Posts Tagged With: Kenyan

Elephant Marathons on ESPN8

Posted on November 1, 2022 by pauldelancey

We’re just five months away from the start of the First Elephant Marathon on ESPN8. And it’s going to be televised on ESPN8(tm)!

“We couldn’t be prouder,” said gamekeeper Absko Otieno of the Reteti Elephant Sanctuary. “We take in injured elephants and try to rehabilitate them. To that end, we constantly take them out for exercise. Got to build up their muscles and endurance, you know.

“At first, we could only get them to walk for a mile at most. A few months later, we stretched their walks to two miles. But you know, a healthy elephant needs to do much more. But we just couldn’t coax them into doing that. What to do?

“Then thank goodness, just as we going to give up again after just two miles, a peanut truck came by. You know, just like an ice cream truck but with peanuts. So this peanut truck came by playing Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.” And you know, just as peanuts are the elephants’ favorite food, “Ride of the Valkyries” is their favorite music. Elephants can’t get enough of Wagner.

“Anyway, all the elephants turned around and ran after the peanut truck. For 26 miles, a marathon! We paid the peanut-truck driver to drive 26 miles around the sanctuary every week. At first, maybe a dozen people showed up to watch. Then a hundred. Then hundreds. Then thousands and tens of thousands. This country went elephant-racing mad.

“Soon wildlife tours made stops to see our elephants race. One of them worked for ESPN. He bought the rights to the elephant marathon. There you go, and oh, don’t try this at home. Hope to see you at our marathon!”

Ellie the Elephant practicing for the marathon.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Kunde

Posted on December 5, 2021 by pauldelancey

Kenyan Entree

KUNDE

INGREDIENTS

1 cup rice
1 medium onion
2 tomatoes
½ cup unsalted peanuts or ¼ cup creamy peanut butter
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon turmeric
½ teaspoon salt
1½ pounds black-eyed peas, cooked and drained
½ cup water

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor or coffee grinder

Serves 4. Takes 25 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. Mince onion. Dice tomatoes. Grind peanuts in food processor until you get a paste. Add oil and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Sur frequently. Add coriander and turmeric. Cook for 1 minute or until fragrant. Stir constantly.

Add tomato and salt. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 5 minutes or until liquid disappears. Stir frequently. Lightly mash black-eyed peas with a fork. Add peanut paste, black-eyed peas, and water. Bring to boil at high heat. Reduce temperature to low medium. Simmer for 5 minutes or until dish gets to the consistency of a stew. Stir enough to prevent burning. Serve over rice.

TIDBITS

1) Really ancient humans worshiped the Sun as a god. They could have adored the potato instead. But they didn’t. Not many peoples even had potatoes. So, it never occurred to these tribes to worship the mighty spud. It’s just like wanting to eat lutefisk when you’ve never heard of it. You wouldn’t want to; it’s horrible. Not enough half-centuries have gone by before I’ll eat lutefisk again.

2) Anyway, the Rohohoe tribe, prehistoric Kenyans, had the Sun and they worshiped it. After much discussion, the religious leaders decided that the best way to worship Sun was to make an entree out of: rice, onion, tomatoes, peanuts, veggie oil, coriander, turmeric, salt, black-eyed peas, and water. The brownish mix of ingredients in the middle represents the Sun and the rice, its rays. There.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: apocalyptic, black-eyed peas, Comic Chef, cookbook, entree, God, good food, Kenyan, kunde, lutefisk, Lutheran, mushrooms, Paul De Lancey, potatoes, prehistoric, recipes, Rohohoe, Sun, thriller, worshiped | Leave a comment

Kachumbari (Kenyan Tomato Onion Salad)

Posted on September 1, 2021 by pauldelancey

Kenyan Appetizer

KACHUMBARI
(Tomato Onion Salad)

INGREDIENTS

½ cup fresh cilantro
1 medium red onion
4 tomatoes
½ cucumber
1 red chile
1¼ teaspoons salt
1 cup water
1 avocado
1½ tablespoons lime juice
1 tablespoon olive oil

Serves 4. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice cilantro, red onion, and tomatoes. Peel and dice cucumber. Seed and mince red chile. Add diced red onion and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with hand until red-onion bits are well coated with salt. Add water. Let red onion soak for 10 minutes. Drain red onion.

Peel, seed, and dice avocado. Add all ingredients to large mixing bowl. Toss with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) One of the most unsung trade routes of the Late Middle Ages, according to culinary, historians, was for Kenyan Kachumbari in exchange for Florentine wool. The Kenyans, or another name for Kenyans as historians had another name for the natives who lived then, prized Florentine wool.

2) For the Kenyans, made excellent KevlarTM type vests out of this most excellent wool. These vests proved impenetrable to all spears, arrows, swords, and knives. Kenya could never be conquered as long as it preserved the secret to making their vests. Unfortunately, in 1632, a kitchen maid, Machupa Mwangi, used the papers containing the secret vest formula to line her pie tins. These papers did not survive the baking. A few years later, Omani Arabs conquered Kenya. Kenya would not regain its independence for over 300 years. Bummer.

3) Florentine painters used Kachumbari to make vibrant landscapes. Unfortunately, these paintings had to be small as the ingredients of Kachumbari were quite perishable. (I don’t know how the Kenyan caravaners kept their avocados, which normally go bad in a few days, fresh on their months-long trek north. Modern scientists are eager to rediscover this lost art.) But one morning, Lorenzo Rotini, discovered paints could be made from minerals and plants. And they would last long enough to produce even the largest paints. The Renaissance began the very next day. Huzzah!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: apocalyptic, appetizer, caravans, Comic Chef, cookbook, Florentine, good food, independence, kachumbari, Kenyan, Lutheran, Middle Ages, onion, Paul De Lancey, recipes, Renaissance, salad, scientists, thriller, tomato, wool | Leave a comment

Safari Burger From Kenya

Posted on July 7, 2013 by pauldelancey

Kenyan Entree

SAFARI BURGER

INGREDIENTS

1 onion
3 cloves garlic
1 pound ground beef
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 turmeric
4 tablespoons lemon juice

lettuce
4 hamburger buns

makes 4 hamburgers

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick frying pan

PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic cloves. In large mixing bowl, mix or, to use the scientific term, “moosh” together onion, garlic, ground beef, pepper, cayenne, curry powder, turmeric, and lemon juice. Form 4 patties.

Put patties in frying pan. Fry at medium-high heat with lid on for about 15 minutes or until the insides of the patties are done to the desired level of pinkness or brownness. There should be no need to flip the patties as the lemon juice should help cook the patties evenly. Also, these patties are crumbly, so flipping them over might make them fall apart.

Toast hamburger buns while patties are cooking. Serve patties together with lettuce on hamburger buns. This burgers have a delightful spicy/lemony kick to them.

TIDBITS

1) Safaris were originally hunting expeditions in East Africa.

2) Later safaris included journeys for tourists who wanted to see wild animals, well, in the wild.

3) San Diego’s Safari Park has short tours where you hop in busses and jeeps and take pictures of their critters for an additional fee.

4) The Park’s expeditions are thus firmly rooted in the modern, non-violent meaning of the word, “safari.”

5) Indeed, the authorities and personnel of Safari Park who look askance at you, if you and your friends took shotguns on the tour and blasted away at the park’s wildlife.

6) They’d probably end the tour right then and there and not give you a refund.

7) One could even imagine an even more vigorous response by the folks of Safari Park, one involving, say, SWAT teams.

8) Safari Park used to be called Wild Animal Park. I prefer the old name. I like to think the animals there agree with me.

– Chef Paul

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: Africa, burger, cayenne, cookbook, curry, De Lancey, entree, Kenya, Kenyan, lemon juice, recipes, safari, Safari Park, San Diego, SWAT, Wild Animal Park | Leave a comment

Kenyan Coconut-Milk Plantain Recipe

Posted on May 25, 2013 by pauldelancey

Kenyan Entree

COCONUT-MILK PLANTAINS

INGREDIENTS

4 completely ripe plantains
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon cloves
1 3/4 cups coconut milk

PREPARATION

Peel plantains. Cut plantains in round slices no thicker than 1/4″ inch. Combine all ingredients (head ‘em up, move ‘em out) into soup pot. Simmer on low heat for 30-to-40 minutes or until the plantains are tender and have absorbed all the coconut milk. Stir occasionally to ensure that all the plantain slices get covered with liquid. Serve hot. If not, serve cold.

TIDBITS

1) Cinnamon is truly a happening spice.

2) True cinnamon comes from Sri Lanka. Powdered cinnamon sold in America is usually not true cinnamon. Instead is really cassia, a similar tasting spice. Fret not, the sky is not falling. You can buy cinnamon sticks and grind your own cinnamon. Take back cinnamon! Yeah!

3) Cinnamon smells great. Indeed, God told Moses (Exodus 30: 22-33). to make holy anointing oil out of cinnamon, cassia, olive oil, myrrh, and scented cane.

4) The ancient folks scurrying around the Mediterranean and points east believed in the Cinnamon Bird. The Cinnamon Bird lived in Arabia and built its nest with cinnamon which it got from parts unknown.

5) The Arabians left heavy chunks of meat on the ground. The Cinnamon Birds would take the meat back to their nest. The weight of the meat would cause the cinnamon nests to fall to the ground. Of course, they could have accomplished the same thing by throwing bowling balls in these birds’ nest, assuming the sons of the desert had bowling balls way back then.

6) The ancient Roman, Pliny the Elder, debunked the myth of the Cinnamon Bird. Nothing got past old Pliny.

7) Economist alert! One ounce of cinnamon could get you fifteen ounces of silver in Roman times. Kinda made having cinnamon toast a special occasion.

8) During the Middle Ages, your social level was determined by the number of spices you had. Hee, hee, I’m fabulously rich! Oh wait, I’m not living in the Middle Ages. Dang it, where’s my time machine?

9) For centuries, European nations fought wars over who would control Ceylon’s, Sri Lanka back then, supplies of cinnamon. A bit like Black Friday at WalmartTM.

10) For a long time I thought Marshall Crenshaw’s song, “Cynical Girl,” was really “Cinnamon Girl.” It changed the meaning somewhat.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: America, ancient, anointing oil, Arabia, Arabians, bowling balls, cassia, cinnamon, Cinnamon Bird, cinnamon toast, coconut, coconut milk, cookbook, curry powder, Cynical Girl, De Lancey, Europe, European, Exodus, garlic, ginger, God, holy, Kenya, Kenyan, Marshall Crenshaw, Mediterranean, Middle Ages, milk, Moroccan, Morocco, Moses, myrrh, plantain, Pliny the Elder, recipe, recipes, Roman, salt, Sri Lanka, time machine, Walmart | Leave a comment

Kenyan Maharagwe Soup Recipe

Posted on May 22, 2013 by pauldelancey

Kenyan Soup

MAHARAGWE
(Spicy red beans in coconut milk)

INGREDIENTS

3 tomatoes
1 1/2 onions
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/4 teaspoons cayenne
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon turmeric
1 13.5 ounce can coconut milk
1 15 ounce can dark red kidney beans

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes. Mince onions. Put olive oil and onion in soup pot. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion is tender. Drain kidney beans. Add tomato, cayenne, salt, turmeric, coconut milk, and kidney beans to pot.

Cook on low-medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Serve to guests who do not wonder out loud why a dish from Kenya has coconuts.

TIDBITS

1) Kenya grows coconuts. It does! It does! I never knew. I just looked it up. There’s even a Kenya Coconut Development Authority (KCDA). So there.

2) Egypt has pyramids. Mexico has pyramids. Did ancient Egyptians ever voyage to Mexico?

3) I’d always pictured coconuts growing only in islands in the Pacific.

4) But then again, Iceland grows bananas. Iceland is a republic. So, Iceland is a banana republic. So is the United States.

5) Did you know Iceland has a list of approved names? If you pick off the list, the government will not recognize your baby’s name. In that case, you must go to court to win approval.

6) Have you ever bought bananas from Iceland? Iceland has no McDonald’s. It costs too much to ship McDonald’s approved beef and potatoes there.

7) Juneau, Alaska has a McDonald’s. It used up it’s all the supplies that were supposed to last it an entire month on opening day.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: Alaska, banana, banana republic, cayenne, coconut, coconut milk, cookbook, De Lancey, Egypt, Iceland, Juneau, Kenya, Kenya Coconut Development Authority, Kenyan, McDonald's, Mexico, olive oil, onions, Pacific, pyramids, recipe, recipes, red beans, soup, tomatoes, United States | Leave a comment

Posts Tagged With: Kenyan

Elephant Marathons on ESPN8