My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com
As an e-book on Nook
A big thank you to Natasha Fondren of eBook Artisans who is as professional and competent as she is nice.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
American Entree
INGREDIENTS
1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 garlic cloves
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon parsley
1 green bell pepper
1 green chile
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro
1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince red onion, white onion, and garlic. Add this to olive oil and sauté on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes.
Dice bell pepper and green chile. Combine red onion, white onion, garlic, ground beef, eggs, bell pepper, green chile, diced tomatoes, coriander, cumin, tarragon, cilantro, pepper jack cheese, and bread crumbs. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.
(Better yet, get your nine-year old to mix this up. He’ll welcome the opportunity to be helpful while getting his hands messy. Take advantage of this willingness before he becomes a teenager.)
OR…dice and mince all the above ingredients and put them all into the oil to sauté at once. This will save six minutes.
(Saving six minutes is particularly useful if there is an accidental nuclear countdown near your home, you’re the only one with the key to abort the launch with the resulting global nuclear war, and you really don’t have the extra six minutes needed to perform this extra culinary step, eat this meal, and get to the missile silo in time.)
Spray 8″-by-8″ baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat until it is a flat as the Kansan prairie. Bake for about 1 hour at 350 degrees. Let cool for 5 – 10 minutes.
TIDBITS
1) According to The Tales of the Arabian Nights, coriander is an aphrodisiac.
2) We should all absorb the lessons of great literature.
3) Coriander is also mentioned in the Bible. The Bible does not mention any non-culinary benefits from Tarragon.
4) Indeed, The Good Book commands, “Do not commit adultery.”
5) Sometime in the 1600s, two English publishers came out with a Bible with the exciting command, “Thou Shall Commit Adultery.”
6) The King of England fearing for the morals of his people, outlawed this version of the Bible, and heavily fined the publishers.
7) Editing and correct spicing are musts.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Mexican Entree
INGREDIENTS
7 small flour tortillas
4 chicken breasts
3 garlic cloves
1 medium yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
2 orange bell peppers
1 red bell pepper
4 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon TabascoTM sauce
1 teaspoon red chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cumin
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
2 cups lettuce
1/2 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses
salsa (optional)
UTENSILS
Muffin tin or 8″ casserole dish
A lazy Susan, about 24 inches across, if you can find one.
toothpicks
PREPARATION – BOWL METHOD – 1
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Turn muffin tin upside down. Gently push flour tortilla down between 3 upside-down cups. Do this 2 more times. Put muffin tin with tortillas in oven. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes or until tortilla bowls become crispy. Way cool, huh? See below picture.
PREPARATION – BOWL METHOD – 2
Put a tortilla in each corner of the casserole dish. Fold up sides of all 4 tortillas so that they form 4 bowls. Put a toothpick in one tortilla and in another tortilla wherever they come together. Bake at 375 for 20 minutes or until tortilla bowls become crispy. Also cool. See below picture.
PREPARATION OF FIXINGS
Make spice mix by whisking together in small bowl: chili powder, cumin, coriander, poultry spice and TabascoTM sauce. Cut chicken into strip 1/2″ wide and 2″ long. Add 1/3 of spice mix to chicken. Mix until chicken is coated with spice.
Use food processor to mince garlic cloves. Use knife to slice the onion into rings. Then cut rings into fourths. Combine 1/3 of spice mix with garlic and onion.
Use knife to slice the bell peppers into rings. Then cut rings into fourths. Combine 1/3 of spice mix with bell peppers.
Pour vegetable oil and lime juice into no-stick frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat 3 times . Put each sautéed mix in its own bowl, leaving oil and lime juice in pan. 1) Sauté garlic and onion. 2) Sauté green bell pepper, orange bell pepper, and red bell pepper.. 3) Sauté chicken strips. Put bowls on lazy Susan, again if you have one. Add more vegetable oil and lime juice if you run out while sautéing all the ingredients.
Shred lettuce. Put lettuce and cheese in bowls on lazy Susan. Male a fajita bowl by filling tortilla bowl with: chicken, onion/garlic, bell pepper, lettuce, and cheese. Arriba. (Could you tell I italicized the period at the end of the last sentence?)
TIDBITS
1) It is doubtful there ever was a real lazy Susan.
2) To clear the good name of Susan, here is a list of famous Susan singers: Susan from Iran, Susan from Japan–Is having a last name so hard?–Susan Boyle, Susan McFadden, Suzi Quatro–Okay a variation on Susan but I remember listening to her in college so there–
3) Famous Susan actresses: Susan Cookson, Susan Hampshire–I remember watching her watching her in a Masterpiece Theater series during college. You rocked, Ms. Hampshire–Susan Dey, Susan Littler, Susan Lucci, Susan Oliver, Susan Sarandon–star of the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show–and Susan St. James.
4) Famous Susan authors: Susan Cheever, Susan Isaacs, Susan Sontag–I have a book of hers sitting on my bookshelf–and Susan Fromberg Schaeffer.
5) Famous dog of the current British Queen: Susan.
6) Famous Susan mass murderers: None.
7) Famous Susan dictators: None.
8) See? Susans are nice. I can personally vouch for the niceness of every Susan I’ve met.
– Chef Paul
My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com
As an e-book on Nook
or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com
Tunisian Entree
MAACOUDA BIL BATATA
(Potato Omelette)
INGREDIENTS
1 pound potatoes
1 onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 eggs
1 teaspoon harissa (See harissa recipe)
5 tablespoons cilantro
1/2 teaspoon coriander
6 tablespoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
SPECIAL UTENSIL
casserole dish
no-stick spray
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Slice potatoes into fourths. Gently put potato bits in pot of boiling water. Boil for about 20 or until potatoes are tender. Drain water from pot. Mash potatoes with a potato masher or fork.
While potatoes are cooking, dice onion and garlic. Put onion, garlic, and olive oil in frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Remove from heat. While potato bits are still cooking, put eggs, harissa, cilantro, coriander, parsley and salt in mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk or fork..
Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Add eggs/spice mix , mashed potatoes, sautéed onions and garlic to casserole dish. Mix with whisk or fork.. Put casserole dish in oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. (If chefs couldn’t use the phrase “golden brown” there wouldn’t be any cookbooks.)
TIDBITS
1) Cilantro seeds are called coriander. I never knew that. I took Economics in college and in graduate and not once did they say anything about this important bit of knowledge.
2) The ancient Egyptians believed their loved ones ate cilantro after they died.
3) Proper spicing is always important, even in the afterworld.
4) Cilantro solve all sorts of digestive problems. Enough said.
5) Oh dear, I’ve written myself into a corner.
6) Bye.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Central African Entree
SPINACH STEW
INGREDIENTS
3 small tomatoes
1 1/2 pounds fresh spinach (not that horrible frozen type)
1 1/2 medium yellow onions
1 green bell pepper
2 chile peppers
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup water
Makes 4 bowls. Takes 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Peel tomatoes. Chop or dice spinach. Dice tomatoes, onions, bell pepper, and chile peppers. (For goodness sakes, wash your hands thoroughly before touching your face. If not, well it’s a mistake you’ll only make once.) Put tomatoes and onions in frying pan. Add vegetable oil. Sauté at medium-high heat until onion becomes tender.
Transfer sautéed onions and tomatoes to soup pot. Add bell pepper, chile pepper, spinach, cayenne pepper, coriander, salt, peanut butter, and water. Simmer on low heat for 15 minutes. Stir stew frequently enough to thoroughly blend in peanut butter and to prevent stew from burning.
Serve as is in bowl or atop a bed of rice.
TIDBITS
1) The Central African Republic is well named. The country is a republic and is in the center of Africa.
2) Greenland is not green, however. It’s rather icy. Which is great if you continually want a handy supply of ice for your Roy Rogers or Shirley Temples sodas, but not so good if you want to raise cattle, à la the television show, Rawhide.
3) It’s doubtful Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple visited Greenland. I’d like to visit but then again I’m not Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers.
4) The Vikings were the first Europeans to discover Greenland. Norse real estate agents named it that way to encourage new settlers to come there. The part about ocean view properties was indeed true, though.
5) And did you know that the vast percentage of the world’s landlocked countries, including the Central African Republic, do not have any McDonald’s?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Moroccan Soup
SPICED LENTILS
INGREDIENTS
1 1/3 cups red lentils
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 tablespoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
2 onions
1 tablespoon butter
2 small tomatoes
PREPARATION
Put lentils and broth in pot. Add cayenne, coriander, cumin, ginger, pepper, salt, and turmeric. Soak for 4 hours. Lentils should be split. (Hey, if you want some to leave slowly, you could say, “Make like a lentil and split.”)
While the lentils soak, go outside and pull weeds. When you come back, dice your onions and tomatoes. After your lentils have been sufficiently soaked (and how often does that phrase come up in normal conversation?) add onion and butter to pan. Sauté the onions on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until the onions are tender. (Love me tender, love me true.)
Put onions and tomatoes in pot. Bring soup to boil. Turn heat down to low and simmer for 30-to-60 minutes or until lentils are tender. Serve to adoring family or guests who are about to go Morocco mad.
TIDBITS
1) You know, if I had a time machine this tidbit would have already been written.
2) Or maybe I’d use my time machine to always go back to the moment all my clothes were clean. I’d never have to do laundry again.
3) I think I’d go back to the moment when that Viking, Haarald, was about to invent lutefisk and give him a crunchy-shell taco. The culinary world would have been better off.
4) Oh, and the rest of the too. Eating lutefisk was the main reason the Norsemen assaulted England and continental Europe for centuries. I mean who wouldn’t feel like killing and pillaging after eating lutefisk?
5) Fortunately, the Vikings eventually came into contact with Moroccans in Spain. While bad for the inhabitants who had to suffer through countless battles to-ing and fro-ing across their backyards, it was a positive boon to the rest of Europe.
6) For once the fierce Norsemen discovered the spices of Morocco, they could preserve their food. They didn’t have to soak their fish in lye, a poison, to preserve it. They could even make Berbere shish kabobs. This made them very happy.
7) And the raids of the Scandanavian beserkers ended. Well okay not right away, but they did tail off.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Egyptian Entree
FUL MEDAMES
(fava beans)
INGREDIENTS
6 eggs
2 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 tomato
2 tablespoons sesame oil
2 16 ounce cans fava beans
1/2 cup lemon juice
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon sea salt (or regular salt)
1/4 teaspoon white pepper (or black pepper)
PREPARATION
Boil water. (Hard to do on Mount Everest.) Put eggs in boiling water and cook for 6 minutes for soft-boiled eggs and 12 minutes for hard-boiled ones. Remove eggs.
While water boils and eggs cook, mince garlic and onion. Dice tomato. Add garlic, onion, and sesame oil to pot. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until onion softens or starts to brown. Stir frequently.
Drain cans of fava beans. Add fava beans, lemon juice, cumin, coriander, parsley, salt, and pepper. Cook on low-to-medium heat for 10-to-15 minutes. Stir occasionally.
While fava bean/spice mix simmers, remove eggs from shells. Slice each egg into four slices. Pour fava bean/spice mix into bowls and top with egg slices.
Makes 4-to-6 bowls.
Do not do what the song suggests and walk like an Egyptian when serving hot ful medames to guests and family.
TIDBITS
1) On May 29, 1953, Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay were the first people to successfully climb Mount Everest.
2) I read Norgay’s book about the climb in 5th grade. I remember them being happy and having a strong sense of accomplishment, but recall nothing about boiling eggs on the summit.
3) Indeed, I have been unable to find anything that suggests anyone has made any attempt to hard-boil eggs at the summit of Mount Everest. Apparently, everyone is too busy getting up there to even care about making culinary history with even this most modest of dishes.
4) This failure is despite the fact that oodles of people make the climb every day.
5) So many people go up Mount Everest there is a rescue helicopter designed specially to remove injured or debilitated climbers to hospitals. The chopper is kept busy.
6) If they can design a helicopter for this worthy mountain, why the heck can’t someone take the time to boil an egg at the peak?
7) We can calculate, though, how much time it should take to boil an egg there given what we know about air pressure at that altitude. A soft-boiled egg should take 20 minutes. A hard-boiled one should take 35 minutes.
8) Water should boil at the top at 66 degrees Celsius instead of the 100 degrees it needs at sea level.
9) So when someone says he’s boiling mad atop Mount Everest, it doesn’t mean much.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Egyptian Breakfast
INGREDIENTS
2 medium onions
1 tomato
1/2 red bell pepper
10 eggs
3/4 teaspoon coriander
3/4 teaspoon cumin
2 teaspoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
3 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons flour
PREPARATION
Mince onions. Dice bell pepper and tomato. Mix eggs, coriander, cumin, parsley, and sea salt in mixing bowl. (This is why a mixing bowl is called a mixing bowl. ☺)
Put butter and onion into skillet. Sauté at medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add flour. Mix thoroughly. Add eggs/spice mixture to skillet. Stir. Cook for about 5 minutes with lid on or until eggs turn golden brown on the bottom. Flip the omelette over and cook for about 3 minutes or until the new bottom side is golden brown as well. (Note, it’s okay to use a spatula to cut the omelette in half or into four pieces before flipping it over. If your guests complain about this, point toward your vast supply of sharp kitchen knives, kitchen scissors, and kitchen mallets.)
Serve hot to friends and family and cold to telemarketers.
TIDBITS
1) Egypt is home to the Suez Canal.
2) Dentists perform root canals.
3) In a movie, Marilyn Monroe so dislikes a man she says, “You, you dentist.”
4) Do mimes cry out during root-canal operations?
5) I much prefer root beer to undergoing a root canal.
6) Charlie Root pitched for the 1935 National League champion Chicago Cubs.
7) Shirley Temple was a child film star around that time. She has a non-alcoholic drink named after her.
8) My mother met Shirley Temple.
9) My mother later had me and now you have this recipe. ☺
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Greenlander Soup
INGREDIENTS
1 chicken breast (1 pound reindeer if you can get it)
1 onion
1 carrot
1 quart water
1/2 cup pearl barley
1/4 cup millet
1/4 teaspoon coriander
1/8 teaspoon sea salt
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1/2 teaspoon sage
1/2 teaspoon thyme
Makes 6 bowls
PREPARATION
Chop reindeer meat or chicken into 1/2″ cubes. Dice onions and carrots. Add cubes, onions, carrots, water, barley, millet, coriander, salt, pepper, rosemary, sage, and thyme to large pot. Cook soup on medium heat for about 1 hour or until chicken or reindeer cubes are fully cooked and barley and millet are tender.
TIDBITS
1) A Viking called Gunnbjorn discovered Greenland in 876.
2) Why does Gunnbjorn get all the credit for discovery when thousands of Eskimos had been living there for hundreds of years?
3) Because Gunnbjorn sounds a lot like GummiTM bears and everyone likes those.
4) Leif Erikkson discovered North America in 1000.
5) Why did Leif get all the credit when North America was discovered thousands of years by peoples crossing the land bridge between Siberia and Alaska thousands of years before?
6) Because Leif sounds exactly like leaf. The maple leaf grows on the maple tree. Maple trees produce maple syrup. Everybody loves maple syrup.
7) Proper branding is a must for all discoverers.
8) Erikkson is variant of Erickson. Erickson is the name of my Swedish born grandparents who settled in America about 100 years ago.
9) I don’t believe the Erikksons and Ericksons ever relinquished their claim of discovery.
10) So North America quite possibly belongs to me.
11) As long as North Americans love maple syrup.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Indian Entree
CHICKEN TANDOORI
INGREDIENTS
4 chicken breasts
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/4 cups plain yogurt
1/2 onion
2 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon garam masala (available in ethnic stores)
1 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon paprika
1 small tomato
1 lemon
no-stick spray
SPECIAL APPLIANCE
outdoor grill
PREPARATION
Cut chicken breasts into 2-inch squares. Smaller pieces risk falling through the grill. Dukkha. ( Dukkha is bummer in Pali. Pali is a language found in India.) Place chicken squares in first mixing bowl. Add salt and lemon juice. Turn chicken squares around until coated with salt and lemon juice.
Mince onion and garlic. Combine in second mixing bowl: yogurt, onion, garlic, garam masala, cayenne, coriander, and paprika. Mix with whisk or fork until smooth. Combine contents of this bowl to the one with the chicken. Turn chicken squares around until coated with yogurt/spice/lemon juice mixture.
Cover and refrigerate overnight.
Preheat outdoor grill on medium-high. Spray grill with no-stick spray. Place chicken squares on grill until chicken is white inside or juice from chicken is clear. Turn chicken squares over at least once. Serve with tomato and lemon slices.
TIDBITS
1) India has the world’s largest population of Indians with 1.1 billion.
2) Not all of them work as customer support for computer and software firms.
3) Years ago, India developed the world’s smallest fighter jet. You could park it in your driveway. Kids would think twice about teepeeing your house if they saw that.
4) An Indian king a ways back invented the game, Snakes and Ladders.
5) Is there an iPad app for Snakes and Ladders?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Paul De Lancey's Blog 