Posts Tagged With: lutefisk

Lay’s Lutefisk and Liver Potato Chips

Posted on February 25, 2014 by pauldelancey

I will become a millionaire. I have entered the most scathingly brilliant flavor idea for Lay’s potato chip contest – lutefisk and liver. How could it lose? It can’t. Everybody loves lutefisk. Only the people who can taste, smell, or see don’t. And liver well … is incredibly healthy for you. Don’t forget the Vikings ate lutefisk and nearly conquered the world. Eat lutefisk and liver potato chips, for the healthy Viking in all of us.

Notice even Lay’s says, “Lutefisk and Liver? That does sound yummy as a chip!”

lutefiskChips

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Paraguayan Corn Bread (sopa Paraguaya)

Posted on January 12, 2014 by pauldelancey

Paraguayan Entree

PARAGUAYAN CORN BREAD
(sopa Paraguaya)

INGREDIENTSCornBread-

6 tablespoons butter (used three times for 1, 2, and 3 tablespoons)
1 large sweet onion (or onion)
1 2/3 cups whole milk (or milk)
2 cups cornmeal
3/4 cup grated mozzarella (or white cheese)
1/2 cup grated cheddar (or yellow cheese)
3 eggs
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

SPECIAL UTENSIL

bread-loaf pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Mince onion. Separate egg yolks from egg whites. Melt 6 tablespoon butter. Coat sides of bread-loaf pan with 1 tablespoon of melted butter. Add 2 tablespoons of melted butter to frying pan. Sauté the onions at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions soften. Reduce heat to low. Add milk, stirring constantly. Do not let milk boil. Reduce heat to warm if necessary. Add cornmeal gradually, stirring constantly until mixture becomes well blended.

Remove pan from heat. Add mozzarella cheese and cheddar cheese, 3 tablespoons melted butter, salt, and pepper. Mix with fork until cheese melts. Add egg yolk and stir again with whisk until well this batter is well blended. Stir eggs white with whisk in another mixing bowl until stiff peaks form. Fold egg whites carefully into batter.

Pour batter into buttered bread-loaf pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 30-to-40 minutes or until corn bread is golden brown or until toothpick comes out clean after insertion.

TIDBITS

1) Paraguay became independent from Spain in 1811. For years, maps listed the country as “Parrot Gay”. Some centuries ago a Jesuits settlers befriend a homosexual parrot. They named the gay parrot, Frank. The settlers eventually ate Frank. This region could have been called Parrot à l’orange.

2) Paraguay is now rated “boring” by many travelers.

3) In1812, Portugal helped celebrate Paraguayan independence by invading the little country. A period of anarchy followed by a dictatorships. None of these dictators did anything fun, such as promote soccer or karaoke.

4) Indeed, the dictatorship of Francisco Lopez, 1862 – 1869, was a particularly grumpy time. Not only were popular sports, arts and Wi-Fi connections neglected, but he managed to tick off the neighboring superpowers Argentina and Brazil. An unarguably unpleasant war followed where some 80% of adult males perished without ever having a chance to sing in karaoke clubs or even dance in conga lines.

5) By 1900, there were again equal numbers between males and females had been reestablished. My goodness, the Paraguayans were busy between the years 1869 and 1900.

6) Okay, there wasn’t an exact equivalence of males and females as the census of 1900 showed an odd number of people, 635,571 in Paraguay.

7) A moderate number of fair-to-middling strikes, anarchy, repression, and rebellions filled Paraguayan life until 1930. Soccer probably came to Paraguay during this time. We know even less about the state of Paraguayan soccer and conga lines during this era. Historians are frustratingly mute on this. But we know everything about a gay parrot that was dined upon hundreds of years ago. Go figure.

8) In 1932 Paraguay went to war with another country starting with the letter “B,” Bolivia over the supposedly oil rich lands of Chaco. This was sponsored by Standard Oil of New Jersey, who backed Bolivia, and Royal Dutch Shell, who supported Paraguay. Paraguay almost went to war with Chile which starts with the letter “C.” However, Chile, had no corporate sponsor and sat out the entire Chaco conflict.

9) Chaco rhymes with taco. Tacos are from Mexico. Tacos are a peaceful food.

10) Peace between Bolivia and Paraguay broke out in 1935. Paraguay got most of the Chaco land and Bolivia got guaranteed access to the sea via the Paraguay River. So some good came out of the war. Paraguay was safe for karaoke, conga lines, and vaudeville.

11) But not for long, a military revolt resulted a new dictator in 1936. Unrest, repression, lutefisk vendors, and murders cursed the country for decades. Soccer managed to flourish; it is a resilient.

12) In 2000, a stable civilian government finally took over. The new leaders vigorously support karaoke and conga lines. (Vaudeville disappeared worldwide decades ago.) Tourists are starting to flock to Paraguay. The future looks bright for this county.

13) However, researchers from the University of Dili, recently concluded that Paraguayans were among the crabbiest people on Earth.

14) You’d be crabby too if your country missed out on vaudeville. But soccer, karaoke and conga will heal all. And boring would sound pretty darn good after centuries of conflict. So there.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Salsa

Posted on January 5, 2014 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

SALSA

INGREDIENTSSalsa-

3 serrano chiles
9 cloves garlic
1 white onion
8 Roma tomatoes
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon cilantro
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Remove seeds from serrano chiles if you desire a milder salsa. Put chiles, garlic, onion, tomatoes, and oil in baking dish. Stir until garlic, onion, and tomatoes are well coated with oil. Roast in oven at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

Dice roasted veggies. Add veggies, cilantro, lime juice and salt to mixing bowl. Blend with whisk or fork. Goes great with everything except lutefisk.

TIDBITS

1) May, 1997, was National Salsa Month. Our officials have too much time on their hands.

2) In 2003, Texas declared tortilla chips and salsa to be the Official State Snack. The Texas government has too much time on its hands.

3) Pace Foods uses over 20 million pounds of hot peppers every year. That’s a lot of peppers or maybe just one huge pepper. Can you imagine a pepper that big? If you managed to eat it you’d need a really huge glass of milk to coat the pain receptors in your throat.

4) It would take a really big cow to give enough milk to fill that glass in tidbit 3).

5) Tomatoes and serrano chiles are not vegetables. They are fruits. So is a banana.

6) “Sometimes a banana is just a banana.” – Sigmund Freud. Freud would have been greatly interested in a dream about a twenty-million-pound serrano chile.

7) Oh, and some historians think Christopher Columbus crossed the Atlantic Ocean to get away from lutefisk.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dijon Mustard

Posted on November 12, 2013 by pauldelancey

French Appetizer

DIJON MUSTARD

INGREDIENTSDijonMustard-

1/2 medium yellow onion
2 cloves garlic
1 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup mustard, dry
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

colander
airtight jar

PREPARATION

Mince the onion and garlic. Put wine, onion, garlic in pot. Cook at high heat until wine boils. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Pour mixture through colander into mixing bowl. Let liquid cool.

Add mustard to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until mixture is smooth. Add wine/garlic/mustard, honey, vegetable, and salt to pot Simmer for about 10 minutes or until liquid thickens. (Don’t look down too long at pot. The vapor will make your eyes sting.) Let cool. Pour into airtight jar. Keep refrigerated. The Dijon mustard will get slightly milder over the next 5 days.

TIDBITS

1) Ancient doctors used mustard to cure toothaches, epilepsy, and PMS, increase blood circulation, clear sinuses, and stimulate appetite. It had indifferent success in curing death as shown by the mustard found in King Tut’s tomb. Listen to the comedian Steve Martin & the Toot Uncommons sing the praises of King Tut.

2) Many cultures scatter mustard seeds around the home to repel evil spirits. Bear traps are a good way to tackle bad spirits taking on animal form. Leaving lutefisk outside your door wards off all spirits ethereal or corporal, including mimes selling aluminum siding door to door.

3) Indeed, people in medieval Paris could buy mustard by the wheelbarrow. This facts suggests lots of door-to-door mimes ran around back then. On the other hand, there is scant evidence of 13th-century Parisian homes, stone, wood, or otherwise, being adorned with aluminum siding.

4) Canada is the largest producer of mustard. There aren’t many evil spirits in Canada. See?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Atty’s Attic Interviews Me!

Posted on October 1, 2013 by pauldelancey

Atty'sAttic

Paul DeLancey goes above and beyond on this interview. You’re gonna love this guy!

While the Earl of Sandwich earns a spot in any culinary hall of fame, he was indeed a flawed man: opinionated, drunken, corrupt, incompetent, a sex fiend, a Satan worshiper, and all that.

And with that intro welcome Paul to my attic.

Who are you and where did you come from?

I’m Paul R. De Lancey. I was born in Los Angeles. I mostly grew up in Arcadia, California. I lived a year in Australia and three years in the Netherlands. I enjoy humorous novels, science fiction, history, and cookbooks. I also enjoy long walks to the fridge for orange juice.

Obviously you’re a writer, what is the name of your book and the general plot?

The title is “Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World.” It’s a cookbook, so there isn’t any plot, although I do add humorous tidbits at the end of each recipe about the recipe and its ingredients.

Where did you come up with the idea?

I’ve always liked to cook. I had been posting my meals on Facebook and on my blog. People showed interest and even suggested I write a cookbook. So I did.

Which of your characters do you like the most and why?

Again, there are no characters in a cookbook, but I like Mexican food the best.

Too funny, thank you for answering anyway!

Which one do you hate the most and why?

I hate lutefisk. So did the Vikings. The idea of staying put in Scandinavia with its horrible lutefisk made the Vikings so ornery that they invaded and rampaged over Europe for centuries.

You’re stranded on an island and you are granted three things;

The first thing you’re granted is an iPod with only one song loaded, what is it?

The theme song from Barney to motivate me in finding a way off the island.

The second item is a book with the last chapter missing, what is it and who wrote it?

War and Peace by Tolstoy. I Loved it except for the mind-numbingly boring last chapter. I want to thank who ever tore out that last chapter.

And the third thing you’re granted on this island is a lunchbox with a sandwich and a full thermos, yummy, what kind of sandwich and drink would you appreciate?

Philly cheese steak and root beer.

What is the biggest mistake you have made in your life? Not writing or publishing mistake – any mistake. Even if it happened in 3rd grade, I wanna know about it.

Stupidly changing an answer on a national math test in high school at the last second. If I had left it alone I would have gotten national recognition.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Not much.

You’re still stranded on that island and two people show up, the character you love the most, and the one you hate the most, and they both know what you said about them. What do you do?

Get them to look for a contact lens in the sand while I sip on the root beer I got earlier in this questionnaire.  Oh, and thank you for the root beer.

Flash round favorites:

Color

Blue

Sound

In my hearing range

Season

Spring. I so wanted to say allspice.

Animal

Cat

Smell

Food cooking

Food

Tacos

Place to visit

Fiji

Place to live

Wherever my family is

Movie

It’s a Gift by W.C. Fields

Alien

Mexican, French, Swedish

Great answer!

Number

5

Writing spot

Fiji

Texture

Smooth

Planet

Earth

And last of all, favorite memory?

Births of my children

Anything else you would like to add?

Vote Bacon & Chocolate in 2016.

And on that note, Paul didn’t have to but he shared a fantastic recipe for us so I do expect you all to try it. Thank you so much, Paul for going above and beyond!

 

American Entrée

 SLOW FRENCH DIP SANDWICHES

french

INGREDIENTS

2 1/2 pounds beef loin top sirloin
1 1/2 pounds beef sirloin tip
1 10.5 ounce can condensed French onion soup
1 cup beef stock or broth
1/2 cup water
8 peppercorns
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon thyme
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon beef base or 1 beef bouillon cube
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
10 slices provolone cheese or about 10 ounces
5 French rolls

SPECIALTY ITEM

3 quart, or larger, slow cooker.

PREPARATION

Cut the top sirloin and the sirloin tip enough so that it will fit inside your slow cooker and be covered with the liquid you will add later. Dice garlic cloves.

In fact, here comes the liquid now. Pour French onion soup, beef stock, and water into slow cooker. And now for addition. Add peppercorns, bay leaf, rosemary, thyme, garlic, beef base, sea salt, meat spice, and pepper. And wait.

And wait. Oh and the turn the cooker on low for 6-to-8 hours. (Egads, you’ll have time to collect all receipts that you’ve stashed all around the house in preparation for tax time. Then you forgot where you put them. Now you have time to find them. Go! Go! Look for those receipts. I’m with you on this one.)

It really pays to get an early start on this one, especially if you are using your cooker for the first time. Many but not all slow cookers will get the job done on low in 6-to-8 hours. (My crock pot however needs to be set on high to cook anything in less time than it takes a city to repair a major street.)

Use spoon with holes in it to remove beef from cooker to serving bowl. Open French rolls. Put a slice of provolone cheese on each half. Use spoon with holes in it to put a generous portion of beef on the roll. Spoon juice remaining in cooker onto open sandwich. Close sandwich. Spoon more juice onto closed French roll. Eat. Dream of Heaven.

TIDBITS

1) The sandwich was invented in 1762 when the Earl of Sandwich was too busy to leave the gambling table to eat. Instead, he had a waiter bring him roast beef between two pieces of bread.

2) See, gambling has been good for society.

3) Indeed, many people believe professional sports came into being because gamblers hired players to be on the team they were backing with their bets.

4) The Earl asked for slices of bread to keep the grease from the roast beef from marking the playing cards.

5) While the Earl earns a spot in any culinary hall of fame, he was indeed a flawed man: opinionated, drunken, corrupt, incompetent, a sex fiend, a Satan worshiper, and all that.

6) There is no word, however, if he over spiced.

7) But he did weaken the Royal Navy to such an extent that the French Fleet beat it in 1781, ensuring America’s victory in the American Revolution.

8) A lot to think about when you bite into your next sandwich.

website: www.lordsoffun.com

blog: pauldelancey.com

Thank you so very much for coming to cook for us today. My attic smells wonderful!

Thank you, Atty!

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Meatball Pizza

Posted on August 7, 2013 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

MEATBALL PIZZA

INGREDIENTSMeatballPizza-

1/2 onion
1 red bell pepper
flour
pizza crust (bought or from below recipe)
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup pasta sauce
1/2 teaspoon garlic
1/2 pound ground beef
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Slice onion and bell pepper into thin rings. Cut rings in half. Dust pizza pan with flour and spray with no-stick spray. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread diced tomatoes and its juice evenly over the pizza crust. Spread pasta sauce evenly over the crust.

In small mixing bowl, smoosh garlic and ground beef together. Use hands to form meatballs 1/2″ inch cross. Sprinkle meatballs, Italian seasoning, and mozzarella evenly over pizza. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust is golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Favorite pizza toppings around the world:

America: bacon, ground beef, bell pepper, extra cheese, mushrooms (ugh. Sorry, I don’t like them), onion, pepperoni, sausage, tomatoes
Australia: shrimp, pineapple, barbecue sauce
Brazil: green peas, hard-boil eggs
China: thousand island dressing, eel sushi
Costa Rica: coconut, pineapple
France: flambée (bacon, onion, fresh cream)
Germany: egg, asparagus
India: pickled ginger, lamb, chicken tikka
Japan: ketchup, eel, squid, and Mayo Jaga (mayonnaise, potato, bacon)
Korea: sweet potato, shrimp
Netherlands: double meat, double cheese, double onion
Pakistan: curry
Russia: mockba (a combination of sardines, tuna, mackerel, salmon, and onions), red herring
Venezuela: corn, goat cheese

2) But if you really want to visit the cutting edge of pizza making you must go to Sweden where the following smorgasbord of toppings are popular: allspice, artichoke, banana, bacon, beets, bell pepper, Bearnaise sauce, cabbage, caper, carrot, chicken, chocolate, crab, curry, duck, eggplant, filet mignon, French fries, fruit cocktail, gorgonzola, guacamole, ham, hard-boiled eggs, honey. kebab meat. leeks, mashed potato, mayonnaise, onion, peanut, pepperoni, pickles, pineapple, raisin, salami, sausage, shallot, shrimp, white sauce, taco spices, tuna, and zucchini.

3) I really can’t explain Sweden’s unbridled culinary wildness. Swedish cuisine was much blander when I visited the country some years ago. Was there a mass poisoning of chefs by rotten lutefisk at a culinary convention? It’s quite possible; how can you detect bad lutefisk?

4) There are more pizza toppings in Sweden than are dreamed of in your philosophy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meatloaf Provençale

Posted on June 15, 2013 by pauldelancey

French Entree

MEATLOAF PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTSMeatloafPro-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 cloves garlic
1 green bell pepper
1 carrot
1/2 cup spinach
1 Roma tomato
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs
1/4 cup shredded cheese (Gruyère or Doubs, if you can find it)
1 1/2 pounds beef
3 eggs
1 tablespoon herbes de Provence
1 tablespoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper (mignonette if you can find it)
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup red wine

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 8″ casserole dish
no-stick spray.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mince white onion, red onion, and garlic. Seed bell pepper. Mince bell pepper, carrot, spinach, and tomato. Add olive oil, white onion, red onion, and garlic to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently.

Put all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Combine everything with hands. Is this messy? Yes, it is. Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Put mixture in casserole dish. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Greeks believed mustard soothed sore muscle, and cured toothaches.

2) Being so much smarter, we now think mustard stimulates the appetite, improves digestion, clears sinuses, and increases blood circulation.

3) Sprinkle mustard flour in your socks to prevent frostbite.

4) Throwing mustard seeds over your right shoulder at your clothes washer and dryer will prevent them from stealing one sock from every pair.

5) Some Danes and Indians think you can ward off evil spirits by scattering mustard seeds around your home’s perimeter.

6) Lutefisk placed all around your home repels all evil spirits, people, and indeed every organism on this Earth.

7) Extraterrestrials will not visit our planet as long as we make lutefisk.

8) There is not a single nation in the world that even considers using lutefisk as a weapon of war.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kelewele (Hot Plantain Chips) From Ghana

Posted on June 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

Ghanian Entree

KELEWELE
(Hot plantain chips)

INGREDIENTSKelewle-

4 ripe plantains
1 clove garlic
2 teaspoons honey
1 teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon fresh ground ginger
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Peel plantains. Slice plantains into round slices no wider than 1/4″. Dice garlic. Put round plantain slices, garlic, honey, cayenne, ginger, salt, and oil into mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with hands until spices coat plantain slices.

Put oil in skillet. There should be enough to cover plantain slices. Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Put a tiny bit of plantain in skillet. Oil is hot enough when the plantain bit starts to dance around. Carefully put plantains slices in hot oil. (Getting splattered by hot oil hurts quite a bit. May I suggest using the skillet lid as a shield between yourself and the oil.) To ensure even cooking of the plantains, make sure that none of the plantain slices touch each other. You will most likely need to cook the plantain slices in batches.

Fry each batch at 350 degrees for 3 minutes. Turn the slices over and fry for 3 minutes more. Remove slices with spoon with holes in it. Put slices in bowl. Remove remaining oil with paper towel. Repeat for each batch.

Serve hot to hungry quests.

TIDBITS

1) A search of fun facts about Ghana reveals that its currency is the Cedi. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve enlivened a party by relating that gem. Well yes, I can.

2) The plantains is not a happening fruit, not like its exciting cousin, the banana. For example, did you know the plantains is part of the genus Musa in the Musacaea family of flowering plants? Now hold on to something sturdy before reading further. Alhough plantains grow as tall as trees, they’re only gigantic herbs because they have succulent stems instead of trunks. I’d go on but my heart is already racing like a jackrabbit.

4) Even though the plantain looks a lot like a banana, people never think of the sexual implications of eating or dreaming a plantain.

5) But it could have been different if the great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud had ever traveled to Ghana. Then he would have said, “Sometimes a plantain is just a plantain.”

6) But as any historian will say, you can only rewrite history so far. The superior slipping properties of the banana over the plantain ensued the complete dominance of the banana in silent films and in early talking motion pictures. We saw bananas. We ate bananas.

7) It’s the same thing with tuna and lutefisk. People eat tuna over lutefisk because we only see tuna being eaten on television and in movies, never lutefisk.

8) Okay, we also never eat lutefisk because it looks bad, tastes bad and smells. Indeed, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to learn that many secret governmental agencies around the world employ lutefisk as an enhanced interrogation technique.

9) Have a plantain instead.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moroccan Spiced Lentils Recipe

Posted on May 9, 2013 by pauldelancey

Moroccan Soup

SPICED LENTILS

INGREDIENTSSpiceLe-

1 1/3 cups red lentils
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 tablespoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric

2 onions
1 tablespoon butter
2 small tomatoes

PREPARATION

Put lentils and broth in pot. Add cayenne, coriander, cumin, ginger, pepper, salt, and turmeric. Soak for 4 hours. Lentils should be split. (Hey, if you want some to leave slowly, you could say, “Make like a lentil and split.”)

While the lentils soak, go outside and pull weeds. When you come back, dice your onions and tomatoes. After your lentils have been sufficiently soaked (and how often does that phrase come up in normal conversation?) add onion and butter to pan. Sauté the onions on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until the onions are tender. (Love me tender, love me true.)

Put onions and tomatoes in pot. Bring soup to boil. Turn heat down to low and simmer for 30-to-60 minutes or until lentils are tender. Serve to adoring family or guests who are about to go Morocco mad.

TIDBITS

1) You know, if I had a time machine this tidbit would have already been written.

2) Or maybe I’d use my time machine to always go back to the moment all my clothes were clean. I’d never have to do laundry again.

3) I think I’d go back to the moment when that Viking, Haarald, was about to invent lutefisk and give him a crunchy-shell taco. The culinary world would have been better off.

4) Oh, and the rest of the too. Eating lutefisk was the main reason the Norsemen assaulted England and continental Europe for centuries. I mean who wouldn’t feel like killing and pillaging after eating lutefisk?

5) Fortunately, the Vikings eventually came into contact with Moroccans in Spain. While bad for the inhabitants who had to suffer through countless battles to-ing and fro-ing across their backyards, it was a positive boon to the rest of Europe.

6) For once the fierce Norsemen discovered the spices of Morocco, they could preserve their food. They didn’t have to soak their fish in lye, a poison, to preserve it. They could even make Berbere shish kabobs. This made them very happy.

7) And the raids of the Scandanavian beserkers ended. Well okay not right away, but they did tail off.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cuban Arroz Con Pollo Recipe

Posted on April 26, 2013 by pauldelancey

Cuban Entree

ARROZ CON POLLO

INGREDIENTSArrozCP-

2 cups rice
3 chicken breasts or 2 pounds chicken parts
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons olive oil
3 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 bay leaf
1/2 green bell pepper
1/2 red bell pepper
1/medium tomato
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
2/3 cup white wine
2 cup chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon cilantro.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package.

While rice is cooking, cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. (If you are using parts such as chicken legs, leave them as they are.) Mince garlic and onion, Dice green and red bell peppers. Coat chicken with black pepper, cumin, oregano, and paprika. Puree tomato.

Add olive oil, garlic, and onion to frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion turns soft. Add spice-coated chicken, bay leaf, green and red bell pepper, tomato, lemon juice, wine, and chicken broth. Bring to boil at high heat then reduce to low and simmer for 20-to-30 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. (You might have to cut off a bit and taste. Maybe taste a second piece, a third…)

Serve with rice in a bowl. Garnish with cilantro.

TIDBITS

1) Sugar was first made into cubes in Cuba. That’s why we call sugar “cubes.” Before cubes, sugar had always been scooped.

2) People would always ask, “One or two spoons?” when serving sugar with coffee.

3) Indeed, specialized spoons were made for sugar. The first major producer of sugar spoons was Krupp of Essen, Germany.

4) Krupp made a fortune off their sugar spoons. So much so they were able to enter the burgeoning armaments industry.

5) Germany bought so much artillery from Krupp in the 1900s that it started an arms race in Europe. The heavily armed nations of Europe inevitably went to war in 1914.

6) A scarred Germany resentful of the peace terms imposed by the victorious powers in 1918 seethed for revenge.

7) And so, World War II erupted in 1939. The years from 1939 to 1945 were a bummer.

8) The war alliance between The United States and the Soviet Union proved ephemeral. (Cool word, huh?) They soon constructed vast arsenals to intimidate each other.

9) Tensions between America and Russia lessened considerably in the 1990s when the countries’ presidents took the first step toward peace, The Lutefisk Ban treaty.

10) Or so I’ve heard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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