Posts Tagged With: breakfast

Full English Breakfast (Fry Up)

British Breakfast

FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST
(Fry Up)

INGREDIENTS

1 15-ounce can baked beans*
1 large tomato
4 pork sausages, breakfast sausages, or bangers
4 slices bacon**
6 mushroom caps
2 slices black pudding (optional)***
1½ tablespoons olive oil
2 slices bread
2 eggs

* = Try to use Heinz beans. Heinz is really popular in England
** = back bacon, pork belly, or regular bacon
*** = can be found online

SPECIAL UTENSILS

3 pans and 1 pot (Not really special, but you’ll need 4 of them.)
sonic obliterator (Now this is a truly special kitchen utensil. Once you get one, you’ll wonder how your ever managed to do without one.)

Serves 2. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut tomato into 4 slices. Add beans to small pot. Simmer at low heat until the sauce that comes with the beans thicken. Cover and reduce heat to warm or lowest setting. Stir enough to prevent burning.

Poke sausages with fork or toothpick. (This keeps the sausage juices from building up and coming out in a hot jet.) Add sausages to 1st pan. Fry sausages at medium heat for 15 minutes or until completely browned. Turn enough to ensure even browning. Turn enough to prevent burning Cover and reduce heat to warm..

While sausage fry or warm, add bacon to 2nd pan. Fry bacon for 3 minutes or until it reaches your desired level of doneness. Turn occasionally to ensure even browning. Cover and reduce heat to warm. Remove from heat and set aside Turn enough to prevent burning.

While sausages simmer, add mushrooms to 2rd pan. (The one that had the bacon.) Sauté at medium-high heat for 2 minutes or until they turn brown. Turn enough to keep from burning. Remove mushrooms from heat. Add black pudding to 3rd pan. Sauté at medium heat for 3 minutes or until it both sides turn crispy. Flip once. Remove and set aside.

Add 1½ tablespoons olive oil to 3th pan. Heat at medium heat until tiny piece of bread in the oil starts to dance. Add bread slices. Sauté for 2 minutes or until both sides are crispy and golden brown. Flip once. Remove and set aside Add eggs to this, the 3rd pan. Fry eggs until they are done to your liking. Remove from heat and set aside. Add tomato slices. Reduce heat to low-medium. Sauté for 2 minutes. Flip once.

Add equal amounts of everything to 2 serving plates. Use sonic obliterator on anyone gives you any guff at all during the cooking or the presentation. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) People ask me, “How does one start writing again while suffering from writers’ block?”

2) Go find your muse. Of course, you might just discover that your muse has gone on a drunken bender.

3) So you go on a pub crawl to find her. At each stop, you ask the bartender if he’s seen your muse.

4)“I’m not telling you a thing,” says the bartender, “until you’ve ordered a drink.”

5) So, you order and down a whiskey.

6) “Your muse was here ten minutes ago,” says the man serving drinks, “but she went to the next bar up the street.”

7) So you enter the next bar. That bartender also refuses to talk unless you’ve bought a drink. You order another whiskey. The barkeep informs you that she moved onto a bar two blocks west. “She was a with a gal called Betty.”

8) And so it goes. You drink a whiskey at every bar you go into. The bartender states that you just missed her, but you can find at a bar that’s really not very far away. And so you stagger doggedly on after her.

9) Hours later, your muse parts company with Betty. But the muse conquers bar after bar.

10) Eventually, you give up. You decide to head home. In your car.

11) A vigilant traffic cop notices you weaving from lane to lane. He pulls you over.

12) “But officer,” you hear yourself saying, “I’m a writer. I was looking for my muse, but she was on a pub crawl.”

13) The officer sneers. “Like, I haven’t heard that one before.”

14) This is why writing is not as easy as some people think.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dutch Broodje Hagelslag

Dutch Breakfast

BROODJE HAGELSLAG

INGREDIENTS

1 slice white bread
2 teaspoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon chocolate sprinkles or Dutch chocolate sprinkles, hagelslag, if you can find it

Serves 1. Takes 3 minutes.

PREPARATION

Spread butter all over bread. Sprinkle with sprinkles.

Ponder on what an amazingly versatile and speedy chef you’ve become.

TIDBITS

1) In 1633, little Pieter van Voorburg went outside to play.

2) He got hungry. He went inside for food. Mama took time to give Pieter a slice of bread.

3) He ate the bread. Little bits of bread fell from his mouth on to an ant hill.

4) The black ants swarmed the crumbs and took them back to their hill. The ants’ antics entranced the little boy for over an hour. Then he grew hungry once more. He went inside for more food.

5) “Oh Pieter!” cried his very busy mother, “Here, have two slices and some butter too. Now leave me be.”

6) Pieter buttered the bread with his fingers. But now he also wanted meat on his bread. He started back to the house. Then he remembered how cross Mama had been. What to do? Aha! Ants were meat, weren’t they?

7) He grabbed some ants and spread them on the buttered bread. Pieter, ate his slice. It was good. He’d give the other ant-smeared slice to Mama. She’d be pleased at his thoughtfulness.

8) Mama’s scream told Pieter she thought otherwise. Once the shrieking abated, she said in between sobs, “There’s so many black ants that they look like chocolate sprinkles..”

9) Pieter and Mama looked at each other. Looked again. Mama said, “Why I declare, bread with butter and chocolate sprinkles would be very tasty.” And so, a national breakfast was born.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Australian Avocado and Egg Toast

Australian Breakfast

AVOCADO AND EGG TOAST

INGREDIENTS

Spot the Volkswagen Beetle

2 eggs
2 slices sourdough bread
1 avocado
½ tablespoon lime juice
1 teaspoon fresh, chopped chives
⅛ teaspoon pepper

Serves 2. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add each egg to a ramekin or a cup that is not much larger than the egg. Add enough water to pot to cover egg. Bring water to boil using high heat. Gently slide eggs into boiling water. Poach eggs at high heat for 2 minutes for soft, runny egg yolks and for 5 minutes for eggs with firm yolks.
Remove eggs with slotted spoon and set aside.

Toast sourdough bread to your liking. While bread toasts, peel and remove pit from avocado. Add avocado to mixing bowl. Mash with potato masher or fork until avocado becomes creamy. Add lime juice, chives, and pepper. Mix with fork until well blended.

Top a sourdough slice with ½ of the mashed avocado. Spread avocado across bread. Press down with spoon slightly in the middle of the avocado mash. Place an egg in the depression. Repeat for the other sourdough slice.

TIDBITS

1) Australians love sports. They go crazy over soccer or football as they call it. I even played there in league soccer when I was little. Every year, the town where I lived, Earlwood, shut the town down for the annual soccer parade. I was the proud standard bearer for the Green Grasshopper. *Swells with pride*

2) Aussies also love cricket. I understand a lot of it. However, there are gaps in my knowledge. If these gaps ever come up in conversation, I will nod sagely in agreement. This is a good tactic for all sorts of topics and I’ve used it to good effect.

3) Australians also play a lot of tennis and rugby. Some of them even play baseball and American Rules Football. However, a new sport is taking the splendid country by storm. It’s called Hide the Volkswagentm Beetle. Two teams of four have one hour to hide a Beetle or Bug. Then the teams race to find the other players’ hidden Beetle. The team that wins this part get two points. You also gain a point for having the most creative camouflage. The photo above shows a Beetle hidden in a giant avocado and egg toast.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Norwegian Sour Cream Porridge (Rømmegrøt)

Norwegian Breakfast

SOUR CREAM PORRIDGE
(Rømmegrøt)

INGREDIENTS

2 cups sour cream
½ cup flour, wheat flour, or semolina (½ cup more later)
½ cup flour, wheat flour, or semolina
3½ cups warm milk
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons cinnamon sugar
2 tablespoon melted butter

Serves 5. Takes 35 minutes.

* = This was part one to pin down. Outside of Scandinavia, most people would eat it for breakfast. It is mostly eaten in Norway as part of a day-long Christmas feast. It’s usually served with cured meats.

PREPARATION

Add sour cream to pot. Simmer at low-medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir frequently. Sprinkle ½ cup flour onto sour cream. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir constantly. Use shallow spoon to skim off butter fat as it comes to the surface. Reserve butter fat. Add ½ cup flour. Stir constantly.

Slowly whisk in milk. Cook at medium heat for 10 minutes or until porridge thickens. Use whisk constantly to prevent lumps. Add salt. Stir enough to blend in salt. Add porridge to serving bowls. Ladle reserved butter fat and melted butter into bowls. Sprinkle bowls with cinnamon sugar.

TIDBITS

1) Just change the cinnamon sugar streaks in the above photo to red and you’ll see a lava flow through white rock. Culinary anthropologists believe this porridge reminds Norwegians of the days when their country was rife with active volcanoes. Indeed, culinary historians, a lively bunch if there has been one, say that constant lava flows made farming impossible. This left plundering foreign lands for precious metals and jewelry the only way to support themselves. Thus, the Vikings were born.

2) You might wonder why, until now, we’ve never heard of Norwegian volcanoes. That’s because Vikings didn’t adopt an alphabet for the entire populace, the Young Fouthrak runes, until 1100 AD. But the Norwegian volcanoes ceased erupting thirteen years earlier. And as our culinary historians are quick to point out, 1087 is the year of the last major Viking raid. Now you know. Volcanoes.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Secrets of the Universe #2, Asteroids Are Cocoa Pebbles(tm)

Asteroid or Cocoa Pebble?

Yesterday’s blog proved that the Universe arose from an exploded egg. But maybe not. For cereal astrophysicists maintain just as vehemently that all galaxies derived from one giant cereal bowl. Of Cocoa Pebbles.

According to these plucky scientists, nothing happened until at 12am, January, 0 CBS (Cereal Bowl Spilling) the cereal bowl tipped over. Speculation runs rampant and tensions flare over how exactly the bowl tipped, but all cereal astrophysicists agree that it did. Out flew the Cocoa Pebbles. When they coalesced over billions of years through gravitational forces, they became solid planets like Earth and Mars. Whenever Cocoa Pebbles didn’t come together, they remained Coca-Pebbly Asteroids.

Milk from the cereal bowl expanded in all directions and in great amounts.  The Milky War formed from this very same milk. Gaseous giants such as Jupiter and Uranus formed from this milk as well. The Great Red Spot and other colors in Jupiter, however, derive from Fruity Pebbles(tm). The gassy giant Uranus is also a breakfast cereal. Did you know that NASA’s deep-space probes took photos of Uranus? Heh, heh.

All those stars in the night-sky are gigantic balls of milk that became so massive that their very own gravitational fields compressed the milk molecules to such an extent that they generated heat and lights. So, we are seeing milk rays that have traveled thousands of light years to get to us.

There you have it. Look at the photo to the right. Can you tell if it is a Cocoa Pebble or an asteroid? You can’t. They’re the same. Proof you cannot deny.

And every time you eat a spoonful of delicious Cocoa Pebbles, you’re devouring a building block of our universe. Heavens, space is tasty.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Quinoa Api

Bolivian Breakfast

QUINOA API

INGREDIENTS

1¼ cups quinoa
2¾ cups milk
2⅔ cups water
1 cinnamon stick
1 tablespoon honey
2½ tablespoons sugar
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSIL

fine-mesh colander

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Rinse quinoa in colander. Add quinoa and 2⅔ cups water to pot. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir enough to keep quinoa from burning. Add milk. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir constantly Reduce heat to low. Add cinnamon stick, honey, sugar, and vanilla extract. Simmer for 35 minutes or until mixture thickens and quinoa cracks open. Stir enough to keep milk and quinoa from burning. Remove cinnamon stick. Serves in bowls.

TIDBITS

1) According to Colombian culinary mythology, quinoa was given us 7,123.26 years ago by the condor god, Yclept.. Yclept also gave them the secret of planting and harvesting, thus freeing the Andean people from hunter gathering. Hunter gathering is much the same thing as driving around from one supermarket to another looking for mocha creamer for your coffee.

2) But with Ycelpt’s help, the Andeans always had quinoa, a great source of nutrition, right at home. This is like winning a refrigerator at a raffle. But there’s more. You open the fridge to see dozens of coffee mocha creamer bottles inside. You are freed, freed I tell you, from searching dispiritedly all over town for coffee mocha creamers.

3) So in gratitude, the Andeans switched from worshiping, Qi the god of hunter gathering to Yclept. Since quinoa looks like the stars, the Andeans worshiped them. This ticked off Qi, who tried to blot out the stars with milk. “Na, na, na, poo, poo,” said Yclept. “You didn’t throw enough milk. You only tossed enough to make the Milky Way.”

4) Yclept was right. We can still see the stars. Whew! We can still spot the Milky way. But we humans eventually got an immensely popular candy bar out of it. The Milky Way gave the Andeans the idea for this Quinoa Api. It just shows you how good things can come out of a god’s tantrum.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Scrambled Eggs (Revoltillo de Huevos)

Dominican Breakfast

SCRAMBLED EGGS
(Revoltillo de Huevos)

INGREDIENTS

1 bell pepper, red or yellow
1 small onion
1 large tomato
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
6 eggs
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

Serves 3. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice bell pepper, onion, and tomato. Add oil, bell pepper, onion, and tomato to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove pan from heat. Add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat eggs with whisk or fork until well blended. Add eggs to pan. Cook at medium heat until eggs set and are done to your liking. Stir slowly and frequently enough to prevent burning. Sprinkle scrambled eggs with pepper and salt.

TIDBITS

1) This version of scrambled is truly tasty. It’s also visually appealing. This dish was not invented by Andy Warhol, the famous pop artist. No indeed, Pedro Castillo invented Revoltillo de Huevos in the early 1960s. But until then he had been a rather conventional egg scrambler.

2) But one with communist leanings and sympathies. So, he filled his life with everything red including the flags of the USSR and China. And roses. His wife liked the roses but detested his politics. “Your communism constantly brings the government down on us,” said Maria. “The policía shut down our huevoria every week.” This marital discord came to a head when Pedro brought home 100 pounds of red bell peppers to throw during the upcoming anti-government demonstration. “¿Estas loco?” Maria pummeled her husband. “They will surely jail you for this. Get rid of those red veggies or we’re through.”

3) Pedro loved his wife than any people’s revolution, but he was also thrifty. How to use the red bell peppers? Suddenly, lightning struck his head. (Pedro was quite tall.) The bolt’s electrical surge reordered the synapses in his brain. “Aha, “I shall add diced red bell peppers to my scrambled eggs.” And so Revoltillo de Huevos was born. A few days later, Andy Warhol ate this dish at Pedro’s huevoria. The inspired, but unknown Warhol unveiled Revoltillo de Huevos at a museum. He became an instant sensation. Warhol shared his Revoltillo royalties with Pedro. Pedro and Maria lived out their lives as a rich and happy couple. The end.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Potato Sauerkraut Patties (Tierteg)

Luxembourg Breakfast

POTATO SAUERKRAUT PATTIES
(Tierteg)

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds potatoes
1½ pounds sauerkraut
1 pound smoked turkey or chicken
¼ cup lard or butter

SPECIAL UTENSIL

potato masher

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into 8 pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Drain potatoes. Mash potatoes with potato masher. Cut smoked turkey into ½” cubes.

Add mashed potatoes, sauerkraut, and chicken cubes to large mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly by hand. Use hands to make patties 4″ wide and 1″ thick. Add two teaspoons lard to pan. Melt lard using medium-high heat. Add patties to pan. (Don’t let them touch each other.) Sauté for 5 minutes or until bottom side turns golden brown. Flip patties carefully with spatula. Add 2 teaspoons lard to pan. (These patties are crumbly. Should they come apart, press separated pieces together with spatula.) Repeat for successive batches. Goes well with a friend who cleans up afterward.

TIDBITS

1) The above photo shows a domesticated potato sauerkraut patty. You may safely leaves these patties alone. It’s even safe to eat them and heavens, they’re yummy.

2) Never put feral sauerkraut patties on a plate. They’ll attack your fingers. And my gosh no, never leave them alone. They know what you have in store for them and they don’t like it one bit. The feral patty, in a whirlwind of activity, will destroy kitchen and then off and hide. At night, they’ll come out and nip your toes before leaving your home, never to be seen again.

3) If you must buy a feral potato sauerkraut patty, for Pete’s sake, buy a plate equipped with electrical force fields. The force field discharges an electric shock strong enough to knock out any patty that gets too close to edge of the plate. It takes but only three or four electric jolts to turn even the wildest patty into a reliably tame one. Get one online at http://www.CulinaryForceFields.com. They’re quite the nifty gizmo.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fun Festivals – Elvis Impersonator Festival in Collingwood, Ontario

Perhaps the best Elvis impersonator festival in the world occurs in the summer at the Collingwood Elvis festival which thank goodness, is held in Collingwood, Ontario. It’s usually held the last weekend in July. Dang! That’s only two days from now. I don’t now if there will Covid restrictions. Sorry, there’s only so much the King can do.

This festival draws a variety of people . . . Oh heck, no it doesn’t. Only lovers of Elvis’ music will go. Oh, and Elvis impersonators. Expect to see lots and lots of Elvis impersonators. This is a good thing, however, if you love Elvis’s music and if you don’t love his songs, then why are you attending an Elvis festival?

And eat the food the King ate. See how many fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches you can devour during the festivities. Take a break and go to the nearby beach. With your Elvis batteries recharged, come back and see how many Elvises you can spot. Will he be wearing a leather jacket or a white jumpsuit? Will you see him by a goat? Will you see him on a boat? Will you see him in the park? Will you see him in the dark? Will you see him, oh so fair? Will you see him everywhere? Yes.

Elvis impersonators should note that applications are taken on a first come, first served basis. Also, don’t wear sequins. The judges know the King never wore sequins. So you will be marked down. Your so scored will be lowered enough that you’ll have no chance of winning the impersonation contest. You will return home, a broken man. Come to think of it, I don’t if a woman has ever competed. I imagine there’s been female Elvises, but I don’t know if they’ve competed here. If you do go to Collingwood to see the Kings, please let me know. At any rate there are four competitions: Canadian professional, Canadian nonprofessional, international nonprofessional and international professional.

The rest of us should put on our blue suede shoes and rock on at the Awesome Street Dance. Conclude your dancing with the midnight vigil for Elvis. Then get up in time for the Hunka Hunka Pancake Breakfast by the town hall. Bring your King size appetite. And Hell or high water won’t keep the true Elvis devotee from attending the Classic Automobile , Viper and Corvette Elvis Parade. Scads of impersonators will swarm in the cars and around them, swiveling their hips and singing away.

Get tickets well in advance for An Evening of Elvis Champions Past entertainers. You’ve spent a lot of money getting here, spending money on food, and souvenir. You deserve the best impersonators.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: fun festivals, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jugo de Avena (Oats Milk Drink)

Dominican Breakfast

 

JUGO DE AVENA
(Oats Milk Drink)

INGREDIENTS

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4 cups milk or evaporated milk
1 cup oats
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 tablespoons lemon or lime juice
1½ cups ice cubes

SPECIAL UTENSILS

blender
pitcher

Makes 5 cups. Serves 5. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add milk and oats to blender. Blend at high speed for 5 minutes or until oats are quite tiny. Add cinnamon, sugar, and vanilla extract. Blend at medium speed until sugar dissolves completely. Chill in freezer for 20 minutes or until cold.

Remove bowl from freezer. Pour into pitcher. Add ice. Slowly add lemon juice while stirring continuously.

TIDBITS

1) Jugo de avena’s taste satisfies everyone. It also cools and refreshes.

2) A satisfied, cooled, and refreshed person is a calm and sedate person.

3) That’s why clever riot police hurl canisters of jugo de avena at the seething, surging mobs. One sip of jugo de avena makes even the most ardent protester happy. Serene protesters stop rioting. Good will abounds.

4) Other riot police hurl tear-gas canisters at the protesters. This angers the protesters more. The riot intensifies.

5) Why haven’t we heard of riots being quelled with jugo de avena? Because these disturbances stop so quickly that the press can never get there in time. Makes you think.

I have now blogged for 100 days in a row.  : )

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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