Posts Tagged With: witches

Kjottkaker, Norwegian Meatballs

Norwegian Entree

KJOTTKAKER

INGREDIENTSKjottkaker-

1 small onion
4 slices bread
¾ cup milk
1 pound ground beef
¼ lard or lard or suet
¼ teaspoon ginger
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cup beef stock
2 tablespoons whole wheat flour

SPECIAL UTENSIL

non-stick skillet
shotgun (To scare away Norwegian witches and evil spirits.)

PREPARATION

Mince onion. Add bread and milk to mixing bowl. Let sit for 15 minutes or until all the milk is absorbed. Add onion, ground beef, lard, ginger, nutmeg, pepper, and salt. Mix with hands. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Make 1″ meatballs with hands. Add vegetable oil and meatballs to non-stick skillet. Fry meatballs using medium heat for 5 minutes or until meatballs brown. Gently turn over meatballs at least once to ensure even browning. Remove meatballs and drain on paper towels. Keep beef drippings in skillet.

Add beef stock and flour to skillet. Cook using medium heat for 4 minutes or until sauce starts to boil and thicken. Stir constantly. Add meatballs. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 15 minutes. Stir occasionally. This dish goes well with mashed potatoes or lingonberries.

TIDBITS

1) On Christmas Eve, Norwegian witches and evil spirits like to fly around on broomsticks and cause mischief. Don’t enable this sort of behavior; hide your broomsticks. Make the witches and evil spirits walk. Maybe if they did some sort of aerobic exercise, they would feel better about themselves. For we all know, when night baddies have better self esteem, they might perform fewer pranks. Some of these happy witches and spirits could even become politicians, the first step on the path to respectability. However, should a nasty night thingy find your broomstick, scare it away with a shotgun. Shotguns, they’re not just for weddings anymore.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Turkey Stroganoff

Russian Entree

TURKEY STROGANOFF

INGREDIENTS

12 ounce bag egg noodles
water
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
2 teaspoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 1/2 tablespoons flour
1 cup chicken broth
4 tablespoons sour cream

PREPARATION

Start cooking egg noodles according to instructions or slowly add egg noodles to large pot of boiling water. Keep noodles in boiling water for 5 to 7 minutes. Drain water from noodles with colander.

Mince garlic clove. (Do a small victory dance to celebrate another victory of Man Versus Garlic.) Dice onion (If you look carefully through your tearing eyes, you might see the onion bits move slightly. This is indeed the onion’s victory dance and you should be honored if you get to see it.)

Meanwhile, back at the mixing bowl, combine turkey, garlic, coriander, salt, pepper, onion, and paprika. Cook until there is no pink turkey meat.

Melt butter in frying pan using medium heat. Add olive oil and flour. Stir constantly until mixture thickens. Add turkey/spice mix. Add in sour cream and broth. Cook on medium-high heat until the entire mixture is hot.

This is a simple dish with easy steps, yet enough spices to make your guests drool. Life is good.

TIDBITS

1) Butter is made by agitating fresh cream.

2) Fresh cream, being an inanimate object, is usually cool by nature and difficult to agitate.

3) So you’ll have to call your fresh cream all sorts of nasty things to agitate it enough to make it become butter.

4) Things like “Your momma dates Sweet N LoTM” and “Butter begins with ‘butt’.”

5) Butter is largely a colloid of milk and water.

6) What’s a colloid?

7) Butter comes in two varieties, salted and unsalted, just like nuclear power.

8) Although, unsalted nuclear power does seem to predominate.

9) But you could sprinkle salt on an enriched uranium rod if you so wanted.

10) Please put on a radioactive-proof suit before trying the previous tidbit.

11) During the Middle Ages, witches were able to transform themselves into insects to steal butter.

12) Witches don’t like margarine or spreads.

13) This is why you don’t find many witches anymore.

14) So, if you see a witch on Halloween, please give her a stick of butter. Life’s been hard for her.

15) And maybe the witch will be so grateful for your kindness, she’ll give you a spell to use on your boss.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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