Posts Tagged With: stress

You Need to Get a Comfort Crocodile

Let’s face it, life can be stressful. Stress dramatically lowers the quality of your life. Indeed, stress can shorten your life. You need more comfort in your life. Add comfort by going out for a nice meal, taking a relaxing bath, or lying down on the sofa and watching television. This increases your increase your Net Comfort Index which equals comfort minus stress.

As you probably guessed you can up your NCI by getting rid of your stresses. What stresses you out? Mean inconsiderate people. How do get rid of them?

I’m glad you asked. May I recommend getting a comfort animal that rids your world of stress-making people? What comfort pet does that?

The comfort crocodile. Simply unleash your hungry* crocodile, I call mine Alfie, at the hateful human/meal. Your crocodile with its long, sharp, pointy meal will make short work of the offending oaf. You will have one stress-making person in your life and the croc will have had a nice meal. It’s a win-win situation. Also, your  dining croc will leave no stray body bits behind for your municipality to clean up. There’s really no downside to all this.

Comfort crocs run at 20 miles per hour. This means they’re road legal on all roads without posted minimum speed limits or where your 20 mph croc would seriously impede the flow of traffic. But with the average speed of 8 mph in congested urban centers, that’ll never happen. And no driver will even try to face down your croc car. Crocodile pets keep getting better. Other uses for a croc pet come to mind: negotiating a raise with your boss, settling lawsuits, and getting to the head of the line.

You need more net comfort. You need a comfort crocodile. You need one now.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

P.S. Don’t let you crocodile get too hungry; it might eat you before you even get out the door. Crocodiles like to dine on: snakes, fish, deer, baby elephants, cows, gazelles, wild boars, and buffaloes. So make sure stock your fridge and pantry with them.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized, you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken Stew From Zimbabwe

Zimbabwean Entree

CHICKEN STEW

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds boneless chicken breasts or thighs
½ green chile
1 carrot
1 garlic clove
1 onion
1 tomato
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon basil
2 teaspoons parsley
½ teaspoon thyme
2½ cups chicken stock

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 3 pieces each and thighs into 2 pieces. Seed green chile. Dice green chile, carrot, garlic, onion, and tomato.

Rub chicken pieces with pepper and salt. Add chicken and olive oil to pot. Sauté at medium heat for 10 minutes or until chicken pieces are no longer pink on the outside. Stir occasionally. Remove chicken. Add green chile, carrot, garlic, and onion to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently.

Add basil, parsley, thyme, tomato, and chicken stock. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir occasionally. Add chicken pieces. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until chicken is tender. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for ½ green chile. Stores don’t sell a half of a green chile. Not even if you ask nicely. But then you’ll have an extra half green chile that you don’t need and won’t need. So you throw it away.

2) But all our lives, religious leaders, civic leaders, teachers, and parents have all instructed us with, “Waste not, want not.” Yet here we are, wasting a half chile. This sort of conflict stresses us. It drives our slowly mad, unless we buy a carton of ice cream. Ice cream reduces stress. And, of course, we always eat the entire carton. So we never waste a single bit of cream. Now we are, “Wasting not, wanting not.” We can once again feel good about ourselves and be at peace with the world. There you go.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Banana Chutney From Zaire

Zairean Appetizer

BANANA CHUTNEY

INGREDIENTSBananChut-

6 ripe bananas
1 medium stick or 4 teaspoons cinnamon
5 tablespoons lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon zest
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

PREPARATION

Peel and mash bananas with fork. Grind cinnamon with spice grinder. Combine all ingredients in sauce pan. Cook for 10-to-15 minutes using low-medium heat until it reaches your desired level of consistency. Stir frequently.

Let cool. Put in jar and refrigerate. This will keep there for about 2 weeks.

TIDBITS

1) I searched for “fun facts about Zaire” on the internet. Learn-French-Help.com’s first Zairean fun fact is, “Formerly Zaire, the Democratic Republic of the Congo has since 1997 been torn by civil strife, internal turmoil and ethnic and intertribal war, ignited off by a large influx of refugees 1994 fleeing the bloodshed in Rwanda and Burundi.”

2) Whew! Too much fun for me.

3) While Zaire has been in turmoil, the humble banana has quietly been making the world a better place. The banana helps with: low energy levels, depression, PMS, anemia, blood pressure, stroke, brain power, constipation, hangovers, heartburn, morning sickness, mosquito bites, nerves, ulcers, seasonal affective disorder, tobacco addiction, stress, warts, protein deficiency, carbohydrate deficiency, low phosphorous levels, vitamin A needs, iron deficiency, and insufficient potassium.

4) Yay! Bananas, not just a slapstick prop.

5) Bananeros, “Banana Men,” – were Americans who tamed the Central American jungle and made it safe to grow bananas.

6) I still think drovers in the cattle drives of the Old West were more impressive. Herding cattle had to have been harder than herding bananas.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

From The Bacon-And-Chocolate Manifesto

‎”Sometimes the lessening of stress upon one’s life by eating something bad overpowers the ill effects of eating the bad food.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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