Posts Tagged With: good food

Kung Pao Chicken

Chinese Entree

KUNG PAO CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

MARINADE

2 chicken breasts
2 cloves garlic
1 stalk green onion
1 tablespoon soy sauce (2 more tablespoons later)
1½ tablespoons cornstarch (1 teaspoon more later)
½ teaspoon ginger
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice (¼ teaspoon more later)
2 teaspoons rice wine
1½ tablespoons water

SAUCE

1 teaspoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon malt vinegar
¼ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon sesame oil

4 red chiles
½ cup unsalted roasted peanuts
1½ tablespoons vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

wok or skillet

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION OF MARINADE

Cut chicken into 1-inch cubes. Mince garlic. Dice green onion. Mix 1½ tablespoons cornstarch, garlic, green onion, ginger, ¼ teaspoon poultry spice, rice wine, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, and water. Cover all sides of the chicken cubes with this mixture. Set aside for at least 30 minutes.

PREPARATION OF SAUCE

Combine 1 teaspoon cornstarch, malt vinegar, ¼ teaspoon poultry spice, salt, 2 tablespoons soy sauce, sugar, and sesame oil in 2nd mixing bowl. Set aside.

FINAL PREPARATION

Cut red chiles in half, remove seed, and mince (I cannot say strongly enough, WEAR GLOVES OR WASH YOUR HANDS THOROUGHLY WITH SOAP after touching the chiles and their seeds. They make your skin burn. My gosh, they cause pain. Don’t rub a throbbing temple or wipe sweat from your upper lip immediately after touching red chiles and their seeds. Your face will be on fire. And guy chefs, this is a really bad time to scratch your balls.)

Put unsalted peanuts and 1½ tablespoons vegetable oil in wok. Sauté at 350 degrees until peanuts start turning golden brown. Stir frequently. (The golden brown phase is astonishingly short. The following dark brown/black state is forever.)

Add the coated chicken cubes. Sauté at 350 degrees. Fry for 2 minutes or until chicken is done or no longer pink inside. Stir and turn cubes frequently.

Add red chiles and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil. Sauté at 350 degrees and stir until the peppers turn dark. Add soy/malt vinegar/sugar/sesame oil sauce. Cook until sauce thickens. Stir frequently.

Thank the person who washes and cleans after this meal. If you are both the cook and cleaner, sit down, have a cold root beer, and admire the halo above your head.

TIDBITS

1) If all strange dishes taste like chicken, why not have chicken?

2) Kung Pao chickens are much milder than their more peppery cousins, Kung Fu Chickens.

3) Peppers that look similar to each other can vary greatly in spiciness. So, keep that in mind when you and a bunch of friends from Madison, Wisconsin travel to St. Louis, Missouri to see two classmates get married and you all stop in a restaurant that serves free peppers.

4) Throat germs don’t like peppers either. Hah, take that!

5) Some people think that cuisine near the Equator is filled with peppery dishes because food didn’t keep well there before refrigeration. I think people in Cuba eat more peppers than the Swedes because peppers are grown in Cuba and not in Sweden.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Italiano Breakfast Sandwich

Italian Breakfast

ITALIANO BREAKFAST SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

6 pairs of sourdough muffins top and bottom
6 slices provolone cheese
½ cup pasta sauce
6 eggs
¼ teaspoon basil
¼ teaspoon parsley
½ teaspoon garlic salt
no-stick cooking spray.

PREPARATION

Mix eggs, basil, parsley, and garlic salt in small bowl. Spray saucepan with no-stick cooking spray in hopeful attempt to prevent any egg bits sticking to the pan.

Scramble eggs and spices in pan. Add pasta sauce and scramble some more. Cook until eggs are done. This is a matter of taste.

Toast sourdough muffins. (To your health, sourdough muffin.) Adorn bottom muffin with scrambled eggs. Top with a slice of provolone. Complete sandwich with top muffin half. Mange bene.

TIDBITS

1) The sourdough biscuits are in honor of the hardy Italian restaurateurs who came to San Francisco during the Gold Rush to feed the hungry 49ers.

2) Tidbit 1 is quite possibly true.

3) Provolone cheese did not originate in Provo, Utah.

4) This dish symbolizes the major theme of this cookbook, “Cooking With What’s Handy.”

5) A “theme” was also a major administrative district of the Byzantine Empire.

6) “Parsley” is easy to misspell. Thank goodness, it was never on a spelling test.

7) Garlic is thought to ward off vampires. As far I can tell, it works. We have lots of garlic cloves and garlic salt, and vampires never bother our home.

8) Vampires might like basil, but how would we know? We’ve already frightened them off.

9) Basil Rathbone was famous for his movie portrayal of Sherlock Holmes.

10) Eggs sure can stick to pans, can’t they?

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sad Sack in “Raw Material”

Sad Sack comic books were my favorite when I was growing up. I would spend my allowance on them. I also got some when I was sick for a few days, which, alas, was all too frequent. But these comics always made me smile. This Sad Sack comic book is probably from around 1966.

.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Death By Enhancement

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Car Died

 

My car just died a sudden and definitive death. Feckity, feck, feck, feck.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

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My Mother as a Young Lady

Today was a horrible day. One of my cars started leaking oil. The repair is going to cost a minimum of $1,500 and the handwriting is on the wall for its demise. Maybe it’s as soon as tomorrow. The other car might last another year, Ugh.

Fortunately, a two-week reorganization of the garage, my office, and part of the living room help me uncover this picture of my mom when was especially beautiful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Flu Haiku

THE FLU
.
Snot funny, the flu.
I hate it. I so hate it.
This fecking flu. Blecch.
.
.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: poems | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why I Hate WalMart

All the following thoughts come from personal experience, from  watching TV, reading articles, and from what I consider reputable online sites, such as Yahoo Finance, CNN, etc.

THING I LIKE ABOUT WALMART(tm)

You can see what WalMart carries and where they stock it. For example, I looked up Nescafe(tm) Cafe Mocha Creamer. Their website walmart.com said they had it and listed to be in 35A. This is wonderful information for someone who needs a particular ingredient and other things. Sure beats the heck of searching stores all around the county, going up and down one aisle after another. Thumbs up, WALMART.

Unfortunately . . .

THINGS I HATE ABOUT WALMART

1) Their chaotic parking lots.

2) Many of their aisles are tiny.

3) Their apparent war on checkers. I went their today. My WalMart had only one of about twenty checkout stands with a person at it. Of course, the line stretched to the next time zone.

4) Not everyone agrees with me on this one. I hate the self-checkout stands. I always have problems with them. I have seen people who’ve had many experiences with this machine, have problems.

5) I DON’T work for WalMart. I don’t want to do the checking out. Don’t make me do something that all other supermarkets and superstores do.

6) Don’t take jobs away  people. Hire more checkers and have fewer checkout machines.

7) Pay your workers more. Do that and stop telling your workers how to get municipal and state assistance. Stop making taxpayers pay your employees.

8) This is no fault of WalMart’s, but more shoppers there seem to block aisles with their carts than anyone else.

9) Hire checkers with more experience. WalMart checkers seem to need more assistance than anywhere else. Walmart might need to pay more money to get better workers to fix this problem.

10) Stop driving long-standing small stores out of business.

11) Then closing a WalMart. Small towns have seen their small stores shut down because of WalMart. Then when WalMart decides to leave, the small community has nothing. No where to shop. Nowhere to get together.

I’m not a complete grump. I do like some supermarkets. They include Stater Bros., Grocery Outlet, and Sprouts. I also like Target.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fijian Bacon and Banana

Fijian Entree

FIJIAN BACON AND BANANA

INGREDIENTS

8 strips of bacon
4 bananas
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon parsley
8 bread slices

PREPARATION

Toast the bread. Lightly coat the toast with paprika and parsley. Peel the bananas. Cut them in half lengthways. Sprinkle pepper and salt on them.

Spray the fry pan with no-stick spray. Fry the bacon until it reaches the desired level of crispiness. Put the bacon on a towel to drain the fat. Fry the bananas for about four minutes on medium-to-high heat.

Put a bacon (BACON!) strip and banana half on each piece of toast. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is a favorite in Fiji where about one in five recipes has banana as an ingredient.

2) It’s more of an acquired taste back here in America. My children did not acquire it.

3) My wife and I honeymooned in Fiji. We had a fancy hut maybe fifty yards from the beach and a coral reef not ten yards from the shore.

4) Fiji suffered two coups after we left. We claim no responsibility.

5) Coconuts are expensive in America. They lay by the dozens along the road near our hut.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken Kiev From Ukraine

Ukrainian Entree

CHICKEN KIEV

INGREDIENTS – SEASONED BUTTER

⅔ cup butter
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon garlic salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
½ teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice
1 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon tarragon
6 chicken breasts

INGREDIENTS – SMALL MIXING BOWL

2 eggs
1½ tablespoons water

INGREDIENTS – SHALLOW BOWL

¼ teaspoon garlic salt
1 teaspoon dill weed
½ cup flour
1½ cups bread crumbs
2 cups vegetable oil

INGREDIENTS – GARNISH

1 lemon
1 tablespoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Kitchen mallet
Kitchen scissors
toothpicks

PREPARATION OF SEASONED BUTTER

Leave butter out until it softens. 30 minutes should be sufficient. In small bowl, thoroughly mix softened butter, black pepper, garlic salt, and poultry spice. Spread mixture into 2-inch by 4-inch rectangle on aluminum foil. Freeze for about an hour or until firm.

PREPARATION OF CHICKEN BREAST

Make sure chicken breasts are thoroughly defrosted. You will be sorry when you have to flatten those chicken breasts if they are rock hard or even partially defrosted.

Cut chicken breasts into 6 pieces with your kitchen scissors (Snip! Snip! The scissors sound as if you’re giving someone a haircut.) or if you already have chicken-breast halves, cut them into 3 pieces.

Put chicken-breast sixths between two pieces of plastic wrap or wax paper. Pound away with your kitchen mallet until the entire piece of chicken is ⅛-inch thick. A thin piece of chicken is easy to roll up. It also cooks faster than a thick piece, so you’ll be less likely to dry out the outside of the chicken.

(Note: you are armed with two weapons of destruction, the mallet and the scissors. Don’t make this entree while feuding with your sweetheart.)

After butter hardens, remove it from the freezer and cut it into 12 equal-size pieces. Place one butter pat in the middle of each piece of chicken. Fold in edges of chicken-breast sixth and roll up to completely enclose seasoned butter pat. I suggest keeping the chicken rolls together with toothpicks.

Make seasoned flour by stirring garlic salt, dill weed, and flour together in another bowl. This bowl should be shallow or wide to make rolling chicken in it easier.

Make egg mixture by adding eggs and water to small mixing bowl. Mix well with fork. Put bread crumbs on small plate.

Smother rolled up chicken breasts in seasoned flour. Completely coat chicken rolls in egg mixture. Finally, cover chicken breasts all over with bread crumbs.

Heat oil in large skillet over medium heat. Put chicken rolls in skillet. Turn over after 4 to 5 minutes or after bottom of chicken is golden brown. Cook other side for same length of time or until outside is golden brown and the inside is completely white.

Remove oil by placing chicken rolls on paper towel. Transfer chicken rolls to large serving plate. Cut lemon into 6 slices and arrange slices around plate. Sprinkle parsley over chicken rolls.

(Let us hope your dinner guests appreciate how tasty this dish is and how much effort you put into making it. If not, menace them with your kitchen mallet and kitchen scissors until they do.)

TIDBITS

1) Ukraine, like other nations, is proud of its fast-food heritage. Some of its fast-food chains are: Domashnyaya Kukhnya, Pechiona Kartopolina, Potato House, Rostik’s, and McDonald’s.*

2) Kiev has a skiing hill located downtown. You take an elevator to get to the top.

3) Kiev was fifty times the size of London in the 1000s.

4) Kiev fell to the Mongols in 1240, who so thoroughly destroyed the town that the population fell to a few dozen. The Mongols meted out the same treatment to other cities they conquered.

5) In return, the Mongols have given us Mongolian beef. Not enough.

6) Think of how many cities the French emperor, and my great, great, great grandfather Napoleon 1st seized. Then ponder how many more entrees, appetizers, and desserts the French have given the world.*

7) * = I don’t know the status of Tidbits 1) and 2). As of press time, Putin has been savagely invading Ukraine for ten months.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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