Posts Tagged With: World Series

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Principles and Stuff

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My fellow humans,

What with the Cubs quite possibly heading to the World Series for the first time since 1945, news about Bacon & Chocolate Party has been crowded. People starved for a real political party are asking, “What ever happened to the great Bacon & Chocolate Party?” and “What do they believe in?” Ok, here’s the scoop.

1) Bacon & Chocolate Party is on the ballot in all but fifty states and the District of Columbia.

2)) B&C is within 50% of the votes of winning every state’s and DC’s electoral votes.

3) B&C is corruption proof. We have accepted no contributions from any special interest or lobbyist.

4) Or lobbist, i.e., a professional tennis player.

5) B&C’s presidential candidate, Paul R. De Lancey, is amazing. The vice-presidential candidate, Candace C. Bowen, is crackerjack, too.

6) We believe in the tastiness and healing properties of bacon and chocolate.

7) Save our bees.

8) We believe much of the deadlock in D.C. is due to the rancor between the political parties.

9) We will enforce mandatory nap time every time cranky Congress fails to legislate anything.

10) We will take massive national polls on everything. Those issues getting the highest percentage of yeses will get passed.

11) Ms. Bowen and I and the B&C cabinet will take frequent naps as well. We don’t like getting cranky either.

12) We’ll have great big, super tasty barbecues every week on the White House lawn. One guests, picked randomly from all Americans, will attend these food fests.

13) Anything that adversely affects our bees and our bacon and chocolate supplies will be dealt with.

14) Funding for Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron will be increased. It does wonderful work protecting this great nation.

15) And stuff.

Presidential candidate Paul R. De Lancey

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

 

 

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Bun Cha

Vietnamese Entree

BUN CHA

INGREDIENTSBunCha-

2 shallots
5 tablespoons fish sauce or oyster sauce or soy sauce (3 more tablespoons later)
¾ teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons sugar (2 more tablespoons later)
1 pound thinly sliced pork belly or bacon (See note *)
1 pound ground pork

¼ cup cilantro (All the greens in this section must be fresh)
5 green onions
¼ cup lettuce
¼ cup perilla or lemon thyme or mint
¼ cup Thai basil or basil
¼ cup Vietnamese mint or mint
¼ cup kohlrabi or green papaya

3 garlic cloves
1 Thai chile or cayenne chile or serrano chile
3 tablespoons fish sauce or oyster sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons rice vinegar
2 tablespoons sugar
1⅔ cups water
½ tablespoon lime juice

12 ounces dried vermicelli noodles
no-stick spray

I gave a lot of substitutes for this recipe as some of the ingredients are hard to find outside of an Asian grocery.

* = DO NOT get SALTED pork belly. It will make everything taste way too salty. Also, the pork belly should be sliced as thinly as bacon. If you cannot obtain thinly sliced, unsalted pork belly, you are better off using sliced bacon.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

grill, outdoor is preferable
grilling basket

Serves 6 people. Takes 1 hours 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince shallots. Add shallot, pepper, fish sauce, and sugar to first large mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well blended. Pour half of this marinade into a second large mixing bowl. Put pork belly in first bowl. Thoroughly coat the pork-belly slices with this marinade. Add the ground pork into the second bowl. Use hands to thoroughly knead the marinade into the ground pork. Put mixing bowls in refrigerator for 1 hour.

While pork marinates, dice cilantro, green onions, lettuce, perilla, Thai basil, and Vietnamese mint. Cut the bulb of the kohlrabi into ¼” slices. Put herbs in a large bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.

Form marinated ground pork into patties 2″ across and ½” thick. Spray grilling basket with no-stick spray. Put patties in grilling basket and grill for 4 minutes on each side or until both sides become golden brown. Remove grilled patties. Spray grilling basket again. Put pork-belly strips in grilling basket and grill for 2 minutes on each side until strips turn golden brown.

Mince garlic cloves and Thai chile. Add fish sauce, rice vinegar, sugar, and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Pour this dipping sauce into serving bowl. Add garlic, Thai chile, and lime juice. Stir until well blended.

Cook vermicelli noodles as instructed on package.

Place pork-belly strips, pork patties, greens, and noodles onto 4 communal serving bowls. Divide dipping sauce equally into a dipping bowl for each guest. Guests add as desired from the communal bowls.

TIDBITS

1) Bun Cha is short for Man Bun Cha Cha Cha, a Cuban dance from the 1950s. It’s associated with the island’s music scene and freedom of expression. Okay, there has been precious little freedom of expression in Cuba since Fidel Castro and his band of fitfully merry communists took over in 1959.

2) There was a reason for Castro’s oppression. The previous government under the dictator Bautista was decadent beyond belief. Government official thought nothing of double dipping tortillas chips into the communal sofrito bowl. Leaders and army officers grew their hair long, tied it up in man buns, and danced the Man Bun Cha Cha Cha. It was a parlous time.

3) Castro and his merry outcasts tried to humiliate Bautista’s regime by defeating its officials in Cha Cha contests. They didn’t. They couldn’t dance worth a lick. That is why they were outcasts. Frustrated, Fido–no it’s Fidel, Fido’s a dog’s name–turned to the United States for support. America ignored him; the White Sox were about to be in the World Series for the first time since. 1919.

4) So, Fidel seized power with support from the Soviet Union and outlawed the man bun. In return, the Soviets got permission to place nuclear missiles in Cuba. President Kennedy objected. We almost had a nuclear war, always a bad thing. So, the man bun is outlawed the world over and the dance is now known only as the Cha Cha. Call it the Man Bun Cha Cha Cha and you’ll get arrested. Wear a man bun as well and you’ll disappear. For good. And don’t name your dog, Fidel.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why the Latest End of the World Didn’t Happen

NoApocalypse

It’s getting embarrassing. People confidently shout to everyone that the end of the world will end tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes. And it doesn’t end. Again. Oh sure, you might have gotten a migraine or you found no hot coffee waiting for you when woke up, but that’s not entirely the same thing as the complete destruction of seven billion people. Be fair, it isn’t.

So what happens to the doomsayers? Humiliated, they slink off to their innermost lairs, tails between their legs, until enough time has elapsed for them to come out and forecast with complete uncertainty the next apocalypse. This, of course, is a shame as most of the end-of-the-Earthers are the nicest people you’d ever meet. George, who predicted the end of the world in 2012 makes doughnuts at his bakery and has a smile for everyone, including those who pay for their purchases entirely with pennies. Sarah, a newcomer to doom, runs a charity to provide hearing aids to northern Greenland.  Prudence, a veteran with seventeen predicted apocalypses under her belt, provides the voice that says, “Recalculating,” whenever your GPS notices you’ve taken a wrong turn.

All these people are wonderful folks. It’s always a great loss to the community whenever hide because of yet another highly visible, spectacularly, amazingly, world shakingly–oops sorry, bad choice of words there–End-It-All Soothsayers. What can we do to soothe their bruised egos?

Give them excuses

1* It’s the president’s fault.

2* It happened at night. No one noticed.

3* It happened, but we all got better.

4* It happened. It did! It just happened in a parallel universe. You know the one that takes our orphan socks from the clothes dryer.

5* It can’t happen until the Cubs win the World Series. Maybe this year they will and the apocalypse will back on track.

6* Apparently we don’t need the apocalypse, we have ComcastTM.

7* The Earth didn’t get slammed by a giant Coca PebbleTM, because an immensely huge space alien, I mean a hundred times the size of Jupiter, ate the last box of immensely huge Coca Pebbles.

8* We were on Daylight Savings Time.

9* Dr. Who saved us.

10* It happened, but no one will give the doomsayers any credit. It isn’t fair.  Just because people won’t dwell on the negative, preferring to rebuild their lives and face the slaggy, radioactive world with a joyful song.

– Paul R. De Lancey, comforterCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle
on amazon.com.

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Dr. Economics – Stock Opportunities During Limited Nuclear War

StockGraph

Hold on, eager investors, I’m not going to mislead you. Not every stock is going to rise during a limited nuclear war. There will, however, be a few nuggets here and there. But first, let’s decide on a definition for a limited nuclear war. For our purposes, it shall be one modest nuclear missile lobbed at one of our major cities by some disgruntled country, DC, that is really, really peeved at us. I won’t name names, DCs, that would be impolite, but you know who you are. Don’t make me come back there.

What would be the general effect of that peeved country nuking one of our cities? Sad to say, it’s almost a certainty the market would react negatively to such news. Why? The market hates uncertainty, even more than you hated going to the dentist as a kid. Just look how the housing/lending crisis, a few hundred billion dollars lost here and there and WHAMO!, the stock market plunges 50%

But even more uncertainty would result from even so pro forma a strike as one nuclear missile. Who know, that DC might up and launch another ten or twenty missiles at our cities. If that isn’t uncertainty, then what is? So, I feel safe in saying that even one obliterated city would drive the stock market down by more than 50%. And that goes for all major indices, not just the DJIA.

Such pessimism by the market is only natural. Who hasn’t taken an occasional view whether from a marital spat, an unkind word from a colleague, or an undeserved parking ticket. But life is never all bad. All clouds have a silver lining, even a smallish nuclear war.

Suppose some bad country’s nuclear missile wiped out Chicago, forever wiping out the Cub’s chances to win the World Series. Chicago is littered with insurance companies. They would be vaporized. Less competition for out-of-Chicago insurance companies means more profits for them. More profits mean higher share prices.

There, I see the smile coming back to your face. Just make sure pick an insurance company with limited exposure to the windy city. Chicago is also a major rail and air hub. Sell all railroad and airline companies going through there in favor of ones with hubs in St. Louis or New Orleans. Furthermore, the future for hospital stocks would look particularly bright with many people likely to need multiple, expensive treats.

See? A modest nuclear strike would present many opportunities for the savvy investor. Be one.

– Paul De Lancey, Dr. Economics

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

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The Chicago Cubs, The Greatest Threat to World Peace

The greatest threat to world peace is the Chicago Cubs. They last won a world series in 1908. Since then America has fought two world wars,  and other wars while not as big as these two, still replete with distressing levels of violence.

Since the last Cubs’ last World Series win our boys have fought in: France, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, Italy, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia,  Russia, South Korea, North Korea, China, Philippines, Micronesia, Romania, New Guinea, Indonesia, Burma, Haiti, Santo Domingo, Grenada, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, USA (against the Japanese), Japan, Somalia, Vietnam, and Panama.

This doesn’t even count all the countries where our Air Force has fought nor all of our special ops. My apologies to veterans who fought in a country that escapes my feeble memory.

But the unassailable fact remains; America has been doing a heck of lot of fighting since the Chicago Cubs last won the big one. The conclusion is obvious. Because of the Cubs steadfast avoidancel of excellence, violence stalks the globe.  If ever there were a time for a global-prayer day, it is now. Pray for world peace. Pray for a Cubs Series win. It is the only way it will ever happen.

And did you know that the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 is closer to the Cubs’ last world championship than it is to present?

– Paul the Historian

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Russian Dressing

American Appetizer

RUSSIAN DRESSING

INGREDIENTSRussianDressing-

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well blended. May be stored in air-tight jars for up to two weeks. Woo hoo! This is so easy. You’ll lots of time after this to do crossword puzzles or plot worldwide domination, whichever you prefer.

TIDBITS

1) Lake Baikal is in Russia. Its depth reaches from the surface to the bottom and contains around 20% of the world’s unfrozen fresh water. You could make a lot of ice from the water in Lake Baikal. That ice could chill a lot of mugs filled with blessed, soothing root beer.

2) The Russians have always known this. This is why America and Russia faced off for decades in the Cold War. The United States in particular, worried then that the Soviets would restrict the supply of ice cubes. Indeed, Brezhnev in 1968, severely curtailed the export of ice from Lake Baikal.

5) It is no coincidence that riots broke out in one American city after another that year. Crime spiked. Did things suddenly worsen from 1967? No, but without ice from Lake Baikal, Americans could not properly ice their root beers. Problems that people shrugged off easily with the aid of ice-cold root beers, suddenly became insurmountable, maddening even.

8) The United States wasn’t the only country to face disintegration in 1968. Russia invaded Czechoslovakia to put an end to the ice riots that ravaged the country. Millions perished in China’s cultural revolution. We now know Mao launched this horrific plan to hide the even more hideous fact from his countrymen; there weren’t enough ice cubes in the country to cool all the root beer.

9) But President Johnson knew the Russia’s Achilles heel. He threatened to ban exports of root beer to Russia. The root-beerless Soviets backed down and ice flowed, not quite the right verb, to all corners of the world. Tensions between nations diminished considerably and people hugged each other everywhere. The New York Mets even won the World Series next year. And bluebirds sang.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Chicken Cacciatore

Italian Entree

CHICKEN CACCIATORE

INGREDIENTSChickenCacciatore-

6 chicken breasts (about 3 pounds)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large white onion
2 garlic cloves
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes (keep liquid)
1 6 ounce can tomato paste
3/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon parsley

or substitute 2 1/2 teaspoons Italian seasoning for marjoram, oregano, pepper, rosemary, salt, and thyme

PREPARATION

Add chicken breasts and olive oil to large skillet. Sauté chicken on medium-high heat for about 15 minutes or until light brown. Flip chicken breasts occasionally to ensure even cooking. While chicken sautés, dice onion and garlic cloves. Remove chicken breasts. Add onion, and garlic. Sauté onion and garlic on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens.

While onion and garlic sautés, add diced tomatoes, tomato paste, white wine, marjoram, oregano, pepper, rosemary, salt, and thyme to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk. Return chicken breasts and add tomato/wine/spice mix to skillet. Bring to boil, stirring occasionally. Cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 15 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Goes well with fettuccine, linguine, or spaghetti. (You cut off a little piece if you’re not sure or don’t possess X-ray vision.)

TIDBITS

1) Chicken Cacciatore is an excellent entree. Joe Torre was an excellent baseball player. He also managed the New York Yankees to multiple World Series championships.

2) WheatiesTM is the “Breakfast of Champions.”TM What is the lunch of champions? The dinner of champions? I agree that it’s essential to start the day off with a good meal. But why stop caring about our repasts after that. Why settle for mediocre meals? If all our athletes only cared to be so-so then we’d have no champions or just fair-to-middlin’ one. Hey, I see my chance. I’ll make shrimp scampi for dinner; surely that is the dinner of champions. Gold medals, here I come.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Maschi (Stuffed tomato) from Sudan

Sudanese Entree

MASCHI
(Stuffed Tomato)

INGREDIENTSMaschi-

1/2 cup rice
1 cup water
2 cloves garlic (2 more cloves later)
1 medium onion
1 1/2 pounds beef (round, steak, or ground beef)
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1 tablespoon dill
1/2 teaspoon salt (1/4 more teaspoon later)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 large tomatoes

2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup water
2 6-ounce cans tomato paste
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
2 cloves garlic

Makes 8 stuffed tomatoes. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice and water according to instructions on package or rice cooker. While rice cooks, mince 2 garlic cloves and onion. Shred beef, if not using ground beef.

Add cooked rice, minced garlic from two cloves , onion, beef, allspice, dill, salt, 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, and 2 tablespoons lemon juice to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until beef browns and onion becomes soft.

Cut off the middle top part of a tomato. Scoop out the insides of the tomato with a spoon or your finger. (If you’re wondering if you should marry, ask your sweetheart to use the finger methods to help you hollow out these tomatoes. If this exercise goes well, by all means, propose.) Fill tomato with sautéed beef mixture. Close the tomato with a middle-tomato top. Repeat for the other tomatoes.

Put tomatoes in large skillet. Add 2 tablespoons vegetable oil. Roll the tomatoes gently in the oil.  Add butter. Sauté at medium-high heat until tomatoes turn dark red on the outside. Remove pan from burner.

Mince 2 garlic cloves. Combine 2 tablespoons lemon juice, water, tomato paste, salt, cinnamon,  and minced garlic from two cloves in mixing bowl. Pour this sauce over tomatoes. Put skillet back on burner. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 10 minutes or until sauce is done.

TIDBITS

1) Colonel John Garang led South Sudan’s long struggle for independence. Sudanese forces looked for Garang’s headquarters every day, hoping to decapitate the independence movement. Garang maintained radio silence unless he need to transmit critical information to his platoons.

2) Except when he radioed his congratulations to the Minnesota Twins for winning the World Series. Colonel Garang was a lifelong Twins fan.

3) Bombo Rivera was a mediocre but popular outfielder for the Twins. His popularity derived mainly from his cool sounding name. A song was even written about him. Here is a link to the lyrics, http://coffeyvillewhirlwind.wordpress.com/2007/07/05/the-ballad-of-bombo-rivera/

4) The movie, La Bamba, was made in 1987. It was not about the life of Bombo Rivera and didn’t star Bombo Rivera. Indeed, as far as I can tell Bombo Rivera did not even have a bit role in the movie.

5) The movie, La Bamba, is in English. There is no Spanish version of it, not even one in Esperanto.

6) The only movie made in Esperanto is Incubus. It starred William Shatner.

7) Within a year of that, he landed the role of Captain James T. Kirk in the television series, Star Trek.

8) So knowing Esperanto is useful.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Yemeni Chicken Soup

Yemeni Soup

CHICKEN SOUP

INGREDIENTSChickenNoo-

3 chicken breasts
2 carrots
4 brown potatoes
2 cloves garlic
1 tomato
2 tablespoons hawaij (See recipe for hawaij)
1/2 bunch fresh parsley or 1 cup
1 quart chicken stock

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. Peel and cut carrots into 1″ wide slices. Peel and cut potatoes into eighths. Dice garlic cloves. Dice tomatoes.

Add all ingredients to large pot. Cook on high heat until soup boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 minutes. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Hawaij is quite close to being spelled Hawaii.

2) Hawaii is the 50th state admitted to the United States of America.

3) In 1950, the New York Yankees swept the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series.

4) The Philly cheesesteak is a deservedly famous sandwich.

5) Vampires are killed by a stake to the heart.

6) Garlic, though, keeps vampires at bay while being much smaller and cheaper.

7) There is no garlic in my recipe for hawaij. So there is none is this soup.

8) You won’t be able to ward off vampires by showing it this soup. Better to throw the soup at the vampire. Look for your stake and hammer while it’s wiping off its face. Good luck.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple Hawaiian Pancakes Recipe

Hawaiian Entree

SIMPLE HAWAIIAN PANCAKES

INGREDIENTSHawaWaf-

8 frozen waffles
4 tablespoons butter
1/3 cup sugar
3 tablespoons milk
1/2 cups pineapple juice
4 ounce can pineapple chunks

PREPARATION

Toast waffles according to instructions on package. Cut butter into 16 pats. Combine in mixing bowl: sugar, milk, and pineapple juice. Place equal amounts of butter and mixed juice and 2-to-4 pineapple chunks of each toasted waffle. Aloha!

TIDBITS

1) In 1869, women of Wyoming got the right to vote. The waffle iron was first patented in 1869. It was a good year.

2) One-hundred years later, the amazing New York Mets won their first World Series championship after years of last place finishes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

3) The waffle began its illustrious culinary journey during the Middle Ages. The waffle! So if someone calls this era the Dark Ages, waggle your finger at the fool and say, “Nooooo!”

4) The waffle became so popular that bloody fights became common between waffle vendors seeking prime locations. So much so, that a King of France took off time from wars and mistresses to decree a minimum distance between the warring vendors.

5) It has been said the French Revolution started in 1789 in part by disgruntled vendors seeking to throw out royal enforcement of the waffle decrees.

6) America annexed Hawaii in 1898 to ensure a steady supply of pineapple chunks in juice for its burgeoning appetite for Hawaiian waffles. A drastic measure perhaps, but it is worthwhile to note America has never since been involved in any military conflict over foreign pineapples. The same cannot be said for oil.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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