Monthly Archives: February 2023

Oaxaca Ranchero Pizza

Mexican Entree

OAXACA RANCHERO PIZZA

INGREDIENTS

PIZZA CRUST INGREDIENTS (Or buy at store.)

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup water
2½ tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ teaspoon sugar
¾ teaspoon salt
2½ teaspoons active dry yeast
no-stick cooking spray (Don’t forget this.)

TOPPING INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 pound chicken breast
1 serrano chile
1 jalapeno pepper
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 garlic cloves
1 small onion
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes, drained
½ tablespoon oregano
½ tablespoon cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¾ cup chicken broth

1 avocado
¼ cup cilantro
1 cup crumbled Oaxaca, or queso quesadilla, cheese
1 cup crumbled Cotija cheese
1 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker
A good list so you don’t have to go to the store multiple times.

PREPARATION OF PIZZA DOUGH

Measure out the flour and set aside. Pour the water into the bread maker. If you measure the water before the flour, the flour will stick to the sides of the measuring cup.

Add oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. (You can remember these ingredients by the following anagram, “ossy.” Oh sure, you can use “syso,” but that’s silly.) Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise.

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait the required time, probably a bit more than an hour. In the meantime liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any food can will do as long as it is at least 6 inches tall. It is best to coat the can with a thin layer of flour before spreading the dough.

Put pizza dough on pizza pan already coated with no-stick spray. Sprinkle flour on rolling pin and roll out dough until it covers the pizza pan. After rolling, let the dough sit in a warm place and rise for 30-to-60 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

PREPARATION OF TOPPING

While pizza dough is forming in the bread maker, (If it’s foaming in the bread maker, then you’ve probably bought yeast that is really an alien life form bent on taking over the world. With yeast, it really pays to buy name brands.) or while it’s sitting for 30-to-60 minutes, preheat oven to 400 degrees, remove the seeds from the serrano chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper. Dice the chicken breast, serrano chile, jalapeno pepper, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, garlic, and onion.

Pour the vegetable oil and peanut oil into a no-stick frying pan and cook at medium-high heat. Add in diced chicken breast, the chiles, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, cloves, onion, diced tomatoes (drained), oregano, cumin, chile powder, and cayenne pepper. Sauté on medium high for about 6 minutes, or until vegetables soften and the chicken is no longer pink. Add in chicken broth and cook on medium heat for about 20 minutes or until sauce thickens. (If it’s too liquidy, it will run off the pizza dough and possibly through the holes, or off the side of pizza pan, and onto the oven itself where it will hiss, burn, and become a small, grayish brick that will take hours to remove. Avoid this hardship and the run-on sentence it engendered by heeding this advice.)

While the above chicken/peppers/tomatoes/spice mixture is cooking, remove the avocado’s skin and take out its pit. Dice the yummy part that is left.

ASSEMBLY

Ladle out the topping mixture and smooth until it is even. Sprinkle the cilantro and three cheeses on top of the mixture.

Put in preheated oven to cook at 400 degrees. Cook for 10 to 18 minutes, or until the crust turns golden brown. (Ovens differ wildly in the time needed to cook dishes, especially pizzas. So, check every few minutes after the minimum of 10 until it is done to your satisfaction.)

Remove pizza and sprinkle avocado bits over the pizza.

TIDBITS

1) Tomatoes were originally cultivated by the Aztecs of Mexico and the Incas of Peru.

2) Spanish conquistadors conquered the Aztecs and Incas in the 15th century.

3) The Aztecs and Incas also had lots of gold.

4) So did these conquests occur because of gold or tomatoes?

5) Tomatoes were transported back to Europe in the 15th century and quickly adopted by the Mediterranean countries.

6) The Protestant English, however, considered the tomato to be poisonous. Catholic Spain tried to invade England in 1588. Was it because of a dispute over tomatoes?

7) Americans felt the same way until the mid-19th century.

8) Why did our attitude change?

9) Probably from watching immigrants eat tomatoes for 300 years without ill effect.

10) The tomato is a fruit. However, in 1893, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled it to be a vegetable, so it could be taxed.

11) Why would vegetables be taxable and not fruit?

12) In the 1980s, the Reagan administration also declared the tomato to be a vegetable, so school lunches would have the necessary vegetable component by including ketchup.

13) “Ma, I ate vegetables at school.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Turtles That Tango

 

Hector’s vegetable matter outfit makes him irresistible Photo Courtesy of Steve Kramer

What’s the latest craze sweeping the nation?

Is it televison dance contest with stars?

No.

Is it a television dance contest with ordinary men and women?

No. And that’s rather specieist of you.

It’s a dancing with turtles.

Specifically, Turtles That Tango.

Yep, that gets your heart pumping faster as you root for your favorite turtles to out tango the rest. Fill your adrenaline fix by watching it every week on ESPN8. You’ll never watch football or soccer again.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Carl La Fong’s Cooking Mishap #1, Quesadilla

The sticker says, “Two tortillas.”

I like to cook. So does my friend, Carl La Fong*. Although a really good cook, Carl occasionally makes mistakes. Sometimes they’re doozies. In the spirit of helping fledgling chefs, he’s agreed to share his mistakes.

Carl started off well. He sprayed the top and bottom of the quesadilla maker**. He put a flour tortilla on the bottom of the grill. He topped the tortilla with avocado salsa, diced chiles, and a generous amount of grated Mexican cheeses. He closed the lid. The quesadilla maker started cooking.

“You know,” Carl said, “in retrospect, I should have placed a second flour tortilla on top of the fixings. The modern mind cannot comprehend the mess made by leaving that ingredient out. Fortunately, I worked quickly and cleaned the quesadilla maker is just a scant hour. In my defense, I was pondering the clauses in the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia. It can happen to anyone.”

Carl says, “Hi” and invites you to share your friends’ cooking mishaps. He als

* =No, Carl La Fong is not my alter ego. Why do you ask?
** = Doesn’t the quesadilla maker look like a space alien?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Sole Meuniere

French Entree

SOLE MEUNIERE

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup butter
1 lemon
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
4 4-ounce sole fillets
½ cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon white pepper or pepper
2½ tablespoons clarified butter or ghee or butter
1½ tablespoons lemon juice

Serves 2. Takes 25 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut butter into 4 pats. Cut lemon into 4 slices. Dice parsley.

Use paper towels to pat sole fillets dry. Add flour, salt, and white pepper to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Dredge fillets through flour. Shake off excess.

Add clarified butter to large pan. Heat using medium heat until a small bit of flour in the clarified butter will start to dance or until clarified butter starts to bubble. Add sole fillets. Sauté for 3 minutes Carefully flip fillets with fish spatula or long spatula. Sauté for another 3 minutes or until sole fillets turn golden and the fish can be flaked with a fork.

While 2nd sides of the fillets sauté, add butter pats to 2nd pan. Melt butter using medium heat until butter bubbles. Add lemon juice. Combine by swirling pan. Spoon butter/lemon juice over sole fillets. Garnish with parsley. Serve immediately.

TIDBITS

1) “O Sole Mio” is an excellent Neapolitan song written by Giovanni Capurro. It means “My Sun.”

2) “O Sole Meuniere” is an excellent-mostly song written by the Powegian Paul R. De Lancey.

3) Here are a few verses:

What a beautiful thing is fried Dove sole!
The air in the kitchen smells so nice
As long as fan above the stove is set to high
Don’t forget to use clarified butter
The guests will appreciate your efforts!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Read This Sign Differently

 

Most people’s initial reaction to the sign below would be that a man named Rip Fritzer wants you to contact him about selling his home. He tells you that you should call him because he has sold 3,000 homes.

I, however, read it as an obituary notice. I saw RIP not as Mr. Fritzer’s first name. Instead, I initially interpreted RIP as  Rest In Peace. His realtor colleagues gave him the highest praise they could think of. I admit, it did seem strange to pick a bus stop bench as the best place to honor a colleague’s life. And why the phone number?

What would have been your first thought?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days

Is this you?

Do people at restaurants move to tables farther away from you?

Do you routinely get booted out of libraries?

Are you banned from meditation centers?

Does your spouse wear earplugs around the house?

Do you get shushed in bowling alleys?

Well, you’re too freaking LOUD.

What to do? I’m glad you asked.

Take Dr. De Lancey’s course, Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days. Results guaranteed,

Do it for their ears. Do it now.

Dr. Paul De Lancey
Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days

 

“My husband and I took Dr. De Lancey’s course, Become Soft Spoken in Just Ten Days and now we can’t hear each other. Our marriage has never been better. Thank  you, Dr. De Lancey.”
– Ms. Hurd in Washington, D.C.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Mozzarella Hamburger

Italian Entree

MOZZARELLA HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTS

SAUTE
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon peanut oil
2 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 teaspoon thyme
¼ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
¼ teaspoon sea salt

BURGER MIX
1½ pounds ground beef
2 eggs
1½ tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
½ tablespoon basil
½ teaspoon oregano
no-stick cooking spray

8 hamburger buns or 16 slices of bread
8 slices of mozzarella
8 leaves of lettuce

PREPARATION

Dice garlic cloves and onion. Melt butter in frying pan. Add olive and peanut oils. Put thyme, black pepper, meat sauce, and sea salt in pan. Sauté these ingredients on medium heat for about 5 to 10 minutes or until onion is soft. Set aside.

(You can dice garlic, but there are no garlic dice.)

Combine ground beef, eggs, Worcestershire sauce, basil, and oregano in mixing bowl. Add sautéed ingredients. Mix again.

Form 8 patties. Put them in frying pan coated with no-stick spray. Fry patties on medium-high heat for 2 to 3 minutes, flipping them over with care and cook for 2 to 3 minutes more. Put mozzarella slices on top of each patty. Fry for 1 more minute. Heat patties more if they are not yet cooked to your satisfaction.

Toast 8 buns. Assemble buns, patties, and lettuce.

TIDBITS

1) Marco Polo traveled in China from 1275 to 1292. He brought back pasta to Italy, which was eagerly eaten by the peasantry but not by the nobility. (Goodness! That last sentence wasn’t clear, was it? I meant to convey the peasants ate pasta. They did not eat Italy.)

2) Marco Polo did not bring back hamburgers as the Great Khan of China was apparently too busy trying to subjugate the world to develop this wondrous culinary treat.

3) Cosimo de’ Medici gained power in Florence. His great financial and political skills brought prosperity to Florence, but, alas, no hamburgers.

4) Lorenzo de’ Medici took sole power in Florence. His rule brought Florence to its height of prestige. The arts flourished. Michelangelo produced magnificent works of art. No one produced a hamburger.

5) Columbus discovered the Americas in 1492. Did the original Americans possess the knowledge of the hamburger? (See Tidbit 7.)

6) In 1494, Naples, angered by Florentine politics, called in the French king Charles VIII to fight Piero de’ Medici and the Florentines. Hundreds of thousands of Italians presumably hoped Charles VIII would bring the hamburger to Italy.

7) The French, already showing antipathy to American cooking, discovered only two years before, not only refused to bring the hamburger to Italy, but suppressed all knowledge of it coming from the New World.

8) In 1495, Milan, Venice, the Holy Roman Empire, the Papal States, and Aragon seething over the suppression of the hamburger formed an alliance to drive the French out of Italy.

9) From 1495 to 1866, various Italian states and the Spanish, French, and Austrians waged nearly constant war up and down the Italian peninsula. This naturally delayed the development of the Italian hamburger. In fact, this blessed culinary treat would occur in the relatively tranquil America of 1826.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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On the Phone and Getting Transferred

On the Phone #3

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Financial Goals

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Moctezuma Cheese Soup

Mexican Soup

MOCTEZUMA CHEESE SOUP

 

INGREDIENTS

10 ounces queso quesadilla jalapeno (queso = cheese)
½ cup Crema Mexicana (sour cream)
¼ cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
¼ cup water
½ tsp cumin
¼ tsp cayenne

PREPARATION

(Wave your wand and ask that this home-cooked meal be magically cooked by the mythical tomtes of Sweden. Nothing will happen. There are no tumptes and if there were, they would be busy conjuring up Swedish dishes. So you’re on your own. Fortunately, this dish is easy. Are you? I’m too much of a gentleman to ask.)

Anyway, crumble the queso quesadilla jalapeno and put it in a soup pot. Add Crema Mexicana, Four Mexican Cheeses, water, cumin, and cayenne. As mentioned in other parts of this cookbook, you might not have the exact ingredient or don’t want to go to the store again. Again, substitute, substitute, substitute. For example, you can use plain sour cream instead of Crema Mexicana and a can of nacho cheese soup for queso quesadilla jalapeno.

Cook soup on medium-high heat until hot and thoroughly blended. This also makes a nice dip.

TIDBITS

1) This soup is named after the hometown of my grandmother. She married my grandfather who was a surveyor and a lieutenant with the engineers in World War I.

2) My grandfather and his fellow surveyors accidentally started a forest fire in northern Mexico. I would love to have heard the whole story on that one.

3) My grandmother’s grandfather was a doctor who came to Mexico from Missouri after the Civil War. He couldn’t cotton to the Union victory.

4) Her son, my father, and his friends from college went to Mexico during Spring break. Somehow mattresses in the back of their pickup truck caught on fire and kept catching on fire.

5) I went to Calexico with a friend of mine from grad school. An hour after we crossed back into the U.S., a candidate for the Presidency of Mexico was assassinated in Tijuana. I would like to stress I had been in Calexico, not Tijuana, and had been in America already for one hour.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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