recipes

Melon Salsa

Mexican Appetizer

MELON SALSA

INGREDIENTSMelonSalsa-

1 jalapeno pepper
½ medium honeydew melon
1 peach
1 red bell pepper
½ teaspoon cilantro
1½ tablespoons lime juice

PREPARATION

Remove seeds from jalapeno pepper. (Remember to wash hands after doing this.) Remove seeds from honeydew melon, peach, and red bell pepper. Dice jalapeno pepper, honeydew, peach, and red bell pepper. Add all ingredients to serving bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Goes well with chicken, fish, and tortilla chips.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is not that spicy hot as it contains only one jalapeno pepper. However, there are people who sweat profusely even at the sight of a hot pepper. Some people are even tempted to strip off all their clothes in order to get relief from the spicy heat.

2) If your one of these people may I suggest attending the Global Rainbow Gathering in La Paz, Mexico? The festival runs from November 1 to 30 and celebrates peace and love. And nudity, but you’ll already be nude because you panicked from the spicy heat of a jalapeno pepper and doffed your clothes in front of everybody. But it’ll be okay because many of the other revelers will naked as well. You’ll feel one with the universe and friends with everyone as sample the plentiful marijuana. Discuss healing the world with your new-found friends while getting a massage from Sunshine. Don’t expect to imbibe alcohol here; the emphasis is on good, clean fun.

3) Crave nocturnal excitement ‘round Christmas time? Visit Oaxaca, Mexico, on December 23 for the Night of the Radishes. No, this is not a low-budget sequel to The Night of the Living Dead. It is the height of after-dusk vegetarian excitement. Radish growers neighboring towns assemble for perhaps the largest radish-carving competition in the world. See culinary artists depict scenes from the Bible, history, and mythology from huge, carved radishes. Enjoy gigantic radish salads while watching spectacular firework displays. This festival is a must for the radish lover in all of us.

4) Visit the Zacatecas, Mexico for its La Morisma celebration. Held in late August, this festival features a staged battle between thousands of Christian and Moorish warriors. I had never heard of Moorish soldiers getting to Mexico, so it all sounds historically dubious. Men and women, people of all ages dress up in period uniforms and recreate fictitious battles for three days. Whoa. Fine wandering bands of musicians provide additional entertainment. Note, people who fit it well with the Global Rainbow Gathering usually do not enjoy this event. It’s an either or sort of thing.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Portuguese Fish Sauce (molho cru)

Portuguese Appetizer

FISH SAUCE
(molho cru)

INGREDIENTSMolhoCru-

3 garlic cloves
6 tablespoons fresh parsley
1 onion
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 teaspoon crushed red peppers
½ teaspoon pepper
1 package saffron
⅓ cup cold water
1 cup cider vinegar

PREPARATION

Mince garlic and parsley. Dice onion. Add all ingredients to serving bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Put bowl in refrigerator for 30 minutes. Serve cold. This dish also works well for marinating fish.

TIDBITS

1) Want to really run with the bulls? Visit the Portuguese island of Terceira for the Sanjoaninas festivites in August. Simply hold a rope that is tied to a running bull. Okay, it is suggested that you run as well. Prove your courage to your loved one by scampering as close to the enraged, huge, muscular, sharp horned beast as possible. A gore wound is guaranteed to give you a story you can tell your friends forever. Go for it!

2) Admittedly, painful injuries just aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Well, if you’re one of these people may I suggest the Orange Throwing Competition in Ivrea, Italy? Held forty days before Lent, it’s perfect for the warrior in all of us yearning to participate in a safe war. (And how many of those occur these days?) Watch a parade. Blend in, pretend to savor the historical significance of some long ago battle. Then pelt other tourists and locals with overripe oranges. If life gives you rotten oranges, hold a festival.

3) Sometimes you just feel like being a dick. That’s a good time to head to Tyrnavos, Greece for its Phallus Festival. Start your celebration of Dionysus, the Greek god of wine and whoopee, by eating spinach and nettle soup. Then go crazy and bop others on their heads with an enormous phallus–fake, not your own. This all ensures a good harvest and occurs at the start of Lent.

4) The Festa della Madonna Bruna in Matera, Italy, is perfect for everyone thirsting for vengeance against the law for that $400 in towing fees and fines they gave you for parking illegally in a spot where you couldn’t see the no-parking signs twelve feet off the ground and twenty yards behind you. Ahem. Police, locals, and participants battle for the possession of the float honoring the Madonna. Held on July 2, it’s good fun, it’s legal, and doesn’t cause run-on sentences.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Jamaican Jerk Seasoning

Jamaican Appetizer

JERK SEASONING

INGREDIENTS??????????

2½ teaspoons allspice
½ tablespoon cayenne pepper
½ tablespoon chives
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
2½ garlic powder
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 tablespoon onion powder
½ teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon salt
½ tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons thyme

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Store in a tightly closed jar.

TIDBITS

1) Jar is an anagram for raj. And not much else, even in 1860. The Pony Express started in 1860, ceasing operations in 1861 because of high costs.

2) In 1866, Mara Angs of Ranam Gas, California, came up with the perfect recipe for root beer. Everybody loved it. One drink of Mara’s delectable beverage and everybody became happy. Californians felt their cares slip away. The root beerian wave of happiness crashed over the rest of the American land. USA would never fight another Civil War. Still the the worthy Miss Angs never did send her recipe to America’s leaders. She couldn’t afford the Pony Express’ postage. Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis never sipped root beer, never became mellow, and so never reached a comprise. The Unpleasantness of 1861-1865 ensued.

3) On July 7, 1869, Ana Gram, proprietor of A Rag Man Bar and Girl sat down after hiring another waitress. Why, her customers would eat anything, even leather shoes, as long as a pretty woman served them. Miss Gram couldn’t hire enough beauties. Everyday, the stage brought 123 waitresses west to Margansa, Kansas. Why not have here new employees bring letters and parcels with them? So, she started AnaGramsTM. An improved postal service would eventually put her out of business, but her contribution to the taming of the West lives on.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Ifisashi From Zambia

Zambian Entree

IFISASHI

INGREDIENTSifisashi-

1 pound unsalted peanuts
1 onion
2 tomatoes
½ pound collard greens
½ pound spinach
1 small sweet potato
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1¾ cups water
¾ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

Makes 6 bowls. Takes about 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Chop peanuts into fourths. Dice onion and tomatoes. Dice or shred collards greens and spinach. Peel and dice sweet potato.

Add onion and peanut oil to Dutch oven. Sauté onion on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add water. Bring water to boil on high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to medium. Add peanuts, tomato, and salt. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add collard greens, spinach, and sweet potato. Cook for about 15 minutes or until liquid thickens to a thick buttery sauce.

Ifisashi often is paired with nshima or cornmeal dumpling. Don’t panic over the nshima, ifisashi also goes well over rice.

TIDBITS

1) The sound of people snoring is often described as, “Zzzz..” Because of their pleasant climate, nighttime temperatures, and comfy beds, Zambia and Zimbabwe are the best places for pleasant, refreshing zzzs.

3) Indeed, The International Sleeping Association (IFA) awarded its highest honor possible to these two nations, the Order of The Z which gives the lucky land the right to rename themselves with a word starting with a z. Well done, Zambia, Zimbabwe.

4) Sad to say, in 1997 sleeping conditions in once restful Zaire deteriorated to the point that the IFA took away Zaire’s “Z.” This sad land now calls itself The Democratic Republic of the Congo.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Kedjenou (chicken stew from Ivory Coast)

Ivory Coast

KEDJENOU
(chicken stew)

INGREDIENTSKedjenou-

2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 eggplant
3 tomatoes
2 jalapeño or other hot peppers
3 garlic cloves
2 onions
3 tablespoons peanut oil
¾ cup chicken stock
1 bay leaf
1 tablespoon ginger
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon thyme

Takes about 2 hours
makes 8 bowls

SPECIAL UTENSILS

large oven proof pot or casserole dish with tight fitting lid
tin foil, if lid does not fit tightly

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Peel and cut eggplant into ½” cubes. Seed and dice tomatoes. Dice chile peppers, garlic cloves, and onions.

Combine all ingredients into large, oven-proof pot. Stir. Cover pot with lid. If the lid doesn’t make a tight seal, cover pot with tin foil and then the lid. DO NOT remove lid while baking. Bake at 325 degrees for 90 minutes. Use oven mitt to shake pot every 10 minutes to prevent chicken and other ingredients from sticking to the bottom and sides.

After the 90 minutes of baking has passed, check to see if ingredients are tender. If not, replace foil and lid, bake for another 30 minutes, and check once more for doneness. Again, use oven mitt to shake pot every ten minutes. Goes well with rice or attiéké, made from grated, fermented cassava. Attiéké can be found in African food markets.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe call for skinless chicken breasts.

2) It would have been exciting if one of the ingredients were shinless chickens.

3) I don’t know if chickens have proper shins.

4) Or even improper shins.

5) You need to wear shin guards if you play soccer.

6) This advice holds if you are human or a chicken.

7) Have you ever beheld a chicken playing soccer without shin guards?

8) No, I don’t think so.

9) Ivorians, people from the Ivory Coast, love to play soccer and often play in the World Cup.

10) They also love chicken.

11) So we can conclude they love to see chicken play soccer.

12) Of course, chickens can play soccer. Their tiny size enables them to dribble the ball easily through the legs of any defender.

13) And my gosh, chickens sure can head the ball into the net. Their brain is so tiny that concussions really can’t damage their intellect. And the best chickens can fly for up to  200 feet. They can indeed get to any ball in the air. One flick of the hen’s head and there’s another goal for poultry.

14) Ivorian chicken soccer is of the highest level.

15) Ivorian chickens would play in the World Cup except for the fact that the men’s national soccer team is still somewhat better than the poultry squad and a nation may only enter one team in the tournament.

16) Greenland’s human soccer team garners few victories and never qualifies for any international tournaments. The land’s chickens hatch from the shell with moves that would have put Pele to shave. One would think that the Greenlandic chickens might have a good chance for soccer fame.

17) Unfortunately, it’s a tough life for any chick yearning for soccer glory. Actually, it’s a short life. Greenland’s arctic freezes one chicken after another. Sure, they could survive playing indoor soccer, but as of press time, no Greenlandic municipality has budgeted for an indoor poultry soccer arena.

18) This isn’t so much of a concern for human soccer players, but Greenlandic chickens are terrified of being eaten by polar bears on their way from the coop to the indoor soccer arena.

19) An obvious solution would be to send Greenland’s soccer chickens to a country without a top-level human team, Albania for example. However, the process of navigating the bureaucratic mazes to get poultry visas to Albania has stopped everyone so far. We can only dream.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Peanut Butter Chip Cookies

American Dessert

PEANUT BUTTER CHIP COOKIES

INGREDIENTSPeanutButterChip-

3 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
½ cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
10 ounces peanut butter chips
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
1-to-4 cookie sheets (You might have to bake in batches.)

makes about 36 cookies

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Take butter out of the refrigerator and let it soften. Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in large mixing bowl. Place butter, sugar, brown sugar, egg, vanilla extract, and peanut butter chips in second mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on cookies or medium high. Gradually add in the flour mixture from the first bowl. Blend thoroughly with electric beater set on whip or high. Fold in peanut butter chips. Mix with hands.

Roll dough into little balls about 1″ wide. Spray cookie sheets with no-stick spray. Leave a 2″ gap between peanut butter/dough balls. Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cookies cool for 2 minutes before transferring with a spatula to wire rack or cold plate. Cool for an additional 5-to-20 minutes or as long as you can stand waiting.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Incas used peanuts in their religious ceremonies. The Incas built a mighty empire. Thomas Jefferson raised peanuts. He went onto write America’s Declaration of Independence. As president he doubled America’s size with the Louisiana Purchase. America is still the only country to send a peanut to the moon.

2) Peanut is awesome! Get your cat or dog to take its medicine by covering it with peanut butter. P.b. is the best bait for mousetraps. Put peanut butter in the pan after frying fish. The fishy smell will go away. This amazing food cleans your furniture and gives your house a nice peanut-buttery aroma. Use peanut butter when your shaving; it’s good for your skin.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shuco, The Guatemalan Hot Dog

Guatemalan Entree

SHUCO
(Hot Dog)

INGREDIENTSShuco-

1 yellow onion
⅛ head cabbage
2 chorizo sausages
4 foot-long hot dogs (or as long as you can get)
2 loganizas (white sausage, linguica)
¼ pound thinly sliced bacon
¼ pound thinly sliced ham
¼ pound thinly sliced salami
½ cup guacamole
½ cup mayonnaise
¼ cup mustard
1 teaspoon hot sauce (optional)
4 foot-long hot dog buns or 4 baguettes or 8 regular hot dog buns*

* = You may need to cut the sausages to fit the regular hot dog buns.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric grill

PREPARATION

Dice onion. Shred cabbage. Slice chorizos, hot dogs, and loganizas in half lengthwise. Put cabbage with enough water to cover and cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until cabbage is tender.

Grill bacon, chorizo, hot dog, and loganiza halves on medium heat or at 350 degrees for about 5 minutes or until they look done. (Start grilling chorizo sausages and loganizas with casing side down. Flip them carefully.) Turn as often as necessary to avoid burning meat. Grill ham and salami for 1 minute. Flip meat slices after 30 seconds. Toast buns on grill or in toaster..

Place a chorizo, hot dog, and loganiza half on each bun bottom. Top with bacon and ham and salami slices. Sprinkle each bottom bun with equal amounts of onion and boiled cabbage. Spoon an equal amount of guacamole, mayonnaise, mustard and hot sauce over each top bun. Assemble top and bottom buns to make a delicious feat.

TIDBITS

1) This is the first tidbit.

2) As I recall, shuco means “dirty.”

3) All cooks, in addition to being hotties, are extremely organized and neat. So, calling this dish dirty is unfair. Perhaps some ancient royalty dropped his shuco on the ground and it got dirty. Indeed, some culinary historians think the king, being an oaf, ate the dirty shuco. Three of his nearest courtiers laughed at him. He had them beheaded. The fourth nearest courtier–We know his name. It’s Xatal.–started to laugh. Being a quick thinker, he changed and pretended to clear his throat.

4 The time limit for ancient Mayan royal secrets is 1,500 years. That limit lapsed exactly at the time I typed “pretended” in the previous tidbit. So, I know now the king’s name was Bongo. King Bongo played the bongos. Count Bassie originally toyed with playing bongos but didn’t wish to play second fiddle to Good King Bongo.

5 Some culinary historians take issue with the title Good King, pointing to the frequent executions he ordered.

6) Anyway, Xatal, who has been waiting patiently since tidbit 3 to play his part in culinary history, cleared his throat and said, “Good King Bongo is a medical genius as well as a brilliant musician. There is iron in dirt. Iron makes you strong. Let us all follow his illustrious lead and become strong by eating dirty hot dogs. Hey let’s call them shucos in honor of his son, Prince Shuco.”

7) The ancient Mayans threw their shucos on the ground, ate them, and grew strong. And these strong men formed strong armies and these strong armies conquered lands as far as the eye could see. King Bongo had really good eyesight and liked to stand atop his tall pyramids, so they conquered lots of really far away lands.

8) King Bongo’s eyesight was so keen that many culinary baseball historians think he could have been a better hitter than even the great Ted Williams if his highness had only been born in the 1920s. It’s frightening to think how many World Series the Boston Red Sox could have won in the 40s and 50s if they had had both Ted Williams and King Bongo in their lineup.

9) But the ancient Mayans, although being cracker-jack astronomers, never developed the time machines. Their princes grew up to be kings, not ball players. They’d bash in skulls in battle, not bash balls over the fence.

10) This happy state of Mayan conquest lasted for centuries for their warriors were strong from the iron in the dirt of their dirty hot dogs. In 1540, the Mayan Empire suffered a dirt shortage. Their warriors became weak. In 1541, the Spanish conquistadors attacked. The Spanish were strong from the iron they got from eating sautéed liver. The issue was never in doubt.

11) Vitamins and supplements became widely available to the populations of the world during the twentieth century. Countries that had had no access to Guatemalan suchos or were too disgusted by sautéed liver to eat it were suddenly able to get enough iron to raise armies of strong men. This is why we had two world wars in the last century.

12) Today’s Guatemalan shuco contains nothing but fine ingredients and is one of the ten best hot dogs of the world. Be strong!

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Brined Turkey Breast

American Entree

BRINED TURKEY BREAST

INGREDIENTS -BRINEBrinedTurkey-

1 gallon ice-cold water
2 bay leaves
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon peppercorns
1 teaspoon allspice
½ teaspoon mustard
1 teaspoon rosemary
1½ cups coarse salt
½ cup light brown sugar
½ cup white sugar
½ teaspoon thyme
8 pound thawed turkey breast (For love of God, Montressor, the turkey must be thawed)

INGREDIENTS – COOKING TURKEY

4 tablespoons butter
2 cups chicken broth
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

really big pot 8+ gallons or turkey bag
spice grinder
large oven-safe pan or casserole dish
wire rack.
meat thermometer

Serves 12
Takes 15-to-24 hours

PREPARATION – THAWING TURKEY

If not already done, thaw turkey breast. Keep turkey in packaging and add it to a large pot. Cover turkey with cold water. Let turkey sit in cold water for 30 minutes per pound. In this recipe, that would be 4 hours. Pour out water.

PREPARATION – BRINE

Crumble bay leaves. Mince garlic cloves. Grind peppercorns. Remove packaging from turkey and rinse in cold water. Add 1 gallon ice-cold water and all brine ingredients except turkey to pot. Stir until salt and sugar dissolves. Add turkey. Add ice-cold water as needed to cover turkey, Cover pot or close turkey bag and refrigerate for at least 12 hours but not more than 24

PREPARATION – COOKING TURKEY

Remove turkey from brine and pat dry. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Put turkey in large pan Melt butter. Brush melted butter onto turkey. Sprinkle pepper and salt onto turkey. Place wire rack in pan. Put turkey on rack. Put meat thermometer in thickest part of turkey. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. Reduce heat to 325 degrees. Bake for 2-to-3 hours or until meat thermometer reads 165 degrees. Baste with ½ cup of chicken broth after every 30 minutes of baking at 325 degrees.

TIDBITS

1) Wild turkeys hide in trees at night. Just like human ninjas.

2) Wild turkeys can fly. That’s better than human ninjas.

3) All turkeys have periscopic vision. This means they can twist their heads around to see everything.
Can human ninjas do that? I think not.

4) Female turkeys do not gobble. This stealthiness makes them the perfect silent warriors.

5) Our founding father, Benjamin Franklin, wanted to make the turkey our national bird.

6) Why? Culinary historians suspect that turkey ninjas fought on the colonists’ side during the American Revolution.

7) How do they know this? The British soldiers were far better trained than the American militia. The British king had many more soldiers under his autocratic command than did our fractious Continental Congress. King George’s army possessed a lot more cannon and could boast of the biggest and best navy in the world.

8) America could only have won if it had ninja turkeys swooping down, dealing quick, silent death out of the pitch-black night. Historians think American units coordinated ambushes by using bird calls. Culinary historians know better. These were turkey calls, made by fierce turkey warriors.

9) Britain finally countered with the King’s Bear Battalion in 1782. These bears could climb up any tree and were paid in honey. America’s ninja turkeys wouldn’t have stood a chance against the bears’ great strength and massive, sharp claws.

10) Fortunately for America, Britain’s will to continue the war had already been shattered by the decisive battle of Yorktown during the previous year.

11) America disbanded its turkey ninjas in 1806. This is why it didn’t win the War of 1812.

12) America might be using turkey ninjas in covert operations. Why can say? Washington remains mute on the subject.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Iraqi Potato Beef Casserole (kibbe batata)

Iraqi Entree

POTATO BEEF CASSEROLE
(kibbe batata)

INGREDIENTSKibbeBatata-

6 medium brown potatoes
½ teaspoon turmeric

2 garlic cloves
1 onion
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 pound ground beef or lamb
3 tablespoons parsley
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

no-stick spray
2½ tablespoons butter
½ tablespoon cinnamon

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ x 13″ casserole dish
Serves 117 square inches

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into eight pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Drain potatoes. Mash potatoes with potato masher. Add turmeric to pot. Use whisk to blend mashed potatoes and turmeric together.

While potato is cooking, mince garlic cloves and onion. Put garlic, onion, and vegetable oil in pan. Sauté at medium-high for 5 minutes. Stir frequently. Add ground beef, parsley, pepper, and salt. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until beef is no longer pink.

Spray casserole dish with no stick spray. Cut butter into tiny cubes. Add ½ of mashed potatoes to casserole dish. Smooth mashed potatoes with spoon or spatula. Add ground-beef mix. Smooth ground beef. Add remaining ½ of mashed potatoes to casserole dish. Smooth mashed potatoes. Sprinkle tiny butter cubes and cinnamon over top layer of mashed potatoes.

Bake casserole at 350 degrees for 30-to-40 minutes or until top of casserole turns golden brown. Cut casseroles into squares, diamonds, or rectangles and serve to lovers of good food and friends of geometric shapes everywhere.

TIDBITS

1) This entree is Iraqi.

2) Iraqi food is great, however Iraqi is poor word for making anagrams.

3) You can use the word Iraqi to form the anagram “Qi air.”

4) Qi is a word that is only used in ScrabbleTM games. I don’t know what it means. I don’t play Scrabble anymore.

5) There is a persistent suspicion among culinary wordsmiths that wars and all types of fighting in that country occur to justify the use of the words Iraq, Iraqi, and Iraqis in Scrabble.

6) But what if Iraq were to split into separate countries?

7) Iraq and Iraqi would be taken out of the Scrabble dictionary.

8) And what if you had the tiles IRAQISW in your possession, and you could use the “q” for a triple-letter score and the entire word could be doubled?

9) And what if you were playing the leaders of the superpowers for world domination, the game was about to end because one of the leaders wanted to eat a lutefisk sandwich at the table, and the points from I1R1A1Q10I1S1 are enough to give you the game?

10) Well, you’d lose because Iraq wouldn’t exist anymore in Scrabble. You’d have to go back to your spouse in your tiny apartment who’d ask you where you’d been.

11) You’d say, “Honey, I’ve been playing the nations’ leader Scrabble for world domination.”

12) You’d be told, “Like I haven’t heard that one before. Did you get the milk like I asked you?”

13) A dark mood would envelop you. You’d head to KwikiMart thinking, “If I were the world’s dictator, I could send someone else out to get milk.”

14) On the way home, you’d realize that if Iraq were to split into three nations, the country of Kurdistan would come into existence.

15) What if you had the tiles K5U1R1D2I1S1T1S1 and you could place them in front of AN already on the board for triple K and triple word?

16) Why you’d win the game for sure! You’d be the Earth’s El Supremo. You’d have a milk fetcher on your permanent staff. Chocolate malteds anytime you want! World domination is great!

17) Did you keep the phone numbers of the world’s leaders? Great. Be sure to get those honey-mustard potato chips that Madame President likes.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Morog Polao (Bangladeshi chicken pilaf)

Bangladeshi Entree

MOROG POLAO
(Chicken pilaf)

INGREDIENTSMorogPolao-

4 chicken breasts
1 medium onion
1 ounce cashew nuts
4 large garlic cloves
1½ ounces ginger root
1 tablespoon poppy seeds
1 teaspoon cardamom
¾ teaspoon chili
½ teaspoon coriander
¼ teaspoon mace
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon turmeric
½ tablespoon lemon juice
¼ cup milk
¼ cup plain yogurt

2 cups basmati rice
3½ cups water
2 bay leaves
1¾ cups water
1 cinnamon stick
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ cup ghee or butter
1 gram saffron (.035 ounce. Tiny but mighty, you bet.) or ½ teaspoon safflower

SPECIAL UTENSILS

spice grinder
sonic obliterator (essential for all sensitive chefs)

Takes about 3 hours. Serves 4.

PREPARATION

Cut each chicken breast in half. Dice onion. Put the following ingredients one at a time in spice grinder and grind until you get four different pastes: cashew nuts, garlic cloves, ginger root, and poppy seeds.

Add chicken, onion, ginger paste, cashew paste, garlic paste, poppy-seed paste, cardamom, chili, coriander, mace, nutmeg, salt, turmeric, lemon juice, milk, and yogurt to large mixing bowl. Mix by hand until chicken pieces are well coated with spices. Marinate in refrigerator for at least 1 hour.

While chicken marinates, add rice and 3½ cups water to large bowl. Let rice set in water for 30 minutes, then drain water. Add bay leaves, cinnamon stick, and 1 cup water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes. Remove bay leaves and cinnamon stick with tongs. This is the spicy water.

Add marinated chicken and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté chicken on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until chicken starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat. Add ghee, saffron, and drained rice to second pan. Sauté rice for about 5 minutes or until rice starts to splutter. Stir constantly.

Add chicken, sautéed rice, and spicy water to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer for 20 minutes or until rice is tender. Serve to adoring quests. Sonically obliterate the unappreciative; it just means more for those who like this entree. And besides, you don’t need negativity.

TIDBITS

1) The similarities between Bangladesh and Tennessee are astounding and many.

2) Morog Polao, this Bangladeshi entree, has four vowels, o, in it.

3) Tennessee has four vowels in it as well, e in this case.

4) Morog Polao is served at Bangladeshi weddings.

5) Food is also served at Tennessean festivals, including deep-fried ice cream and deep-fried Caesar’s salad.

6) Julius Caesar never made it to either Bangladesh or Tennessee.

7) Bangladesh is an anagram for bagel hands. Tennesseans eat bagels with their hands.

8) Tennessee is an anagram for seen teens.

9) Teenagers have been seen in Bangladesh and in Tennessee.

4) Uh oh!. We’ve already seen 4). I hope this is just a typo, not an indication that we are going back in time. In which case, my twelve-minute eggs will never get ready. I mean they’ve been cooking for eight minutes now and pretty soon they’ll be three-minute eggs because we’re going back in time. My gosh!

10) Ah! 10). We are not going back in time. It was just a typo.

11) Typos occur in both Bangladesh and Tennessee. If all these similarities can occur in two widely separated spots in the world, who’s to say involuntary time travel can’t happen? Watch your eggs.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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