Posts Tagged With: Comic Chef

Chicheme From Panama

Panamanian Appetizer

CHICHEME

INGREDIENTS

⅔ pound dry cracked corn
6 cups water
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup (10¾ ounces) condensed milk
1½ cups (13½ ounces) evaporated milk
½ tablespoon vanilla extract
⅓ cup sugar
½ teaspoon nutmeg

Serves 9. Takes 3 hours plus overnight soaking.

PREPARATION

Place cracked corn and water in large pot. Keep pot overnight in refrigerator. Keep water. Add cinnamon sticks. Cook corn at medium heat for 1 hour 15 minutes or until corn starts to break apart under the slightest pressure. Stir frequently enough to prevent burning. Check occasionally to make sure water still covers the corn. Add water as necessary. Remove cinnamon sticks.

Remove pot from heat and let cool for 30 minutes . (Liquid will cool quicker if you pour it into a cold pot.) Add condensed milk, evaporated milk, sugar, and vanilla extract. Stir until sugar dissolves completely, nothing sticks to the bottom, and there are no clumps. Remove cinnamon sticks. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Pour into glasses. Sprinkle nutmeg on top. Drink and eat with spoon.

Keep in jars or pitcher in refrigerator. Stir to break any up clumps before pouring.

TIDBITS

1) Just last year, culinary scientist Carl La Fong, announced that rock samples from the Earth and its moon contain nearly identical percentages of Chicheme. (See recipe above.) This assertion has rocked the scientific world. “Where did all this Chicheme come from?” ask the theory’s doubters.

2) “From the Earth’s core,” says La Fong. “Recent ultra-long-wave analysis shows the core to made up entirely of Chicheme. Over the period of 100 million years, about twenty meteor strikes at the same spot on the Earth’s crusts opened a tunnel to the core. Molten Chicheme flew out of there into space where it eventually coalesced into our moon.”

3) La Fong added, “There’s simply not enough cracked corn, cinnamon sticks, condensed milk, evaporated milk, etc. produced on the Earth’s surface to produce all the Chicheme that people consume. It simply must come from the Earth’s core via a 4,000 mile tunnel. So there, I’m right.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Know You Want to Party With Me

My life is exciting. I spent nearly the entire time yesterday making chocolate-chip and Heavenly cookies. Then I packaged, paid for them online and arranged a pickup with the post office. “How could I top that?” I hear you say.

Well let me tell you. I couldn’t get to sleep until 3:30 am. At 5 am, a scant 90 minutes later I was awakened with the news that someone was scratching around the front door. I opened the door to see two raccoons* holding a package each. I retrieved the packages. Nature’s little blighters had chewed through the box and had gotten to the cookies inside. Fortunately, I had extra cookies. But I had to work fast as I had two appointments coming up soon. I repackaged and relabeled the boxes. I also secured the boxes of cookies with more tape.

Enough of that! Off to an eye doctor. Then onward and upward to see a dentist. Then home. I’d tell you more but I suspect you’re already seething with envy.

Fun                                                           More Fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., party animal

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: party animal, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are You a Driving Dick?

Do you make other drivers’ lives miserable and dangerous? Take this test and find out.

Do you:

1) Do you occasionally run red lights? (2 points)

2) Do you routinely run red lights? (4 points)

3) Bonus points for question 2). Give yourself (2 extra points) for every car that run the red light before you? For example, if 4 cars run the red light before you do, then you get 4 * 2 = 8 points.

4) Do you routinely go 10 mph above the speed limit? (1 point)

5) Do you routinely go 20 mph above the speed limit? (3 points)

6) Do you routinely go 30 mph, or more, above the speed limit? (If yes, please stop taking the test. There’s no point to it. Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron is already on its way to have a “chat” with you. Best notify your next of kin to stay inside until its over.)

7) Park in handicapped parking when you are totally healthy, just because you won’t be there long? (1 points)

8) Back out of your parking spot without looking, because who could have possibly expected other cars to be in a fast-food restaurant’s parking lot? (1 point)

9) Text while driving? (2 points)

10) Not signal when turning? (1 point)

11) Not signal when changing lanes? (1 point)

12) Not a point observation but, OMG, did you not get the “blinker package when you bought the car?

13) For every lane changed above 1. (1 point) For example, you changed 3 lanes above 1 on a freeway. You get 3 – 1 = 2 points.

14) Slow do to 35 mph before exiting the freeway. (1 point)

15) Honk at other drivers? (1 point) Clarification, this only applies to road rage, not when you’re warning the other car that had you in its blind spot.

16) A car is patiently waiting at an intersection for a break in the traffic. You pull up enough to block that driver’s view. (1 point)

17) Sell lutefisk? (2 points) Sorry, this really isn’t a car question. I just really hate the food.

18) Pass by the menu at the drive-through lane, then take your time to decide at the to-go window?

19) Does your car spew great clouds of smog? (2 points)

20) Cut people off? (3 points)

21) Give others the finger? (1)

************************************************************************

What does your total score mean?

0 points: You are in no way a driving dick. In fact, you will go straight to Heaven when you die.

1-8 points: It’s still okay for you to drive without supervision. Think about your dickish traits and how you can overcome them.

9-16 points: Cause for alarm. You may still drive unattended. You will, however, be under constant surveillance.

17-24 points: You’re awful. You must post a bond before you hit the road. The bond will be forfeited to your surrounding motorists

25-32: You’re nearly erect. You must post a double bond before driving. You must also be accompanied by a guard who will taze you everytime you earn another point. (After he makes you pull over, of course.)

33+: You throbbing dick! You will not be allowed to drive at all. You will be fitted with an ankle device that will incinerate your foot if you do . A drone strike will obliterate you once you step outside.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., concerned motorist

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: are you a dick | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fun Festivals – Finnish Dialect Speaking Championship

You say you want to attend a contest that is conceptually easy to win? One that’s not physically demanding? Then the Finnish Dialect Speaking Championship is the event for you. It’s held in early July in Kuopio, Finland. Keep in mind, past winners tend to possess a strong command of this Nordic language.

Finnish girl (right) practices with her dog (left)

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: fun festivals | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bicycle Chicken

Burkina Faso

BICYCLE CHICKEN
(Poulet Bicyclette)

INGREDIENTS

1 MaggiTM chicken or vegetable bouillon cube*
2 tablespoons peanut oil or other oil
1 teaspoon vinegar
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 chicken breasts with bone and skin
2 chicken thighs with bone and skin
2 bay leaves
2 potatoes
2 red or green chile peppers
2 carrots
4 garlic cloves
2 medium onions
2 tablespoons butter

* = It’s way more authentic with a Maggi cube. Maggi rules western Africa.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

baking sheet.
kitchen thermometer

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add Maggi cube to large mixing bowl. Crush Maggi cube. Add peanut oil, vinegar, pepper, and salt. Mix thoroughly with whisk or fork. Add chicken pieces. Turn chicken pieces until they are completely coated. Add bay leaves. Let marinate for 40 minutes.

While chicken pieces marinate, preheat oven to 390 degrees. Peel potatoes. Add potatoes and enough water to cover to them to pot. Boil potatoes on high heat for 20 minutes or until tender. Place chicken pieces on grill in oven. Place baking sheet under chicken to catch drippings. Cook at 390 degrees for 55 minutes or until no longer pink inside or the chicken’s temperature reaches 165 degrees. Turn chicken pieces over once.

While chicken pieces cook, seed chile peppers Mince carrots, chile peppers, garlic cloves and onions. Add butter, carrot, chile pepper, garlic, and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add a chicken piece to each plate. Top chicken with sautéed veggies. Surround chicken with potato slices.

TIDBITS

1) There are many reasons why this dish is called Bicycle Chicken.

2) The chickens running about the streets in Burkina Faso look like they’re riding a bicycle.

3) The chicken vendors in Ouagadougu, the capital city, bicycle around the town with chickens hanging upside down from their bike’s handle bars*.

* = Do not confuse handle bars with Handle bars, which the great musical composer used to organize his written music in small sections.

4) People know chickens derive enjoyment from looking a bicycles. So whenever a bicyclist pedals past a hen, people will say, “Look, a bicycle, chicken.”

5) Would-be chicken vendors who are afraid to ride a bicycle are known as “bicycle chicken.”

6) The 1st grade textbook used in Ouagadougu’s grammar school has a picture of a bicycle on page one and a bicycle on the next page. The words are shown below the corresponding picture. So, the first words the country’s young learners learn to spell are bicycle and chicken. Walk by any 1st grade classroom first thing in the morning and you will hear the words “bicycle, chicken” spoken over and over.

7) Some very small dictionaries have the words bicycle and chicken next to each other. Don’t buy these books. They’re not of much use.

8) “Bicycle chicken” is spy code for “my cover has been compromised.” Oh dear, I compromised that code now, haven’t I?”

9) However, culinary etymologists* tend to believe that the phrase “bicycle chicken” derives from the world-renowned Le Tour du Poulet Burkinabé (LTDPB).

10) The muscular thighs of Burkina Faso’s chickens make them naturals for bicycle races.

11) Indeed, chickens are quite athletic when properly motivated. The longest recorded flight by a chicken is 301 feet. The chicken’s motivation remains unknown. At least, no one is talking.

12) Anyway, every May sees the LTDPB sees the chickens pedal like mad from Banforo toward Ougadougu.

13) Every August sees the chickens cross the finish.

14) The great popularity of the LTDPB has naturally spawned imitations such as the ones in Greenland*, Oregon, and Scotland.

15) * I’m sad to say, that this year’s Chicken Race Across Greenland (CRAG)has been cancelled due to inclement conditions. It’s best, anyway, to wait for and watch LTDPB on ESPN9TM.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, short story | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Things I Wonder About – Venus Fly Traps

I don’t know why I started wondering about people eating Venus fly traps. Are fly traps a good source of fiber? Do they promote regularity? Are they bitter? Anyway, I thought these things and soon enough I wondered:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: things I wonder about | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sauna Baked Eggs

People often talk how it’s so hot that they could fry an egg on the sidewalk or on the hood of a jar. Indeed, I saw a film of a British soldier frying an egg on the hood of his jeep. He was part of the British army fighting the Germans in North Africa in 1940-1942.

But what about baking an egg? I had done research on the Finnish Sauna World Championship. Temperatures inside their saunas reached 240 degrees. I wondered if that would be high enough to bake an egg. So, I made the below photos. I was just being whimsical. Then I found out their is such a thing as Korean Sauna Baked Eggs!

Korean sauna goers would munch on eggs actually baked in the sauna. Who knew? The baking took seven hours, turning the egg-white brown and giving the whole egg a nutty flavor. Nowadays, most people make sauna eggs with a specialized rice cooker or with an instant pot. Now you know. And I’ll have to try making Sauna Baked Eggs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fun Festivals – Finnish Sauna World Championship

Relax while competing! Enter the Finnish Sauna World Championship. Simply stay the longest inside Finnish sauna in a temperature of 110 degrees centigrade, 240 degrees Fahrenheit.

Thousands attend the championship in Heinola, Finland, but only dozens compete. Why? Because the temperature of the sauna is 28 degrees over the boiling point of water. But there’s no humidity! It’s true, sauna’s humidity is low, running from 10-to-25 percent. So give it a whirl. Compete!

Or maybe not, in 2010 a contest died. Staying a sauna too long can do nasty things to a body. Spectate!

But maybe you have a competitive nature, while having the inactive disposition of a rock. Then this competition is for you. Compete!

Maybe you like the idea of thousands of spectators and TV audiences watching your nearly naked, sweaty body, covered with only a towel. Compete!

It’s held in August, when it’s outside anyway. Compete!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: fun festivals, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Mistakes That Hollywood Does Over and Over

Freeze Frame Photo Of Bad Man’s shot

Watching movies and television shows can be a pleasant way to pass the time. They can even be great fun. However, the logic and laws of physics are so often thrown out the window, leaving me the think, “Why even an amoeba could more realistic and better entertainment.” Here then, as they occur to me, recurring mistakes in movies and shoes,

  1. The bad guy never, ever, ever can shoot the good guy, even if they stand only one foot apart.
  2.  The good guy never misses, even if he is 100 feet away.
  3.  The good guy never misses even when he isn’t looking at someone.
  4.  Bad guys will step into open to shoot. Then they get shot.
  5.  When the good guy shoots with two machine guns he doesn’t have to aim. He also is invulnerable. (I know, some of these pickies are similar.)
  6.  One good guy will die so that the upright people can be shown to have affection and compassion. The surviving good guys are then justified in slaughtering boat loads of badies.
  7.  The bad guy will always leave a captured good guy alone and give him enough time to escape.
  8.  The teenage girl will always explore all the rooms in the house even though her friends were already slaughtered there.
  9.  Archers will shoot flaming arrow after flaming arrow at the enemy. How hundreds of archers manage to light thousands of arrows from three fiery cauldrons is a mystery to me. I also wonder how none of the archers get burned drawing and loosing the arrows.
  10.  The actors in action movies deliver there cliche-ridden lines with such intensity as to bring on hernias.
  11.  Police have the funds and time to pursue any murder, any major crime.
  12.  Detectives always throw away the rule book.
  13.  Sword fights look so staged. Yep, we’ll clash their swords up here. Then we meet by our feet.
  14.  Why would swordsmen strike for the ankles?
  15.  No matter how disciplined the ancient armies were, they always break formation to go into individual duels. Even if we know from tons of contemporaneous records that the Romans and the Greek hoplites trained for months to manuever as one.
  16. The driver can turn his head to talk to the passenger for up to a minute and never hit an oncoming car.
  17.  The murderer never, ever, ever, ever, ever goes very far from the scene of the crime.
  18.  The crime scene never get contaminated.
  19.  Suspects always sass the questioning detective.
  20.  Wives die off first, especially in Disney(tm) movies. The real world has the husband dying first.

Enough ranting for now. Carry on.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, proof you cannot deny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Shrimp and Tofu Fritters

Filipino Appetizer

SHRIMP AND TOFU FRITTERS
(Ukoy)

INGREDIENTS – DIPPING SAUC

2 garlic cloves
¼ cup soy sauce
¼ teaspoon pepper (¼ teaspoon more later)
⅛ teaspoon chili

INGREDIENTS – BATTER

1 egg
1¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ cup corn starch
¾ cup flour
1 cup water
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – MAIN

2 green onions
½ pound firm tofu
2 cups bean sprouts
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined (20 count)
1 cup vegetable oil

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Add all dipping sauce ingredients to serving bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Add egg to mixing bowl. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Add all remaining batter ingredients. Mix with fork until well blended.

Dice green onions and tofu. Add green onion, tofu, bean sprouts, and shrimp to mixing bowl with batter. Stir until shrimp are well coated with batter.

Add vegetable oil to large pan or wok. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a tiny bit of batter will dance in the oil. Add 3 tablespoons batter and 1 shrimp (fritter) to a corner of the pan. Repeat adding batter and shrimp as long as none of the fritter touch each other. You might have to cook in batches. Sauté fritters for 4 minutes or until golden brown. Turn over once. Serve with dipping sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Cooking Shrimp and Tofu Fritters is such fun as the below book proves.. There are even chapters devoted to merriment with the already cooked fritters. What will be your favorite form of Shrimp and Tofu Fritter fun?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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