Posts Tagged With: tuna

Tuna Stuffed Eggs (Uova Ripiene di Tonno)

Italian Appetizer

TUNA STUFFED EGGS

(Uova Ripiene di Tonno)

INGREDIENTS

4 eggs
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
1 4-ounce can tuna, drained
1 teaspoon capers, drained
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon lemon juice
4 leaves lettuce
1 tablespoon fresh Italian parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

small food processor

Serves 4. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add enough water to cover eggs with 1″ extra. Bring water to boil. Use a large spoon to carefully add eggs. Boil for 12 minutes. Remove eggs and put in a bowl of cold water. Peel eggs. Cut eggs in half along their length. Remove yolks and set aside.

Add yolks, mayonnaise, tuna, capers, pepper, salt, and lemon juice to small food processor. Blend until creamy. Fill egg-white halves with equal amounts of creamy mixture. Tear lettuce leaves in half. Place filled egg-white haves on lettuce-leaf halves. Dice parsley. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) One night Contessina de’ Bardi dreamed this entire recipe in modern Italian. Unfortunately, she and many others on the Italian peninsula still spoke Latin. She had no idea what she had imagined.

2) So asked her husband Cosimo de’ Medici (1389-1464), “We don’t we all learn Italian? That way we can all understand this recipe and make a yummy appetizer. “But,” said Cosimo, “there are sorts of proto-Italian dialects around. How will we get everyone to agree on just one version?”

3) “Well,” said Contessina, “We’ll make Florence the center of the art world. All Italy will come here to marvel at our artistic glory. The visitors will all pick up Florentine Italian. So will I. Then I’ll be able to make you Tuna Stuffed Eggs.” Cosimo said, “Sounds good.” And so began The Renaissance.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Theluli Mas (Spicy Fried Tuna)

Maldivian Entree

THELULI MAS
(Spicy Fried Tuna)

INGREDIENTSthelulimas

1 small onion
5 garlic cloves
4 curry leaves or 2 tablespoons curry powder
2½ teaspoons peppercorns
2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon salt
1½ pounds tuna steaks
½ cup vegetable oil
1 lemon

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add onion, garlic cloves, curry leaves, peppercorns, red pepper flakes, and salt to blender. Blend on medium until you get a smooth paste. Add tuna and smooth paste to large mixing bowl. Turn tuna steaks until they are well ll coated. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Add oil. Heat oil on medium-high heat. It will hot enough when a pepper flake put in the oil starts to dance. Carefully add tuna steaks to pan. (Tilt pan away from you as you do so.) Sauté at medium-high heat for 3 minutes on each side or until steaks become crispy and turn golden brown.
Cut lemon into as many slices as there are tuna steaks. Add a lemon slice next to each steak.

TIDBITS

1) Tuna is an anagram for nut. Tuna love nuts, especially the macadamia nut. “Macadamia nut” is an anagram for “Dam’ manic nut..” Tuna who taste macadamia develop an instant addiction. Fortunately, macadamia nuts are rarely found in the ocean. But they are found in the waters where cruise ships travel. Unthinking passengers adore the tuna who, desperate for a fix, perform all sorts of acrobatic and aquatic tricks.

2) Then the cruise ships move on, leaving in their wake desperate, addicted schools of tuna. Some places there get vicious, particularly where the amphibious variety of tuna abounds. In Macadamia Grove, Australia, gangs of crazed tuna thrash through the town to stampede the macadamia groves. They eat every single nut they can find and if their fix isn’t satisfied, they come back to assault the stores. People flee in terror; there’s nothing more vicious than a strung-out tuna. The townsfolk shake their fists at the tuna. “Dam’ manic nuts.”

3) This sad event happens to Macadamia Grove repeatedly. Its people are planning to leave their childhood homes for good and become a tribe of wandering mimes. Please don’t let this happen. Obey the signs that read, “Don’t feed the dolphins.” Thank you.

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Avocados With Tuna

Bissau Guinean

AVOCADOS WITH TUNA
(Abacate Com Atum)

INGREDIENTSavocadoswithtuna

2½ tablespoons freshly * grated coconut (9½ tablespoons more later)
2 large or 4 small ripe avocados
1 6-ounce can tuna
9½ tablespoons freshly grated coconut
1 cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons tomato sauce
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1½ tablespoons lemon juice

* = Add small amounts of water to dry, shredded coconut until it softens. It is an effort to get the fresh coconut flesh from inside the coconut. Sorry.

Makes 4 large or 8 small stuffed avocados halves Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 2½ tablespoons grated coconut to pan. Toast on high heat for 3 minutes or until coconut starts to brown. Stir occasionally. Cut avocados in half lengthwise. Remove pit. Gently scoop out pulp with spoon. Don’t tear the avocado shells. Add avocado pulp to large mixing bowl. Mash avocado with fork. Drain tuna. Add tuna, 9½ tablespoons grated coconut, heavy cream, tomato sauce, pepper, and salt. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Fill avocado half shells with avocado/tuna mix. Drizzle avocado/tuna mix with lemon juice. Garnish with toasted coconut.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for shredded coconut to be toasted in a pan. Wouldn’t it be easier to toast the shredded coconut in a toaster? Yes, it would. Unfortunately, the tiny shreds would get everywhere, including on the toaster’s live coils. A fire could result, a raging inferno even. That would be bad. Your newly homeless neighbors would hate you.

2) That’s why I’m developing the Shredded-Coconut ToasterTM. Simply distribute the coconut one shred to one tiny slot. Wouldn’t that requires a lot of slots in the toaster? Yes, it would.

3) Another invention of mine would be the Egg Centrifuge CookerTM. Simply place an egg into the centrifuge. The centrifuge whips the egg around at incedible speeds, scrambling the inside. Coils inside the centrifuge cooks the egg’s inside to your desired level of doneness. No more tiresome scraping and scrubbing of burnt egg bits stubbornly attached to your skillet.. You’ll say, “Thank you, Egg Centrifuge Cooker.”

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Beninese Peanut Sauce

Beninese Appetizer

PEANUT SAUCE

INGREDIENTSpeanutsauce

1 small tomato
1 small onion
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1½ tablespoons chili powder
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cube MaggiTM beef bouillon*
1 cup water
10 tablespoons smooth peanut butter

* = While other boullion cubes work fine, Maggi’s are incredibly popular in Africa.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

Makes 1½ cups. Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Puree tomato in blender. Mince onion. Add onion and peanut oil to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato puree, chili powder, and salt. Reduce heat to low and sauté for 3 minutes. Stir frequently.

Crush boullion cube. (This makes it dissolve quicker.) Add bouillon and water. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add peanut butter. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 15 minutes or until sauces thickens to your liking. Stir frequently. This is served in Benin with boiled yam. It also goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) Peanut Sauce is, of course, an anagram for Tuna Ape Cues. Queen Mary I hated the theater, thinking it immoral. She tried fervently to ban it altogether, but succeeded only in driving theater going underground. People attended ribald plays in people’s attics where such animalistic passions such as hand holding and improv comedy took place. Mary I could not abide this licentiousness, so she imposed hateful regulations, such as having all roles played by gorillas holding tuna.

2) It’s important to realize that Joe Ape’s vocabulary was, and still is, quite limited, making line memorization challenging. And as with humans, line retention goes down while holding tuna. So, stage hands constantly cued the tuna holding apes. Hence, “Tuna Ape Cues.” The next queen, Elizabeth permitted human actors. To honor his new patron, Shakespeare, playwright, chef, and anagrammatist, turned Tuna Apes Cues into Peanut Sauce. His peanut sauce was tasty. What luck!

cookbookhunksChef Paul

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World,  with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Tuna Burgers

American Entree

TUNA BURGERS

INGREDIENTSTunaBurger-

2 6-ounce cans white tuna
1 celery stalk
½ small onion
1 Roma tomato
½ cup bread crumbs
1 egg
½ teaspoon dill
½ teaspoon parsley
½ tablespoon lemon juice
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon minced red bell pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 hamburger buns
4 lettuce leaves
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick skillet
anti-grav machine

Takes about 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Drain tuna cans. Mince celery and onion. Cut tomato lenghthwise into 4 equal slices. Add tuna, breadcrumbs, celery, dill, parsley, and egg in large mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with fork. Add lemon juice, mayonnaise, onion, and bell pepper. Mix again with fork. Form 4 tuna patties by hand.

Toast hamburger buns. Spray skillet with no-stick spray. Add olive oil. Heat oil on medium heat. Add tuna patties. Sauté on medium heat for 3-to-5 minutes per side or until cooked through and golden brown. Add tuna patties, lettuce, and tomato to bottom bun then add top bun. (If you have an anti-grav machine you can place the tomato, lettuce, and tuna patty under a hovering top bun, then put the bottom bun under all of that.)

TIDBITS

1) Anti-grav devices have non-culinary uses as well. The one most prized by the military is being able to stop an accidentally dropped bomb from falling. However, dogs generally don’t like the anti-grave machine. It keeps table scraps from falling to the kitchen floor. In fact, their union, Dogs, successfully lobbied to keep the anti-grav thingy from being sold in America. You have to go to Mexico or Mozambique or know a defense contractor to get one.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tuna Melt

American Entree

TUNA MELT

INGREDIENTSTunaMelt-

2 5-ounce cans albacore tuna
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup diced celery
2, tablespoons minced yellow, brown, or red onon
1 teaspoon dill weed
1/8,teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup shredded cheddar or mozzarella cheese
1 medium, ripe avocado (optional)
2 hamburger buns on 4 bread slices

PREPARATION

Drain water from tuna cans. Preheat broiler to 375 degrees. Toast bread for 2 minutes. While bread toasts, become a whirlwind and add tuna, mayonnaise, celery, onion, dill weed, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk.

Top the bread slices equally with tuna/mayonnaise mix. Put slices in broiler and broil at 375 for 2 to 3 minutes. Remove tuna/mayonnaise/bread slices from broiler and top equally with shredded cheese. Return slices to broiler and broil at 375 degrees for about 2 minutes or until cheese melts. Remove from oven. Carefully combine two slices together. (You might wish to use a spatula.)

TIDBITS

1) “December 7, 1941–a date which will live in infamy…” – President Roosevelt on the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

2) “December 23, 1941, a date which will live in culinary glory…” – me, today. For this is the date of the first recorded sighting of the word, “cheeseburger.” This wondrous event happened at a small restaurant in Burbank, California.

3) The first six months of the war in the Pacific went poorly for America. Some culinary historians speculate that the invention of the cheeseburger was the only thing that prevented defeatism spreading throughout America.

4) Moreover, the humble cheeseburger provided American soldiers, marines, and sailors the energy to keep up the good fight when their Japanese counterparts flagged from a want of calories. Now, Japan and America are friends, because we both eat cheeseburgers. May I suggest a Japanese cheeseburger with wasabi ketchup?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Omani Mezroota

Omani Entree

MEZROOTA

INGREDIENTSMezroota-

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons salt
2 5 ounce cans white tuna
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup lemon juice (or lime juice)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1 gram saffron (let me know if you can afford a lot of saffron and I’ll come over and cook for you. Saffron’s expensive.)
1/2 cup rice
1 cup water

PREPARATION

Peel and thinly slice onion. Put onion and salt in mixing bowl. Mix with spoon. Place bowl in direct sunlight for 1-to-2 hours.

30 minutes prior to retrieving the bowl of onion slices, starting cooking rice according to instructions on bag. Bring in bowl and wash onions. Drain bowl. Repeat two more times. Melt butter. Drain tuna and separate the pieces. Add tuna, butter, lemon juice, cayenne, cumin, oregano, and saffron. Serve tuna/onion/lemon mixture over hot rice.

This dish has a strong flavor and is an acquired taste. Make it for yourself first before serving it to your boss when you’re due for a raise.

TIDBITS

1) Oman is home to around twenty percent of the world’s recent meteorite finds.

2) Many scientists believe a giant meteorite caused the demise of the dinosaurs. Some believe a severe global warming killed them. It’s quite possible the dinosaurs weren’t physically able to adapt.

3) So far as I know, none of the dinosaurs had opposable thumbs and even if they did, they possessed sharp claws and talons. All surfers know you can’t apply even the lowest SPF sun-block lotions with claws. You can’t hold a tube of sun screen without opposable thumbs. I mean, have you ever seen a dinosaur surf? Enough said. No sun screen, no protection from the relentless Cretacean sun. The dinosaurs died. Bummer.

“All over Laurasia, and the blue Tethys Sea, every dino’s gone surfing, surfing Gondwanaland.”
cover

My cookbookEat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Potato Croquettes

Worldwide Entree

POTATO CROQUETTES

INGREDIENTSPotatoCroq-

4 cups mashed potatoes
1 cup flour
1/2 tablespoon parsley
1 tablespoon imitation bacon bits
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese (or Romano)
2 eggs
1 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup vegetable oil

makes about 20 1″ x 3″ croquettes

SPECIAL ITEM

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Add mashed potatoes, flour, parsley, bacon bits, pepper, salt, and Parmesan cheese. Mix with hands. Shape mixture into 1″ by 3″ logs. Dip logs in eggs, then roll logs in bread crumbs.

Add oil to skillet and heat to 375 degrees. Add logs to skillet. Fry at 375 degrees for 5 minutes or until logs are golden brown on all sides. Turn frequently. (Be careful of hot oil.) You most likely will need to cook in batches. Drain croquettes on paper towels.

TIDBITS

1) The croquette is truly a worldwide dish, with countries everywhere adding different ingredients such as potatoes, bacon bits, beef, chicken, lamb, crab meat, shrimp, nutmeg, tomato sauce, curry, tuna, veal, rice, kidneys, peanut satay sauce, cabbage, sauerkraut, pork, piri-piri sauce, cod, salmon, mackerel, Parmesan cheese, Romano cheese, and eggs.

2) About half the people you talk to about croquettes will mention croquet, that game played with mallets and balls on lawns. Half won’t. Don’t let it worry you. It’s all programmed into our genes. When humanity spilled out of Africa millennia ago, the people who turned left developed the need to talk about croquet whenever croquettes are mentioned. Those who turned right never did.

3) Debate rages at the United Nations over croquettes. Many believe we should strive for one global croquette and be as one. Others claim croquette diversity enriches our lives. A third group eats all the croquettes while the first two factions argue.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Meatball Pizza

Italian Entree

MEATBALL PIZZA

INGREDIENTSMeatballPizza-

1/2 onion
1 red bell pepper
flour
pizza crust (bought or from below recipe)
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup pasta sauce
1/2 teaspoon garlic
1/2 pound ground beef
2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Slice onion and bell pepper into thin rings. Cut rings in half. Dust pizza pan with flour and spray with no-stick spray. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread diced tomatoes and its juice evenly over the pizza crust. Spread pasta sauce evenly over the crust.

In small mixing bowl, smoosh garlic and ground beef together. Use hands to form meatballs 1/2″ inch cross. Sprinkle meatballs, Italian seasoning, and mozzarella evenly over pizza. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust is golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Favorite pizza toppings around the world:

America: bacon, ground beef, bell pepper, extra cheese, mushrooms (ugh. Sorry, I don’t like them), onion, pepperoni, sausage, tomatoes
Australia: shrimp, pineapple, barbecue sauce
Brazil: green peas, hard-boil eggs
China: thousand island dressing, eel sushi
Costa Rica: coconut, pineapple
France: flambée (bacon, onion, fresh cream)
Germany: egg, asparagus
India: pickled ginger, lamb, chicken tikka
Japan: ketchup, eel, squid, and Mayo Jaga (mayonnaise, potato, bacon)
Korea: sweet potato, shrimp
Netherlands: double meat, double cheese, double onion
Pakistan: curry
Russia: mockba (a combination of sardines, tuna, mackerel, salmon, and onions), red herring
Venezuela: corn, goat cheese

2) But if you really want to visit the cutting edge of pizza making you must go to Sweden where the following smorgasbord of toppings are popular: allspice, artichoke, banana, bacon, beets, bell pepper, Bearnaise sauce, cabbage, caper, carrot, chicken, chocolate, crab, curry, duck, eggplant, filet mignon, French fries, fruit cocktail, gorgonzola, guacamole, ham, hard-boiled eggs, honey. kebab meat. leeks, mashed potato, mayonnaise, onion, peanut, pepperoni, pickles, pineapple, raisin, salami, sausage, shallot, shrimp, white sauce, taco spices, tuna, and zucchini.

3) I really can’t explain Sweden’s unbridled culinary wildness. Swedish cuisine was much blander when I visited the country some years ago. Was there a mass poisoning of chefs by rotten lutefisk at a culinary convention? It’s quite possible; how can you detect bad lutefisk?

4) There are more pizza toppings in Sweden than are dreamed of in your philosophy.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Cookbook, “Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World” is Available in Paperback and as an E-book

Woo hoo! My international cookbook, Eat Me, 169 Fun Recipes From Around the World, is out.

On Amazon: paperback and e-book

My website: www.lordsoffun.com

On Nook: e-book

cover

PRAISE FOR EAT ME

“Paul De Lancey’s cookbook, Eat Me! 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World is as hysterical as it is chock-full of yummy recipes and wacky trivia.

“From the author of We’re French and You’re Not and The Fur West, De Lancey entertains supreme as he distills cooking to the simplest of terms—from boiling water (and identifying the stove) to preparing timeless classics from every corner of the globe including scrumptious Beef Stroganoff and Greek Wraps with tzatziki sauce.

“Every recipe is followed by hilarious tidbits, such as, ‘King Louis XV ate boiled eggs every Sunday. This practice ceased with his death.’ And advice galore, Crunchy Tuna Casserole – ‘This is not a good meal to make if your dishwasher doesn’t work as happened to me. Grr!’

“De Lancey is one of the freshest voices in the cookbook world. He will have your family and guests spewing milk from their noses as you read about the perils of dropping raw eggs from too great a height into hot Tomato Drop Soup.

Eat Me! is a must read for anyone with a sense of humor and a desire to expand their menu.”
– Marie Etienne, author of Storkbites: A Memoir and Confessions of a Bi-Polar Mardi Gras Queen

“What’s up with straightforward, no-nonsense cookbooks? A little nonsense in the kitchen can make meal preparation more fun. That’s what Paul De Lancey does in Eat Me, a cookbook spiced with comedy, leavened with silliness, and still fully informative and functional. So get out those pots and pans and your sense of humor and have some fun creating that next meal.”

—Roger L. Conlee, author of Fog and Darkness and The Hindenburg Letter.

“I don’t cook, my favorite dinner is popcorn and M&Ms and I store my sweaters in the oven, but Paul De Lancey’s new cookbook may change all that. From what I’ve seen of his recipes and accompanying photos, this cook knows his ingredients.”

-Judy Reeves, author of A Writer’s Book of Days

Eat Me by Paul De Lancey is the only way I know of to learn how to cook simple yummy meals while laughing too hard to eat your simple yummy meals. Seriously. This author’s recipes are so inextricably layered with absurdity, puns, and outrageous assertions that I never knew whether I was chuckling at his jokes or cooking them up myself. A great, side-tickling–and practical–read for anyone’s kitchen!”

– Reina Lisa Menasche, author of Twice Begun

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