I know you’re cool, but are you flower bathbomb, frothy bunny bathbomb, and pineapple bath bomb cool?
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Please let me know the things that make you super cool.
Thanks,
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I am not alone in mishearing this line.
Unfortunately, I found out the correct version fairly quickly. Sometimes I think these lyrics sound better than Starship’s original “We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll.” What say you?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The struggle is real. The outside world teems with feral people.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1½ pounds steak
1 jalapeno pepper
1 yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
3 stalks green onion
1 ripe red tomato
4 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 16 ounce can red kidney beans
1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
3 teaspoons chili powder
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cilantro
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
½ cup barbecue sauce
½ cup sour cream
½ pound shredded cheddar or Four Mexican cheeses
SPECIAL UTENSILS
Dutch oven
Sufficient gas in your car so you can go to the store if you don’t have all the ingredients. Always be prepared!
PREPARATION
Cut steak into ½-inch cubes. Remove stem and innards from jalapeno pepper. Dice jalapeno, yellow onion, green bell pepper, green onion, tomato, and garlic cloves.
Put olive oil and steak cubes into Dutch oven. Cook for 3 to 5 minutes on medium heat or until steak cubes turn brown. Add jalapeno, yellow onion, bell pepper, green onion, tomato, garlic, kidney beans, tomato sauce, chili powder, Dijon mustard, basil, cayenne, pepper, cilantro, cumin, oregano, barbecue sauce, and sour cream.
Set temperature between off and warm. For best results, simmer with lid on for 2 hours. The chili will, however, still taste great if you cook it on medium heat for 20 to 30 minutes. Sprinkle cheese on top 3 minutes before serving.
Life is good.
TIDBITS
1) People going on long trips in America in the early 1800s sometimes carried chili in the form of dried bricks. It consisted of beef, chili peppers, salt, and suet.
2) From the 1880s to the 1930s Hispanic women sold hot chili to the passers by of San Antonio. People called them “Chili Queens.”
3) One of my favorite baseball players was called Chili Davis because his fellow Jamaican kids once thought his haircut looked like a “chili bowl.”
4) Chill Wills, the actor, starred in many fine Western movies.
5) Chi Chi Rodriguez was a great golfer.
6) “CH” stands for, in French, Switzerland
7) “C” is the symbol for the element Carbon and the basis for all life on Earth.
8) “ ” is what a mime says.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
March 18: This entree honors a Romanian Minister of Parlement Bribing Voters with 60 tons of fried chicken
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You love fried chicken. Who else does? Your voters do. But the electorate doesn’t like you. Not much at all. How can you win the voters over to your side? Sure, you could promise them all sorts of things. But you’re a politician. The people don’t believe politicians’ promises. And they especially don’t believe you.
That leaves bribery as your only course of action. What sort of bribery? You can’t give all those people diamonds, too expensive. Cash would work. However, it’s too expensive. Bribing them with $10 of cold, hard cash will leave them cold. How about greasing their palms with $100 in paper currency. Yes, that would work. That would make the voters adore you. That would make them stampede the polling sites at six a.m. to check your box on the ballot. But tossing large bills at the masses simply is beyond your budget.
What to do? Bribe the voters with fried chicken. As mentioned above your constituents crave fried chicken. And a meal of chicken is so freaking affordable for the would-be vote buyer. Treat each and every voter to a bucket or meal of fried chicken and you’ll be elected in a landslide.
Our politician in Romania, Mr. Popescu, took this advice to heart. Florin “Chicken Baron” Popescu bribed voters with 60 tons–60 tons!–of fried chicken. It worked. The people voted him in as the leader of their county council. He used this position and name recogniton to secure election as a member of parliament in 2012. Alas, karma is relentless and law enforcement arrested him for bribery. Life can be hard.
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Celebrate the drive and determination of politico Popescu with this tasty American favorite. You might even find yourself fantasizing yourself winning a seat in the U.S. Senate. Just don’t get caught. Meanwhile, enjoy.
INGREDIENTS
4 chicken breasts, boneless & skinless
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
½ cup flour
1 teaspoon garlic powder
¾ teaspoon onion powder
1¼ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley (1 teaspoon more later)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (ip to 2 tablespoons more, if necessary)
up to 2 tablespoons, if necessary
1 lemon
1 teaspoon parsley
SPECIAL UTENSIL
kitchen mallet
Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Remove chicken breasts from refrigerator and pat dry with paper towels. Cover with plastic wrap. Pound chicken breasts lightly with kitchen mallet until they are ½” thick or thinner. Rub chicken with pepper and salt.
Add flour, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and parsley to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dredge chicken breast through mixture in bowl. Shake off any excess. (Excess flour falls off in the oil, adding a burnt taste and look..) Repeat for remaining chicken.
Add 3 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a little bit of flour in the oil starts to dance. Add 2 chicken breasts to pan. Cover and fry chicken breasts for 3 minutes or until bottom of chicken breasts turn golden brown. DO NOT move them. (Only lift a corner of a chicken breast to see if the bottom is golden brown. Use spatula to flip chicken breasts. Cover and fry for another 2½ minutes or when new bottom turns golden brown as well. Remove breasts to plate and cover to keep warm. Add up to 2 more tablespoons oil, if necessary. Repeat for 2nd batch of chicken breasts.
Slice lemon into 4 pieces. Serve each chicken breasts with a lemon slice Garnish each chicken breast with ¼ teaspoon parsley..
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS 
6 medium brown potatoes
14 ounces diced green chiles
2 medium white onions
3 cups grated Four Mexican cheeses
3 tablespoons butter
PREPARATION – POTATOES
Gently scrub the potatoes to remove dirt. Cut out the potatoes’ eyes. This is not an act of barbarity. The eyes are those little rooty things that grow out of the potato when you leave them in the potato bin for too long.
You might want to stab each potato a few times. (Okay, let out your aggression here.) This prevents steam from building up to the point your potato explodes. Boom!
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put the potatoes in the oven and bake for about 50 minutes. (You do need to plan ahead. Watch two episodes of Man Versus Food while waiting.) Jab a fork into the taters. The fork should slide in easily. This step is essential. Baking with multiple potatoes or multiples of any food can increase the baking time. Also the sizes of the potatoes vary with each baking. And who knows if the temperature of the dial on your oven is accurate? My experience is that most real oven temperatures are less than what the oven’s gauges would have you believe.
Oh, don’t forget to remove those potatoes when done.
PREPARATION -SAUCE
While the potatoes bake, melt the butter. Mince onions in your food processor. Mince onions by hand and you’ll cry. Pour the minced onion and the diced green chiles into the butter. Cook on medium high, stirring constantly. Periodically taste, it’s your kitchen, and stop when you’re satisfied or as soon as the onion changes color. Add in the grated cheese and stir until it melts.
Cut the potatoes open and cover both sides with the sauce. Note, both this sauce and baked potatoes taste much better hot than cold.
Although time consuming, this dish is easy to make and tastes great. When serving this dish to guests, stress the time this dish took and omit the ease of making it.
TIDBITS
1) People from Wisconsin are often called “cheeseheads.”
2) There are about 2,000 varieties of cheese. Cheese will grow moldy. Clean your refrigerator periodically. Cheese can be made from camel’s milk. Never tried it.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
On no. I didn’t have to walk here.
I did walk 500 miles.
and I did walk 500 miles back.
Just to learn the home
Of the girl was next door.
GPS was out of wack.
She was gone when I got back.
Wouldn’t wait no more.
I’m sad. My feet are sore.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The sticker says, “Two tortillas.”
I like to cook. So does my friend, Carl La Fong*. Although a really good cook, Carl occasionally makes mistakes. Sometimes they’re doozies. In the spirit of helping fledgling chefs, he’s agreed to share his mistakes.
Carl started off well. He sprayed the top and bottom of the quesadilla maker**. He put a flour tortilla on the bottom of the grill. He topped the tortilla with avocado salsa, diced chiles, and a generous amount of grated Mexican cheeses. He closed the lid. The quesadilla maker started cooking.
“You know,” Carl said, “in retrospect, I should have placed a second flour tortilla on top of the fixings. The modern mind cannot comprehend the mess made by leaving that ingredient out. Fortunately, I worked quickly and cleaned the quesadilla maker is just a scant hour. In my defense, I was pondering the clauses in the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia. It can happen to anyone.”
Carl says, “Hi” and invites you to share your friends’ cooking mishaps. He als
* =No, Carl La Fong is not my alter ego. Why do you ask?
** = Doesn’t the quesadilla maker look like a space alien?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 
Laughing Horse Thinks You’re Funny
And wonderful. Neigh
Hee! Hee!
.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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