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Banana Chutney From Zaire

Posted on June 10, 2013 by pauldelancey

Zairean Appetizer

BANANA CHUTNEY

INGREDIENTSBananChut-

6 ripe bananas
1 medium stick or 4 teaspoons cinnamon
5 tablespoons lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon zest
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

PREPARATION

Peel and mash bananas with fork. Grind cinnamon with spice grinder. Combine all ingredients in sauce pan. Cook for 10-to-15 minutes using low-medium heat until it reaches your desired level of consistency. Stir frequently.

Let cool. Put in jar and refrigerate. This will keep there for about 2 weeks.

TIDBITS

1) I searched for “fun facts about Zaire” on the internet. Learn-French-Help.com’s first Zairean fun fact is, “Formerly Zaire, the Democratic Republic of the Congo has since 1997 been torn by civil strife, internal turmoil and ethnic and intertribal war, ignited off by a large influx of refugees 1994 fleeing the bloodshed in Rwanda and Burundi.”

2) Whew! Too much fun for me.

3) While Zaire has been in turmoil, the humble banana has quietly been making the world a better place. The banana helps with: low energy levels, depression, PMS, anemia, blood pressure, stroke, brain power, constipation, hangovers, heartburn, morning sickness, mosquito bites, nerves, ulcers, seasonal affective disorder, tobacco addiction, stress, warts, protein deficiency, carbohydrate deficiency, low phosphorous levels, vitamin A needs, iron deficiency, and insufficient potassium.

4) Yay! Bananas, not just a slapstick prop.

5) Bananeros, “Banana Men,” – were Americans who tamed the Central American jungle and made it safe to grow bananas.

6) I still think drovers in the cattle drives of the Old West were more impressive. Herding cattle had to have been harder than herding bananas.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bajan Macaroni Pie From Barbados

Posted on June 4, 2013 by pauldelancey

Barbadian Entree

BAJAN MACARONI PIE

INGREDIENTSBajanMacaroni-

1 pound macaroni
2 onions
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon banana ketchup
1 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 cup milk
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese (1/4 cup more later)
2 tablespoons Bajan seasoning
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 tablespoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 egg
1/4 cup grated cheddar cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander
8″ casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil water in large pot on high heat. Put macaroni in pot. Boil macaroni for about 12 minutes or until tender Drain macaroni in colander.

While macaroni is boiling, dice onions. Put butter and onions in now empty pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Add banana ketchup, mayonnaise, milk, yellow mustard, 3/4 cup cheddar cheese, Bajan seasoning, paprika, parsley, pepper, and egg. Mix with hands. (Pretend you are throttling the people who make hated software upgrades.)

Put mixture in casserole dish. Sprinkle 1/4 cup grated cheddar cheese on top. Bake for 30 minutes or until top starts to turn brown.

TIDBITS

1) You should serve Burgundy alongside the macaroni you serve to your guests. Serving any other wine would be gauche.

2) When the ancient Egyptians entombed their dead they sometimes gave their departed ones cheese for their journey in the afterworld.

3) The first written recipe for mac and cheese comes from thirteenth-century Italy. It used fermented cheese. Hurray!

4) The box recipe for macaroni and cheese appeared in 1802. One year later, Napoleon crowned himself Emperor of France. He would plunge Europe into war after war for most of the next twelve years. Coincidence? Perhaps.

5) The phrase “Big Cheese” originally referred to people wealthy enough to purchase a whole wheel of cheese.

6) Kraft debuted its boxed mac and cheese in 1937. The Great Depression ends two years later.

7) In 1993, Crayola came out with the color, “macaroni and cheese.” We’ve had no global wars since then.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Chilean Pastel De Papas (Potato meat pie)

Posted on May 26, 2013 by pauldelancey

Chilean Entree

PASTEL DE PAPAS
(Potato Meat Pie)

INGREDIENTSPastelDePapas-

3 medium brown potatoes
2 small red potatoes
1 chicken breast
3 garlic cloves
1 large onion
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tomato
3 tablespoons tomato sauce
1 pound ground beef
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 tablespoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons shredded cheese (panquehue if you can find it. ☺)
2 eggs
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Dream of a vacation in a Greek villa overlooking the crystal blue Aegean Sea while you peel potatoes. Put all potatoes in pot. Boil on high heat for 20 minutes.

While potatoes are cooking, cut chicken into 1/2″ cubes and mince garlic, onion, and tomato. Put garlic, onion, and olive oil in frying pan or skillet. Sauté for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Stir frequently. Add tomato, tomato sauce, chicken, beef, cayenne, cumin, paprika, parsley, pepper, and salt. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat stirring occasionally.

Remove potatoes from pot after they have been boiled for 20 minutes. Put potatoes in large mixing bowl. Mash them, mash ‘em good. Add eggs, shredded cheese and Parmesan cheese. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Put meat mixture in casserole dish. Put mashed potatoes on top of meat mixture. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 30-to-35 minutes or until top starts to turn brown.

Put your feet up. Call in someone to do the dishes and have a nice, cooling drink until your wonderful culinary creation is ready. Esta bien.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses two kinds of cheese.

2) Supposedly in the late 1800s a tidal wave stranded the USS Arakwe on Chilean soil. Looters approached the heavily damaged gunboat. The sailors couldn’t reach their cannonballs, so they loaded the ship’s big guns with large cheese balls and drove off the ruffians. Unfortunately, this story seems to be a myth.

3) A similar story has Uruguay winning a naval battle with Brazil in the 1840s through the use of stale balls of cheese. The television show, Mythbusters, analyzed cheese cannonballs and concluded cheese-cannon balls could punch holes out of an 1840 sail.

4) In World War Two, a Japanese submarine surfaced adjacent to the USS O’Bannon. The American sailors riddled the submarine with their destroyer’s smaller guns. However, they couldn’t lower their ship’s heavy guns enough to sink the sub. The Japanese realized this and came out the top hatch to fire their rifles on the Americans.

Apparently, the American sailors didn’t carry enough small arms to silence the Japanese rifle and pistol fire, so they threw potatoes at their adversaries. The Japanese thinking the potatoes were actually grenades fled back into their submarine. The American destroyer rapidly sailed away to a distance where they could bring their ship’s heavy guns to bear upon the Japanese and sink their sub.

Some versions deny completely the involvement of food in this story. Oh heck.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tunisian Maacouda Bil Batata (potato omelette)

Posted on May 12, 2013 by pauldelancey

Tunisian Entree

MAACOUDA BIL BATATA
(Potato Omelette)

INGREDIENTSMaacouda-

1 pound potatoes
1 onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons olive oil
5 eggs
1 teaspoon harissa (See harissa recipe)
5 tablespoons cilantro
1/2 teaspoon coriander
6 tablespoons parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

casserole dish
no-stick spray

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Slice potatoes into fourths. Gently put potato bits in pot of boiling water. Boil for about 20 or until potatoes are tender. Drain water from pot. Mash potatoes with a potato masher or fork.

While potatoes are cooking, dice onion and garlic. Put onion, garlic, and olive oil in frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onions are tender. Remove from heat. While potato bits are still cooking, put eggs, harissa, cilantro, coriander, parsley and salt in mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk or fork..

Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Add eggs/spice mix , mashed potatoes, sautéed onions and garlic to casserole dish. Mix with whisk or fork.. Put casserole dish in oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown. (If chefs couldn’t use the phrase “golden brown” there wouldn’t be any cookbooks.)

TIDBITS

1) Cilantro seeds are called coriander. I never knew that. I took Economics in college and in graduate and not once did they say anything about this important bit of knowledge.

2) The ancient Egyptians believed their loved ones ate cilantro after they died.

3) Proper spicing is always important, even in the afterworld.

4) Cilantro solve all sorts of digestive problems. Enough said.

5) Oh dear, I’ve written myself into a corner.

6) Bye.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spinach Stew From Central Africa

Posted on May 10, 2013 by pauldelancey

Central African Entree

SPINACH STEW

INGREDIENTSSpinStw-

3 small tomatoes
1 1/2 pounds fresh spinach (not that horrible frozen type)
1 1/2 medium yellow onions
1 green bell pepper
2 chile peppers
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup water

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel tomatoes. Chop or dice spinach. Dice tomatoes, onions, bell pepper, and chile peppers. (For goodness sakes, wash your hands thoroughly before touching your face. If not, well it’s a mistake you’ll only make once.) Put tomatoes and onions in frying pan. Add vegetable oil. Sauté at medium-high heat until onion becomes tender.

Transfer sautéed onions and tomatoes to soup pot. Add bell pepper, chile pepper, spinach, cayenne pepper, coriander, salt, peanut butter, and water. Simmer on low heat for 15 minutes. Stir stew frequently enough to thoroughly blend in peanut butter and to prevent stew from burning.

Serve as is in bowl or atop a bed of rice.

TIDBITS

1) The Central African Republic is well named. The country is a republic and is in the center of Africa.

2) Greenland is not green, however. It’s rather icy. Which is great if you continually want a handy supply of ice for your Roy Rogers or Shirley Temples sodas, but not so good if you want to raise cattle, à la the television show, Rawhide.

3) It’s doubtful Roy Rogers or Shirley Temple visited Greenland. I’d like to visit but then again I’m not Shirley Temple or Roy Rogers.

4) The Vikings were the first Europeans to discover Greenland. Norse real estate agents named it that way to encourage new settlers to come there. The part about ocean view properties was indeed true, though.

5) And did you know that the vast percentage of the world’s landlocked countries, including the Central African Republic, do not have any McDonald’s?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Moroccan Spiced Lentils Recipe

Posted on May 9, 2013 by pauldelancey

Moroccan Soup

SPICED LENTILS

INGREDIENTSSpiceLe-

1 1/3 cups red lentils
2 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 tablespoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric

2 onions
1 tablespoon butter
2 small tomatoes

PREPARATION

Put lentils and broth in pot. Add cayenne, coriander, cumin, ginger, pepper, salt, and turmeric. Soak for 4 hours. Lentils should be split. (Hey, if you want some to leave slowly, you could say, “Make like a lentil and split.”)

While the lentils soak, go outside and pull weeds. When you come back, dice your onions and tomatoes. After your lentils have been sufficiently soaked (and how often does that phrase come up in normal conversation?) add onion and butter to pan. Sauté the onions on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until the onions are tender. (Love me tender, love me true.)

Put onions and tomatoes in pot. Bring soup to boil. Turn heat down to low and simmer for 30-to-60 minutes or until lentils are tender. Serve to adoring family or guests who are about to go Morocco mad.

TIDBITS

1) You know, if I had a time machine this tidbit would have already been written.

2) Or maybe I’d use my time machine to always go back to the moment all my clothes were clean. I’d never have to do laundry again.

3) I think I’d go back to the moment when that Viking, Haarald, was about to invent lutefisk and give him a crunchy-shell taco. The culinary world would have been better off.

4) Oh, and the rest of the too. Eating lutefisk was the main reason the Norsemen assaulted England and continental Europe for centuries. I mean who wouldn’t feel like killing and pillaging after eating lutefisk?

5) Fortunately, the Vikings eventually came into contact with Moroccans in Spain. While bad for the inhabitants who had to suffer through countless battles to-ing and fro-ing across their backyards, it was a positive boon to the rest of Europe.

6) For once the fierce Norsemen discovered the spices of Morocco, they could preserve their food. They didn’t have to soak their fish in lye, a poison, to preserve it. They could even make Berbere shish kabobs. This made them very happy.

7) And the raids of the Scandanavian beserkers ended. Well okay not right away, but they did tail off.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tanzanian Mango Cream Recipe

Posted on May 5, 2013 by pauldelancey

Tanzanian Dessert

MANGO CREAM

INGREDIENTSMangoCr-

2 mangoes
1 1/3 cup sugar
1 cup heavy cream

PREPARATION

Peel mangoes. Cut fleshy part of mango in blender. Puree mango in blender. Put sugar and heavy cream in mixing bowl. Whip cream with whisk or electric beater until sugar dissolves and cream thickens. Pour pureed mango into mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until all is uniformly blended.

TIDBITS

1) Mango is not a palindrome.

2) However, it is anagram for Ma Nog.

3) Ma Nog led the extended Nog family of Tanzania from 1869 to 1914 and in 1888 developed egg nog. It was fantastic! The whole world took notice! The whole world loved egg nog! They all wanted it! Everyone ended sentences with exclamation points!

3) The late 1800s was best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the age of spiced dessert drinks. It was the age of militaristic imperialism.

4) In 1885, Germany invaded Tanzanzia, then Tanganyika, to secure the supply of Ma Nog’s egg nog. France and Britain the other big colonial powers resented Germany rolly polly Ma Nog egg monopoly.

5) Relations festered for decades between Germany and the Franco-British egg-nog alliance. War War One erupted in 1914. Supposedly it was because the Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated but newly declassified documents prove decisively the Tanzania egg nog cause.

6) Millions died in World War One. This war spawned a sequel, World War Two. Millions died in that war as well.

7) But in 1961 Tanzania became independent. It’s peace loving government with the kind acquiesence of Ma Nog’s grandchildren posted her delicious egg nog recipe in all the prestigious culinary journals.

8) We haven’t had a global war since. Yay for Tanzania and egg nog.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Guyanese Garlic Pork Recipe

Posted on May 4, 2013 by pauldelancey

Guyanese Entree

GARLIC PORK

INGREDIENTSGarlicP-

2 pounds pork loin
2 garlic bulbs
1/2 onion
5 cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon Scotch bonnet sauce
1/2 tablespoon lime juice
2 1/2 cups white vinegar
2 cups water

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups rice

SPECIALTY ITEM

large jar with lid

PREPARATION

Cut pork into 1/2″ cubes. Mince garlic and onion. Put pork cubes, garlic, onion, cloves, salt, thyme, Scotch bonnet sauce, lime juice, vinegar, and water into large jar. Put lid on jar and marinate for 2-to-7 DAYS. This is no spur-of-the-moment recipe you can whip up to impress a future fiancee.

2-to-4 days later, add oil everything in jar to large skillet, pan, or Dutch oven and sauté on medium-high heat for about 7 minutes or until pork begins to brown. While pork mixture simmers, cook rice according to instructions on package.

TIDBITS

1) Garlic is a major ingredient in this recipe.

2) In 1986, French and Soviet spacemen quarreled over garlic. The French would not go into space without garlic. The Soviets complained about garlic’s bad smell and refused to allow it onto the space station. Did the world come close to war? I don’t know.

3) Garlic has been thought by many over the centuries to ward off vampires.

4) Perhaps the French though the Soviets were sending their vampires into space.

5) For decades, the Soviets sent their political undesirables into the gulags of Siberia.

6) Vampires are about as undesirable as people get and since space stations are farther from Moscow than Siberia, I understand the Soviets wanting to send their vampires into outer space.

7) And I totally understand the French government not wanting its astronauts to come back as vampires to infect the entire country because they were bitten by cosmonaut vampires.

8) I always have garlic in my home to ward off Russian vampire spacemen. Better safe than sorry, I always say.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Guyanese Mango Chutney Recipe

Posted on May 1, 2013 by pauldelancey

Guyanese Appetizer

MANGO CHUTNEY

INGREDIENTSMangoCh-

4 green mangoes
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon cilantro
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
3 cloves garlic
2 Scotch bonnet peppers or 4 serrano peppers
1 medium onion
1 teaspoon ginger
1 1/2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

PREPARATION

Peel, seed, and cut off fleshy part of mangoes. Seed peppers. Mince garlic, onion, and peppers.

(For goodness sake, wash your hands thoroughly after handing hot peppers especially the blazing hot Scotch bonnets. And NEVER touch your face or any sensitive parts of your body while handling these peppers. You’ll be ready to confess to anything until the pain goes away.)

Put everything in a blender and blend at the “liquefy” setting until the mixture is completely smooth. Put in refrigerator overnight.

Next day, boil the chutney mixture until it thickens. Chutney goes with almost anything Caribbean. It’s also popular in England.

TIDBITS

1) Guyana is made up of ten administrative regions; Region 1, Region 2, Region 3, Region 4, Region 5, Region 6, Region 7, Region 8, Region 9, and Region 10.

2) Whoa!

3) Julius Caesar started his famous work, De Bello Gallico, with “All Gaul is divided into three parts.”

4) His close friend Brutus later assassinated him. Latin students today hate Julius Caesar because they are forced to read about his Gallic adventures.

5) Perhaps that’s what the authors of all those terribly dry websites had in mind when describing the “fun” facts of Guyana. After all, no one wants to be assassinated by friends and hated by students for centuries.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hawaiian Pizza

Posted on April 28, 2013 by pauldelancey

Hawaiian Entree

HAWAIIAN PIZZA

INGREDIENTSHawaiPi-

no-stick spray
1 pizza crust
1 cup pineapple chunks
1/2 cup pineapple juice
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
1 cup pasta sauce
6 ounces deli-sliced ham
2 tablespoons Parmesan cheese

SPECIALTY ITEM

pizza pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray pizza pan to keep the pizza from sticking. (It’s not a good feeling to have your great looking, great smelling pizza fall apart because it sticks to pan when you try to serve it.) Put crust on pan. Mix pineapple juice, brown sugar, and pasta sauce until sugar dissolves. Spread mix evenly over crust.

Cut deli-sliced ham into 1″ squares. Place ham squares and pineapple chunks on crust. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top. Put pizza in oven and bake at 400 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until cheese or crust in golden brown. Now you have a Hawaiian pizza. Life is good.

TIDBITS

1) In 334 BC Alexander the Great, invaded the Persian Empire, changing culinary history forever.

2) In 327 BC, while conquering much of the known world, he discovered sugar cane.

3) Alexander the Great came so close to dying in battle in 334BC.

4) If he had died then, he wouldn’t have conquered the Persian Empire. If he hadn’t have conquered the Persians, he wouldn’t have been able to bring back sugar to the Mediterranean.

5) In 1493, Columbus introduced sugar to the New World.

6) Sugar was so prized by European nobility up until 1800 that many bloody wars were fought over islands with thriving sugar plantations. These plantations required vast numbers of slaves to work them.

7) So if Alexander had died at a young age in battle as Alexander the Mediocre, a lot of conflict and misery might have been avoid.

8) On the other hand, we’d have no doughnuts, no cakes, and no brownies. And no pizza too; the yeast in the pizza requires sugar to rise.

9) So, Alex’s wars of conquest resulted in some good as well. Life’s life that.

10) 2001, sugar is found in outer space. Yay!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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