cuisine

Hawaiian Pizza

Hawaiian Entree

HAWAIIAN PIZZA

INGREDIENTSHawaiPi-

no-stick spray
1 pizza crust
1 cup pineapple chunks
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
1 cup pasta sauce
6 ounces deli-sliced ham
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese

SPECIALTY ITEM

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray pizza pan to keep the pizza from sticking. (It’s not a good feeling to have your great looking, great smelling pizza fall apart because it sticks to pan when you try to serve it.) Put crust on pan. Mix pineapple juice, brown sugar, and pasta sauce until sugar dissolves. Spread mix evenly over crust.

Cut deli-sliced ham into 1″ squares. Place ham squares and pineapple chunks on crust. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust in golden brown. Now you have a Hawaiian pizza. Life is good.

TIDBITS

1) In 334 BC Alexander the Great, invaded the Persian Empire, changing culinary history forever.

2) In 327 BC, while conquering much of the known world, he discovered sugar cane.

3) Alexander the Great came so close to dying in battle in 334BC.

4) If he had died then, he wouldn’t have conquered the Persian Empire. If he hadn’t have conquered the Persians, he wouldn’t have been able to bring back sugar to the Mediterranean.

5) In 1493, Columbus introduced sugar to the New World.

6) Sugar was so prized by European nobility up until 1800 that many bloody wars were fought over islands with thriving sugar plantations. These plantations required vast numbers of slaves to work them.

7) So if Alexander had died at a young age in battle as Alexander the Mediocre, a lot of conflict and misery might have been avoid.

8) On the other hand, we’d have no doughnuts, no cakes, and no brownies. And no pizza too; the yeast in the pizza requires sugar to rise.

9) So, Alex’s wars of conquest resulted in some good as well. Life’s life that.

10) 2001, sugar is found in outer space. Yay!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Roy Rogers Recipe

American Dessert

ROY ROGERS

INGREDIENTS??????????

6 ounces cola (Mexican cola still uses sugar)
1/2 tablespoon grenadine
1 maraschino cherry (with stem is preferred)
ice (optional)

PREPARATION

Put all ingredients in tall glass. Stir. Drink. Repeat as needed.

TIDBITS

1) Roy Rogers was known as “King of the Cowboys.”

2) Roy is old French for king.

3) Only kings were allowed to rule France. According to Salic law a queen could never inherit the throne of France.

4) Henry IV of England claimed the French throne in 1415 based on tidbit 3). He and his English army routed French chivalry at the battle of Agincourt.

5) Shakespeare’s play Henry IV and the movie versions by Sir Lawrence Olivier and Kenneth Brannagh were all based on tidbit 4).

6) I’ll have to watch what I put down in my tidbits. Clearly, I have an awesome responsibility.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Essequibo Chicken Recipe

Guyanese Entree

ESSEQUIBO CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSEssChic-

2 chicken breasts
1 red bell pepper
4 garlic cloves
2 stalks green onion
1 medium onion
2 medium tomatoes
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon sugar
1 bay leaf
1/4 teaspoon celery seed or celery salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 teaspoons cornstarch

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1/2″ cubes. Seed bell pepper and cut it into strips 2″ long and 1/4″ wide. Mince garlic, green onion, and onion. Puree tomatoes.

Heat vegetable oil in saucepan at medium-high heat. Add sugar when bubbles start to form. Continue heating the mixture–it seems so wrong to say sauté sugar–for 30 seconds. Stir frequently. Add chicken cubes, green onion, onion, and garlic. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add bell pepper, bay leaf, celery seed, black pepper, thyme, and tomato. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes with the lid off. occasionally. Add in cornstarch. Stir. Serve. Enjoy.

Add in cornstarch. Stir. Serve. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe contains celery seed. Watch out because . . .

2) Ancient Romans believed celery to be a powerful aphrodisiac.

3) Modern scientists say celery contains androsterone. This pheromone, released by men’s sweat glands, attracts females.

4) Chocolate has been shown to make women happier.

5) Don’t reverse it guys and eat the chocolate while giving your date a bag of celery.

5) You spend more energy chewing celery than you get from eating it.

6) Celery rocks!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Quesillo Recipe (Crème Caramel) From Dominican Republic

Dominican Republic Dessert

QUESILLO (Crème Caramel)

INGREDIENTSquesill-

1 1/2 cups pineapple juice (1/2 cup more later)
1 cup sugar
6 eggs 1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup pineapple juice

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Add 1 1/2 cups pineapple juice and sugar in pan. Cook at medium-high heat or until sugar dissolves completely. Stir frequently. Pour pineapple syrup into mixing bowl. Add eggs and milk. Use whisk or lowest setting on beater until egg/pineapple syrup mixture becomes frothy. Pour mixture into mold or casserole dish. Pour 1/2 cup pineapple juice on top.

Put in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until inserted knife comes out clean. Let cool, if you can. The hungry hordes might not wait that long. You can serve the quesillo by itself or top it with the syrup from the casserole dish.

TIDBITS
1) Santo Domingo’s history from 1500:

Period Owner of Santo Domingo
————– ——————————-
1500 – 1808    Spain
1808 – 1814     Santo Domingo
1814 – 1821      Spain
1821 – 1822      Santo Domingo
1822 – 1844      Haiti
1844 – 1861      Santo Domingo
1861 – 1865      Spain (voluntary return to Spanish authority)
1865 – 1870     Santo Domingo
1870 – 1872     Seeks unsuccessfully to be annexed by United States
1872 – 1916      Santo Domingo
1916 – 1924      Occupied by United States (which missed the 1870 invitation by 46 years)
1925 – present Santo Domingo

2) The most popular spice mix in Santo Domingo is sofrito and is rubbed on meats and sautéed.

3) Baseball is the national sport of the Dominican Republic. Felipe Alou, Juan Marichal, Manny Mota, Rico Carty, Cesar Geronimo, Cesar Cedeno. Tony Fernandez, and Sammy Sosa all hail from this country.

4) The Dominican Republic gets a lot of hurricanes.

5) ‘Merengue’ music comes from Santo Domingo.

6) What more do you need to know?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Powegian Wonderful Soup Recipe

American Soup

POWEGIAN WONDERFUL SOUP

INGREDIENTSWonderS-

2 carrots
2 celery stalks
2 medium onions
2 red bell peppers
1 cup fresh spinach
3 big tomatoes
1/2 cup raw, unsalted peanuts
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup milk
2 cups vegetable broth
2 bay leaves
1 teaspoon Jamaican All Purpose spice
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
1/2 teaspoon thyme

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Mince carrots, celery, onions, red bell peppers, spinach, and tomatoes. Grind peanuts into powder. Add all ingredients to large soup pot. Cook on medium-high heat until soup boils. Stir frequently. Lower temperature to low heat and simmer with lid on for 40 minutes or until onion and carrot is tender. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) This Powegian soup has a rich tradition.

2) In late 1863, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison left Vicksburg, Mississippi for good. They had lost everything during the Great Siege even though they had resolutely taken no sides during the Civil War. The Confederate Army had requisitioned all their crops, all their livestock. The Yankees burned their home and all their buildings to the ground.

3) After the briefest of cries, Annabelle had told her husband she never wanted to see their accursed land again. But Where would they go?

4) “I’d like to go to California to grow carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts,” said Clayton,
“Why, I declare,” said his devoted wife, “when did you come up with this pla?.”
Clayton furrowed his brows for dramatic effect. “I’ve always wanted to grow all that.”
“I never knew,” said Annabelle. “Why did you never say anything about it.”
Clayton shrugged. “There’s a powerful lot of pressure ‘round these parts to grow cotton. Folks would have laughed at me if I had grown anything but cotton. King Cotton, hah!” He gestured to the burnt farms all around. “Annabelle, I need to go to California, where a man can grow whatever produce and herbs he wants and no one will think the less of him for it.
Annabelle nestled against her husband’s shoulder. “And so you shall. I’ve always wanted to catch a peak of the Golden State.”

4) And so, Annabelle and Clayton Morrison made their way west by wagon train. They faced floods, raging rivers, poisoned wells, and Apache attacks. Some of their fellow wagoneers turned back, but not the Morrisons. Fired by their vegetarian dream, they pressed on.

5) Finally, on May 5, 1864, they reached Poway, California. Their hearts soared at the valley’s majestic beauty. So did the flocks of bluebirds that flitted and swirled about them.

6) Months later they harvested a bumper crop of carrots, celery, red bell peppers, spinach, tomatoes, and peanuts. Annabelle wanted to provide a feast right there and then.

“Not yet, dear wife. I need to go to the port of San Diego. I’ll be gone a few weeks.”
“Land sakes, Clayton, two weeks, whatever for?”
Clayton smiled. “A surprise, a wonderful surprise.”

7) Two weeks later Clayton returned bearing fabric for new dresses for his love. She had not had a new dress in years. More importantly though, he had traded for: bay leaves, Jamaican All Purpose spice, ground mustard, parsley, sea salt, tarragon, and thyme.

Annabelle threw up her hands in delight. “Now I can make wonderful. I’ve already made mayonnaise and vegetable broth and I can borrow some milk from the Hendersons.”

8) Thus Annabelle, Poway’s great pioneer lady, made her soup. And it was indeed wonderful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Heavenly Cookies Recipe

American Dessert

HEAVENLY COOKIES

INGREDIENTSHeavenl-

3 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup white chocolate flavored cocoa (or an extra 1/2 cup sugar)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
8 ounces Heath Bar BitsTM

Makes 20 cookies

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Preparation is easier if the butter is already soft. You can accomplish this by simply taking the butter out of the refrigerator an hour before you’re ready to start. (Or get a good aerobic exercise by flattening those sticks of butter with your fists. Show it who’s boss.)

Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl. Set aside.

Place butter, sugar, flavored cocoa, egg, vanilla extract, and Heath Bar BitsTM in another mixing bowl. Mix with hands or electric beater set on “cookies.” Gradually add in the blended flour mixture. Again, blend thoroughly.

Roll dough into little balls about an inch wide. Place dough onto ungreased cookie sheets. Leave a 1″ gap between dough balls.

Bake 8 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand on cookie sheet for 2 minutes and then cool on wire racks for faster cooling. If you don’t own a wire rack, either let the cookies cool for a long time on the hot sheet or transfer them with a spatula to a cold plate. The hungry hordes, however, might have other ideas about waiting.

TIDBITS

1) The egg listed in the ingredients is a chicken egg. You could substitute an ostrich egg for the chicken egg.

2) However, the ostrich egg is twenty bigger than the chicken egg. To keep the cookies’ texture the same you’d need to multiply all the ingredients by twenty times as well, twenty cups of sugar for example.

3) You’d have 400 cookies. Where would they all be eat eaten? At a fund raiser? Church picnic? Would people want to eat cookies made from ostrich eggs?

4) There are roadside stands near my home that sell ostrich jerky. So maybe the public is ready.

5) However, while it is easy to carry a carton of twelve chicken eggs, the same amount of ostrich eggs would weigh 32 pounds.

6) Heavy, you bet. Maybe future Olympic weight-lifting could include ostrich-egg events.

7) Ostrich egg juggling would require much skill as well.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Frikadellen – German Hamburger Recipe

German Entree

FRIKADELLEN
German Hamburgers

INGREDIENTSFrikade-

1 onion (1/2 more used later)
1/2 onion
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 pound ground pork (or pork sausage)
2 eggs
1 tablespoon German mustard or deli mustard
6 tablespoons bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon caraway seeds
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 Kaiser rolls
8 leaves lettuce

PREPARATION

Mince 1 onion. Slice 1/2 onion into rings. Thoroughly combine minced onion, beef, pork, eggs, mustard, bread crumbs, caraway, nutmeg, pepper, parsley, and salt in mixing bowl with hands. Contemplate the infinite while doing so.

Make 8 large meatballs with hands. Flatten them slightly to make thick patties. Fry patties in pan at medium heat for about 5 minutes on each side or until sides begin to brown. While patties are cooking slice 1/2 onion. Sauté onion slices in burger drippings until golden brown. (The onion rings, not you for goodness sakes.) Toast Kaiser rolls. (Hail, Kaiser rolls.)

Assemble the burger with: roll, patty, lettuce, and sautéed onion slices.

TIDBITS

1) The German word Kaiser means emperor and derives from Julius Caesar’s last name.

2) Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River in 49 B.C. starting a vicious round of civil wars that brought down the Roman Republic for good. Republics were pretty much non-existent round the world after that except in Iceland until the American Revolution in 1775.

3) Future despots though loved what Julius had done, conquering Gaul, overthrowing the Republic, and all that. So much so, they took his last name as their own or even taking the title of Caesar.

5) We see this trend in modern time. KleenexTM became so popular that all facial tissues are often known as KleenexTM.

6) Caesar also gave his name to Caesar’s salad. Blood on his hands sure, but his salad is truly tasty.

7) So if you want to achieve culinary immortality, conquer Gaul or some other country and set up your dictatorship or monarchy.

8) I have to go. I need to sneeze into my KleenexTM.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Kartoffel Suppe – German Potato Soup Recipe

German Soup

KARTOFFEL SUPPE
(Potato Soup)

INGREDIENTSKartoff-

1/2 pound bacon
4 potatoes
1 carrot
2 stalks celery
2 stalks leek
1 onion
2 tablespoons butter
6 cups beef broth
1/4 cup flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cream
1/4 teaspoon marjoram
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 tablespoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

PREPARATION

Slice bacon strips into 1/2″ squares. Chop potatoes into 1/2″ cubes. Dice carrot, celery, leek, and onion. Add butter, bacon, carrot, celery, leek, and onion to soup pot. Sauté on medium-high for 5 minutes or until onion is soft. Stir frequently.

Add potato cubes, broth, flour, salt, cream, marjoram, nutmeg, parsley, and pepper. Simmer for 20 to 30 minutes on low heat or until potato cubes are tender. Stir occasionally.

Become a culinary hero to your hungry hordes by serving this tasty dish. And for those who want bacon with everything, this soup has it. Yay!

TIDBITS

1) This tidbit is not getting done. I made chocolate-covered cake and the hungry hordes are eating it up as I type.

2) If I were to open a dessert shop, I would call it Dessert Storm.

3) The name would be especially apt if I ever forgot to put the lid on the blender.

4) It’s amazing the number of burglars around the world who have fallen asleep inside burgled homes after eating chocolate cake found in the refrigerator.

5) To my knowledge, no house burglar has ever fallen asleep after eating potato soup.

6) Chocolate cake, used by the best home-protection services everywhere.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Llajua – Bolivian Hot Sauce Recipe

Bolivian Appetizer

LLAJUA
(Spicy Sauce)

INGREDIENTSLlajua-

4 medium tomatoes
1 tablespoon aji amarillo
2 teaspoons cilantro
2 teaspoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Remove seeds from tomatoes. Put tomatoes, aji amarillo, cilantro,  parsley, and salt in blender. Use chop setting on blender until you get a smooth liquid or paste.

Serve by itself or other Bolivian dishes such as SOPA DE MANI.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

TIDBITS

1) Bolivia maintains the world’s biggest butterfly sanctuary. This South American country has been at peace ever since the park’s opening.

2) Who can forget The Hunchback of Notre Dame with Quasimodo shouting, “Sanctuary, sanctuary.”

3) Boliva’s butterflies do not shout, “Sanctuary.” This is because they feel no need, being already in a sanctuary or they are all mimes.

4) Tidbit 2) italicized The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

5) The period at the end of this sentence is italicized.

6) The period at the end of this sentence is not.

7) Could you tell the difference? I couldn’t without using quite a large font size.

8) I need to get out more.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Sopa De Mani – Bolivian Peanut And Potato Soup Recipe

This is my 300th blog! Thank you for reading.

Bolivian Entree

SOPA DE MANI
(Peanut and Potato Soup)

INGREDIENTS SopaDeM-

2 chicken breasts
4 cloves garlic
1 large onion
1 cup raw, unsalted peanuts
1 cup water
3 Yukon gold potatoes (to be chopped into pieces)
1 Yukon gold potato (to be cut into strips)
2 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil (1/4 cup more later)
6 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon cilantro
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

blender

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2″ cubes. Mince garlic and onions. Put peanuts and water into blender. Use chop setting until you get a smooth white liquid or paste. Peel potatoes. Cut 3 potatoes into 1/2″ slices. Cut each slice into 2 or 3 pieces. Cut 1 potato into 1/4″ by 1/4″ inch strips.

Put oil, garlic, and onion in frying pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions soften or start to turn golden brown. Stir frequently. Transfer sautéed garlic and onion to soup pot.

Add chicken cubes, peanut paste, potato pieces (not the potato strips), chicken broth, cumin, oregano, pepper, and salt to soup pot. Simmer on low heat for about 40 minutes or until potato pieces are soft. Stir occasionally. (It is also a good idea to stir occasionally when watching tv or you may be thrown out with that old sofa you’re sitting on.)

While soup is cooking, add 1/4 cup vegetable oil and strips from one potato to frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until potato strips turn golden brown. Stir frequently enough to keep strips or fries from burning. (Note, hot oil splatters. Tip the frying pan away from you or hold a lid between you and the frying pan when stirring the fries.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Garnish equal bowl with an equal amount of cilantro, parsley, and fried potato strips .If desired, add as much LLAJUA, (spicy sauce) to each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) Bolivians love potatoes.

2) They did not love McDonald’s enough. McDonald’s left Bolivia  on December 1, 2001 after seven years of trying. Bolivians simply preferred their own style of cooking or were too poor to eat out .

3) Iceland does not have McDonald’s either. It costs too much to get potatoes from Germany.

4) Many of the poor countries between the Mediterranean Sea and South Africa are without McDonald’s. The same holds true for ex-Soviet republic in Central Asia.sauté

5) American forces fought in the Vietnam War in: Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia. These countries do not have McDonald’s.

6) North Korea and Iran have nuclear-weapons programs. They are unfriendly to us and have no McDonald’s.

7) Indeed, most countries do not have McDonald’s restaurants in them are poor, have fought America, or have become hostile nuclear powers.

8) Think about that when you’re tempted to pass by an empty McDonald’s in some foreign land.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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