Posts Tagged With: Congress

Official Dinner Invitation For President Biden

Dear Mr. President,

I am officially inviting you and whomever you wish to bring with you to have a gourmet five-course meal at my humble abode in Poway, California. My wonderful wife and many friends eagerly await your appearance. As you know, Mr. President, Poway is the hot spot of all political campaigns. The saying runs, “As goes Poway, so does the Presidency. ”

You will have have a great time in Poway with its many streets, walking trails, proposed Candyland(tm) Museum, and library.* So, please come. The prestige you’ll reap from visiting Poway and me will let you overawe your opponents in Congress. Lord knows you need help with that. And heck, you’ll have fun chowing down on home-style gourmet cooking.

Sincerely,

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

P.S. May I suggest you invite your wife to come along with you. You don’t want to get in trouble. And I could talk to her Ph.D. to Ph.D. It would be such fun.

* = Our library even has a little aquarium. You can look at it for hours without even noticing the time. All the while, you’ll feel your many troubles melting away. Now, what is there in Washington that can do that for you?

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Soft Shelled Nuts

 

I. Rumbles from the Deep

My life changed forever when Bert Bivalve, my pet mollusk, announced his attention to form a political party. Bert had trouble communicating as he had no lips with which to form the “m” sound, so necessary in English speech.

He also had a patchy vocabulary due to a lack of a brain. Did you know there is no mollusk equivalent to the word “danger.” What’s the point for a mollusk cannot outrun any predator? However, there are 273 phrases to express the anguish of being eaten by a humongous furry creature with sharp claws. Eventually Bert and I worked out a sign language and so, interspecies dialogue began.

Bert, a cultured soul, had wearied of his benign neglect by humanity. He contacted mollusks all over the world to express his discontent–this explains my huge long distance bills. Thousands echoed Bert’s frustration and disillusionment. With Bert’s encouragement these sea creatures rushed to form debating societies. At first, however, they called these societies “Bicycling Clubs,” so as not to arouse humanity’s suspicions.

At first, these gatherings were chaotic and violent with the ugliest of insults exchanged freely. The phrase, “So’s your mother,” by itself, generated dozens of drunken brawl with gastropods careening into cephalopods. Eventually, cooler shells prevailed and organizing began.

One momentous day, Chuck Chiton, suggested that they would never get any respect from the politicians inside Washington unless they themselves entered politics. “After all,” he said, “Puerto Rico never got any respect until it became the 51st state.” As you no doubt know, Puerto Rico is not a state. Some think it is this inattention to detail to research that held mollusks back through the centuries.

The mollusks overcame their lack of political knowledge with shrewd business sense. As we all know mollusks are superb lichen harvesters. By skillful manipulation of the lichen markets, the mollusks quietly amassed a huge fortune over the centuries which they quietly deposited in off-shore banks.

These wealthy critters, conservative by nature, initially considered throwing in their lot with the Republican party. Only inopportune anti-mollusk rhetoric by some of the GOP candidates stopped this alliance.

What to do? They couldn’t back the democrats with its welfare society. Why the idea the very idea of a young mollusk just sitting there and doing nothing was disgusting.

Eventually, Sarah Scaphopod raised her hand, figuratively, of course, to suggest they form their own political party. All the mollusks agreed that she had a wonderful idea and brought out the fermented lichen to celebrate.

I laughed, along with the rest of humanity, when the mollusks held their first press conference in Bodega Bay, California. For one thing, how were they going to get enough signatures to be on the ballot in all fifty states.

Well, they had the last laugh. Hell hath no fury like a mollusk mocked. They set the world on its ear with their alliance with Carl Hickham, the billionaire seafood king from Texas. Mollusks control the supply of lichen, the bottom of the food chain in the oceans, and they let Mr. Hickham know it. The crafty critters presented the Texan with an ultimatum, either provide us with machines that help us to write or we’ll let your fish starve. Carl Hickham caved into their demands the next day.

II. One Giant Step for Mollusk

Mollusks from all over the world swarmed the United States. The beaches of Southern California became saturated with walls of mollusks reaching up to ten feet high. Beach merchants complained to the police that these invaders were devastating business. The men in blue sympathized, but pointed out the mollusks had a constitutional right to freedom of assembly.

The mollusks used Hickham’s machine to great effect. Within two weeks they gathered 423 million signatures; which is nine times the total human population of California. In the face of impending molluskan–if that is a word–domination the peoples of California buried their differences with an enormous clam bake that ran the length of the state.

Mollusks reacted to this barbarism by overwhelming and suffocating a dozen surfers off the shore of La Jolla. Some commentators remarked that interspecies warfare signaled the end of the world, while most thought it just an aggressive campaign tactic in the vein of the Willie Horton ads of 1988.

It was pretty much the same in all the coastal states. The mollusks consistently refused to blend into American society. They never bothered to learn English or any other language, save Romanche, an obscure language spoken by a few thousand Swiss.

The Democrats and Republicans united in the face of impending political disaster. Would it be enough? The coastal states were goners, but could they hold onto Middle America? Would the People’s Party prevail?

III. Remember Maine!

The leaders of the People’s Party assembled in Lincoln, Nebraska. Peacemakers solved lingering differences by feeding the chairmen of the old parties to mollusks stationed at Fort Sumter. Voter registration drives began in earnest as everyone did his bit. Negative ads ruled the day. You couldn’t watch tv for more than five minutes without seeing an ad ripping into the mollusks. Do you remember the ad that said “If the mollusks gain power, your daughter will be forced to marry one.” I do.

The mollusks did their best, but so did the humans. The boatmen of Mississippi refused to transport the mollusks. So did the railmen of Texas. The pilots of New Orleans were not tested as mollusks are afraid of flying.

Our defiant stand forced the mollusks to trek overland from California. Have you ever seen mollusks move? Take it from me, it’s not very fast. Weeks later, the mollusks began to die of exhaustion and dehydration. Most died in the middle of Phoenix where they began to decompose. Millions of birds now live in Phoenix, but no people do.

The heartland of American had been saved. But what about Maine and the other coastal states?

IV. The Readers of Nebraska

Remarkably it was the readers of America that rescued our great land. Fortunately, Nebraska, home of sixty percent of all book sales in U.S., remained mollusk free. These readers reminded the politicos that voters must be eighteen and American citizens. Amazingly, no one else had thought of that. Ha, we had the shelled bastards by the balls, or what passed for balls on a mollusk.

Election officials fanned out into all fifty states checking voter registrations. It was always the same; the mollusks were all underage. We struck them off every voting list. The stricken mollusks protested as vehemently as they could, but their protests fell on deaf ears.
We had won, or had we?

V. The California Mollusk Rush

We totally forgot about the stubbornness of your typical Joe Mollusk. They say an elephant never forgets, well an elephant has nothing on a mollusk. I can say with certainty that a mollusk knows as much today as it did a year ago.

Those mollusks–oh dang it, what’s a good synonym for mollusk; how about “invertebrate animals,” well that’s passable–still harbored an abiding hatred for our mistreatment of them. Since, they could not take America by the ballot box, they would take it by force.

Well, we weren’t afraid of those mollusks. Our army would soon make them cry uncle. In fact, our army was singularly unprepared to fight. Three years ago, the Pentagon asked Congress for thirty-two billion dollars for a weapon system to combat crustaceans and mollusks. At the time it seemed like just another example of the Pentagon wasting tax dollars. So, the proposal was defeated. Who knew?

Congress voted again; this time the vote was in favor of making the weapons. But it was too late; the weapons would take two years to develop. In that time, the coastal states would be permanently lost. The mollusks, stinking ‘lusks, were already starting to push the locals around. It was especially bad in California where they restricted surfing to one hour a week, hogged all the good times at all the best seaside restaurants, and darn near monopolized the inland tennis courts.

VI. Wally and the Beaver

Not all Americans gave up so easily. Wally Quoin, a true mountain man from the Sierra Nevada came to our rescue. He suggested that we set all our beavers on those damn ‘lusks. He said beavers love to eat ‘lusks. He also said beavers and ‘lusks have been feuding for centuries, its origin lost in the mist of time.

The President went on tv to tell us of our new allies. As he spoke, rangers in the National Park Service enlisted our friends, the beavers.
Well, you know what happened next. Millions of beavers swarmed the beaches. Their sharp claws broke open the mollusks’ shells to make countless tasty meals.

VII. E Pluribus Unum

We thanked the beavers for saving America. All they asked in return was that we stop logging near their homes. We stopped doing it, for the beaver is our friend forever. Look at the front of your five-dollar bill; you will see a portrait of a beaver.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, short story | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Bad Advice Friday + 1, 5-06-17

Oh my gosh. There was a Friday this week. So, I shall once more be dispensing bad advice As usual, the advice will stupendously bad. Sorry, it’s a day late. I was whooping it up on my birthday. So, you had an extra day to do things right.

SF asks: If I pour boiling water on my face to help me wake up in the morning, will the power outlet I’ve plugged my toe into electrocute me?

Dear SF: The scientific method is a must. Try plugging your toe into an outlet. If that act alone electrocutes you then you’ll know, if only for a brief moment. If however, nothing happens then try the boiling water on your face. Should you survive electrocution after this second step, take heart in the knowledge you won’t need to take a shower. The germs and bacteria won’t survive the hot deluge.

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LHH asks: I wanna know: Who’ll stop the rain?

Dear LHH: Congress can, but they won’t. They’re too busy with health care, fund raising, and vacations to tackle this problem head on. Ask your congressman to support the building of mile-wide umbrellas. Or as more promising research suggests, get them to provide seed money for the building of five-mile-high fans that will blow rain from areas that don’t need it to ones that do. Call your representative today. They love to get citizen input.

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RTC asks: I want to go to a viewing and funeral of a family member. It is 8 hours driving round trip. I can barely stay awake 2 hours in a moving car. Should I stay home or should I go? No one else is able to go with me and share the driving.

Dear RTC: This is a toughie. Family duties push you to go, but you don’t want to crash and die. I mean how many people want to go to back-to-back funerals. No, the thing to do is ask your relatives to catapult the deceased to your home. Pay your respects. Catapult the body back as I strongly suspect the dearly departed will be buried where all the mourners are. Iimportant, don’t forget to send a condolences card! Manners are always in style. There is a small silver lining in all this. Enclose your condolences card with the deceased before catapulting back. A penny saved is a penny earned.

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MA asks: “I am” is reported to be the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be “I do” is the longest? Please advise…

Dear MA: Clearly, your problem is that your irresistible. So they say yes to you. But relationships are hard; hard as cheese that’s been left out for two weeks and perhaps just as moldy. You need to cut down on your attractivetudinous. Experiment. Grow dreadlocks. Some women hate them. If that special someone adores that hair style, consider wearing a tutu. Don’t give up. Keep trying. If however, she hopelessly dotes on you, you’ll have to rub lutefisk all over your body. The stench will drive away even the most ardent lover. There is a chance, however, the odor might be so bad that you’ll tear your own head off. That’s okay; this act also solves the problem of your overpowering desirability.

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WK asks: Where have all the flowers gone? Long time passing.

Dear WK: They’re in Greenland. What with global warming, conditions there are now favorable for flowers. Not many flower munching bunnies there either. So for decades now, flowers have been slowly migrating to Greenland. We simply been too busy, what with our hectic lifestyle, to notice. Go to your local travel agent to book a Greenland tour. Do it today. Herds of feral flowers are sights that will make your soul sing.

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: bad advice Friday | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Principles and Stuff

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My fellow humans,

What with the Cubs quite possibly heading to the World Series for the first time since 1945, news about Bacon & Chocolate Party has been crowded. People starved for a real political party are asking, “What ever happened to the great Bacon & Chocolate Party?” and “What do they believe in?” Ok, here’s the scoop.

1) Bacon & Chocolate Party is on the ballot in all but fifty states and the District of Columbia.

2)) B&C is within 50% of the votes of winning every state’s and DC’s electoral votes.

3) B&C is corruption proof. We have accepted no contributions from any special interest or lobbyist.

4) Or lobbist, i.e., a professional tennis player.

5) B&C’s presidential candidate, Paul R. De Lancey, is amazing. The vice-presidential candidate, Candace C. Bowen, is crackerjack, too.

6) We believe in the tastiness and healing properties of bacon and chocolate.

7) Save our bees.

8) We believe much of the deadlock in D.C. is due to the rancor between the political parties.

9) We will enforce mandatory nap time every time cranky Congress fails to legislate anything.

10) We will take massive national polls on everything. Those issues getting the highest percentage of yeses will get passed.

11) Ms. Bowen and I and the B&C cabinet will take frequent naps as well. We don’t like getting cranky either.

12) We’ll have great big, super tasty barbecues every week on the White House lawn. One guests, picked randomly from all Americans, will attend these food fests.

13) Anything that adversely affects our bees and our bacon and chocolate supplies will be dealt with.

14) Funding for Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron will be increased. It does wonderful work protecting this great nation.

15) And stuff.

Presidential candidate Paul R. De Lancey

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

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Ajam Roedjak (Sweet and Spicy Chicken)

Indonesian Entree

AJAM ROEDJAK
(Sweet and Spicy Chicken)

INGREDIENTS*AjamRoedjak-

2 pounds chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
7 kemirie or macadamian nuts
3½ tablespoons peanut oil
½ tablespoon grated ginger
2 teaspoons grated galangal or grated ginger
½ teaspoon salt
1 15-ounce can coconut milk
1 bay leaf (Indian bay leaf, if you can find it.)
1 teaspoon sambal badjak, sambal oelek, or sriracha sauce
1½ tablespoons ketjap manis or soy sauce
1teaspoon palm sugar or sugar

* = I’m not being indecisive. Some of these ingredients can be hard to find.

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add garlic cloves and kemirie nuts to food processor. Blend the cloves and nuts into a paste. Add oil and chicken cubes to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat or until chicken is no longer pink.. Stir occasionally. Remove chicken.

Add garlic/kemirie paste, galangal, ginger, salt to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium heat or until paste begins to dry. Stir constantly. Add sautéed chicken cubes, coconut milk, bay leaf, sambal badjak, ketjap manis, and sugar. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 35 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) Ajam roedjak is served in the U.S. Senate’s cafeteria and is, of course, an anagram for Jajk* Adam – redo. Jack Adam works for the federal government and is the one person who types the recently enacted laws onto the official form which is then transmitted throughout the land.

3) Unfortunately, Mr. Adam is often tipsy when typing in the new laws. This results in many mistakes, such as “Thou shall commit adultery.” Digusted lawmakers sent back the typo-riddled law form with the note, “Jack Adam – redo.” If Jack is still drunk, the laws get mistyped again and he gets another note. This continues until he is sober. This is why it takes congress so long to pass laws.

* = Jajk is a deliberate typo for Jack. Who says senators don’t have a sense of humor?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How The British National Election Will Give Me Super Powers

 

According to USA Today on May 7, 2015, Britain’s Green Party held one seat in Parliament. There were much larger parties holding many more seats vying for control of the country’s destiny. However, they are of no interest to us and we shall ignore them.

The main thing to notice is that Other Parties held 27 seats.  According to USA Today, other parties “Includes smaller parties from Northern Ireland, Wales, and Independents.” Okay fine, but what is smaller than one? Zero! (Okay, 1/2 is smaller than one. But you can’t have half a politician sitting* in Parliament or in the United States Congress for that matter. The incomplete he or she would die. It would be messy. Moreover, even though partial politicians are not specifically excluded from winning office in any country on this planet, there does seem to be a rather strong unwritten rule about it.)

Okay, now it gets exciting. USA Today claimed that the Other Parties, as of May 7, held a total of 27 seats in Parliament. How on Earth is that possible if all the Other Parties have zero members sitting* in Parliament? Is the sum of zeroes greater than 27? YES, dear reader  0 + 0 + 0 = 0 > 27 or alternatively 0>27. Half of 0 is o. Half of 27 is 13.5.  So 0>13.5. In fact, zero is greater than any positive number. Woo hoo, then line of thinking is quite exhilirating, liberating even.

0 > 1, 0>2 . . .

This is where I acquire super powers.  SupermanTM flies at let’s say, 100 miles per hour. I admit it; I fly at zero miles per hour. But we’ve just proved that 0>100. I CAN FLY FASTER than Superman. Superman can lift 2 tons of steel. I can easily lift o tons of steel. 0>2. I can hoist more than Superman. I AM STRONGER THAN SUPERMAN. I am mightier than Superman.

Do not worry. I shall use my superpowers for good, unless of course, you block the aisles at the supermarket with your shopping cart. Then you will be toast.

* = Members of Parliament are allowed to stand and move around. They do not have to sit all the time. Sitting in Parliament is just a phrase that has gotten a lot of currency.)

– Paul De Lancey, Superhero

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

 

 

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I Invite President Obama To Dine With Me After His Inauguration

PresObam

B&Ctastyauthor

Despite having run against him last November on the Bacon & Chocolate Party ticket, President Obama and his staff have been besieging me with requests to hold a celebration, in my fair city of Poway, in honor of his inauguration. This perplexes me for I had a standing invitation for our nation’s leader to come to my house for dinner.

In the spirit of letting bygones be bygones, I am reissuing my invitation to President
Obama to dine at my house on the day on the inauguration. Sure, I know he’ll be busy most of the day getting sworn in and what not. But after all that hoopla, Mr. President, please hop on Air Force 1 and fly over here for a feast worthy of your great day.

Not only will there be great food and all the near beer you can drink, but we strategize our plans for this great nation. After all, isn’t a capital idea to be on good term with the Bacon & Chocolate Party after it picks up seat after seat in the Congressional elections of 2014?

I’ll leave the porch light on for you.

Sincerely.

Paul R. De Lancey
Presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Lemongrass Chicken

Cambodian Entree

LEMONGRASS CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSLemGrCh-

2 boneless chicken breasts
1 1/2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon soy sauce (2 more tablespoons)

2 stalks fresh lemongrass (or 2 teaspoons dried or 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest or 1 teaspoon lemon juice.)
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 garlic cloves
1 1/2 teaspoons ginger
1/2 tablespoon onion salt
1 tablespoon lime juice
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 tablespoons rice vinegar

1 cup rice
2 cups water

PREPARATION

Cut the chicken breasts into strips 1/2-inch wide and 2-inches long. Mince garlic cloves. Cut off the root end of the lemongrass stalk and strip off outside leaves. Mince inside core. (Or use dried lemongrass, or grated lemon zest, or lemon juice. Sometimes fresh lemongrass is as easy to get as Icelandic habañero peppers. Just do your best. I feel your spicing pain.)

Combine honey and soy sauce in mixing bowl. Thoroughly coat the chicken strips in this mixture.

Heat vegetable oil in wok or no-stick frying pan. Add chicken strips, garlic, lemongrass, onion salt, lime juice, soy sauce, and rice vinegar. Cook on medium high until chicken turns white. Stir frequently. Add more soy sauce if too sweet and more honey if not sweet enough.

You really should have a supply of fresh onions around the kitchen. At the time of writing this recipe my onions had gone bad, surly even, and my wife rightfully pointed out I was crazy to think she’d be going to the store when she had the kids’ baseball uniforms to clean. Hence, the onion salt. Life is like that.

Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag.

Serve on lovingly cooked rice. (Your guests will sense the love that went into the rice and the whole dish and gaze upon you with undisguised affection. And if they complain about the freshness of the lemongrass or its absence, send them to Iceland. If you can place them in the path of a lava flow, even better.)

TIDBITS

1) Yes, Iceland has volcanoes.

2) It also produces bananas.

3) Icelandic farmers have burned bananas on at least one occasion to drive up prices.

4) Cambodia produces bananas as well.

5) I first had this dish in Nantes, France, the hometown of the great novelist Jules Verne.

6) Iceland and Cambodia have never gone to war with each other.

7) Probably because they both grow bananas and understand each other on a deep level.

8) Germany and France have been pretty much free of banana plantations. But they fought each other three times from 1870 to 1945. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

9) Bananas were also a favored prop during the heyday of the silent-film era. The world was at peace then. When bananas disappeared from cinema the world went to war.

10) Besides ending war, the banana’s potassium helps boost bone mass.

11) So, write your Congressman and ask him to sponsor banana plantations all across America and indeed the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Run For Senator, Governor, Or Whatever On The Bacon & Chocolate Party Ticket

We’ve all seen the horrible gridlock that threatens to send our great nation’s economy over the cliff. Sure, it’s becoming more and more likely the American voters will elect me, Paul De Lancey as our nation’s president. But what about Congress? Will Democrats and Republicans humiliated by the loss of the presidency to the darkest of dark horses work with me to restore greatness and tranquility to this mighty land? Heck, no. They’ll block him and the will of the people at every turn

unless….

Bacon & Chocolate wins control of the Senate and the House of Representatives in November. We can only do that if you run for Representative, Senator, or even the humble spot of governor. Please declare your candidacy on the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Do it for America. Do it today.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If The Corporation, GE, Is A Person, Can We…

1) take it to the prom?

2) marry it? And what the heck sex is it? Do we have to worry about same-sex marriage laws?

3) tax it at 28% percent?

4) execute it when it kills its offspring, spun-off divisions?

5) walk its dog when it goes on vacation?

6) stand our ground with it?

7) burp its children?

8) go camping with it?

9) share a good laugh?

10) get good and drunk with it?

11) expect it to pick up the check when we go out to dinner?

12) expect it to lobby Congress just as much as we do?

13) ask it to please pass the ketchup?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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