Posts Tagged With: healthy

Beware of Legjacking

A simulated legjacking

With the explosion in the numbers of people competing in long-distance races, runners are looking for any edge they  can get. For a while, runners took performance enhancing drugs, PEG. (Note, here PEG is an anacronym, not any woman named Peg.) Anyway some weeks ago, marathoner Carl La Fong up and grew a third leg overnight. He reduced his race time by 39 minutes.

As of press time, no marathon organizers have addressed the issue of a third leg. So many unscrupulous marathoners are looking for a third leg. As there aren’t many legal ways to acquire leg (Contrary to common belief, Costco(tm) doesn’t carry everything), runners are turning to violence.

Leg jacking. They’re procuring their fifth limb by legjacking, where the foul fiend knocks you down and pulls off your leg. Isn’t this painful?

Yes.

And you can kiss goodbye your own chances of winning a marathon.

What can you do to avoid legjacking?

Keep a healthy distance between yourself and all fit people with legs as long as yours.

It’s not always possible to do that because of crowds and stampeding herds of escaped elephants. So, I recommend carrying garlic cloves in your hands whenever  you go out. Simply pop the garlic cloves into your mouth and munch away whenever you see a likely leg thief. Your strong garlic breath will deter any legjacker. Besides, garlic repels vampires as well. And that’s good.

Be sure to join me for future health tips. Bye bye now, Stay healthy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Categories: health, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

You Need to See a Saguaro Carrot

You are now at peace with everything.

Carrots are nice to eat, healthy too. Saguaro cacti are nice to look at. But you’ve always truly yearned to see a carrot that looks like a saguaro cactus. There’s been a deep void in your soul because you haven’t. You haven’t noticed your aching emptiness, but that’s just because you never thought of gazing upon a Saguaro cactus. Well, now you can. Look at the picture. Now, you feel at peace with the world. Nothing but blue skies for you from now on.

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxx

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lay’s Lutefisk and Liver Potato Chips

I will become a millionaire. I have entered the most scathingly brilliant flavor idea for Lay’s potato chip contest – lutefisk and liver. How could it lose? It can’t. Everybody loves lutefisk. Only the people who can taste, smell, or see don’t. And liver well … is incredibly healthy for you. Don’t forget the Vikings ate lutefisk and nearly conquered the world. Eat lutefisk and liver potato chips, for the healthy Viking in all of us.

Notice even Lay’s says, “Lutefisk and Liver? That does sound yummy as a chip!”

lutefiskChips

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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