Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Dr. Economics,
Why is there so much poverty?
– Ms. Anne Thracks, Paducah, KY
Dear Ms. Thracks,
Too many people don’t have enough money.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
French Breakfast
INGREDIENTS
12 eggs
2½ tablespoons fresh chervil*
3 tablespoons fresh chives*
2 tablespoons fresh parsley*
1 tablespoon fresh tarragon*
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 tablespoon per omelette.)
* = This dish really is better with fresh herbs. However, it’s often difficult to obtain all of these herbs fresh. In this event, substitute 1 teaspoon dried herb for every 1 tablespoon fresh herb. We live in a world to stay-at-home chefs. There’s probably an heroic, but tragic ancient myth to explain the unavailability of fresh herbs.
Makes 4 omelettes. Takes 20 minutes.
PREPARATION
Add eggs to large mixing bowl. Use to whisk to gently blend eggs. Dice chervil, chives, parsley, and tarragon. Add all these herbs to small mixing bowl and blend with fork. Add ½ of the mixed herbs to eggs in the large mixing bowl. Fold herbs into eggs with whisk.
Add 1 tablespoon butter to large pan. Melt using medium heat. Do not let butter bubble; it will be too hot. Add ¼ of the blended egg/herb mixture, about ½ cup, to pan. Shake pan to ensure an even coating of the egg/herb mixture over the pan. Sprinkle ¼ of the remaining dry herb mix over egg/herb mix in pan.
Cook on medium heat until eggs are only slightly runny in the middle; tilting the pan occasionally to let uncooked part of the eggs to run to the bottom. Remove from heat. Use spatula to fold two sides of eggs toward middle. Serve at once.
TIDBITS
1) Just clink glasses together when toasting in France. Clink one glass at a time. Don’t cross any person’s arm while clinking. Follow all these rules or be cursed with seven years of bad sex.
2) If you crack open an egg and see two yolks, someone you know will soon be having twins. I didn’t know that, but I took economics instead of biology.
3) For pity’s sake, make sure you crush the 12 eggshells from this recipe. If you don’t, a witch will reassemble the pieces, head out to sea, and make horrific, huge storms. Admirals from all the world’s navies worry about this a lot.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Despite getting a doctorate in economics, Mr. De Lancey nevertheless managed to get married and produce two children.
– Paul De Lancey, from the great beyond
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
See kids, take economics in school.
– Paul R. De Lancey the matchmaker
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Vietnamese Entree
SPRING ROLLS
(cha gio)
INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
1/4 teaspoon Thai chili or red pepper flakes or minced serrano
1/4 cup fish sauce or Hoisin sauce
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/4 cup sugar
½ cup water
INGREDIENTS – ROLL
1 ½ ounces cellophane noodles or rice vermicelli
½ pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
½ pound pork
1 carrot
4 green onion stalks
2 garlic cloves
1 egg
2 teaspoons fish sauce
2 teaspoons Hoisin sauce
1 teaspoon ginger
20 rice wrappers or egg roll wrappers
1 ½ tablespoons sesame oil
2 cups peanut oil as necessary
2 lettuce leaves
SPECIAL UTENSIL
electric skillet
PREPARATION
Combine Thai chili, fish sauce, lime juice, sugar, and water in mixing bowl. Stir with fork until sugar dissolves. Set aside. This is the dipping sauce.
Put noodles in mixing bowl. Add enough water to cover. Let sit for 10 minutes or until noodles become soft and bendable. While noodles are sitting, cut shrimp into eighths and mince pork. Shred or grate carrot. Mince green onion and garlic cloves. Drain water from noodles. Beat egg in small bowl.
Add sesame oil, carrot, garlic, pork, shrimp, fish sauce, and Hoisin sauce to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until shrimp turns orangish-pink and is no longer translucent. Stir frequently. Add noodles, green onion, and ginger. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Let cool.
If rice wrapper is hard, quickly run warm water over until it is pliable. (IMPORTANT! Run water over only ONE WRAPPER at a time. If you run water over multiple wrappers at a time or leave the wrappers for any length over time you will get a gelatinous mass that can’t be separated for love or money.) Place rice wrapper on board. Brush edges of rice wrapper with egg. Add 1/4 cup of pork/shrimp/veggie/noodle mix to center, bottom third of rice wrapper. Fold in sides to form 3″ long roll. Roll up rice wrapper from bottom. Brush remaining corner with egg. Repeat until you run out of rice wrappers or pork/shrimp/veggie/noodle mix.
Set electric skillet to 375 degrees. Put a drop of water in skillet. When drop starts to bubble or move around, add up to 2 cups of peanut oil as necessary. Carefully add 8 egg rolls to skillet at a time using tongs. Fry egg rolls for 2-to-3 minutes or until they turn golden brown. Turn egg rolls. Once. Remove and place on paper towels to drain grease. Repeat until all egg rolls are fried.
TIDBITS
1) Vietnam is an anagram for Mite Van.
2) Most mites are way too small to drive a van safely.
3) Or even pedal a bicycle.
4) Vietnamese policemen are banned from wearing dark sunglasses while on duty. This is because you really need to see well to see a mite driving a van illegally. A drunken mite would make for a particularly poor driver.
5) If you are a mite and you want to hit the hard stuff, consider drinking ruou ran (snake wine.) This wine comes with a pickled snake inside the bottle. It is supposed to be able to cure any illness.
6) Giving snake wine to all the sick people of the nation would be a unique national health program. The National Health Care Dispensaries, formerly known as bars and liquor stores, would sell the wine direct to the public.
7) This plan would require no tax dollars from the government. Households would be freed from spending 14% of their income on health care.
8) The Federal Government could use all the money it saves to pay down the debt, invest in infrastructure, and conduct energy research. People would spend their windfall on college education for their kids, provide for their retirement, and buy bacon.
9) With people’s retirement completely assured, we wouldn’t need to contribute to social security. Indeed, the government could then distribute all the money we having coming to us. We’d buy cars, homes, and doughnuts. The surging demand would force businesses to hire every worker they could find and at a high wage. Higher take home pay would mean more spending. To meet this spiraling demand, businesses would want to investment massively for the future. Massive future investment means full employment forever. I see a Nobel Prize in Economics coming for me very soon.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Dr. Economics,
Should I buy or sell General Electric.
– Howard Theend
Anaconda, IN
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Dear Howard,
Beats me,
– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,
How, the heck, can you say you don’t know?
– Howard Theend forecasting tool
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Dear Mr. Theend,
I can say I don’t know because I know I don’t know.
– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,
I know you can say you don’t know because you know you don’t know, but I know those stock market analysts on TV manage to make predictions. Why can’t you do the same?
– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,
Because the financial players with the billions of dollars have access to the same information. The price of a stock gets set according to that information. Random shocks account for any other movement of the stock’s price.
– Howard Theend
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Dear Dr. Economics,
Then the analysts don’t know either. 1) How come they then talk for a half hour predicting stock prices? 2) How come you just say “Beats me?”
– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,
1) They get paid to predict for a half hour. 2) I don’t get paid to predict.
– Dr. Economics
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Dear Dr. Economics,
How do you predict if the price of a particular stock is going to rise or fall?
– Howard Theend
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Dear Mr. Theend,
I flip a penny. I have a success rate in my predictions of 50%. I hope this helps.
– Dr. Economics
Send your questions about economics by commenting on this post.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Tunisian Entree
MAACOUDA BIL BATATA
(Potato Omelette)
INGREDIENTS
1 pound potatoes
1 onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 eggs
1 teaspoon harissa (See harissa recipe)
5 tablespoons cilantro
1/2 teaspoon coriander
6 tablespoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt
SPECIAL UTENSIL
casserole dish
no-stick spray
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Slice potatoes into fourths. Gently put potato bits in pot of boiling water. Boil for about 20 or until potatoes are tender. Drain water from pot. Mash potatoes with a potato masher or fork.
While potatoes are cooking, dice onion and garlic. Put onion, garlic, and olive oil in frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Remove from heat. While potato bits are still cooking, put eggs, harissa, cilantro, coriander, parsley and salt in mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk or fork..
Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Add eggs/spice mix , mashed potatoes, sautéed onions and garlic to casserole dish. Mix with whisk or fork.. Put casserole dish in oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. (If chefs couldn’t use the phrase “golden brown” there wouldn’t be any cookbooks.)
TIDBITS
1) Cilantro seeds are called coriander. I never knew that. I took Economics in college and in graduate and not once did they say anything about this important bit of knowledge.
2) The ancient Egyptians believed their loved ones ate cilantro after they died.
3) Proper spicing is always important, even in the afterworld.
4) Cilantro solve all sorts of digestive problems. Enough said.
5) Oh dear, I’ve written myself into a corner.
6) Bye.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Dr. Economics,
My little Benny got assigned his kindergarten’s annual $30,000 raffle to support Sorghum Awareness. Normally, a Kansan celebrity or a CEO from a local biotech company does this sort of thing. But they’re all busy this year, so it fell to my six-year old son.
He’s tried real hard during lunchtime, but he hasn’t even sold one of his three hundred $100 tickets. He’s darn near ready to burst into tears. Even holding “Patches,” his teddy bear, doesn’t erase his sense of failure.
Can you help me?
Dennis Epicenter,
Tentacle, KS
Dear Mr. Epicenter,
Why certainly, I can help you. I am Dr. Economics. Instead of Benny making each kindergartner cough up $100–and what are the chances of that given you describe him as little–why not sell partial shares?
Benny is sure to have more success selling 1/100th shares in each ticket for $1. Of course, this means the lad will need to sell 30,000 shares, so diligence and determination are must for this plan to succeed.
Alternatively, Benny could sell 1/10,000th shares in each ticket for 1c. This plan makes for easy sales. Again, I feel especially obligated to stress perseverance in selling the necessary 3,000,000 shares. Indeed, consider taking him to school early and picking him up late.
Benny should also learn about computer spreadsheets. Careful record keeping is a must for any successful raffle, whether it be for 3,000,000 records or the more modest 30,000.
Normally, I would advise keeping children clear of caffeinated beverages until the age of twelve, but it seems doubtful little Benny will have much time for sleeping. So, go for it!
– Dr. Economics
– AKA Paul De Lancey
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
American Dessert
INGREDIENTS
1 cup pastry flour or regular flour if not available
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons milk
2 large eggs
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
6 tablespoons creamy milk chocolate frosting
sprinkles (optional)
SPECIALTY UTENSILS
doughnut mold, or tray, for 6 doughnuts
no-stick spray.
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium mixing bowl until all ingredients appear to be well mixed. Add milk, eggs, and vegetable oil to another medium bowl. Blend with whisk until mixture starts to get foamy. Pour the milk mixture into the flour mixture and mix until all is combined.
Spray doughnut mold with no-stick spray. Scoop combined mixture into each dough form until half full. Put in oven and cook at 375 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes. Doughnuts should be done when they spring back when gently poked.
Remove doughnut mold from oven. Let sit for about 3 to 4 minutes. Gently pry doughnuts from mold with knife or small wooden spatula. Use wooden spatula to gently (Yes, today’s cooking word is gently) spread chocolate frosting on top half of doughnut.
(Lots of people love doughnuts. The primal drive of the caveman to pounce on a bison has nothing on the modern person’s urge to eat a doughnut. This urge is so intense that your doughnuts might get eaten before they are even coated with chocolate. That’s okay. They’re happy and you will have less to clean up.)
TIDBITS
1) So many places proclaim themselves to be “Donut Shops” that I ever open one of those stores, I will say that my doughnuts are made with “real dough.”
2) “Dough” as American slang for money dates back to 1851.
3) I’ve heard that some economists claim that the size of the doughnut hole correlates with the health of the economy. When the economy booms, more dough gets used and so the doughnut hole becomes smaller.
4) My degree is in economics and I’ve never seen such studies, not even in my wilder classes or in the most blood-stirring journals of economics.
6) The exciting Gertrude Stein once used the phrase, “the hole of the doughnut,” to describe people personalities or souls.
7) Empirical economists use multiple equations replete with Greek letters to examine hypotheses.
8) During such examinations we economists like to eat pizza. However, we never turn down a good doughnut. In this way, we are like people everywhere.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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