Posts Tagged With: burritos

Carrot Cake

American Dessert

CARROT CAKE

INGREDIENTS – MAINCarrotCake-

4 eggs
1⅓ cups sugar
⅔ cup light brown sugar
3 cups shredded carrots
1 cup vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon allspice
2 teaspoons cinnamon
¼ teaspoon ginger
¼ teaspoon salt
2 cups cake flour or flour
½ tablespoon baking soda
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans or combination
no-stick spray

INGREDIENTS – ICING

6 tablespoons butter (softened)
1 pound confectionery sugar
8 ounces cream cheese (softened)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric mixer
9″ x 13″ casserole dish
3 mixing bowls (Or are you an outstanding chef like my Grandma Anna wished us all to be and clean bowls and utensils as you cook?)
sonic obliterator

PREPARATION – MAIN

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add eggs to first large mixing bowl. Beat eggs with electric mixer until frothy. (The eggs, not you.) Gradually add sugar and light brown sugar. Blend using electric mixer set on whip until well blended. Add carrots, vegetable oil, allspice, cinnamon, ginger, and salt. Blend with mixer set on whip until well blended.

Add flour and baking soda to second large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add flour/baking soda from second mixing bowl to first mixing bowl. Blend with electric mixer set on cake until blended. Add nuts and stir with spoon.

Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Pour eggs/sugar/spice/baking soda mixture into casserole dish. Smooth with spatula. Bake at 350 degrees for 35-to-45 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center of cake comes out clean. Let cool on wire rack for 1 hour.

(Okay, little secret here. You can cool the cake down considerably faster by putting the casserole dish in cold water in the sink. Be sure the water is only halfway to the top of the casserole dish. If your casserole dish is too big for the sink, simply put it in the bathtub. Again, let the water go no higher than halfway up the side of the casserole dish. If someone happens to see your cake cooling in the bathtub and makes a snarky comment, zap him with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that negativity in your life.)

PREPARATION – ICING

While cake bakes, add butter, confectionery sugar, cream cheese, and vanilla extract to third mixing bowl (Note: this cookbook always employs the Oxford when providing a list of ingredients. Long live the Oxford comma! Vexation to its enemies!) Ahem, beat ingredients using electric beater set on cream until ingredients become a fluffy icing.

TIDBITS

1) The famous French Painter, Paul Cézanne believed, “A single carrot newly observed will cause a revolution.”

2) Eleven years after Cézanne died, the Russian Revolution began. People in the streets of St. Petersburg, the Russian capital, had been starving. They couldn’t afford the price of a loaf of bread.

4) Desperate to maintain order, the czar and his ministers bought up food from all over the world. They purchased cabbages from Germany, eggs from Sweden, and carrots from the gardens of Cezanne’s children. The authorities even bought beans, cotija cheese, and tortillas from Mexico. Surely, the rioters would be placated by burritos. I mean, who doesn’t like a burrito?

5) Unfortunately, as in the case of many governmental programs, well intentioned though they might be, something went wrong. The newly formed Russian Ministry of Burrito Assembly put a raw carrot in every burrito.

6) The Russian rabble rebel not appreciate the taste of the raw carrot, bean, and cheese burrito. They did not like its texture either. They did not like it in the city square. They did not like in their hair. They did not like it in the air. They did not like it anywhere.

7) So the Russians did not eat these burritos. And they grew hungrier and hungrier.

8) Then an artist named Ivan Popoff came across one of the burritos lying–Oh gosh, I hope I conjugated this evil verb correctly–split open on the street. Something about the burrito’s carrot struck him. “Oh ho,” he said, “I am observing this carrot in an entirely new way.” Lenin, a passerby, heard this and immediately started the Russian Revolution.

9) Millions died during the Russian Revolution and the ensuing decades.

10) We should all pay more attention to French post-impressionist painters.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bami Goreng From Indonesia

Indonesian Entree

BAMI GORENG

INGREDIENTSBamiGoreng-

2 chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
12 ounces bami or medium-egg noodles
2 eggs
3 tablespoons peanut oil
½ teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon sambal oelek (Indonesian red chili paste)
1 carrot
1 leek
1 onion
3 ounces medium peeled and deveined shrimp
4 tablespoons ketjap manis

SPECIAL UTENSIL

wok or Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breast into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Dice carrot, leek and onion. Cook noodles according to instructions on package. Rinse and set aside. Beat eggs. Pour egg into pan. Cook on medium heat for 2-to-3 minutes or until egg hardens. Remove egg and cut into thin strips.

Put a drop of water in wok. When drop starts to bubble or move around, add peanut oil. Add chicken, garlic, ginger, pepper, and sambal oelek. Sauté on medium heat for 6 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Stir frequently. Add carrot, leek, and onion and sauté on medium heat for another 4 minutes. Stir frequently. Add shrimp and ketjap manis, and stir fry for another 4 minutes or until shrimp turns orangish/pink and is no longer translucent. This dish goes great with peanut sauce or a million dollars.

TIDBITS

1) Indonesia is the home of the great volcano Krakatoa. Incomprehensible amounts of ash issued from Krakatoa when it erupted in 1889. The ash in the sky darkened the world for days.

2) Today Krakatoa’s ash would be considered a health hazard. Schools would close as a health precaution. School kids everywhere would hope for volcanic eruptions. But too much ash would block sunlight to such an extent that plants couldn’t photosynthesis and so, die. Our end would come soon, delayed only the frozen burritos in our freezer. And if the only thing in our freezers was lutefisk, we’d wish the volcanic eruption would have taken us right away. So, be careful with your wishes.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Breakfast Burritos From Forthcoming Cookbook

Mexican Breakfast

BREAKFAST BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1/2 onion
1 1/4 ounces Cotija cheese
4 ounces pork sausage
4 ounces ground beef
3 eggs
1 4 ounce can diced green chiles
1 4 ounce can diced tomatoes
3/4 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/2 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
lettuce
8 flour tortillas (bigger tortillas make bigger burritos)
no-stick cooking spray

PREPARATION

Be nice to your helper. Spray the cooking pan with no-stick cooking spray before you start. Mince the onion. Crumble the Cotija cheese. Brown the sausage and beef. Add eggs, onion, and chiles. Cook on medium heat and stir. Add tomatoes, cumin, meat spice and both cheeses. Cook and stir on medium heat. (Cooking on high heat will likely cause the eggs to burn.)

Microwave the big flour tortillas. Put two spoonfuls, or so, of meat mixture and romaine lettuce near top and center of tortilla. Fold in sides, then roll from the top of the tortilla until burrito is formed. Try a little less filling (tastes great) if you have trouble rolling the burrito.

TIDBITS

1) Remember the theme of “Cooking with what’s handy.” Don’t be afraid to use either iceberg or romaine lettuce if that is what you have in the kitchen or another grated cheese if you don’t care for Monterey Jack.

2) I’m afraid flour tortillas are a must, though. Attempting to roll a corn tortilla into the shape of a burrito will drive you to drink. “Sorry about the weaving officer, I used corn instead of flour.”

3) Cotija cheese is the “Parmesan of Mexico.” It is now made from cow’s milk, but at one time it was made from goat’s cheese. What happened? Did all Mexican goats disappear? Are they hiding in the hills only to swoop down to eat the straw of caravaning tourists?

4) The ancient Greeks and Romans used cumin as a cosmetic.

5) The first settlers from Europe thought tomatoes were poisonous.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving Poem About Bean Burritos

The Bean Burrito

Oh bean burrito,
Oh bean burrito,
You’re oh so neato.
You need no meato.

Dear reader, you can tell
Today, I’m fond of doggerel.
Just don’t put that meatel
In this, my bean burritel.

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Super Burritos

Mexican Entree

SUPER BURRITOS

INGREDIENTS

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons cumin
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup salsa
2 cans kidney beans, drained of water
1 1/2 cups grated four Mexican cheeses
10 large flour tortillas

PREPARATION OF THE BURRITO’S INNARDS

Mince the onion. Mix it and the cumin into the ground meat by hand. Cook the meat until browned. Note, browned turkey meat is whiter than browned beef.

(You can substitute other meat for turkey. You can even use ground up vegetarian chicken. I don’t recall what went into this meat substitute, but it did taste vaguely like chicken and turned out well in this recipe.)

Add the mayonnaise and mix. (Why are there two “n”s in “mayonnaise?”) Stir in the salsa. It is essential to taste now. If your taste buds tell you it needs more spice, add more cumin or salsa. If you want your creation to be smoother, add more mayonnaise. If your mixture isn’t thick enough, you can lose liquid to evaporation by letting the mix simmer longer. Or as I prefer, use any liquidy mix as a sauce or a fantastic soup.

Remember to constantly stir, especially after adding the cheese. It takes forever to scrub off burnt cheese from the bottom of the pan.

Add kidney beans and cheese. Cook at medium heat until all the beans are hot enough and the cheese melted.

ASSEMBLING THE BURRITO

The tortilla should be big. A big tortilla is much more likely to hang together during rolling than a small one, especially given most people’s tendency to put too much meat mix onto the burrito. Size matters.

The tortilla must be pliable or easy to fold. Tortillas that have been sitting in the refrigerator for a while get brittle. Microwave them in the microwave for about ten seconds or so, until they become soft.

Never, but never, make burritos with corn tortillas. They will break apart. The burrito’s innards will ooze out the sides. You’ll panic and try to keep everything together with toothpicks. Maybe these burritos will hold together until served. (However, they will surely fall apart when the millionaire parents of your fiancé pick them up. A bad first impression of you? You bet. So, use flour tortillas, okay?)

Anyway, scoop about two tablespoons burrito mix onto the center bottom of the burrito. Fold the bottom over the mix. Fold the sides in until they almost touch. Roll the bottom of the tortilla over and over until your burrito is formed.

It takes some practice to do this right. It is easier than it might seem to burst the tortilla with too much mix or have the mix escape out the sides. But you will get it right after one or two tries.

Your family will smile beatifically at you. Your kids, who have been grunting monosyllabic words at you for months, will favor you with, “Awesome food” and “Parental figure, may I enjoy an additional helping?.” Cooking doesn’t get much better than this.

TIDBITS

1) “Burrito” is Spanish for “little burro.” Why Spanish-speaking people think a burrito looks like a little donkey is beyond me.

2) Not many people believe Marco Polo brought back burritos from China in the 1200s.

3) Probably because it is not true.

4) Many do believe, however, the burrito was first made by Juan Mendez during the Mexican Revolution.

5) So, revolutions have their upsides.

6) Bad for the part of my family that lost its ranch in the Mexican revolution.

7) But Mexico also gave us the crispy corn taco with shredded beef. How can I not forgive and forget?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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