Posts Tagged With: Egyptian

Debesmanna (Cranberry Mousse) From Latvia

Latvian Dessert

DEBESMANNA
(Cranberry Mousse)

INGREDIENTS

2¼ cups cranberry juice
⅓ cup sugar
⅓ cup cream of wheat, farina, or semolina
1 cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater.

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add cranberry juice and sugar to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Gradually add cream of wheat. Stir constantly to prevent lumps. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cook for 10 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir constantly with whisk or fork.

Transfer mixture to mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high for 10 minutes or until mixture becomes fluffy and a lighter shade of red.. Serve in bowls. Pour milk equally over each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) The term “manna from heaven” comes from the Old Testament. The book Exodus tells us how the Israelites fearing the wrath of the Egyptian pharaoh plunged deeper and deeper into the wilderness of the Sinai Peninsula.

2) The Israelites grumbled that they were running out of food, that they were at least assured of getting full meals back in Egypt. They had apparently forgotten that they were enslaved back there.

3) So God, Yahweh, sent them food, manna. This manna floated down from the sky or perhaps even from heaven. Nowadays, “manna from heaven” means any lucky occurrence. In fact, an event so lucky that is on par with the Israelites receiving manna from God.

4) On July 7, 2008, the Latvian village of Dagda was besieged by hordes of scam artists trying to sell them a new warranty for their cars, to replace the old extended warranties that had expired. The Dagdans had only one day of food left. Then little Debbie from the nearby farms catapulted thousands of cranberries mousses into Dagda. She saved the town. The grateful Dadgans called her dessert, “Debbie’s Manna.” Over time, this shortened to Debesmanna. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Egyptian Roz Bel Laban

Egyptian Dessert

ROZ BEL LABAN

INGREDIENTS

1 cup rice
2¼ cups water
3½ cups whole milk
¾ cup sugar
¼ teaspoon allspice
½ teaspoon orange blossom water or vanilla
½ teaspoon rose water, orange blossom water, or vanilla
½ teaspoon cinnamon

Serves 6. Takes 1 hours 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add rice and water to pot, Set heat to low-medium and simmer for 12 minutes. Stir frequently to prevent burning. (Always, in this recipe, add water or milk if the liquid in the pot dries up.)

While rice simmers, add milk and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add to pot. Simmer at medium heat for 12 minutes or until mixture starts to thicken. Stir constantly. Add allspice, orange blossom water, and rose water. Simmer at medium heat. Stir constantly until mixture has thickened and rices softens and becomes creamy. Gently spoon rice mixture into individual serving bowls. Chill in refrigerator for 1 hour or until pudding sets. Sprinkle cinnamon over each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) Roz Augureau’s sparkling eyes and beautiful face bedazzled men everywhere. So much so that men made rash decisions. In 1914, Kaiser Wilhelm II and President Poincare attended a society ball at the same time as Roz. The German and French leaders both professed undying love for her. Neither ruler would clear the field for the belle Roz. Words were said. Poincare slapped Wilhelm. The Kaiser had the choice of weapons. If only he had picked pistols, instead of millions of soldiers as the duelllng weapons, the world would have been spared the horrors of the First World War.

2) But he didn’t and anyway, hindsight is 20/20. However, the French could forgive Roz Augureau for starting the War to End All Wars. Afier all, “L’amour, toujours l’amour.” They could not ignore, however, her effect on French cuisine. Every time the Belle Roz sashayed by restaurants, the besotted chefs made mistakes. It all came to a head in 1915 when the very sight of Roz so charmed the chef making this very dish, that he unwittingly substituted sardine water for vanilla. This atrocity outraged the French nation. What, if anything, was France fighting for if not for the purity of its cuisine? So, France passed a law banning the belle Roz from walking by any kitchen. In honor of this law, Le Monde called this dish, “Roz Belle La Ban.” Later this became, Roz Bel Laban.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Reigning Cats and Dogs

You can make these gods with Mr. Egyptian Head(tm)

The Ancient Egyptians created all sort of hybrid gods way before we even engaged in genetic splicing. But all we did with that science was to make genetically-modified tomatoes and the like.

Anyway the long-ago Egyptians worshipped the cat god, Bastet She reigned over the home. She was shielding and motherly. She was also violent, but her nurturing side predominated. So I think we should cut her some slack. Bastet–not to be confused with Bastid, as in “That Bastid took my package off the front porch–generally got depicted as entire cat. Sometimes, though, she was modeled as a woman with a cat’s head. It was kinda like a ancient version of Mr. Potato Head(tm).

The ancient Egyptians also bowed down to Anubis. Anubis had a dog’s head plopped down on a man’s body. Anubis reigned over the dead. That seems rather dreary, but mostly only pharaohs and really rich Egyptians got to enter the afterworld. These rulers and elites brought boat loads of wealth and food with them to Anubis Land. So perhaps the realm of the dead really was a happening place after all.

Bastet and Anubis mostly hid themselves in their divine worlds. Occasionally though, the hurly-burly masses got so involved in their daily lives that they forgot to give the cat god, Bastet, and the half-dog god, Anubis, the required sacrifices and devotion. At these times, Bastet and Anubis manifested themselves to neglectful peasants as if to say, “Yah boo, I reign over you.”

The way-back Egyptians called these manifestations as “Reigning Cats and Dogs.” Over time, the more observation Egyptians noted that these two gods mostly appeared when torrents of rain came down. So over time, “Reigning Cats and Dogs” transformed into “Raining cats and dogs.” Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Aliens Built the Pyramids to Play Ring Toss

Who built the Egyptian pyramids? Giant prehistoric aliens. Why did they build the pyramids of Giza? So they could play ring toss. Ring toss is a fun game. Always has been. Always will be. How do we know all this? The aliens left the below photo behind. Archeologist Carl La Fong found it. It’s proof you cannot deny.

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., travel guru

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: proof you cannot deny, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Falafel (Tamiya) From Egypt

Egyptian Appetizer

FALAFEL
(Tamiya)

INGREDIENTS

2 cups dried fava beans* (aka broad beans)
1 small onion
8 green onions
2 garlic cloves
1¼ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon salt
2½ tablespoons fresh cilantro
3 tablespoons fresh parsley
4 cups vegetable oil (Enough to cover falafel patties)

* = Look in Middle Eastern supermarkets, supermarkets selling mostly organic food, or online. Also see if you can get these dried beans with the skins already removed. If you can only find canned fava beans, be sure to rinse them thoroughly before using.)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor
large no-stick pan

Serves 6. Takes overnight for soaking plus 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add fava beans to large pot. Cover with water. Cover with lid and let soak overnight.

Rinse fava beans. Rub skins off beans. Add onion, green onion, garlic, baking powder, coriander, cumin, salt, fresh cilantro, and fresh parsley to food processor. Blend until everything is blended and minced. Add beans, Blend only until beans form a paste. (If the beans are blended more, your falafel might fall apart later.) Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Shape bean paste in 1″ balls. Flatten balls until they are ½” thick patties. Add oil, enough to cover patties, to large no-stick pan. Heat oil at high heat until bubbles form on the bottom. Carefully add falafel patties to pan. Don’t let them touch each other. (You will need to cook in batches.) Fry patties until golden brown. (This happens quickly.) Remove patties and drain on paper towels. Goes quite well with warm pita bread, hummus, and tomato salad.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is an appetizer. Culinary cryptographers will tell you that “appetizer” comes from an anagram for “Zap Peter I.”

2) And culinary linguists know that “zap” comes from the Russian “zapkya.” This word means to assassinate, kill, plot against, and otherwise dethrone and overthrow by means of feeding appetizers to the hated tsar.”

3) So, zap Peter I means to overthrow Peter I, perhaps even kill. Tsar Peter I was not completely enamored of this concept. Particularly so when the streltsky, Russian musketeers, engineered coups against him by serving appetizers to the palace guard. “Have some appetizers,” they said to the guards, “They’re quite tasty.” And they were. So much so that the entire guard ate and ate until they all had to take lengthy naps.

4) While the palace guard napped, the musketeers rounded up Peter’s supporters and imprisoned them. The streltsky would then enthrone in a figurehead, one who could be counted on the double the daily vodka ration.

5) Doubling the vodka ration made the musketeers drunk and pass out. Peter then reclaimed power while the streltsky lolled around in drunken stupors. Eventually, the musketeers sobered up and fed appetizers to the palace guards again.

6) And so it went, appetizers put the musketeers’ figurehead in power again. Drunken binges enabled Peter I to get back in control.

7) Then on April 1, 1698, Peter I experienced a brainstorm. Why not try giving the musketeers rivers of vodka AND appetizers? The idea worked. The besotted musketeers became so logy from eating platter after platter of appetizers, they slept themselves into oblivion.

8) Peter I, tsar of all the Russias, took advantage of the streltsky’s lasting inertia to tie them up. When they came to, they found themselves on a giant iceberg in the Arctic Ocean. The musketeers had enough food to last 30 days, along with hundreds of ping pong battles and ping pong balls. Tsar Peter had thoughtfully provided them also with enough pencils and entry forms to the First Winter Ping Pong Arctic Ocean Tournament.

9) Culinary historians doubt that the musketeers ever finished the tournament. The strong winter gales prevalent would have simply blown one ping pong ball after another into oblivion. At any rate, the marooned men would have found hitting remaining white ping pong balls quite difficult in the ever present white blizzards.

10) But the constant appetizer-fed revolts burned a lesson into Tsar Peter I’s brain. Never let any Russian eat appetizers. In 1699, he ordered the destruction of all the restaurants making appetizers.
No one would ever “Zap Peter I.”

11) But in 1917, Tsar Nicholas II foolishly permitted the making of appetizers. Lenin and Trotsky fed appetizers to the palace guard who fell asleep. The communists seized power. We are still living with the consequences of the Russian Revolution. Now you know why.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ayran – Bulgarian Yogurt Drink

Bulgarian Dessert

AYRAN
(yogurt drink)

INGREDIENTSBugarianYogurt-

3½ cups Bulgarian or plain yogurt
2½ cups water
½ teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Add yogurt to large bowl. Beat yogurt with whisk or electric blender set on medium until well blended. Add water and yogurt. Blend with whisk. Serve cold. Woo hoo! That’s it. This is simple. Woo hoo!

TIDBITS

1) Run, Dick, run.

2) Dick, ran, ran.

3) Did Dick run?

4) Ay, ran he did.

5) Ayran, is an anagram for Ayn Ra. Ayn Ra is not related to Ayn Rand, the famed novelist of The Fountain Head. Many people love her political views. Many don’t.

6) However, everyone loves Ayn Ra. She’s a sweetheart. Not a sweatheart as many people who can’t spell would have you believe.

7) Does Ayn Ra sweat? No, she’s a descendant of Ammon Ra, Chieftain of the Egyptian Gods, god of the sun, sky and heaven, Patron deity of Egyptian Thebes, who didn’t sweat.

8) Wow! Ammon Ra has an impressive resume. He could get any job she wanted.

9) Was Ammon Ra really a god? No, but he didn’t sweat, not even under the hot Egyptian sun. That’s kinda impressive. Okay, amazingly impressive. So his fellow Egyptians started liking him a lot and when his neighbors found out that mosquitoes never bit him, well that was an enough for them to start worshiping him. Ammon Ra was cool was this. Being a god always got him invited to the most exciting parties. I mean who wouldn’t want to invite a god?

10) Ayn Ra inherited the Ra gene for non-sweating, which is good thing since she lives in Florida. Ayn currently runs a Bulgarian yogurt shop. It’s the most popular Bulgarian yogurt shop in America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Biram Ruzz

Egyptian Entree

BIRAM RUZZ

INGREDIENTSBiramRuzz-

3 tablespoons butter
1 cup uncooked long-grain rice (1 more cup later)
2 pounds boneless chicken thighs or breasts
1 cup uncooked long-grain rice
½ teaspoon cardamom
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon pepper
1¼ teaspoons salt
2 cups chicken stock
1 cup heavy cream
1⅓ cups milk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

2 quart casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Melt butter. Use brush to coat side of casserole dish with melted butter. Spread 1 cup rice evenly over casserole dish. Place chicken thighs evenly over bottom layer of rice. Sprinkle cardamom, nutmeg, pepper, and salt over chicken and rice. Spread 1 cup of rice evenly over the chicken thighs. Add chicken stock, heavy cream, and milk to pan. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Pour liquid over top layer of rice in casserole dish. Bake at 375 degrees 30 minutes. Remove from oven and cover with lid and let sit for 30 minutes.

Use spoon to loosen rice from edges of casserole dish. Remove lid. Place large serving place over casserole dish. Firmly hold casserole dish and serving plate together and quickly invert them so that the contents of the casserole dish are now upside down on the serving plate.

TIDBITS

1) Ancient Egyptians loved the board game, “Senet.” It was simple and a blast to play. Nearby kings constantly came to Egypt to play Senet and often ended up concluding treaties of friendship.

2) Then, in 675 BC, Pharaoh Taharka challenged the Assyrian leader, Esharddon, to play Qunark, a game resembling the modern ScrabbleTM.. Taharka drew the bird-like letter “A” to make “antihistamine” for a triple word score for 528 points. Esharddon claimed pharaoh had really drawn the bird-like letter “W” and had not come up with not a word at all. He called Taharka a low-down dirty hippo. Taharka slugged Esharddon who went home in a huff. The Assyrian king returned with a mighty army. Egypt would chafe under foreign domination for much of the next millennium.
Culinary historians say this is why Scrabble comes with pre-drawn letters.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Koshary From Egypt

Egyptian Entree

KOSHARY

INGREDIENTSKoshary-

1 cup lentils
3 cloves garlic
2 onions
4 tomatoes
1 1/2 cups white rice
1 pound elbow macaroni

1/2 tablespoon olive oil (1-1/2 tablespoons more later)
1 15 ounce can chickpeas
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons white vinegar
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon salt

Makes 8 bowls. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Soak lentils in bowl for 1 hour. While lentils are soaking, mince garlic and onions. Dice tomatoes. Cook rice according to instructions on package. Cook elbow macaroni according to instructions on package. Cook lentils according to instructions on package. (Thank goodness for package instructions.)

Put olive oil and onion in skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until onion begins to brown. Stir frequently. Remove onion and place on towel-covered plate. Add garlic to skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Remove garlic and place on towel-covered plate.

Add olive oil, chickpeas, tomato, cayenne pepper, cumin, black pepper, and salt to skillet. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Put chickpea mixture into serving bowl.

Combine garlic, white vinegar, and red wine vinegar in mixing bowl.

Serve on plate with a spoonful each of: rice, macaroni, lentils, chickpea mixture, vinegar/garlic mixture, and top with a spoonful of sautéed onion.

TIDBITS

1) Chickpeas preserved the United States of America during its unpleasant Civil War of 1861-1865.
2) Rebel forces during this war often ran short of fun food to eat. Sausage pizzas were unheard of on the front lines as early as August, 1861. Quiche Lorraine disappeared by February, 1862. Caviar in April. Chicken parmigiana in August. And so it went. The Confederate forces had to subsist on chickpeas.

3) By September, 1862, the Confederacy was on the culinary ropes. General Robert E. Lee, command of the Army of Northern Virginia devised a daring invasion of Maryland and Pennsylvania to secure vast supplies of ham so necessary to delicious recipes such as juice and sugar-glazed ham.

4) But it didn’t happen. Sometime in September, Union soldiers looking for fine Southern tobacco hit the Mother Lode, found three fine cigars wrapped in sheets of paper. These papers detailed General Lee’s invasion plans.

5) The Union scouts turned the plans over to General McClellan, commander of the Army of the Potomac. The Northern forces scurried, between epic banquets, to intercept the rebel foes. The worthy foes collided at Antietam, Maryland on September 17, 1862.

6) Fighting at Antietam’s cornfield was so hot that the kernels popped off the corn cobs. And so popcorn was invented while the South’s hopes for military victory melted as fast as ice cream on a charcoal grill.

7) But it needn’t have happened that way. If only Lee’s orders had been wrapped in a can of chickpeas. Those Northern scouts fresh off a meal of bacon cheeseburgers would surely have ignored orders surrounding a can of chickpeas.

8) And so, the South would eventually lose the Civil War. The Union would be preserved. Slavery would be abolished and bacon cheeseburgers would forever after dominate the nation’s culinary scene.

9) And so it goes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Yansoon (aniseed drink)

Egyptian Dessert

YANSOON
(aniseed drink)

INGREDIENTSYansoon-

4 cups water
6 tablespoons aniseed
2 tablespoons sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

tea strainer
or
cheesecloth

PREPARATION

Boil all ingredients together for 2 minutes. Stir until sugar dissolves. Pour through tea strainer or cheesecloth into teapot or cups. You’re done. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Yansoon is an anagram for Nano soy.

2) Nano means one billionth. A nano soy is one billionth of a soy.

3) How can you have one billionth of a soy? Maybe a tiny part of a soy bean.

4) Tofu is made from soy. So, it’s probably the merest speck of a tofu cube.

5) A mere speck is just a tiny dot. A meerkat is a mammal. The San Diego Zoo has meerkats.

6) Did you know that a colony, or is it a coagulation, of meerkats always has a designated lookout. This sentinel’s only job is to search the sky and warn the colony of approaching hawks?

7) There are no hawks at the San Diego Zoo, so this precaution is unnecessary.

8) But it’s not harmful either. And how do these San Diegan meerkats know for sure they won’t wake up tomorrow in Hawkland?

9) If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well. Would the many, many industrial accidents and disasters throughout the years have occurred if meerkats had been overseeing the projects? I think not.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Lachuch Bread From Yemen

Yemeni Appetizer

LACHUCH BREAD

INGREDIENTSlachuch-

1 1/2 slices white bread
1 1/2 teaspoons dry yeast
3 cups warm water
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (or 1 teaspoon per bread)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

Makes about 9 lachuch breads

PREPARATION

Soak bread in small bowl of warm water. Pour water out of bowl. Press your fish against bread to squeeze out water. Again, pour water out of bowl. Squeeze soggy bread with hands to form bread paste. (This is a bad time to caress your sweetheart’s hair.)

Add yeast and warm water to large mixing bowl. Stir until yeast dissolves. Add flour, salt and sugar. Mix with fork until batter forms. Add bread paste to mixing bowl. Form batter by mixing all ingredients with whisk or fork.

Cover mixing bowl. Let batter rise for 2 hours or until it doubles in size.

Put 1 teaspoon of oil in skillet. Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Pour in 1 ladle of batter. Fry for 4-to-5 minutes until batter is golden brown on the bottom and the top is covered with bubble holes. Do not turn over. It is a no no. Repeat until batter is used up. Use 1 teaspoon of oil per ladle.

Lachuch bread goes well with Yemeni chicken soup.

TIDBITS

1) “Bread” is an anagram for “bread.”

2) Okay, that was an easy anagram. Here’s another: red ab. You get red abs by sitting at the beach too long without sunscreen.

3) It’s also an anagram for “ad reb,” as in, “Hey man, what type of ‘reb’ are you?” “Oh, I’m ‘ad reb,’ man.”

4) More traditionally, “bread” is an anagram for “beard.”

5) At one point the CIA debated making Fidel Castro’s beard fall out. Some thought the Cuban people would be so disillusioned with him if walked around with a hairless face that they would rise up and overthrow the dictator.

6) I don’t sport a beard. I have no chance of being dictator of Cuba.

5 Ancient Egyptian men and women wore fake metallic beards to mark special occasions, such as solar eclipses. I have no idea why. Maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe wearing fake metallic beards cause solar eclipses.

6) I’m not wearing a fake metallic beard as I type this. There is no solar eclipse going on.

7) See?

8) And what does “Fake metallic beards” mean? Do people grow “real metallic beards?”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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