Posts Tagged With: mayonnaise

Tuna Burgers

American Entree

TUNA BURGERS

INGREDIENTSTunaBurger-

2 6-ounce cans white tuna
1 celery stalk
½ small onion
1 Roma tomato
½ cup bread crumbs
1 egg
½ teaspoon dill
½ teaspoon parsley
½ tablespoon lemon juice
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon minced red bell pepper
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 hamburger buns
4 lettuce leaves
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick skillet
anti-grav machine

Takes about 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Drain tuna cans. Mince celery and onion. Cut tomato lenghthwise into 4 equal slices. Add tuna, breadcrumbs, celery, dill, parsley, and egg in large mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with fork. Add lemon juice, mayonnaise, onion, and bell pepper. Mix again with fork. Form 4 tuna patties by hand.

Toast hamburger buns. Spray skillet with no-stick spray. Add olive oil. Heat oil on medium heat. Add tuna patties. Sauté on medium heat for 3-to-5 minutes per side or until cooked through and golden brown. Add tuna patties, lettuce, and tomato to bottom bun then add top bun. (If you have an anti-grav machine you can place the tomato, lettuce, and tuna patty under a hovering top bun, then put the bottom bun under all of that.)

TIDBITS

1) Anti-grav devices have non-culinary uses as well. The one most prized by the military is being able to stop an accidentally dropped bomb from falling. However, dogs generally don’t like the anti-grave machine. It keeps table scraps from falling to the kitchen floor. In fact, their union, Dogs, successfully lobbied to keep the anti-grav thingy from being sold in America. You have to go to Mexico or Mozambique or know a defense contractor to get one.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Colombian Hot Dogs

Colombian Entree

HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSHotDogs-

1 20-ounce can crushed pineapple
1 tablespoon lime juice
2½ tablespoons cornstarch
8 hot dogs
8 buns
1⅓ cup coleslaw (see recipe)
¾ cup shredded mozzarella cheese
7¼-ounce bag plain potato chips
¼ cup ketchup
¼ cup mayonnaise
¼ cup mustard

SPECIAL UTENSIL

blender

PREPARATION

Add crushed pineapple and its syrup to blender. Puree until completely smooth Add pureed pineapple juice and lime juice to pot. Cook on low heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Gradually add cornstarch. Stir frequently. Increase heat to high and bring to boil. Cook for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir constantly. Remove from heat

Place hot dogs in pot. Add enough water to cover. Boil with high heat for 5 minutes. While hot dogs boil, toast hot dog buns and crush potato chips.. (It helps keep them from falling apart from the sauce.) Add a hot dog and an equal amount of pineapple sauce, coleslaw, mozzarella cheese, potato chips, ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard to each bun. (Eat with the cut of the bun facing up. Serve with napkins. This is a messy hot dog.)

TIDBITS

1) I missed going to the laziness museum in Bogota, Colombia. Its exhibits stressed televisions, beds, and sofas. This place would have great for anyone wanting to participate in the Colombian siesta and absorb the country’s rich and varied culture. No, it wasn’t because I was lazy. I didn’t know it was there. Honest. But I have been too lazy to look up the official name of the museum. That’s kinda like being there in lazy spirit.

2) The museum was only open for a week. Perhaps the organizers and workers only needed a week to make their statement about the hectic global lifestyle. Perhaps they were too lazy to work any longer than that. Who can say?

3) Excuse me, I need a nap. Zzzzz…..

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

 

As an e-book on Nook

 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coleslaw

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTSColeslaw-

1 head green cabbage
2 medium carrots
1/2 sweet onion (Vidalia or Walla Walla)
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

Use food processor to grate half of the cabbage head. Thinly slice the other half. Grate carrots and onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. Serve first to the person who offers to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTS

1 head green cabbage
2 medium carrots
1/2 sweet onion (Vidalia or Walla Walla)
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

Use food processor to grate half of the cabbage head. Thinly slice the other half. Grate carrots and onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. Serve first to the person who offers to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

2) There are no fun facts about coleslaw. It’s best to talk about something other than coleslaw at parties if you wish to get invited again.

3) But people will think urbane and witty if you expound eloquently on the brilliant songwriter, Cole Porter. Cole Porter wrote the song, “Anything Goes.” It manages to be absolutely wonderful without even mentioning coleslaw once.

4) There is no coleslaw museum anywhere, so Cole Porter isn’t the only one to ignore this noble dish.

5) But if there were a coleslaw museum, I’m sure Jess Stone would have a place of honor.

6) Coleslaw does get mentioned in the classic song, “Ghost Chickens in the Sky” by Leroy Troy. The cause of culinary music marches on.

– Chef Paul

3novelsPlease check out Paul De Lancey’s books on Amazon.com.

or visit his website www.lordsoffun.com for signed copies.

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Russian Dressing

American Appetizer

RUSSIAN DRESSING

INGREDIENTSRussianDressing-

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well blended. May be stored in air-tight jars for up to two weeks. Woo hoo! This is so easy. You’ll lots of time after this to do crossword puzzles or plot worldwide domination, whichever you prefer.

TIDBITS

1) Lake Baikal is in Russia. Its depth reaches from the surface to the bottom and contains around 20% of the world’s unfrozen fresh water. You could make a lot of ice from the water in Lake Baikal. That ice could chill a lot of mugs filled with blessed, soothing root beer.

2) The Russians have always known this. This is why America and Russia faced off for decades in the Cold War. The United States in particular, worried then that the Soviets would restrict the supply of ice cubes. Indeed, Brezhnev in 1968, severely curtailed the export of ice from Lake Baikal.

5) It is no coincidence that riots broke out in one American city after another that year. Crime spiked. Did things suddenly worsen from 1967? No, but without ice from Lake Baikal, Americans could not properly ice their root beers. Problems that people shrugged off easily with the aid of ice-cold root beers, suddenly became insurmountable, maddening even.

8) The United States wasn’t the only country to face disintegration in 1968. Russia invaded Czechoslovakia to put an end to the ice riots that ravaged the country. Millions perished in China’s cultural revolution. We now know Mao launched this horrific plan to hide the even more hideous fact from his countrymen; there weren’t enough ice cubes in the country to cool all the root beer.

9) But President Johnson knew the Russia’s Achilles heel. He threatened to ban exports of root beer to Russia. The root-beerless Soviets backed down and ice flowed, not quite the right verb, to all corners of the world. Tensions between nations diminished considerably and people hugged each other everywhere. The New York Mets even won the World Series next year. And bluebirds sang.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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La Mitraillette (Belgian Sandwich)

Belgian Entree

LA MITRAILLETTE

INGREDIENTSLaMitraillette-

1 yellow onion
1 tablespoon butter (2 more tablespoons later)
2 pounds ground beef
5 Yukon gold potatoes or medium potatoes (if you wish to make your own French fries)
1 cup French fries (if you don’t wish to make your own French fries)
2 baguettes
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup mayonnaise

PREPARATION OF FRENCH FRIES (or used already made French Fries)

Cut potatoes into strips 1/4″ to 1/2″ wide. Soak potato strips in cold water for 30 minutes. Drain. Pat strips dry. Put oil in deep fryer. Heat oil to 340 degrees. Put potato strips in fryer. Fry strips at 340 degrees for 5-to-10 minutes or until they become crisp and turn golden brown. You will most likely need to cook in batches. Remove fries. Put fries on paper towels to remove grease. If you are using already-made fries, put fries in pan and fry on medium heat for 5 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Stir occasionally.

PREPARATION OF SANDWICH

Dice onion. Put onion and 1 tablespoon butter in frying pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion is tender. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Make 8 small beef patties. Fry patties on medium high-heat for 5 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. Flip patties occasionally.

While beef is cooking, cut baguettes in two along their width. Cut open demi-baguettes. Spread 2 tablespoons butter on the inside of the baguette pieces. Toast the baguettes pieces butter side down in frying pan on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Assemble sandwiches with bottom halves of baguettes, onion, ground beef, French fries, ketchup, mustard, and top halves of baguettes .
TIDBITS

1) “La mitraillette” means “the machine gun” in French. Machine Gun Kelly was a famous gangster. Gene Kelly was a renowned dancer. Gene Krupa was a great band leader from the Big Band Era.

2) E.R.A. stands for Earned Run Average and equals (earned runs/innings pitched) * 9. Yay!

3) You should make sure your ground beef turns brown in this recipe. The ground is beneath your feet. Most people and tyrannosaurus rexes have two feet. And so it goes.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deviled Eggs

American Appetizer

DEVILED EGGS

 INGREDIENTSdevdegg-

4 eggs
1/3 teaspoon paprika
1 1/3 tablespoons mayonnaise
1/3 teaspoon mustard powder

PREPARATION

Place eggs in a pot. Put water in pot. Bring water to boil. Cook for twelve minutes. (Read short sentences.) Do not overcook; a green coating on the yolk would look especially horrible for this recipe. Put eggs in bowl of cold water for fast cooling. Remove shells, cracking the eggs from the bottom first.

Cut eggs in half, lengthwise. Remove the egg yolks. Release your pent-up frustrations mashing them with your handy whisk. Mix in paprika, mayonnaise, and mustard powder.

Spoon this mixture back into the holes left by the removed yolks. Sprinkle only a lit bit more paprika over each entire egg for visual effect. Serve.

This is so easy. And it’s considered a gourmet food. Wow! There’s no excuse not to look suave and sophisticated at dinners or potlucks with this recipe.

TIDBITS

1) Paprika is by far the most popular spice in Hungary. The poppy seed is almost revered in that country. Hungarians refused to join the European Community until they were guaranteed unrestricted poppy-seed production. The European Union caved.

2) The ancient Egyptians boiled goose eggs. Apparently, those eggs are indigestible otherwise. A raw goose egg? Ugh. I’ll take the word of the ancients on this one.

3) Spicy stuffed eggs were eaten in 13th century Andalusia, a region of Spain. Spain discovered the New World in the late 15th century. Coincidence? Perhaps.

4) King Louis XV ate boiled eggs every Sunday. This practice ceased with his death.

5) The culinary term “deviled” arose in the late 18th century and referred to highly seasoned or fiery dishes.

6) My wife doesn’t like using the term “devil” in anything. So if you have another name for this dish, I’d appreciate hearing it.

7) Tampa’s baseball team used to be called the Devil Rays. They are now know as the Rays. So, other people must feel the same way.

8) My brother and I had egg holders when we were children in Australia. Neither of us ever played for the Rays. Coincidence? Perhaps.
cover

My cookbookEat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mayonnaise

American Appetizer

MAYONNAISE

INGREDIENTSmayonnaise-

1 medium egg
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder

SPECIAL ITEM

blender

PREPARATION

Put egg and yolk of another egg in blend. Blend on mix setting for 30 seconds. With the blender still on mix, slowly add vegetable oil. Blend until mixture becomes thick and creamy. Add apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder. Blend for 2 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) People have been using vinegar for 10,000 years. One wonders what for? Couldn’t have been for Easter eggs. No Easter back then. No domesticated chickens either. Could prehistoric people have been following herds of wild chickens? Maybe this exciting thought was the inspiration for the wildly popular TV series, Rawhide. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.”

2) And, of course, there is no archaeological–Woo hoo, spelled it right on the first try–evidence that primitive society produced apple cider vinegar, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder, all necessary for the making of mayonnaise.

3) It is not possible to make a proper Venezuelan hot dog without mayonnaise, which we have seen early hunter/gatherer societies did not have. This absence alone hindered the development on the modern Venezuelan nation state for nearly 10,000 years.

4) Pantyhose lasts longer when rinsed with diluted white vinegar. Did dawn-of-time women use pantyhose? What if they didn’t have vinegar? Visit the International Vinegar Museum in Roslyn, South Dakota and find out.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dogs

American Entree

BACON-WRAPPED HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSBaconWrapHD-

1 onion
1 tomato
1 green bell pepper
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
8 hot dogs
8 bacon slices
1 jalapeno pepper
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
8 buns
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Dice onion, tomato, bell pepper, and jalapeno pepper. Put vegetable oil, onion, bell pepper, and jalapeno in skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Set aside.

Wrap a bacon slice around each hot dog. Tuck in the ends of the bacon slices so they don’t unwrap. (Or use toothpicks.) Spray new skillet. Add bacon-wrapped hot dogs to skillet. Fry on medium-high heat for 5-to-10 minutes or until bacon is crispy and hot dogs are done. Turn bacon-wrapped hot dogs frequently to ensure even cooking.

While hot dogs are frying, toast the buns. Spread ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard on buns.. Sprinkle buns with diced tomatoes. Add bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Close and eat. Yum!

TIDBITS

1) A chipotle is a ripe, smoked jalapeno. A salmon that has been smoked is a smoked salmon.

2) A jalapeno pepper went to outer space in 1982. I have never been to outer space. I have been bested by a jalapeno pepper. It’s quite humbling.

3) However, as far as I know smoked salmon has never been to the moon or on the Space Shuttle. Please don’t tell me if it has; I don’t think my ego could handle it.

4 ) Don’t drink water after eating jalapenos. The water merely spreads the heat around. Drink milk. Milk blocks the pain receptors in your mouth. Got milk?

5) Jalapeno-salmon burgers are a popular entree. Someday, you will be able to order them in space. Be sure to have a lid for your milk. Milk gets everywhere in zero-gravity.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Locro de Papa – cheesy potato soup

Ecuadorian Soup

LOCRO DE PAPA
(cheesy potato soup)

INGREDIENTSLocroDePapa-

AJI SAUCE

1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon aji amarillo pepper
2  green onions stalks (3 stalks more later)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (1 1/2 tablespoons more later)
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream (1/2 cup more later)
1 tablespoon ketchup
1 1/2 tablespoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon cumin (2 teaspoons more later)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon sea salt (1/2 teaspoon more later)

SOUP

1 white onion
3 garlic cloves
1 scallion
6 medium potatoes
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon achiote or annatto powder
1 teaspoon cilantro
2 teaspoons cumin
2 cups water
2 cups chicken broth
2/3 cups milk
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella or Monterey jack cheese
1 egg
2/3 cup grated or crumbled queso fresco or Monterey jack cheese
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 avocados
2 aji peppers or cayenne peppers
3 green onion stalks
2 small tomatoes

PREPARATION AJI AMARILLO SAUCE

Mince green onions. Melt butter on medium heat in sauce pan. Add 2 green onion stalks, aji amarillo pepper, and oil. Sauté at medium-high heat for 2 minutes or until all ingredients are well blended. Stir frequently.

Put sautéed mixture in mixing bowl. Add mayonnaise, sour cream, ketchup, lime juice, cumin, black pepper, and sea salt. Whisk together.

PREPARATION OF SOUP

Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Dice avocado, 3 green onion stalks, tomatoes, and aji or cayenne peppers.

Mince onion, garlic, and scallion. Put aji amarillo sauce, onion, and 1 1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil in pot. Sauté at medium-high heat or until onion is tender. Stir frequently.

Add potato cubes to pot. Stir until spices coat potato cubes. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat. Add water, chicken broth, achiote, cilantro, cumin, and salt. Simmer soup on low heat for 20 minutes or until potatoes are tender. Mash the potatoes in pot with potato masher until only small bits remain. Soup should be creamy. Stir occasionally. (No turning back, you’re almost there. Excelsior!)

Add milk, sour cream, egg, and mozzarella cheese. Simmer on low for 5 minutes or until cheese melts. Garnish with avocado, green onion, aji peppers, tomatoes, and queso fresco.

Lavishly praise anyone who went to the store to get you all these ingredients. Serve and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Since 2001 the official currency in Ecuador has been the U.S dollar.

2) The exchange rate between the U.S. dollar in the United States and the U.S. dollar in Ecuador is 1:1. Hee! Sorry, that was the economist in me making a mad dash for supremacy.

3) The Ecuadorean flag is yellow for the nation’s diversity, blue for the sky and the sea, and red for the blood of those who fought in the war for independence.

4) There should be a Vulcan flag. Here goes. The Vulcan flag is yellow for the planet’s diversity, red for the sky, turquoise for the sea, and green for the blood of those who fought in the Federation’s Wars.

5) Ecuador was the first nation in 2008 to declare constitutional rights for nature. The Vulcan embassy is mute on this point despite numerous requests.

6) Wouldn’t it be way cool to have a contest to see who could visit the most embassies in Washington, DC? You’d have to get your contest book stamped by the embassy or pick up literature from the country about agriculture or something.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Venezuelan Hot Dogs Recipe

Venezuelan Entree

VENEZUELAN HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSvenezhd-

1 small onion
1/8 head cabbage
1 3 ounce bag plain potato chips (or whatever amount is close or preferred)
6 potato hot-dog rolls (regular okay)
6 pork hot dogs (beef okay)
mayonnaise
mustard
ketchup

SPECIAL UTENSIL

rice cooker with steamer insert

PREPARATION

Mince onion and cabbage. Smash the potato chips into little bits. My preferred way is to hit the potato-chip bag a number of times with my fist. (Don’t be so enthusiastic that the bag ruptures and little chips fly all over the kitchen.)

Fill bottom of rice cooker with enough water to cover hot dogs. Bring water to boil. Add hot dogs. Put in steamer insert. Add as many rolls as will fit on the insert. Cover with lid. Cook for 2-to-3 minutes or until rolls are warm and soft. Remove rolls. (Be sure to check; over-steamed rolls can get soggy.) Add remaining rolls and cook another 2-to-3 minutes. Remove rolls. Remove hot dogs with tongs or fork.

Put hot dog in roll. Spoon desired amounts of onion, cabbage, and potato chips on hot dog. Squirt mayonnaise, mustard, and ketchup on top of your creation until you are happy. (Eat with the cut of the roll facing up. This is a messy hot dog.)

TIDBITS

1) The recent leader of Venezuela was Hugo Chavez.

2) The United States did not have the best relationship with him.

3) But Venezuela’s hot dogs are great. Perhaps we could show the new Venezuelan leadership how much enjoy this dish.

4) We have good hot dogs as well. Our president could bring their president chili dogs and Coney Island dogs. My their president could give us Venezuelan hot dogs to bring back to the United States.

5) Hot Dog Diplomacy. We should give it a chance. After all, look what Ping-Pong Diplomacy did for China and America.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, politics, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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