Posts Tagged With: Italian

Affogato, Italian Ice Cream Coffee

Italian Dessert

AFFOGATO

INGREDIENTS

2 cups hot espresso or hot and very strong coffee*
2 scoops vanilla ice cream*

* = There’s only two ingredients here. Higher quality ingredients will show up more than in other recipes. Also, there’s a lot of leeway. The size of your glass or cup and ice-cream scoop can vary a lot. Frequent research will reveal your optimal amounts. Excelsior!

Serves 4. Takes 2 minutes (Plus any time to brew the espresso.)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

4 narrow juice glasses or other glasses you might have. I mean how easy is it to find espresso glasses near you? And if no one’s looking, a Minnie MouseTM coffee mug will do just fine. Of course, a Minnie Mouse espresso glass would be better. The culinary world is fraught with perilous decisions.

PREPARATION

Put a scoop of vanilla ice cream in each glass. Pour hot espresso over ice cream.

TIDBITS

1) “Affogato” is a condensed version of the phrase “(A fog, a to)mato.” Actually, it’s short for “(A f)rigging (fog, a to)mato”

2) Italy experienced tumultuous–There are four “u”s in that word. Remember that for ScrabbleTM- times in 1968. The oafish Soviet led Warsaw Pact invaded nearby Czechoslovakia. Communist provoked student riots erupted up and down the Italian peninsula. It seemed inevitable that Italy would go communist and fall under Russian domination.

3) Remember the fogs of 1968. Over and over, drivers racing high-performance cars through Italy’s mountain passes experienced massive car pileups when fogs descended with stunning quickness. When the fogs lifted, inspectors would wrecked cars along with a single red tomato, the symbol of Italy’s communist party.

4) Italy teetered. But once aroused, its leaders acted decisively. By law, all Italian tomatoes had to be made into pasta sauce. This decree left no tomatoes for Italy’s Communist party. Deprived of their symbolic flourish at car-crash sites, they lost all interest in the people’s revolution thing and went out to restaurants to sample all the new exciting pasta sauces. Italy has been at peace ever since.

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Tiramisu

Italian Dessert

TIRAMISU

INGREDIENTStiramisu

6 lady fingers
6 egg yolks
⅔ cup sugar
½ teaspoon rum extract or 2 tablespoons rum or Marsala wine
1 pound marscapone*
½ cup room-temperature espresso
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa

* = You could use cream cheese as a substitute, but then the ghosts of thousands of Italian chefs would arise to terrorize the world and you don’t want that, do you?

SPECIAL UTENSILS

8″ x 8″ casserole dish
double boiler (This utensil makes this recipe easier. However, the recipe is written for those who don’t have one. Life is fraught with difficult choices.)

Serves 6. Takes 6 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add egg yolks and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add rum extract. Mix with whisk until well blended. Add egg yolk/sugar mixture to pan. The pan needs to be just wide enough not to fall into to the pot that will go beneath it.

Add water to pot until it is 2/3 the way to the top. Heat on high heat until water is nearly boiling. Reduce heat to low and rest pan on the pot. Stir egg yolk/sugar mixture for 10 minutes or until it starts to thicken. Stir constantly. Remove from heat and cool in refrigerator for 15 minutes or until mixture is cold. Add marscapone. Mix gently with whisk until mixture is creamy.

Cut lady fingers in half along their lengths Drizzle lady-finger halves with espresso. Arrange the bottom halves of the lady fingers in casserole dish. Add ½ of the marscapone/egg yolk mixture over espresso and lady fingers. Smooth with spatula. Add lady-finger tops and the remaining marscapone/egg yolk mixture. Sprinkle with cocoa. Refrigerate for 5 hours or until tiramisu is firm.

TIDBITS

1) The Russia of 1611 to 1613 was ruled by a cat, Tsar Miiu. Miiu is the way Russian cats say “meow.” Now, cats do not ordinarily rule such a large country or even a smaller one like Belgium.

2) However, Tsar Miiu reign began during difficult times. Indeed, the years of 1598 are known as The Time of Troubles. Because they were troubling times. With lots of troubles. People were troubled by the troubling troubles.

3) On August 23, 1601, a young teen named Ivan stayed in bed. He should have been out helping with the harvest. Instead he daydreamed and daydreamed about the beautiful Reiko Go. The Gos ran a small restaurant in the nearby. As the only place serving Japanese noodles within thousands of miles, Go to Go’s pretty much had the Miso Soup market cornered. When the peasants didn’t have time to sit down, they ordered to go at Go to Go’s to go window.

4) Anyway, Ivan’s parents came in and raged at Ivan for his laziness. They called him: moss, a rock, a slug a sloth, and a sluggish sloth. Disgusted at this abuse, Ivan, a scant hour later, bolted out of bed and took off to Go to Go’s to see Reiko. He asked her to elope. Reiko said, “You’re as handsome as the perfect noodle, but I’d so as eat lutefisk as marry you. You have no money. You have no prospects. You’ve as much get up and go as a snail relying on plate tectonics for a burst of speed.”

5) There you have it, the first mention of plate tectonics. Reiko often mused about the Earth’s shifting plates during slow times at the restaurant. That Reiko had figured out the Earth was composed of a core composed of molten nickel, a mantle made of rockish stuff (This was a theory in its infancy, after all.), and a crust comprised of slowly moving plates. She could have revolutionized the world of science. But instead, she devoted herself to making the perfect noodle.

6) Reiko pointed her finger at the door. “Go, be like Dmitri, the son of our late Tsar.”
“But he’s dead, sweetheart. People say he staggered off a cliff.”
“Ivan, I don’t know that. I didn’t see that. No one saw him die. He could have journeyed to Paris for the perfect boeuf bourguignon.”

7) A light bulb went off over Ivan’s head. If no one saw Dmitri die and no one knew what he looked anymore like as it had been years since his last appearance and Dimitri had worn a cloth sack over his anyway due to his acne. So, Ivan showed up at the Russian Duma and proclaimed himself to be Dmitri, the true heir to the Russian throne. Most of the Russian nobles put up no resistance, having dined on lutefisk for lunch.

8) However, the nobility that had eaten chicken instead contested his claim. Civil war broke out. Battles raged all over the country. Crops were trampled and burnt. Foreign governments sensing opportunity, invaded. Land was taken. Citrus trees were chopped down. The Russian tangelo industry would never recover. More pretenders to the throne arose. Even more fighting occurred, enough to warrant an exclamation point! The Russian Duma met and withdrew support from all contenders. A new tsar needed to be crowned.

9) A that point Miiu, a cat, padded into the building, a mouse in his mouth. Boyar Koniev pointed at it. “That cat for Tsar.”
Boldin shook his head. “Nyet, that is only a cat. All it will do is catch mices and nap.”
“Bo ho,” said Koniev, “wouldn’t that be a huge improvement over all the tsars and claimants we’ve had lately?”
Everyone agreed and Miiu became Tsar. Miiu reigned for two years, By that time Russia had calmed down enough to raise a human to the throne. The new tsar’s chef and anagrammatist, created a new dessert in Tsar Miiu’s honor, tiramisu.

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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The Fart Primer

Our schools teach us how to solve quadratic equations. Our schools teach us how to compose essays on 19th-century English literature. They do not teach real-life survival skills. Specifically, they do not point out what foods make us fart. Say what you will about researching a prospective employer, all will go to naught if you bombard the interviewer with a barrage of deep and sonorous toots. Particularly if your blasts are stinky. So with the public welfare in mind, I present the following list. You’re welcome.

The worst fart causing foods are*:pintobeans

Bacon. Bacon! Bacon tastes great, worth any amount of farts.

Beans! What’s wrong with good ol’ reliable beans? “Beans, beans, the musical fruit . . . ”

Boiled cabbage. Smells like a fart when boiled. Still smells like a fart when farted.

Broccoli. There’s a reason President Bush didn’t like them.

Brussel sprouts. Must be tastier ways to construct a fart.

Candy: Especially if made with artificial sweeteners. Bad for the butt. Bad for the teeth. Bad at both ends.

Carrots: Improves your eyesight and more!

Cauliflower. Don’t let your dog eat this.

Cheese. Essential to modern cuisine, Italian, Mexican, you name it. Causes farts in countries around the world.

Collard Greens. Tasty if cooked right. Generates lethal farts either way.

Curry. The spice, not the actor.

Eggplant. Don’t let your dog eat this either.

Eggs. A versatile culinary ingredients. Eggs are essential to many fine dishes. Cooked by themselves, they are fart-making machies.

Fatty duck. Rendered goose fat is fantastic for making French fries. This dish is truly a doubled-cheeked sword.

French onion soup with cheese. Tastes great. The aroma changes on the way out, though.

Fried food, particularly fried chicken. Sometimes the taste is worth the consequences.

Frog legs. Why? Why? Why?

Lentils. Very vegetarian and vegan friendly. Not nose friendly.

Lutefisk. Smells horrible. Farting in a room with lutefisk will only make things smell better.

Milk. Especially if you have trouble breaking down lactose. Bowls of cereals, time bombs for the classroom.

Mushrooms. Slimy and fart causing.

Onion rings. Their taste will make guests want to come over. The farts will make them want to leave. Win. Win.

Pineapples. Visions of Hawaii. Odors of Hell.

Prunes. Makes you toot. Opens open your sluice gates as well.

Reconstituted beans. sulpher bombs. The ones backpackers use these on cross country trips. Your fellow trekkers will really believe they’re smelling a geyser or volcano.

Smoked oysters. Produce gourmet farts.

Snails with butter. Ew! Gross! Snails with anything are gross, expensive too. May I suggest beans?

Stuff canned in cottonseed oil. One of the food industry’s finest food-like products.

Tripe. Inards. Enough said. Stick with beans

* = Warning, results may vary.

 

Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: food | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mozzarella En Carrozza

Italian Appetizer

MOZZARELLA EN CARROZZA

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE*MozzellaEnCarrozza-

½ cup butter
3 anchovy fillets or ½ tablespoon anchovy paste or .3 ounces nori (seaweed)
2 tablespoons drained capers
2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 teaspoons parsley

* = Use marinara sauce instead, if you find both anchovies and seaweed to be icky.

INGREDIENTS – SANDWICH

12 slices ¼”-thick white Italian bread
1 pound mozzarella cheese
1 cup flour
½ cup milk
¾ cup fine bread crumbs
6 tablespoons olive oil
4 eggs

SPECIAL UTENSIL

parchment paper

Makes 12 little sandwiches. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION – SAUCE

Add butter to small pot. Melt butter using medium heat. Do not let it bubble. Stir frequently. Add anchovies, capers, lemon juice, and parsley. Stir until well blended. Turn off heat and cover.

PREPARATION – SANDWICH

Trim edges off bread slices so that you 5″ squares. Cut mozzarella into 6 equally thick slices. Slices should be square with 3″ edges. Put mozzarella squares on half of the bread squares. Put remaining bread slices on top of mozzarella squares.

Add flour to mixing bowl. Thoroughly coat sandwiches with flour. Add bread crumbs to plate. Add milk to a bowl. Briefly dip both sides of sandwich in milk. Seal cheese in sandwich by pressing the bread edges together. Dredge sandwich through bread crumbs until well coated. Place sandwiches on parchment-lined plate. (This prevents sandwich from sticking to plate.) Repeat for the remaining 5 sandwiches. Chill sandwiches in refrigerator for 40 minutes.

Beat eggs in mixing bowl until well blended. Briefly dip sandwiches into blended eggs. Add oil to frying pan. Heat oil at medium heat until it sizzles when a few bread crumbs are put in it. Put as many sandwiches as will fit in the frying pan. Sauté sandwiches at medium heat for 2-to-3 minutes on each side or until coated bread turns golden brown. (Sauté times tend to shorter a bit for each successive batch of sandwiches.) Repeat until all sandwiches are sautéeed. Drain sandwiches on paper towels. Cut sandwiches in two along the diagonal. Why the diagonal? I don’t know.

Serve immediately with sauce on the side.

TIDBITS

1) Pythagoras, the ancient Greek chef, loved to make grilled cheese sandwiches.

2) As who does not?

3) But Pythagoras made really, really good grilled cheeses. Philosophers from all over the Hellenic world flocked to his restaurant, Το Ψητό Τυρί.

4) The philosophic debates were of the highest order. Concepts such as: democracy, equal rights, rule of law, and cheese making got bandied about. Indeed, these debates made Greece the envy of the ancient Mediterranean world.

5) So much so that in the 2nd century B.C. Rome subjugated Greece for its grilled cheese sandwiches and democratic principles. For a long time, culinary historians remained divided on this conquests. Some held subjugating a people for democratic principles is an oxymoron like customer service or a working printers. Others averred that conquest is always a good thing as it facilitates the movement of great appetizers, entrees, and desserts to the conquering nation. As we all know, the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 settled this debate forever.

5) In 1776, America’s founding fathers emulated the Greek philosophers when they framed The Declaration of Independence and baked the first apple pie.

6) In 1812, Zorba of Piraeus found a clay tablet will plowing his field. The tablet showed how to prove the Pythagorean Theorem, i.e., α^2 + β^2 = γ^2.

7) This theorem revolutionized the world by making more students more students hate mathematics than ever before.

8) In 1820, the Turkish Sultan Abim Bam Bu decreed that Pythagorean theorem would henceforth be written using the Arabic alphabet.

9) Instructing Greek students in Arabic and Turkish had been tolerated. So had the Pythagorean theorem. But teaching the young ones the Pythagorean theorem in Arabic pushed the Greek parents over the edge and in 1821 the Greek populace revolted against their Turkish overlords.

10) The Greeks finally gained their independence in 1833, permitting the free travel of Greek chefs all over the world. We live in a golden age.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken Piccata

Italian Entree

CHICKEN PICCATA

INGREDIENTSChickenPiccata-

4 (6 ounce) chicken breasts
3 tablespoons flour
⅛ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 table spoons chicken broth
¼ cup white wine
3 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons drained capers
1 tablespoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet

Makes 4 plates. Takes 25 minutes

PREPARATION

Pound chicken breasts with kitchen mallet until they are ½” thick. Add flour, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk. Dredge chicken through flour mixture.

Add butter to pan. Melt butter on medium heat. Stir frequently. Add olive oil. Add as many chicken breasts that will fit. Cover and sauté at medium heat for 2 minutes on each side or until chicken is cooked through. Repeat for remaining chicken breasts. Remove chicken breasts to serving plates. Add chicken broth. wine, and lemon juice to pan. Bring to boil at high heat. Boil for 2 minutes or until sauce starts to thicken. Stir frequently. Ladle sauce evenly over chicken breasts. Sprinkle capers and parsley evenly over sauce.

TIDBITS

1) The Gold Rush of 1849 drew poodles and oodles of French prospectors to California. Nineteenth-century French prospectors loved escargots. (Escargot is snail in English. The French have a word for everything.)

2) But California’s snails did not please the refined Gallic pallets. Mais non, suitable escargots had to be brought in from far-away New Orleans. Escargot trail drives were out. Snails do not last long under the hot Western Sun, especially before the invention of hydrating GatoradeTM. The Escargot Express was born. The most famous driver on this route was none other than Cacti Pa. Cacti loved chicken, wine, lemon juice, and capers. Station chefs along the route served him this entree, calling it “Piccata” in honor of the anagram loving Cacti Pa. And so it goes.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Basil Pesto Pizza

Italian Entree

BASIL PESTO PIZZA

INGREDIENTSBasilPestoPizza-

2 cups fresh basil
4 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons ground walnuts
¾ cup olive oil
¾ cup grated Parmesan cheese
¼ teaspoon white pepper

1 tablespoon flour
no-stick spray
1 pizza crust (bought or from below recipe)
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan
pizza cutter

Makes 1 pizza. Takes 30 minutes plus time needed to preheat oven. Allow 2 hours 15 minutes total if you are making your crust.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. While oven heats, make basil pesto by dicing basil, garlic cloves, and walnuts. Add olive oil, basil, garlic, walnuts, Parmesan, and white pepper to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until garlic softens. Stir pesto frequently. Remove from heat.

Dust pizza pan with flour and spray with no-stick spray. Put pizza crust on pizza pan. Spread basil pesto evenly over the pizza crust. Sprinkle mozzarella evenly over pizza. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust is golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Culinary historians say young Basil Rathbone was named after the herb, basil. Old Basil Rathbone was still named after the herb. In between, he got teased a lot. He took up acting in desperation, for no one cares if a successful actor acts weird or has a strange name. His brilliant performances in the Sherlock Holmes movies gave him that success. The teasing stopped.

2) But the inner anguish from his teasing did not. Then one day while in Spain filming for the movie, The Name Escapes Me, he met a little boy selling basil pesto pizza. It was excellent. Basil Rathbone spread the delicious recipe everywhere he went.. No longer would the little Basils of the world be teased. The actor was even nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. And the little boy? Why, he became Juan Carlos I of Spain, the man who ended Generalísimo Franco’s brutal dictatorship.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mexican Molettes

Mexican Dessert

MOLETTES

INGREDIENTSMolettes-

¼ cup butter
4 rolls
1¼ cups refried beans
1 cup grated Four Mexican Cheeses
½ cup salsa or pico de gallo

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Let butter soften at room temperature. Cut rolls in half. Remove a little bit of the insides from each half to make a hollow spot. Spread butter over the hollow spots on the roll halves. Put rolls in over. Bakel at 400 degrees for 5-to-10 minutes or until rolls turn crispy and golden brown.

While rolls are baking, cook refried beans in pan at low heat. Put beans in hollow spots in rolls. Add salsa and sprinkle cheese over each roll.

Makes 8 moletttes or half rolls. Takes 15-to-20 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is sold in the morning by street vendors all over Mexico.

2) The east coast of Mexico is on the Gulf of Mexico.

3) Gulf gas stations used to be all over America.

4) America’s Cup goes to the winner of an international sailing event.

5) Sophia Loren, the famous Italian actress, wore a C cup.

6) Vitamin C is good for you. It helps banish colds.

7) Ice cream is cold. So is Iceland.

8) Iceland also has volcanoes. So does Mexico.

9) But Mexicans eat molettes while Icelanders do not.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beer Pizza

Italian Entree

BEER PIZZA

INGREDIENTSBeerPizza-

1 beer pizza crust (See above recipe.)
1 small onion
1 Roma tomato
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
½ pound ground sausage
¼ cup beer (additional ¼ cup later)
½ cup pasta sauce
¼ cup beer
1¼ cups tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
no-stick spray

Takes 30 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray pizza pan to keep the pizza from sticking. (It’s not a good feeling to have your great looking, great smelling pizza fall apart because it sticks to pan when you try to serve it.) Put crust on pan.

Thinly slice onion and tomato. Add Italian seasoning and ground sausage. Mix with hands and form several small meatballs. Add meatballs and ¼ cup beer to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir a couple times to ensure even browning. Remove meatballs.

Add pasta sauce and ¼ cup beer to liquid already in pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes. Ladle beer/pasta sauce evenly over crust. Sprinkle onion slices, tomato slices, meatballs and Parmesan cheese over sauce. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust in golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Old King Arthur’s knights loved beer pizza. When the blessing of the food was over, all hands shot out to grab a big piece. However, the Knights of the Square Table who sat at the corners were at a severe disadvantage over the knights who sat at the sides. Hence the saying, “As hungry as a corner knight.” These hungry knights invariably challenged the pizza-chomping side-of-the table knights to mortal combat. King Arthur found his army of knights so depleted by pizza-fired duels, that his kingdom was wide open to foreign invasion. Then, he hit upon the happy idea of making a round table for pizza eating. All knights were equidistant from the pizza. All Knight of the Round Table were equally fed and content. It was a glorious time.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperpack
or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Orange Italian Ice

Italian Dessert

ORANGE ITALIAN ICE

INGREDIENTSOrangeItalianIce-

9 medium oranges (Save peels.)
⅔ cups sugar
1½ cups water
1½ teaspoons freshly grated orange zest (from about ½ orange)

Makes 18 Italian ices. Takes 2 or more hours and then overnight.

PREPARATION

Cut oranges in half. Squeeze juice from orange halves into large pot. Save halved orange peels. Add sugar and water. Bring to boil using high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Let cool. Add orange zest. Stir with whisk until orange/sugar syrup is well blended. Cool in freezer for 30 minutes. Stir so that any bits of orange ice are evenly distributed. Repeat every 30 minutes until corn/sugar is only an icy slush. Then let sit in freezer overnight.

Scoop orange/sugar slush into halved orange peels. Eat with a spoon. This dessert is particularly enjoyable on a hot, summer’s afternoon.

TIDBITS

1) Notice that this recipe takes a lot of time. What can you do while for the two hours and overnight periods to go by?

2) Have hot and steamy sex. This is probably better done overnight. I mean what if you’re engaged in some heavy petting during the two-hour preparation period when the timer goes off? Bing! (Special effects, you bet.) Then you say, “Sorry honey, I’ve got to add zest to the pot.” Then your partner says, “You ain’t adding any zest to our relationship.” Then you return from the kitchen to the bed, or even sofa, and no one’s there and all you see is a note addressed to Insignificant Other and you become so distraught that you start writing run on sentences.

3) On the other hand, serving orange Italian ice does say, “You’re special.” Indeed, there’s nothing like orange slush inside a hollowed-out orange hemisphere to set the stage for romance.

4) Orange Italian ices tend to melt in the car. Which is why you must always have your sweetheart come over to your place for a romantic evening. While your orange Italian ice chills in the fridge, snuggle next to your loved one in front of a roaring fire. Note, it’s best to have the roaring fire in a fireplace. Otherwise, the fire will spread rather rapidly and you will have precious little time for snuggling. Indeed, you will most likely be sprinting out the front door and your snuggle bunny will never call you again. Love is hard.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperpack
or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Caesar’s Salad

Mexican Entree

CAESAR’S SALAD

INGREDIENTSCaesarsSalad-

1 head romaine lettuce
4 bread slices
2 garlic cloves
1/4 cup olive oil (1 tablespoon more later)
2 ounces anchovies, cut in half (optional)

1 egg
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons lemon juice
½ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese

PREPARATION

Separate romaine lettuce into leaves. Tear leaves into 1″ squares. Remove crusts from bread slices. Cut bread into ½” cubes. Cut one garlic clove into four pieces and rub them along the salad bowl. Discard. (Oh no, no, discard the garlic pieces, not the salad bowl. Goodness, careful sentence structure matters.)

Add the other garlic clove and 1/4 cup olive oil to pan. Sauté at low-medium heat for 5 minutes or 300 seconds. Discard garlic clove. (It’s a bad day to be garlic.) Add bread cubes to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until bread cubes are crisp on all sides. Stir frequently. Remove crisp bread crumbs or croutons and place them on paper towels to drain.

Add romaine squares and croutons to salad bowl. (Add optional anchovies here.)

Add egg, Dijon mustard, pepper, salt, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, and red wine vinegar to blender. Use mix or middle setting to blend ingredients for 30 seconds. Pour this dressing into salad bowl. Lightly toss salad. Sprinkle salad with Parmesan cheese.

Note, pregnant women and small children should not eat raw eggs.

TIDBITS

1) Anchovies are a happening item. Italian prostitutes of the 18th century used anchovies when making their famous “spaghetti alla puttanesca” for their customers.

2) The Romans used anchovy entrails to make an aphrodisiac, to reduce ulcers, to cure dysentery, or to season their food.

3) So if you were a Roman woman and a man had you over for dinner and he served anchovy sauce, you might want to wonder about him.

4) On the other hand, we could dramatically cut the cost of health care by requiring all pizzas to come with anchovies. We wouldn’t need hospital or medical insurance, just a large anchovy with extra cheese.

5) And the aphrodisiacal–whoa spell check is okay with that–qualities of anchovy pizzas would mean we wouldn’t have to see those ViagraTM ads on T.V. anymore.

6) But PlayboyTM would sport ads about anchovies all the time.

7) The entire economy would be directed to processing anchovies.

8) Military spending would fall to zero.

9) Our anchovy-driven sexual frenzies would leave us wide open to conquest by our enemies.

10) But anchovies also contain a toxin called domoic acid whichcan drive a seagull insane if ingested in too large a quantity.

11) Which is why the United States Army has warehouses full of anchovies. Within 15 minutes of an enemy invasion, the roofs of all these warehouses retract to reveal millions of vats just brimming with anchovies.

12) America’s heroic seagulls would then gorge themselves on their favorite food, became crazy and attack the invaders, just like in Alfred Hitchcock’s, The Birds.

13) America cannot be conquered.

14) But then any country with sufficient anchovies and pelican couldn’t be conquered.

15) Countries would have an incentive to stockpile these items.

16) I fear an anchovy-and-pelican race between nations.

17) But if worse comes to worse, we will blast the Barney-the-Dinosaur song at our enemies until they cry uncle.

18) Let us banish this frightening scenario by sipping on a wonderful, ice cold root beer. Ah, life is good again.

19) Caesar’s salad, anyone?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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