Root beer solves a lot of problems. The world has a lot of problems. We need a lot of root beer. And doesn’t it look tasty?
A&W is my favorite root beer. When I was a kid, my family would go to an A&W restaurant for a treat.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Dear Americans,
The voters have spoken. Ms. Clinton won the majority of the vote. Mr. Trump won the majority of the electoral votes. He will be our nation’s next president. We wish him well and hope that he will have success in helping this country. I, the presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party, would have conceded earlier but I went into shock when the election results came pouring in. I went on a near-bear and root-beer bender. I am just now coming out of this funk.
How did this shattering loss occur? Poll after poll after poll of people typing this blog or ever the more widespread poll of B&C voters had us winning it all by a comfortable margin. There is, alas, the possibility of widespread rigging in this election. I mean after all, how can anyone explain how we were not on the ballot in any state or the District of Columbia. How easy it would be the raise the divisive howl of, “Fraud, fraud, fraud.” However, we must do all we can to avoid tearing our great nation apart even more. Therefore, B&C will not contest the election result, preferring instead to drown our sorrow by watching old reruns of “Get Smart” and drinking root beer.
What can Bacon & Chocolate’s supporters do for the future? Well, we can make sure that we turn in those sheets chock full of signatures to the state electoral commissions. Did this happen? Was there voter fraud? Who can say? Did we even collect signatures at all? It’s all very cloudy. We must be vigilant and diligent in the future.
On a more serious note, Bacon & Chocolate Party started as a joke. As the election dragged on and on, it became less and less of a laugh and more of a real alternative to the shrill politics of hate. B&C never put out anything hateful. On the main, we were a consistent island of decency out there. I personally feel that one candidate and party and one set of supporters stirred up more hate than did the others. Many of my supporters in the B&C would no doubt disagree. And that was the glory and beauty of Bacon & Chocolate. It was for everyone. Everyone was valued by B&C. There was a place for every American.
Bacon & Chocolate party only took stands of a few things. We wanted to promote bacon and chocolate and to protect the supply and protection of the same. We wanted to save our bees. We took up the cause of the taco truck owners. I mean, tacos are wonderful. For the most part though, we would have looked at what the majority of Americans wanted on any issue and adopted that as our policy. What other political party in America can say that?
I am sad that Bacon & Chocolate Party was the only party that could bridge the divisiveness that is the current America. We were the only party that liked and embraced everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to eat a chocolate doughnut.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Syrian Entree
FATTI DEJAJ
(chicken casserole)
INGREDIENTS – MAIN
1 cup rice
2 cups chicken stock (additional ⅔ cup later)
3 chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
1 bay leaf
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup chicken stock
3 pita loaves or rounds
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1½ tablespoons lemon juice
¼ cup tahini
2 cups plain yogurt
1½ tablespoon ghee or butter
1 cup almonds, cashews, pistachios, or combination (slivered or halves)
½ tablespoon parsley
SPECIAL UTENSILS
2 casserole dishes
PREPARATION
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Add rice and 2 cups chicken stock to rice cooker or pot. Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add chicken cubes, garlic, bay leaf, pepper, salt, and ⅔ cup chicken stock to first casserole dish. Coat chicken cubes thoroughly. Bake at 450 degrees for 45minutes. Stir every 15 minutes to keep chicken from drying out. Remove bay leaf.
While chicken bakes, cut pita rounds into 1″ squares. Add pita squares and oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until pita squares turn golden brown. Place pita squares on paper towels.
Add lemon juice, tahini, and yogurt to mixing bowl. Mix gently with spoon. Add ghee and nuts to pan. Toast them on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until they start turning golden brown. Stir constantly.
Add sautéed pitas squares to second casserole dish. Smooth with fork. Add rice. Smooth with fork. Add lemon juice/tahini/yogurt sauce. Smooth gently with fork. Add chicken cubes. Smooth with, oh what the heck, spoon. Sprinkle sautéed nuts and parsley over chicken cubes.
Serve to guests who darn well better appreciate all the effort you made preparing this wonderful dish.
TIDBITS
1) Syrian has many people.
2) People have bones in them.
3) There are enough bones in the human body to enable a person to stand up with enough bones leftover for arms and hands.
4) Arms and hands are used to drink root beer from glass mugs.
5) Root beer tastes like good childhood memories.
6) There is a man in Syria called Ryan.
7) Ryan drank root beer. He had a good childhood.
8) He’s old now, but as a child was very well liked.
9) People used to greet each other with, “Is Ryan healthy?” or “Is Ryan happy?” or “Is Ryan drinking root beer?” or even, “Is Ryan doing his econometrics homework?”
10) This happened so often that when the region became independent of France in 1946 people naturally wanted to call their country “Isryan.”
11) However, Ryan, a perpetually modest man, demurred.
12) But the people persisted. Isryan. Stamps with Isryan were printed.
13) Ryan demurred.
14) Fortunately, the World Anagramist Society met in Damascus a scant two weeks after independence.
15) They suggested Syrian for the name of the country. The people were contented. “As long as ‘Is Ryan’ in their somehow. Ryan was happy as well. He could pretend the country wasn’t named after him.
16) Remarkably, it took until 2002, the year the Angels finally won the World Series, for people to realize than Syrian sounds more like someone from Syria than a country. So after consulting Ryan and getting his permission, the people held a referendum and changed the country’s name to Syria.
17) If ever come across a stamp bearing the word “Isryan” save it, for goodness sake. It’s quite valuable.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
1) Do what you can do. If you can do it, then you can do it.
2) Don’t do what you can’t do. If you can’t do it, then you can’t do it.
3) Not everything you can do should be done. Mixing root beer with a pint of Scotch bonnet sauce comes to mind.
4) Turn off the burners on your stove when your done.
5) Run from rabid ducks.
– Paul De Lancey, Life Counselor
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Name Paul De Lancey
Age 57
Where are you from Poway, California
A little about your self `ie your education Family life etc
Me: I obtained my Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. My thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock.
I am a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. I ran for President of the United Statesin 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition.
I make my home, with my wonderful wife and two sons, in Poway, California. I divide my time between being awake and asleep.
Fiona: Tell us your latest news?
View original post 2,710 more words
Some time ago*, Joe Biden, the Vice President, of this august land sent me a post titled, “I’ve had it up to here.” I don’t know what I’ve could have done to upset him. I’ve never even met him. If someone teepeed his house, all I can say is that I didn’t do it. Sure I ran for the presidency back in 2012, as part of the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Sure I could have won. Sure, I could have taken enough votes away from the democrats for the republicans to have elected Romney. But I didn’t. Obama’s president and Biden’s vice president and I’m not and Candace Bowen isn’t the VP, and that’s that. We got over the election. I thought Obama and Biden could do the same.
And just when I thought it had all calmed down, I got the following post from the Vice President:
“Dig Deep, Paul”
Again, Joe, I protest. I didn’t do anything. If someone sent you a pizza to your home, I’m not paying for it. This is a typical college prank. I’m not digging deep.
My I suggest you calm down with a nice, cold root beer. Life’s too short.
* = I have no idea when. Indeed, the sequence of events might be off. Having a poor memory could be a good thing if I ever have to deny knowing anything.
– Paul R. De Lancey, presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
If Greenland, that way-up north country, had the same population density as Bangladesh, it would be home to 23,096,149,702 people. That’s more than three times the population of the entire world. How would that be possible?
1) Let’s face it, there’s not enough fish around Arctic Greenland to feed over 23 billion people and precious little farmland exists there. We will need to eat ice, lots of ice, and like it. Ice is low in vitamins, so we will have to spray Greenland’s entire ice with liquid vitamins. The company that wins that contract will do well indeed.
2) Greenland currently has only has housing for about two million people. Does the land have lumber enough to build homes for another 23 billion people?
No. We will all have to become adept at making igloos.
3) How will get another 23 billion people?
You’re own on your own with this one. It’s a do-it-yourself project.
4) Why would we all want to move to Greenland?
Easy access to ice so we can all have ice-cold root beers.
I hope this helps settle your worries about the future.
– Cool Paul the Seer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
American Entree
ROOT BEER PULLED PORK SANDWICHES
INGREDIENTS
2 garlic cloves
1 onion
2 pounds pork sirloin or tenderloin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 ounces liquid smoke
1 can or 12 ounces root beer (1 more can later)
1 1/2 cups barbecue sauce
1 can root beer
8 hamburger buns or kaiser rolls
SPECIAL UTENSIL
crock pot
PREPARATION
Dice garlic cloves and onion. Rub chili powder, pepper, and salt onto pork. Add garlic, onion, pork, liquid smoke, and 1 can root beer in a crock pot. Cover and cook on low for 6-to-8 hours or until pork shreds easily. (If after 6 hours the pork is not close to being tender or able to be shredded, turn up the heat one notch.)
Remove the pork. (Save the liquid, garlic, and onion for later. It makes a good soup.) Let pork cool. Shred pork with fork. Add shredded pork, barbecue sauce and one car root beer to crock pot Cover and cook on low for 1 hour. Serve on hamburger buns.
TIDBITS
1) August 6 is the anniversary of the day the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan. However, this date is also National Root Beer Float Day! Atomic warfare is surely a downer, but nothing’s better than a root beer float. Indeed the life-giving, life-soothing properties of root-beer floats have helped us all deal with the legacy of the atomic bomb, have prevented future atomic warfare forever
2. In August, 1893, Frank J. Wisner, was drinking root beer during a full-moon night. The full moon inspired Mr. Wisner to add a scoop of vanilla ice cream to root beer. The ice cream floated! He had invented the root beer float. We have been living in The Golden Age of Humanity ever since.
3) Root beer originally contained sassafras and was considered by some to be a medicinal drink. It also contained alcohol and was deemed by even more folks to be a medicinal drink. Is there anything root beer can’t make better?
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Pakistani Entree
CHICKEN JALFREZI
INGREDIENTS
2 green bell peppers
2 green chile peppers
2 garlic cloves
1 onion
2 tomatoes
1.5 pounds boneless chicken
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 chili powder
1 tablespoon ginger
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon turmeric
3 tablespoons ghee (clarified butter)
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
½ tablespoon cilantro
basmati rice (optional)
naan bread (optional)
SPECIAL UTENSILS
deep skillet, Dutch oven, or wok
magic wand
PREPARATION – with magic wand
Wave magic wand and say, “Mumbo jumbo bumbo, make me chicken jalfrezi.” Poof! Your chicken jalfrezi will appear instantly.
PREPARATION – without magic wand
Seed bell peppers and green chile peppers. Dice bell peppers, chile peppers, garlic cloves, onion, and tomatoes. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add oil, garlic, and onion to skillet. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add chicken, chili powder, ginger, salt, and turmeric. Cook on medium heat for 5-to-10 minutes or until chicken is golden brown. Stir frequently.
Add ghee, bell pepper, chile pepper, tomato, coriander, and cumin to skillet. Bring to boil over high heat, stirring frequently. Cover, reduce heat to low and let simmer for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Uncover and let simmer for another 10 minutes or until bell pepper is tender. Garnish with cilantro.
This dish goes well with basmati rice and naan bread.
TIDBITS
1) Magic wands are truly useful. You can make a million dollars, a new house or a fancy sports car appear with them.
2) Or you could use your wand to find your car keys.
3) Nervous people about to make a speech are often told to visually their audience dressed in their underwear. But what if the speaker is too shy to picture the audience so undressed. In this case, the best thing to do, the Good Samaritan thing to do, is to wave your crowd at the crowd and say, “Mumbo jumbo bumbo, let these people wear underwear only.” Poof, the audience will be in its undies. The speaker will gain courage from this and deliver a rip-roaring speech that brings the crowd to its feet and stirs it to action.
4) Since the speech is about recycling, everyone will soon be recycling. Land fills will no longer be needed. The land once set aside for landfills will now be used for farmland, new homes, and root-beer factories.
5) In fact, the audience from the speech will be filled with such fervor that it will make things just so they have more things to recycle.
6) This will be bad. Thank goodness for all those root-beer factories we built in tidbit 4). We will distribute its root beer to the teeming, frothing masses filled with recycling exuberance.
7) One sip of root beer, will calm the frenetic recycling masses. Serenity will be restored. A perfect balance between recycling and over recycling will be achieved. We will live in a new Paradise.
8) So, let these happenings be a cautionary tale to you. Use your magic wand wisely and be prepared for unforeseen consequences.
9) Well as much as you can be prepared for something that can’t be foreseen.
10) Indeed, the motto of the Boy Scouts is “Be Prepared” and they don’t even have magic wands.
11) Always buy new wands. You can never be sure how many spells are left in a used one.
12) After all, wouldn’t you be embarrassed if you tried to impress your dinner guests by summoning a tyrannosaurus rex and found you couldn’t wave it back into non-existence because you had no spells left on your wand.
13) Some of your guests would get eaten. Your surviving friends would leave your home in a huff and would most likely never speak to you again. Your dinner would be a disaster and your homeowner insurance rates would go up.
14) Of course you could have a two-ton bag of T-Rex ChowTM on hand in case this happens. But you’d only be kicking the can down the street. Eventually, the t-rex would just get hungry again. Yep, just stick to new wands or summoning only ice-cold mugs with your used magic stick, for goodness sake.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
American Appetizer
RUSSIAN DRESSING
INGREDIENTS
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
PREPARATION
Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well blended. May be stored in air-tight jars for up to two weeks. Woo hoo! This is so easy. You’ll lots of time after this to do crossword puzzles or plot worldwide domination, whichever you prefer.
TIDBITS
1) Lake Baikal is in Russia. Its depth reaches from the surface to the bottom and contains around 20% of the world’s unfrozen fresh water. You could make a lot of ice from the water in Lake Baikal. That ice could chill a lot of mugs filled with blessed, soothing root beer.
2) The Russians have always known this. This is why America and Russia faced off for decades in the Cold War. The United States in particular, worried then that the Soviets would restrict the supply of ice cubes. Indeed, Brezhnev in 1968, severely curtailed the export of ice from Lake Baikal.
5) It is no coincidence that riots broke out in one American city after another that year. Crime spiked. Did things suddenly worsen from 1967? No, but without ice from Lake Baikal, Americans could not properly ice their root beers. Problems that people shrugged off easily with the aid of ice-cold root beers, suddenly became insurmountable, maddening even.
8) The United States wasn’t the only country to face disintegration in 1968. Russia invaded Czechoslovakia to put an end to the ice riots that ravaged the country. Millions perished in China’s cultural revolution. We now know Mao launched this horrific plan to hide the even more hideous fact from his countrymen; there weren’t enough ice cubes in the country to cool all the root beer.
9) But President Johnson knew the Russia’s Achilles heel. He threatened to ban exports of root beer to Russia. The root-beerless Soviets backed down and ice flowed, not quite the right verb, to all corners of the world. Tensions between nations diminished considerably and people hugged each other everywhere. The New York Mets even won the World Series next year. And bluebirds sang.
– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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