later, the price of fruit began to fall compared to that of beef. So the beef in the pies began to be phased out in favor of dried fruits. Nowadays, mincemeat pies have no meat in them at all. Now you know. Oh, the sheep found their way back to Earth and England in 1567,

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Wanda Wunder Wonders About Apples

Wanda Wunder #25

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Korean Grilled Steak

Korean Entree

GRILLED STEAK

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds sirloin
2 teaspoons sesame oil (2 tablespoons more later)
3 garlic cloves
1½” ginger root
3 stalks green onions
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tablespoons sesame oil (1 tablespoon per batch)
2 teaspoons toasted sesame seeds or sesame seeds

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric griddle (Should you wish to use an outdoor or tabletop grill, please do so before slicing.)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Tightly wrap sirloin in plastic. Put in freezer for 40 minutes or until the meat is just firm enough to be thinly sliced. Slice sirloin into strips as thin as you can.

While sirloin firms, mince garlic. Grate ginger root. Dice green onions. Add garlic, ginger root, green onions, brown sugar, rice vinegar, 2 teaspoons sesame oil, and sesame seeds to mixing bowl. Mix with spoon until well blended.

Spread 1 tablespoon sesame oil over griddle. Set heat to medium high. Sear sirloin strips for 2 minutes or until the bottom side browns nicely. Turn strips over and sear again for 2 minutes or until the new bottom side also browns nicely. Serve with sauce on the side. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) John Keats belonged to the Second Generation of Romantic Poets. Keats’ poems were really good reads. Indeed, his poems often made number one on The Top Ten British Poems. Indeed, who can forget his evocative “Ode to a Nightingale?” No one who’s read it will ever forget it. Of course, those who’ve never read that poem will never forget it either. So no one, then.

2) Keats remains beloved by chefs everywhere for his brilliant culinary poetry. Ask any chef about their favorite poems. They will invariably reply, “Ode to a Three Ingredient Meal” and “The Rigors of the Twelve Hour Shift.” Keats, of course, is also famous for his memoir, Two Years Before the Cattle Herd. It’s a rip-roaring yarn. During that drive, Keats dazzled his fellow drovers by cooking up a slab of beef. An anagram-prone drover named the new dish “Steak” in honor of Keats. There.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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The Best Deal Ever

175% off! Looks like they’re giving back more money than we’re paying to buy it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Commander in Chief

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Deep Thought Man Ponders Unicorns

 

 

 

Deep Thought Man #8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

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Don’t Block the Aisle With Your Shopping Cart

You work hard all day. Things went wrong. You’re seething with barely suppressed anger. But food is needed at home. So off to the supermarke you go. The one particular item you need is all the way down the aisle. This aisle is so long you can barely see the other end for the curvature of the Earth. You almost make it to your package of squid-ink spaghetti you need for that meal you were going to make for your Venetian boss, where you were going to ask for a much needed raise.

But, but, but, there’s someone blocking your way with her cart. You summon your last reserves of patience and say, “Excuse me, would you please move your cart.” But no, the oaf, she doesn’t move her cart. She is oblivious. You shout at her, “Move your fecking cart.” She sneers at you. “How rude.”

Your self control evaporates. The two of you tussle. Another shopper has filmed the whole thing and posts it everywhere. Shoppers everywhere take this video as a license to attack other shoppers. Shopping-cart riots engulf our great nation. This unbridled anger spreads to politics. Soon, all of America descends into undeclared civil war. Lutefisk vendors take advanage of the widespread chaos to sell lutefisk at our grammar schools. My forward-looking mind shuts down at this point.

DON’T BLOCK THE AISLE WITH YOUR SHOPPING CART!

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul R. De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Golf Serenity Through Yoga

 

GOLF HAIKU

Iggy piggy poo.
Stupid ass devil golf club,
I shall destroy you.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook,  Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on  amazon.com.

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