Posts Tagged With: X-ray vision

Chispi Mayai (French Fry Omelette)

Tanzanian Entree

CHIPSI MAYAI
(French Fry Omelette)

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon fresh coriander*
1 small onion*
3 eggs
⅛ teaspoon pepper*
¼ teaspoon salt*
½ cup vegetable oil (½ tablespoon later)
2 pounds potatoes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick pan or spray pan or no-stick spray before adding egg mixture.
x-ray vision

* = These ingredients are all optional. You have an unparalleled opportunity to create you own unique chipsi mayai. Go for it. Go for gold.

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Dice coriander and onion. Add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat with whisk or fork until well blended. Add coriander, onion, pepper, and salt. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Cut potatoes into French fries. Add ½ cup vegetable oil to pan. Heat oil at high heat until a tiny piece of French fry in the oil starts to dance. Carefully add French fries. (Hot oil is nasty when it splatters.) Fry French fries for 10 minutes until they start to brown. Stir occasionally. Remove fries. Drain oil from pan. Add fries and ½ tablespoon oil to a second, unused pan.

Ladle coriander/onion/egg mixture evenly over fries. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat or until bottom side is golden brown. (X-ray vision is helpful here.) Spray plate with no-stick spray. Then place plate over pan. Hold plate on pan while flipping pan upside down. The half-cooked omelette will now be upside down. Slide omelette back into pan to cook the other side. Cook for another 3 minutes or until this side too is golden brown.

Goes well with kachumbari (an East African salad), ketchup, tomato sauce, or chili sauce.

TIDBITS

1) You wake up at 3 a.m. to whispering in the kitchen. You sit up in bed. As you do so, the bed frame creaks. The little voices fall quiet. Silence, there is silence. You lie down or perhaps lay down; this is a miserable verb to conjugate. Nervous little laughter emanates from the kitchen. Then more whispering. This time it’s a little more rapid. Does it have a nasty tone? Yes, yes, it does.

2) Post traumatic stress from watching all Friday 13th(TM) makes your heart race. You get out of bed, oh so carefully. Don’t make any noise. Tiptoe to the closet. Get that baseball bat. Go the kitchen. Turn on the light.

3) Dozens of russet potatoes shriek. Their eyes are on you. It’s uncanny how they don’t blink. Is it because of an evolutionary dead end or because they’re tough?

4) They’re wearing potato panty house over themselves. Oh my gosh, your potatoes are going bad. You raise the baseball bat.

5) A potato rolls with amazing speed and strikes your shin. Ow. Another spud rolls on top of that. And then another and another until one has shoved itself into your mouth. You can’t breathe. You drop your bat.

6) In your panic, your stagger to the kitchen-utensil drawer. Your hand flails as you grab for anything to fight off your rogue, murderous tubers.

7) As contrived luck would have it, you latch onto a potato peeler.

8) The potatoes gasp in horror, drop off you and roll to a corner. You julienne the whimpering spuds one by one into majestic, harmless French fries.

9) What to do with all those fries? Why, make this entree, Chipsi Mayai.

10) Indeed, culinary historians believe Chipsi Mayai came about, in Tanzania, because of repeated potato uprisings.

11) Indeed, it is for this very reason that it is illegal to have more than two pounds of potatoes in Tanzanian homes.

12) Don’t try to cheat and say you have two pounds of taters when you actually have three. The phrase “The Tanzanian Potato Police” is a byword for terror.

13) Look at the potatoes below. Are they about to go bad? Don’t take chances. Cook them now.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Estonian Pannkoogid (pancake)

Estonian Breakfast

PANNKOOGID
(pancake)

INGREDIENTSPannkoogid-

1 cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
2½ tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
1½ cups milk
¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons butter
lingonberries or blueberries for topping

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater
x-ray vision (optional)
sonic obliterator

Makes 6 pancakes. Takes 2 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Separate eggs. Whisk together flour, salt, and sugar in large mixing bowl. Separate eggs. Add egg yolks, milk, and vanilla extract. Mix batter with fork. Let sit in a cool place for 2 hours. Watch two-hour movie. Come back. Add egg whites to mixing bowl. Beat with electric beater set to whip until soft peaks form. Fold egg whites into batter.

Add ½ tablespoon butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Ladle in ½ cup batter. Tilt pan to spread batter over pan. Cook for 2 minutes or until sides of pancakes start to curl up and the bottom starts to brown. (Checking for browning with x-ray vision. Should your store not stock x-ray vision, lift a side of the pancake and look.) Turn pancake over and cook for another 2 minutes or the bottom side starts to brown. Repeat until all batter is used. Top with lingonberries.

TIDBITS

1) It’s amazing how many cookbooks make no reference to superpowers. If you can develop them, by all means do so. We’ve seen many times how x-ray vision helps in frying. The ability to fly is also important, especially when you need only one ingredient.. Going by car is a pain. Jerky drivers cut you off, tailgate, and zip ahead of you to get that last parking space at the supermarket.

2) So you honk your horn at the oaf who took your spot. The oaf takes offense and stomps towards you. He weighs 300 pounds and has arms of steel. You, however, foolishly worked on getting buns of steel, nice for attracting potential dates, but useless in a life-and-death parking-lot fight. May I suggest dispatching the clod with your sonic obliterator? Eliminate his car as well. You do need that parking spot, don’t you?

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Draniki (Potato Pancakes from Belarus)

Belarus Entree

DRANIKI
(potato pancakes)

INGREDIENTSDraniki-

1 small onion
6 medium brown potatoes
1 egg
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
up to 6 tablespoon vegetable oil
6 tablespoons sour cream (optional)
6 teaspoons dill (optional)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Food processor

Makes 12 draniki. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince onion. Peel potatoes. Use the side of a grater with the tiny raised holes to grate potatoes as fine and liquidy as possible. Oh gosh, don’t do it this all; it’s hell. Preserve your sanity, use food processor to mince potatoes to teeny, tiny bits.

Add potato, onion, egg, pepper, and salt to large mixing bowl. Blend well with whisk. Add 1 tablespoon oil to pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Oil is ready when a tiny potato bit will dance around in the oil. Add 1/12th, about ¼ cup, of potato/onion mixture to pan. Sauté with medium-high heat for 1½ minutes or until bottom of pancake is golden brown. (Lift pancake with spatula to see. X-ray vision works tool.) Flip pancake and sauté for another 1½ minutes or until the new bottom side is golden brown as well.

Repeat for each draniki, potato pancake. Add vegetable oil as needed. If desired, top each draniki with ½ tablespoon sour cream and/or ½ teaspoon dill.

TIDBITS

1) There are probably millions upon millions of people who would go to church more often if its ceremonies were, well, more exciting. If you belong to this group, why not head to Belarus for its Ivan Kupala festival? If your heart races at the sight of fireworks and the opportunity to leap over roaring fires, then this is the ceremony for you. It used to be a pagan festival, but it was taken over by church leaders and converted to a celebration of John the Baptist. It’s on July 6. See you there.

2) By the way, if you’re in line for confession, don’t bother offering to switch sins with the people around you. They will invariably look at you askance and edge away.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Cacciatore

Italian Entree

CHICKEN CACCIATORE

INGREDIENTSChickenCacciatore-

6 chicken breasts (about 3 pounds)
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large white onion
2 garlic cloves
1 14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes (keep liquid)
1 6 ounce can tomato paste
3/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 teaspoon marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon rosemary
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon parsley

or substitute 2 1/2 teaspoons Italian seasoning for marjoram, oregano, pepper, rosemary, salt, and thyme

PREPARATION

Add chicken breasts and olive oil to large skillet. Sauté chicken on medium-high heat for about 15 minutes or until light brown. Flip chicken breasts occasionally to ensure even cooking. While chicken sautés, dice onion and garlic cloves. Remove chicken breasts. Add onion, and garlic. Sauté onion and garlic on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens.

While onion and garlic sautés, add diced tomatoes, tomato paste, white wine, marjoram, oregano, pepper, rosemary, salt, and thyme to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk. Return chicken breasts and add tomato/wine/spice mix to skillet. Bring to boil, stirring occasionally. Cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 15 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Goes well with fettuccine, linguine, or spaghetti. (You cut off a little piece if you’re not sure or don’t possess X-ray vision.)

TIDBITS

1) Chicken Cacciatore is an excellent entree. Joe Torre was an excellent baseball player. He also managed the New York Yankees to multiple World Series championships.

2) WheatiesTM is the “Breakfast of Champions.”TM What is the lunch of champions? The dinner of champions? I agree that it’s essential to start the day off with a good meal. But why stop caring about our repasts after that. Why settle for mediocre meals? If all our athletes only cared to be so-so then we’d have no champions or just fair-to-middlin’ one. Hey, I see my chance. I’ll make shrimp scampi for dinner; surely that is the dinner of champions. Gold medals, here I come.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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