Posts Tagged With: Lutheran

Laughing Horse Thinks You’re Funny

And wonderful. Neigh

Hee! Hee!

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Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pizza Crust 2

Italian Entree

PIZZA CRUST

INGREDIENTS

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup water
2½ tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ teaspoon sugar
¾ teaspoon salt
2½ teaspoons active dry yeast
no-stick cooking spray

UTENSILS

bread maker
16-inch pizza pan

PREPARATION

Measure out the flour and set aside. Pour the water into the bread maker. If you measure the water before the flour, the flour will stick to the sides of the measuring cup. Not the end of the world, of course, but a minor disruption in The Force, nevertheless.

Add flour, water, oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise. (“Ask not what your yeast can do for you. Ask what you can do for your yeast.”)

Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait the required time, probably a bit more than an hour. In the meantime preheat the oven to 400 degrees and liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan. Use this time to chop up any ingredients you’d like to add as toppings.

Take the dough out of the bread maker and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not possess a rolling pin, any food can will do as long as it is at least 6 inches tall. It is best to spray the can or coat it with a thin layer of flour before spreading the dough.

After rolling, let the dough sit and rise for 30-to-60 minutes.

Add toppings as desired to the top of the dough. Place in the oven. Bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes. Ovens vary wildly in cooking times, so be sure to check after about 15 minutes and every few minutes after that. The cheese on top, a most likely ingredient for pizza, will go from golden brown to burnt in a few minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Egyptians used yeast more than 5,000 years ago.

2) Yeast is a tiny microorganism. My apologies to anyone named Yeast.

3) There are three types of yeast: baker’s, brewer’s, and nutritional.

4) The bread slicer was invented in 1912.

5) It’s getting quite difficult to buy bread that doesn’t have the evil high fructose corn syrup as an ingredient.

6) During General Grant’s siege of Vicksburg, Mississippi in 1863, the city’s supplies got so low that bread was made out of peas. It got moldy quickly and was universally considered to be gross.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means – Traffic Signs

This photo was taken on the spot by me, your source for fast-breaking news.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I Do Not Think It Means | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: I Do Not Think It Means | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

You Need to See a Kitten Scaring Flowers

Kitty tries to intimidate flowers. Will the flowers back down?

You Need to See, #28

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Peruvian Hamburger

Peruvian Entree

PERUVIAN HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTS – AJI AMARILLO SAUCE

1 tablespoon butter
2 stalks green onion
1 tablespoon aji amarillo pepper
1 tablespoon peanut oil (1 tablespoon more in PATTY)
½ cup mayonnaise
¼ cup sour cream
1 tablespoon ketchup
1 tablespoon lime juice
¼ teaspoon sea salt
¼ teaspoon black pepper
¼ teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice

INGREDIENTS – PATTY

3 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons yellow onion
1 aji panca pepper
1 tablespoon peanut oil
1 tablespoon butter
2 teaspoons parsley flakes
1½ pounds ground beef

6 lettuce leaves
6 hamburger buns

PREPARATION OF AJI AMARILLO SAUCE

Dice green onion. Melt butter in medium saucepan. Add green onion, aji amarillo pepper, and peanut oil. Sauté at medium-high heat for about 2 minutes or until all ingredients are well blended. Stir constantly.

Put above sautéed mixture in mixing bowl. Add mayonnaise, sour cream, ketchup, lime juice, sea salt, black pepper, and meat spice. Whisk together.

PREPARATION OF PATTY

Mince garlic cloves, yellow onion, and aji panca pepper. (Keep your aji panca pepper in TupperwareTM. Moths love aji peppers. Who knew they were such gourmands?) Melt butter in pan. Add garlic, yellow onion, aji panca pepper, and peanut oil. Sauté at medium-high for 2 to 3 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Stir constantly.

Combine above sautéed aji-panca-pepper mixture in mixing bowl with ground beef, and parsley flakes. Makes 6 patties.

Fry the patties until no pink color remains. Toast 6 buns. Coat the buns with the aji amarillo sauce. Add a lettuce leaf and patty and assemble the hamburger.

This is great. It is also spicy. Beverages such as milk go well with spicy foods. The milk coats the pain receptors in your mouth.

(This is important information if, for example, you’re in a restaurant in St. Louis with friends of yours from the Department of Economics from the University of Wisconsin and you’re dared to eat a truly spicy pepper.)

TIDBITS

1) Peru has a hamburger chain called Bembos.

2) If I ever get to Peru, I’m going to eat there. After that, I’m going to visit the ancient Incan ruins at Machu Picchu. Did you know there’s a McDonald’s there?

3) Pizarro and his Spanish conquistadors conquered the Incans of Peru in the 1520s.

4) Ancient Peru gave Europe and America the potato. Western Civilization gave Peru the hamburger.

5) Together these two great foods make up that wondrous meal burger and fries.

6) Without Peru and the Incans we could never say, “Would you like fries with that?”

7) So in a way, the Spanish arrival in Peru was a good thing.

8) At least on a culinary level.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book – Four Key Phrases

“Help, I’m going to Spain. I know I know no Spanish. What are the most import things I need to say?

Vlad the Impaler

 

Dear Vlad,

I can help you. Simply buy my handy Paul’s Awesome Spanish Phrase Book. However, if you’re landing in 20 minutes, may I suggest you commit to memory the following four phrases.

Yours truly,

Paul R. De Lancey, Ph. D.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Angry Mans Rants About Cell Phones At Restaurants

The struggle is real.

Angry Man #19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me end this post on a positive note. I love you all.

Thank you for reading my blogs for the last two years. Thank you. Thank you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Angry Man | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pepper Jack Meatloaf

American Entree

PEPPER JACK MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

1 small white onion
1 small red onion
3 garlic cloves
1½ tablespoons olive oil
1½ pounds ground beef
3 large eggs
1 tablespoon parsley
1 green bell pepper
1 green chile
1 14.5 can diced tomatoes
½ teaspoon coriander
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon tarragon
2 teaspoons fresh cilantro
1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
1½ cups bread crumbs

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″-x-8″ baking dish

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mince red onion, white onion, and garlic. Add this to olive oil and sauté on medium heat until soft or about 6 minutes. Dice bell pepper and green chile. Combine red onion, white onion, garlic, ground beef, eggs, bell pepper, green chile, diced tomatoes, coriander, cumin, tarragon, cilantro, pepper jack cheese, and bread crumbs. You really need to use your hands to do a good job here.

(Better yet, get your nine-year old to mix this up. He’ll welcome the opportunity to be helpful while getting his hands messy. Take advantage of this willingness before he becomes a teenager.)

OR…dice and mince all the above ingredients and put them all into the oil to sauté at once. This will save six minutes.

(Saving six minutes is particularly useful if there is an accidental nuclear countdown near your home, you’re the only one with the key to abort the launch with the resulting global nuclear war, and you really don’t have the extra six minutes needed to perform this extra culinary step, eat this meal, and get to the missile silo in time.)

Spray 8″-by-8″ baking dish with no-stick cooking spray. Transfer the meat mix to this dish. Smooth the meat until it is a flat as the Kansan prairie. Bake for 50 minutes at 350 degrees. Let cool for 5 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) According to The Tales of the Arabian Nights, coriander is an aphrodisiac.

2) We should all absorb the lessons of great literature.

3) Coriander is also mentioned in the Bible. The Bible does not mention any non-culinary benefits from Tarragon.

4) Indeed, The Good Book commands, “Do not commit adultery.”

5) Sometime in the 1600s, two English publishers came out with a Bible with the exciting command, “Thou Shall Commit Adultery.”

6) The King of England fearing for the morals of his people, outlawed this version of the Bible, and heavily fined the publishers.

7) Editing and correct spicing are musts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Another Word Added to Paul’s Awesome Dictionary

Gruntjectives: n: (Pronunciation, just like it looks) Adjectives that get so overused that they lose all meaning. The speaker might as well grunt instead. – Paul’s Awesome Dictionary

Today’s Gruntjective Story:

“I just completed a chat with a tech support person. When they asked for the verification number they’d sent to confirm I’m me, apparently I responded exceptionally well. They responded: ‘Awesome’.”

– the great author Judy Reeves on Facebook(tm)

I commented:

“Maybe the support gets filled with awe whenever she hears an identification number. We should all endeavor to be like her. ‘Look, a glass!’ Be filled with awe. ‘Look, it’s full of water.’ Be filled with more awe. See, how happy you could become.”

My comments made it into this little blog. I’ve learned not to waste moments when my synapses fire.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: wise words | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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