Posts Tagged With: doctors

Mosquitoes, The Future Doctors

 syringe

I heard on the radio that scientists are planning to rid the world of that dread curse, malaria! Hooray! What an admirable goal. Excelsior. But how are they planning to this?

By injecting mosquitoes with malaria resistant bacteria. Um, this presents problems to my mind.

1) How are they going to get mosquitoes to show up for their injections? I like to think I am rather smarter than a mosquito, but I still put off visits to the doctor.

2) What’s in for the mosquito? Injections are painful and let’s face it, how much street cred do we have with them what with one mosquito eradication campaign after another.

3) Mosquitoes are tiny. The needle to be used on the mosquitoes must be tiny indeed. How is any doctor going to give the mosquito an injection if he can’t even see the needle?

4) How do you find a suitable vein on the tiny mosquito, particularly if the critter insists on flying around the room?

5) How do we get the doctors to this public service? Is there a fund set up to do this? Does spending government money on injecting mosquito enjoy widespread public support? Witness the controversy over Obama’s health care plan and as far as I know he didn’t include even one dollar for injecting mosquitoes.

One final thought. Why can’t we inject the mosquitoes with vitamins, so that every time we get bitten by them we also get needed nutritional supplements?

Just saying.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  medical correspondent

 

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Potato Waffle with Hot Dog, Wars, and Manners

Norwegian Entree

POTATO WAFFLE WITH HOT DOG
(potetvafler met pølse)

INGREDIENTSPotatoWaffles-

5 russet potatoes or 2 pounds brown potatoes
4 tablespoons butter
12 hot dogs or hot-dog shaped sausages
4 eggs
3 cups milk
2 ½ cups flour
½ tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
no-stick spray

makes 12 potato waffles with hot dog

SPECIAL UTENSIL

waffle maker

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into eight pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Drain potato bits. Add butter to pot with potato pieces. Mash potatoes with potato masher.

While potato bits simmer, add hot dogs to pot with enough water to cover them. Boil on high heat for 5 minutes. Turn off heat.

Also while potato bits are simmering, add eggs and milk to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add flour and baking powder to pot. Mix with whisk. Add egg/milk mixture, salt and sugar to pot. Mix with whisk until smooth.

Spray waffle maker with no-stick spray. Fry waffles according to instructions with waffle maker or until waffles are golden brown. Remove waffle. Wrap waffle around hot dog. Smaker godt (Tastes great.)

TIDBITS

1) An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

2) Garlic keeps vampires away.

3) Garlic infused apples would keep vampires doctors away.

4) There are no vampire doctors in Norway.

5) Thus, the Norwegians may eat whatever food they want and still feel safe.

6) Waffles are great comfort food. So are hot dogs.

7) Eating a waffle-wrapped hot dog will make you quite happy. Ecstatic even. Best not to overdo it. All things in moderation.

8) Potatoes, not pancakes as was once believed, enabled the Prussian kingdom survive the Seven Years War, 1756 – 1763. Invading armies destroyed the crops that grew above ground, such as wheat, but couldn’t find the potatoes lurking underground. The Prussian peasants simply waited for the marauders to leave, dug up the potatoes, ate them, and survived.

9) However, you cannot hide waffles or even hot dogs in the ground for any length of time and expect to find them edible. Which is why peasants never planted waffles.

10)) The Seven Years War of tidbit 8) fame really did take seven years.

11) However, the Hundred Years War, which ran from 1337-1453, took 116 years.

12) Similarly, Panama hats do not come from Panama.

13) They come from Ecuador.

14) Ecuador is not that far from Chile.

15) In Chile. It is impolite to eat using your hands.

16) So if you are carrying a potato in your Panama hat, because you never know when a ruffian soldier frisks you for a loaf of rye bread, be sure to eat it with a fork.

17) It might be hard to eat a raw potato with a fork. Eating mashed potatoes would be easier.

18) However, your Chilean friends will think that coming to their houses with mashed potatoes on your head is also impolite. And they will tell you so.

19) However, your Chilean hosts might forebear from social criticism if you are a vampire doctor.

20) It’s all so confusing. It’s why we have etiquette experts.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dijon Mustard

French Appetizer

DIJON MUSTARD

INGREDIENTSDijonMustard-

1/2 medium yellow onion
2 cloves garlic
1 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup mustard, dry
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

colander
airtight jar

PREPARATION

Mince the onion and garlic. Put wine, onion, garlic in pot. Cook at high heat until wine boils. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. Pour mixture through colander into mixing bowl. Let liquid cool.

Add mustard to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until mixture is smooth. Add wine/garlic/mustard, honey, vegetable, and salt to pot Simmer for about 10 minutes or until liquid thickens. (Don’t look down too long at pot. The vapor will make your eyes sting.) Let cool. Pour into airtight jar. Keep refrigerated. The Dijon mustard will get slightly milder over the next 5 days.

TIDBITS

1) Ancient doctors used mustard to cure toothaches, epilepsy, and PMS, increase blood circulation, clear sinuses, and stimulate appetite. It had indifferent success in curing death as shown by the mustard found in King Tut’s tomb. Listen to the comedian Steve Martin & the Toot Uncommons sing the praises of King Tut.

2) Many cultures scatter mustard seeds around the home to repel evil spirits. Bear traps are a good way to tackle bad spirits taking on animal form. Leaving lutefisk outside your door wards off all spirits ethereal or corporal, including mimes selling aluminum siding door to door.

3) Indeed, people in medieval Paris could buy mustard by the wheelbarrow. This facts suggests lots of door-to-door mimes ran around back then. On the other hand, there is scant evidence of 13th-century Parisian homes, stone, wood, or otherwise, being adorned with aluminum siding.

4) Canada is the largest producer of mustard. There aren’t many evil spirits in Canada. See?
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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