Posts Tagged With: De Lancey

Pasta Salad

Posted on September 12, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

PASTA SALAD

INGREDIENTS

6 ounces tri-colored Rotelle pasta
1/2 head iceberg lettuce
1 green bell pepper
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup mayonnaise

PREPARATION

Cook pasta according to instructions, or boil pasta for about 7 minutes. Shred lettuce. Dice bell pepper. Do not drain diced tomatoes. Drain pasta. Let it cool. Add all ingredients to large salad bowl. Mix ingredients.

(Almost as simple as cooking a Pop TartTM but with the virtuous feeling that can only come from eating fruits and vegetables.)

TIDBITS

1) Apparently a Roman general saw a goat eating lettuce. He said, “Like lips, like lettuce” and burst out laughing for the only time in his life.

2) My Roman History professor in college laughed for the only time over this one as well.

3 My friend and I tried to get a t-shirt made for the professor, with the apparently hilarious joke written in Latin.

4) But it cost too much money, so he didn’t get the shirt.

5) I had a superstition about tests.

6) If I studied enough, I would get an “A.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: cookbook, De Lancey, entree, fruit, goat, history, iceberg, Italian, Latin, lettuce, Parmesan, pasta, Pop Tart, recipes, Roman, rotelle, salad, tomatoes, vegetables | Leave a comment

Sugar Cookies

Posted on September 11, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

SUGAR COOKIES

INGREDIENTS

3 cups flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
½ cup white chocolate flavored cocoa, or an extra ½ cup sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Makes 55 cookies. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

cookie gun (optional, it’s faster without it)
cookie sheet

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Preparation is easier if the butter is already soft. You can accomplish this by simply taking the butter out of the refrigerator an hour before you’re ready to start. (Or you can pretend you’re Rocky Balboa getting ready for a big fight and batter those butter sticks into submission with your fists of steel.)

Use whisk to blend flour, baking powder, and baking soda in a large mixing bowl. Set aside. Place butter, sugar, flavored cocoa, egg, and vanilla extract in another mixing bowl. Mix with hands or electric beater set on “cookies.” Gradually add in the blended flour mixture. Again, blend thoroughly. If you have a cookie gun or cookie press to make shapes, great. If not, roll dough into little balls 1″ wide. (Keep dough covered until ready to use in a batch.)Place dough onto ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let stand on cookie sheet for 2 minutes and then cool on wire racks for faster cooling. If you don’t own a wire rack, either let the cookies cool for a long time on the hot sheet or transfer them with a spatula to a cold plate. And who says you have to wait until the cookies are completely cold to eat them? Just as long as the cookies aren’t hot enough to burn your fingers or your tongue.

TIDBITS

1) Don’t try to go through airport security with a cookie gun. I just have a bad feeling about it. Does airport security like doughnuts as much as local police?

2) Britain invaded Afghanistan in the 19th century. Russia invaded it in 1980. Both countries got kicked out. Neither nation’s army carried chocolate doughnuts. However, America there in 2002 with 100,000 soldiers armed to the teeth with chocolate doughnuts. We’re still in Afghanistan.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, international, recipes | Tags: Afghanistan, airport security, apocalyptic, Britain, butter, cocoa.vanilla, Comic Chef, cookbook, cookies, De Lancey, dessert, doughnuts, laureates, Lutheran, Nobel, recipes, Rocky Balboa, Russia, soda, sugar, thriller, United States, vanilla extract | Leave a comment

Swedish Pizza Salad

Posted on September 10, 2012 by pauldelancey

Swedish Entree

SWEDISH PIZZA SALAD

INGREDIENTS

1/2 cabbage
1 shallot
1 red bell pepper
1 medium carrot

1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon allspice

PREPARATION

Shred cabbage. Dice shallot, red bell pepper, and carrot. Mix together in big bowl.

Combine olive oil, vinegar, water, salt, pepper, and allspice in a sauce pan. Stir occasionally as you bring it to a boil. Pour it immediately into bowl with cabbage and fixings.

Eat right away or allow a few hours in the refrigerator for the salad to cool and marinate and to, of course, engage in arm wrestling with your athletic guests.)

Wow! This is so simple. It’s tasty. So exotic. Well, as exotic as Sweden gets.

TIDBITS

1) Sweden was home to the Vikings who raided, killed, and pillaged all over Europe from the 9th to the 13th centuries.

2) Now Sweden mainly terrorizes the world with the weird toppings on its pizzas.

3)Perhaps Sweden’s rampaging Vikings would have been content to stay at home if they had eaten this dish instead of lutefisk.

4) Lutefisk is the worst mass-produced food in the world.

5) Lutefisk is cod soaked in lye. Yes lye, the poisonous substance. While minimally tolerable in its brick-like state, lutefisk becomes truly vile when boiled.

6) Lutefisk tastes horrible, has a glue-like texture, and looks like … well, I won’t tell you. I’m grateful that it doesn’t assault the sense of hearing.

7) Kin and loved ones gave the Vikings lutefisk whenever they left for foreign lands to go raiding. They knew more lutefisk would be waiting for them when they returned. So, they often settled in foreign lands, like the Normans who sensibly preferred Coq au Vin and pastries.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: allspice, cabbage, carrot, cookbook, coq au vin, De Lancey, Europe, lutefisk, marinate.lye, Normans, pepper, pizza, recipes, salad, shallot, Sweden, Swedish, Vikings, vinegar | Leave a comment

Pasta With Spicy Peanut Sauce

Posted on September 9, 2012 by pauldelancey

Thai Entree

PASTA WITH SPICY PEANUT SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

1 pound pasta, not multicolored
1/3 cup rice wine vinegar
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup water
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons peanut oil
5 tablespoons sesame oil
1/4 tablespoon TabascoTM sauce
7 tablespoons smooth peanut butter

2 tablespoons butter
2 cups Asian vegetables: carrots, bell peppers, watercress, snow peas, etc. Try to get more than one color.

PREPARATION

Prepare pasta according to instructions on package or boil pasta for about 7 minutes

Note: put a thin coating of vegetable oil or some other plain-tasting oil on your measuring spoon before measuring something sticky like peanut butter or honey. This will make getting the peanut butter off the measuring spoon easier. (If you try to remove the p.b. by flinging it off the spoon it will go everywhere. And peanut butter can be so hard to remove from a stucco ceiling.)

Put vinegar, soy sauce, water, ginger, sugar, peanut oil, sesame oil, TabascoTM sauce, and peanut butter in blender. Blend using “liquefy” setting.

Cook pasta according to directions on box or bag. Spoon out pasta with pasta spoon–-curved with holes in it.

Dice or mince Asian veggies. Try to have multiple colors. Don’t puree them or you might end with an unappetizing yellow plop. Put butter, minced garlic, and Asian veggies in sauce pan. Saute for about 6 minutes on medium high heat. Stir frequently.

Top pasta with sauce and Asian vegetables. Yum.

TIDBITS

1) Years ago, my wife and I went to a future mom’s party. We brought this dish. Other parents-to-be arrived with fancy dishes or meals picked up at stores. No one touched our dish for a while. It was plain with a bit of diced bell peppers.

Later though, an especially astute man, in my opinion, tried our dish. He loved it and walked around telling everyone that it was great and must be tried. Well, this dish was the first one to be completely eaten. Bliss.

2) It wasn’t eaten at first because it looked boring and that I had used marginally more effort than pouring CheeriosTM into a bowl. Use more than one color with your Asian vegetables.

3) Ice cream was invented by the Chinese. Marco Polo brought this recipe back to Europe. The ice cream was entirely eaten before he got back to Venice.

4) Frozen vegetables are usually frozen right after picking and so might have had less time to lose their nutrients than fresh ones.

5) The Romans thought raw peas were poisonous and dried them before eating.

6) The 17th century French restored the pea to culinary favor.

7) This recipe can be dish intensive. Don’t try it if your dishwasher isn’t working. Just saying.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: Asian, butter, Cheerios, Chinese, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, French, Marco Polo, pasta, peanut, recipes, Romans, sauce, soy sauce, spicy, Tabasco, Thai, Venice, wine | Leave a comment

Powegian Tomato-Breakfast Soup

Posted on September 7, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Soup

POWEGIAN TOMATO BREAKFAST SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1/2 white onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 8 ounce package pork links
2 10.75 ounce cans condensed tomato soup
2 10.75 ounce cans filled with water
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 4 ounce can diced green chiles
4 eggs
1 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1 cup grated four Mexican cheeses

PREPARATION

Dice onion and garlic cloves. Break pork links into pieces about 1/2-inch long. Melt butter in no-stick or saute pan. Put olive oil, onion, garlic, and pork links into saute pan. Cook for 5 to 10 minutes on medium-high heat or until links are no longer pink and onion starts to brown. Stir frequently.

In the meantime, add condensed tomato soup, the same amount of water, diced tomato, green chiles, eggs, and vegetable spice to a soup pot. Cook on medium-high heat for about 5 to 10 minutes. Stir frequently. (Stir clockwise. Stir counterclockwise. Stir clockwise. Stir counterclockwise. Take up martial arts. Become the next Karate Kid.) Lower temperature to medium. Transfer contents from saute pan and grated cheese to soup pot. Stir occasionally for about 3 minutes.

If you really like this soup, or any other dish in this cookbook, you are only obligated to give each guest one serving. You, the chef, are the only one who knows there is more tasty food still on the stove. Hee hee. Of course, if you are cooking this delight to pave the way to a marriage proposal, you really should consider giving your life long partner-to-be an extra helping.

TIDBITS

1) As far as I know, there have been five versions of the movie, The Karate Kid.

2) The actor, Ralph Macchio, who played the Kid, was 27 years old in the third movie.

3) The Kid was a girl in the fourth movie.

4) The Kid switched back to being a boy in the fifth movie, which took place in China.

5) You cannot just join the Communist Party in China. You have to be invited. Just like to the Masters golf tournament in Augusta, Georgia.

6) I played my only 18-hole golf game the day after a rain storm. The golf balls didn’t roll at all. As soon as they landed after a long drive, they stopped.

7) No fair. If the weather had been fine, I probably could have shaved 75 strokes off my score of 225.

8) Why is it impossible to find a pen in your home?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: American, Augusta, breakfast, China, communist, cookbook, De Lancey, eggs, garlic, Georgia, golf, green chiles, Karate Kid, magic, Mexican, pork, recipes, tomato | Leave a comment

Castro Burger

Posted on September 5, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cuban Entree

CASTRO BURGER

INGREDIENTS

1 pound ground pork
1/2 pound ground beef
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground mustard
1 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 14.5 ounce cans diced tomatoes
6 Swiss cheese slices
Dill Sandwich StackersTM Pickles
yellow mustard
6 French rolls (Use Cuban bread if you can find it.)
No mayonnaise (This is a Cuban no no.)
PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic cloves. Mix pork, beef, onion, garlic, cumin, mustard, oregano, pepper, and salt by hand. Form six patties. Fry patties in pan until golden brown.

Add diced tomatoes and juice. Cook until tomatoes and juice are hot. Toast rolls. Put patty on roll, followed by a scooping of diced tomatoes, a few pickles, and a slice of Swiss Cheese. Spread mustard on the top half of the roll and put on top of the patty and fixings. Andale.

TIDBITS

1) Some decades ago, Fidel Castro decided communist Cuba could do as well as McDonald’sTM. To back up this bold assertion, they announced the construction of roadside stands selling burgers and orange drinks. The meat in the burgers was guaranteed to contain at least 60% pork. They didn’t identify the meat comprising the other 40%.

2) This dish is in homage to Fidel Castro. Thanks Fidel, without you this dish would never have been created.

3) Fidel Castro was a good baseball player in his youth and probably would made it at least to minor leagues if he hadn’t decided to throw it all away to make a revolution.

4) Lenin caused the Russian Revolution which caused millions of people to die. His successor Stalin is responsible for tens of millions more.

5) Neither Lenin nor Stalin showed any aptitude for baseball. Coincidence, perhaps?

6) One of the first professional baseball teams in Russia played next to a missile base.

7) During the 1990s, Moscow’s utility company shut down all electricity to Russia’s command center for its nuclear strike force. Until Russia paid its electric bill, it’s nuclear missiles were useless.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: baseball, beef, burger, Castro, cookbook, Cuban, De Lancey, entree, French, Lenin, McDonald's, Moscow, pickles, pork, recipes, Russian Revolution, Stalin, Swiss | Leave a comment

Super Burritos

Posted on September 4, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

SUPER BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons cumin
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup salsa
2 cans kidney beans, drained of water
1 1/2 cups grated four Mexican cheeses
10 large flour tortillas

PREPARATION OF THE BURRITO’S INNARDS

Mince the onion. Mix it and the cumin into the ground meat by hand. Cook the meat until browned. Note, browned turkey meat is whiter than browned beef.

(You can substitute other meat for turkey. You can even use ground up vegetarian chicken. I don’t recall what went into this meat substitute, but it did taste vaguely like chicken and turned out well in this recipe.)

Add the mayonnaise and mix. (Why are there two “n”s in “mayonnaise?”) Stir in the salsa. It is essential to taste now. If your taste buds tell you it needs more spice, add more cumin or salsa. If you want your creation to be smoother, add more mayonnaise. If your mixture isn’t thick enough, you can lose liquid to evaporation by letting the mix simmer longer. Or as I prefer, use any liquidy mix as a sauce or a fantastic soup.

Remember to constantly stir, especially after adding the cheese. It takes forever to scrub off burnt cheese from the bottom of the pan.

Add kidney beans and cheese. Cook at medium heat until all the beans are hot enough and the cheese melted.

ASSEMBLING THE BURRITO

The tortilla should be big. A big tortilla is much more likely to hang together during rolling than a small one, especially given most people’s tendency to put too much meat mix onto the burrito. Size matters.

The tortilla must be pliable or easy to fold. Tortillas that have been sitting in the refrigerator for a while get brittle. Microwave them in the microwave for about ten seconds or so, until they become soft.

Never, but never, make burritos with corn tortillas. They will break apart. The burrito’s innards will ooze out the sides. You’ll panic and try to keep everything together with toothpicks. Maybe these burritos will hold together until served. (However, they will surely fall apart when the millionaire parents of your fiancé pick them up. A bad first impression of you? You bet. So, use flour tortillas, okay?)

Anyway, scoop about two tablespoons burrito mix onto the center bottom of the burrito. Fold the bottom over the mix. Fold the sides in until they almost touch. Roll the bottom of the tortilla over and over until your burrito is formed.

It takes some practice to do this right. It is easier than it might seem to burst the tortilla with too much mix or have the mix escape out the sides. But you will get it right after one or two tries.

Your family will smile beatifically at you. Your kids, who have been grunting monosyllabic words at you for months, will favor you with, “Awesome food” and “Parental figure, may I enjoy an additional helping?.” Cooking doesn’t get much better than this.

TIDBITS

1) “Burrito” is Spanish for “little burro.” Why Spanish-speaking people think a burrito looks like a little donkey is beyond me.

2) Not many people believe Marco Polo brought back burritos from China in the 1200s.

3) Probably because it is not true.

4) Many do believe, however, the burrito was first made by Juan Mendez during the Mexican Revolution.

5) So, revolutions have their upsides.

6) Bad for the part of my family that lost its ranch in the Mexican revolution.

7) But Mexico also gave us the crispy corn taco with shredded beef. How can I not forgive and forget?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: burritos, cookbook, cumin, De Lancey, entree, Juan Mendez, kidney beans, Marco Polo, Mexican, Mexican Revolution, Mexico, onion, recipes, salsa, tortillas, turkey | Leave a comment

Honey-Mustard Sauce

Posted on August 31, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

HONEY-MUSTARD SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

1/3 cup yellow mustard
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon coriander
1/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon ground mustard

PREPARATION

Use whisk to mix all the above ingredients in a small bowl. This is so easy and so tasty. Try it!

TIDBITS

1) Mustard was found in the pyramids of Ancient Egypt. Apparently, properly spiced food was just as important in the afterworld as it was in the land of the living.

2) There are 250,000 seeds in a pound of mustard. If you were to count one seed a minute, it would take you almost three days.

3) May I recommend that you a 1/4-teaspoon spoon instead?

4) Canada produces ninety percent of the world’s supply of mustard seeds. Go, Canada!

5) People in the 19th century put packs of mixed hot mustard with a lot of flour on their chests to relieve congestion. They passed this remedy on to succeeding generations.

6) People who used only plain hot mustard on chests were in too much pain to make succeeding generations.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: American, appetizer, Canada, congestion, cookbook, De Lancey, Egypt, honey, honey-mustard, lemon juice, mustard, sauce | Leave a comment

Turkey Stroganoff

Posted on August 30, 2012 by pauldelancey

Russian Entree

TURKEY STROGANOFF

INGREDIENTS

12 ounce bag egg noodles
water
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
2 teaspoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons flour
1 cup chicken broth
4 tablespoons sour cream

PREPARATION

Start cooking egg noodles according to instructions or slowly add egg noodles to large pot of boiling water. Keep noodles in boiling water for 5 to 7 minutes. Drain water from noodles with colander.

Mince garlic clove. (Do a small victory dance to celebrate another victory of Man Versus Garlic.) Dice onion (If you look carefully through your tearing eyes, you might see the onion bits move slightly. This is indeed the onion’s victory dance and you should be honored if you get to see it.)

Meanwhile, back at the mixing bowl, combine turkey, garlic, coriander, salt, pepper, onion, and paprika. Cook until there is no pink turkey meat.

Melt butter in frying pan using medium heat. Add olive oil and flour. Stir constantly until mixture thickens. Add turkey/spice mix. Add in sour cream and broth. Cook on medium-high heat until the entire mixture is hot.

This is a simple dish with easy steps, yet enough spices to make your guests drool. Life is good.

TIDBITS

1) Butter is made by agitating fresh cream.

2) Fresh cream, being an inanimate object, is usually cool by nature and difficult to agitate.

3) So you’ll have to call your fresh cream all sorts of nasty things to agitate it enough to make it become butter.

4) Things like “Your momma dates Sweet N LoTM” and “Butter begins with ‘butt’.”

5) Butter is largely a colloid of milk and water.

6) What’s a colloid?

7) Butter comes in two varieties, salted and unsalted, just like nuclear power.

8) Although, unsalted nuclear power does seem to predominate.

9) But you could sprinkle salt on an enriched uranium rod if you so wanted.

10) Please put on a radioactive-proof suit before trying the previous tidbit.

11) During the Middle Ages, witches were able to transform themselves into insects to steal butter.

12) Witches don’t like margarine or spreads.

13) This is why you don’t find many witches anymore.

14) So, if you see a witch on Halloween, please give her a stick of butter. Life’s been hard for her.

15) And maybe the witch will be so grateful for your kindness, she’ll give you a spell to use on your boss.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: butter, cookbook, cookbook.turkey, coriander, De Lancey, entree, garlic, Halloween, paprika, recipes, Russia, Russian, stroganoff, turkey, witches | Leave a comment

Chicken Noodle Soup

Posted on August 29, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Soup

CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP

INGREDIENTS

1 1/4 pounds chicken breasts
4 ounces carrots
3 celery stalks
1 medium yellow onion
4 garlic cloves
9 cups chicken broth, a bit more than 2 quarts
1/2 teaspoon basil
2 bay leaves
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoon thyme
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoon olive oil
12 ounces egg noodles

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2-inch cubes. Dice carrots. Devein, or remove long, silky strings from outside of celery stalks by breaking stalk in half and pulling apart. Dice celery and onion. Mince garlic cloves. (Whole garlic cloves rarely fare well in recipes.)

Pour chicken broth into large soup pan. Add chicken cubes, basil, bay leaves, pepper, poultry spice, coriander, oregano, tarragon, and thyme. Cook at medium high for 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, back at the saucepan, melt butter at medium heat. Don’t turn your back at this step; butter melts fast. Add olive oil and the diced, minced, and otherwise dazed and defeated veggies mentioned above. Cook and stir at medium heat for 5 to 7 minutes or until vegetables are soft.

Add these sauteed vegetables to the soup pan. Keep cooking the soup at medium-high heat for another 5 to 7 minutes. Add noodles to soup and cook according to instructions on noodles’ package or for about 8 minutes more.

Chicken-noodle soup is good for your health, goes well with biscuits and has been an American favorite for years; even before the Cubs’ last World Series win.

TIDBITS

1) Oregano looks a lot like marijuana, but it cannot get you high or cure glaucoma.

2) As of yet, there are no medical-oregano stores, not even in the most progressive states.

3) Another food that both starts and ends with an “o” is the mighty OreoTM cookie. Most nutritionists hold that this delicacy is not the healthiest of foods.

4) The OreoTM is, however, one of the tastiest morsels on this Earth.

5) As long as you don’t spice it with oregano.

6) Or even garlic.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: American, carrots, chicken, cookbook, Cubs, De Lancey, glaucoma, marijuana, medical, noodle, recipe, recipes, soup | Leave a comment

Posts Tagged With: De Lancey

Pasta Salad

PASTA SALAD

Sugar Cookies

SUGAR COOKIES