Posts Tagged With: cocoa

Double Chocolate Pudding

American Dessert

DOUBLE CHOCOLATE PUDDING

INGREDIENTSDoubleChocolatePudding-

2 tablespoons unsalted butter
¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 tablespoons cornstarch
½ cup whole milk (1½ cups more later)
3 ounces (3 squares) unsweetened baking chocolate
¾ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
1½ cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
whipped cream for topping (Optional? I don’t think so.)

Makes 6 pudding cups. Takes 30 minutes to 8 hours, depending on how long you can wait.

PREPARATION

Cut butter into little bits. Add cocoa powder and cornstarch to bowl. Blend thoroughly with whisk. Add ½ cup milk. Stir until there are no lumps.

Add baking chocolate to pot. Simmer at low heat until chocolate melts. Stir constantly. Gradually add sugar and salt, stirring constantly with whisk until well blended. Slowly add 1½ cup milk. Stir constantly with whisk until well blended. Add butter, vanilla extract and cocoa/cornstarch mix from bowl. Stir constantly until thoroughly blended. Increase heat to medium. Continue whisking for 3 minutes or until pudding comes to a boil and thickens. Lower heat to warm. Simmer for 1 minute. Stir constantly.

Pour pudding into pudding cups. Let cool for 10 minutes if you wish to eat warm, soft pudding, If however, you desire a cold, firmer pudding, cover cups with plastic wrap to prevent a thick skin from forming on top. Place cups in refrigerator. Chill for 3-to-8 hours. Serve as is to distant acquaintances and tolerated relatives. Top with whipped cream to friends and loved ones.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe is endorsed by the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

2) Bacon & Chocolate stands for things America really like, like bacon and chocolate.

3) Party followers are a diverse lot liking all sorts of things, many of them contradictory. Sorta like Schrödinger’s cat. B&C is on the ballot on all but fifty states and has already amassed a campaign chest of $0.00. Vote Bacon & Chocolate for a tasty tomorrow.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Categories: cuisine, humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why the Latest End of the World Didn’t Happen

NoApocalypse

It’s getting embarrassing. People confidently shout to everyone that the end of the world will end tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes. And it doesn’t end. Again. Oh sure, you might have gotten a migraine or you found no hot coffee waiting for you when woke up, but that’s not entirely the same thing as the complete destruction of seven billion people. Be fair, it isn’t.

So what happens to the doomsayers? Humiliated, they slink off to their innermost lairs, tails between their legs, until enough time has elapsed for them to come out and forecast with complete uncertainty the next apocalypse. This, of course, is a shame as most of the end-of-the-Earthers are the nicest people you’d ever meet. George, who predicted the end of the world in 2012 makes doughnuts at his bakery and has a smile for everyone, including those who pay for their purchases entirely with pennies. Sarah, a newcomer to doom, runs a charity to provide hearing aids to northern Greenland.  Prudence, a veteran with seventeen predicted apocalypses under her belt, provides the voice that says, “Recalculating,” whenever your GPS notices you’ve taken a wrong turn.

All these people are wonderful folks. It’s always a great loss to the community whenever hide because of yet another highly visible, spectacularly, amazingly, world shakingly–oops sorry, bad choice of words there–End-It-All Soothsayers. What can we do to soothe their bruised egos?

Give them excuses

1* It’s the president’s fault.

2* It happened at night. No one noticed.

3* It happened, but we all got better.

4* It happened. It did! It just happened in a parallel universe. You know the one that takes our orphan socks from the clothes dryer.

5* It can’t happen until the Cubs win the World Series. Maybe this year they will and the apocalypse will back on track.

6* Apparently we don’t need the apocalypse, we have ComcastTM.

7* The Earth didn’t get slammed by a giant Coca PebbleTM, because an immensely huge space alien, I mean a hundred times the size of Jupiter, ate the last box of immensely huge Coca Pebbles.

8* We were on Daylight Savings Time.

9* Dr. Who saved us.

10* It happened, but no one will give the doomsayers any credit. It isn’t fair.  Just because people won’t dwell on the negative, preferring to rebuild their lives and face the slaggy, radioactive world with a joyful song.

– Paul R. De Lancey, comforterCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle
on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Not to Do List – Today’s the End of the World

CocoaPebble

My quite helpful not-to-do lists are generally meant to describe normal days, like when the Earth be around. But dedicated people keep telling us that our World is going to end and they can’t always be wrong. In fact, a large number of folks, over six, aver that our planet will be annihilated this very day. This kind of news gives what were not going to do a new urgency. In honor of the last day of our life, here are things I really, really, really won’t be doing today:

1) I will not clean the hardened egg off the frying pan. This really is a tough job. I normally put it off for hours. But now, I can avoid forever. Woo hoo!

2) I will not change my clothes. It’s the apocalypse and I’m greeting it in my comfy jammies.

3) I will not worry about all those End-of-the Earth scenarios. They’ve been narrowed down to one, thank goodness.

4) I will not clean out the garage. This alone makes our mass destruction worthwhile.

5) I will not worry where all those orphan socks from the clothes dryer went to. They’ve gone to a better place.

6) I will not spend another day in a world with Windows 8.

7) I will not remove that big weed that’s miraculously–my gosh, I spell that word correctly on the first try–growing in a crack in the sidewalk in front of my house. We will spend our last day in a spirit of live and let live.

8) I will not eat lutefisk, not even if doing so would prevent that giant Cocoa Pebble from smashing into the Earth. Don’t judge me.  Not unless you’ve already eaten lutefisk.

9) I will not hold to my diet today. I’m having a 3 by 3 three-animal style burger, French fries-animal style, and a chocolate milkshake at In-n-Out today.

10) I will not read any software terms-of-agreement.

11) I will not go to Schnecteday, New York.

12) I will not look up the correct spelling of Schnecteday.

13) I will not move the laundry along.

14) I will not change out of my comfortable jammies.

Write and let me know what you didn’t do today.

– Paul R. De Lancey, mystic seerCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle
on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Chocolate Sticky Cake

Swedish Dessert

CHOCOLATE STICKY CAKE

(kladdkaka)

INGREDIENTSChocolateSticky-

½ cup butter
2 eggs
1¼ cups sugar
½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
½ cup flour
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon confectionery sugar
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ round cake pan or baking dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Melt butter in small saucepan then let cool. Add eggs and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add butter, cocoa powder, flour, and vanilla extract. Mix with whisk until batter is well blended.

Spray cake pan with no-stick spray. Pour batter into cake pan. Bake batter at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes or until set on top. A toothpick stuck into the cake edge’ should come out dry, but dry when stuck into the middle. Sprinkle with confectionary sugar. Smile.

And oh, this really is sticky. Not a finger food at all, unless, of course, you like sticky, chocolaty fingers. Then, by all means, go for it.

TIDBITS

1) One of my grandmothers came from Sweden. I called her, “Gramma Anna.” “Gramma Anna” is an anagram for “Anagram, man!”

2) The unabridged list of anagrams for “cake” in the known universe is: “cake.”

3) However, I’m happy to point out that there are hundreds and hundreds of anagrams for “chocolate cake.” The best anagrams for these happy words are: “Cheat cake? Loco!” “Elect Coach Oak,” “Coach look! Taco.” “Locate eco hack,” “A taco? Ole. Check,” and “Eek, Coach! A clot!”

4) Eden can be found in Sweden. Take a look. Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden for eating an apple from the Tree of Knowledge. They also became mortal and would die. And they would have to eat lutefisk to survive. We are still living with their error in judgment.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heavenly Cookies Recipe

American Dessert

HEAVENLY COOKIES

INGREDIENTSHeavenl-

3 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup white chocolate flavored cocoa (or an extra 1/2 cup sugar)
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
8 ounces Heath Bar BitsTM

Makes 20 cookies

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Preparation is easier if the butter is already soft. You can accomplish this by simply taking the butter out of the refrigerator an hour before you’re ready to start. (Or get a good aerobic exercise by flattening those sticks of butter with your fists. Show it who’s boss.)

Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl. Set aside.

Place butter, sugar, flavored cocoa, egg, vanilla extract, and Heath Bar BitsTM in another mixing bowl. Mix with hands or electric beater set on “cookies.” Gradually add in the blended flour mixture. Again, blend thoroughly.

Roll dough into little balls about an inch wide. Place dough onto ungreased cookie sheets. Leave a 1″ gap between dough balls.

Bake 8 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand on cookie sheet for 2 minutes and then cool on wire racks for faster cooling. If you don’t own a wire rack, either let the cookies cool for a long time on the hot sheet or transfer them with a spatula to a cold plate. The hungry hordes, however, might have other ideas about waiting.

TIDBITS

1) The egg listed in the ingredients is a chicken egg. You could substitute an ostrich egg for the chicken egg.

2) However, the ostrich egg is twenty bigger than the chicken egg. To keep the cookies’ texture the same you’d need to multiply all the ingredients by twenty times as well, twenty cups of sugar for example.

3) You’d have 400 cookies. Where would they all be eat eaten? At a fund raiser? Church picnic? Would people want to eat cookies made from ostrich eggs?

4) There are roadside stands near my home that sell ostrich jerky. So maybe the public is ready.

5) However, while it is easy to carry a carton of twelve chicken eggs, the same amount of ostrich eggs would weigh 32 pounds.

6) Heavy, you bet. Maybe future Olympic weight-lifting could include ostrich-egg events.

7) Ostrich egg juggling would require much skill as well.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting & Sad Sack Comic

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING

INGREDIENTSChocCup-

CUPCAKE

6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar
3 tablespoons granular sugar
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

FROSTING

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
6 ounces cream cheese

UTENSIL

cupcake pan
12 paper cups
electric beater or mixer

PREPARATION

Take butter out and let it soften. Beat eggs lightly. (They rarely ever beat you. They don’t even seem to try.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put softened butter, eggs, confectionary sugar, and granular sugar in mixing bowl. Use beater set on mix until butter and sugars have blended. Add milk, chocolate chips, flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoa. Use same setting on beater to blend all the ingredients.

Spoon an equal amount of the batter into each paper cup. Put the cups onto the cupcake pan. Put cupcake pan on center rack and bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes or until toothpick stuck into cupcake comes out cleanly. Remove pan from oven and let cool for 15 minutes on wire rack.

Make frosting while cupcakes are cooling. Put white chocolate chips in small pot. Cook on low heat and stir constantly until all chips have melted. Remove from heat. Put cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add melted white chocolate chips. Blend with electric beater set to cream. (Some electric beaters have a “burst of power” button. It’s cool, like accelerating a FerrariTM. Well, maybe not. But a cool electric beater costs tens of thousands of dollars less.)

Spread an equal amount of the white frosting on top of cupcakes. Serve to joyous, clamoring guests.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate comes from the Aztec word “xocolatl” meaning bitter water.

2) My spell checker does not recognize “xocolatl.” Perhaps this is fair as the Aztecs didn’t recognize what sugar could do for cocoa.

3) But the 15th century Spaniards did. So, the Spanish royalty sent conquistadors and chefs to the new land.

4) After a generation of bloody conquest of Mexico, the sugar isles of the Caribbean were safe for hot chocolate.

5) Lacking minimal amounts of No DozTM or even Red BullTM energy drinks, Napoleon carried chocolate with him on all his military campaigns.

6) Napoleon’s energized armies racked up victory after victory until his enemies starting carrying chocolate as well. Defeat for the French became certain when chocolate rich Switzerland defected from the Gallic side.

7) The world today remains in a state of precarious peace, based on equal access to chocolate for all nations.

 

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

comic

 

 

 

 

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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