Posts Tagged With: Paul R. De Lancey

Uncle Sam Says

Uncle Sam isn’t best pleased. There are  pandemics, partisan politics running rampant, and war clouds brewing abroad. However, these are things far beyond the power of John and Jane Citizen to affect. But there are still things we can do, just by ourselves, to better everybody else’s life.

Uncle Sam’s visiting us to tell us the number-one thing we can do to brighten the world of our fellow citizens.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Brown Sugar Honey Mustard Smoked Ham

American Entree

BROWN SUGAR HONEY MUSTARD SMOKED HAM

INGREDIENTS

10 pounds ham
⅓ cup barbecue rub
no-stick spray
1⅓ cup brown sugar
1 cup honey mustard
2 cups orange juice

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
apple or cherry wood chunks
meat thermometer
disposal aluminum pan
sonic obliterator

Takes 7 hours 30 minutes. (Times vary with smoker.) Serves 15.

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 250 degrees. Add wood chunks to smoker. Rub barbecue rub onto ham. Score ham in a diamond patter ½” deep. Spray disposal aluminum pan with no-stick spray. Let ham sit out at room temperature for 1 hour. Add ham to aluminum pan. Cook for 1 hour

While ham cooks for 1 hour, add brown sugar, honey mustard, and orange juice to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. This is the glaze. Cook until temperature registered by meat thermometer reaches145 degrees. Baste ham with glaze every 45 minutes until done. Remove ham and let sit for 20 minutes

TIDBITS

1) Sometimes, ingredients can be hard to find. Once I looked for a specific herb for a Mongolian dish. However, this herb could only be found in a remote part of northwestern China. You need to get permission from the Chinese authorities to go there. Chinese police will probably start to tail you when you start looking all over the land for this rare herb. And even then, it’s seasonal. I opted for a substitute herb.

2) Then there are instances, like for this recipe. I wanted a 7-pound ham. My local supermarket did not have a ham in the refrigerated aisles. They did not have one on display at the butcher. They did not have one there. They did not have one anywhere. I asked the butcher if there might be one at the back. He said no. He added there were no hams in all of Poway, my fair city. I eventually found a ten-pounder 30 miles away. So if your guests give you any guff about the meal you created, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your kitchen.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Motivational Poster #15, Starting the Day

It’s important to start the day right. The poster below tells how.

 

Motivational Poster #15

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Did Today

1)  Took friend to doctor.

2) Did some work.

3) Made a new recipe.

4) Trying to smoke a ham.

5) Burnt a fingertip while changing the wood chips in a smoker. My trusty oven mitt throughout the years came apart at the seams.

So, today’s post will be short.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Meatball Soup (Sopa de Albóndigas)

Colombian Soup

MEATBALL SOUP
(Sopa de Albóndigas)

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
1 green onion
¼ cup minced yellow onion
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¾ pound ground beef
⅓ pound ground pork
½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
½ teaspoon cumin
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
6½ cups beef broth
¼ cup fresh cilantro.

Serves 4. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves, green onion, and yellow onion. Add yellow onion and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until yellow onion softens. Add sautéed yellow onion and all other ingredients except beef broth and cilantro to mixing bowl. Use hands to make 16 meatballs. Add beef broth and meatballs to large pot. Bring to boil at medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Lower heat to medium. Simmer for 20 minutes or until meatballs float and are no longer pink inside. Dice cilantro. Garnish soup with cilantro. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) The four meatballs in the above photo are actual planets and asteroids. The planets are Neptune and Pluto, and X3B-17A way beyond the Solar System. Wasn’t Neptune rather big to fit into a soup bowl? Yes, it was. However, it was gaseous giant, that was condensed into a bowl-sized solid planet. Aren’t these celestial orbs rather heavy? Yes, they are. However, hunger and this soup’s wonderful aroma makes us strong. Life’s been rather unkind to Pluto, hasn’t it? Yes, it has. But it’s been rather sad since it lost its full planetary status and has done nothing but orbit morosely around the Sun ever since. We’re really doing it a kindness by eating it.

2) Won’t people miss seeing all heavenly bodies? No for the asteroids, there are too many to notice. X3B-17A is too far away to see. Certainly, people will notice the disappearance of Neptune, but it takes 4 hours for us light to reach us. That’s plenty of time to make this soup and dispose of the evidence, by eating it, before anyone notices. These meatballs are made mostly out of beef and pork. Does this give credence that the universe is made primarily of beef and pork? Yes, it does.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Need to See a Peaceful Lion

Peaceful Lion

Much of the world terrifies us. This fact depresses us. We withdraw within ourselves.

But not all the terrifying things will harm us, attack us. Often the biggest people, the biggest predators are the most peaceful. At least some of the time. Pictured here is a peaceful lion. Peaceful enough to pet? Well, may we should just absorb its serenity at a distance.

“God gave us the cat so that we might pet the lion.” – Quite possibly a correct quote from somebody.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mango Lassi

Bangladeshi Dessert

MANGO LASSI

INGREDIENTS

2 cups fresh mango pulp (about 1 mango)
3⅓ cups milk
1 cup yogurt
⅔ cup sugar
½ teaspoon rose water (optional)

Serves 6. Takes 20 minutes plus up to 20 in the refrigerator.

PREPARATION

Put all ingredients in blender. Blend at high or smoothie setting until the mixture becomes as thick as a smoothie. Chill in refrigerator for 20 minutes or right away, if you prefer.

TIDBITS

1) The inside of a mango is orange. However, this drink is pale yellow. What is the scientific explanation for this shift in color?

2) Well, the only way to get to a mango’s innards is to cut it open with a knife.

3) Mangos don’t like that. The whole purpose of a mango’s life, it’s raison d’être if you will, is to produce a seed surrounded by pulp.

4) The new mango seed devours the pulp and arises as a new mango tree like a new phoenix arising from the flames of its mother.

5) When you cut open the mango, when you remove the orange pulp to make a Mango Lassi, the mango thinks you are deliberately disrupting its great circle of life.

6) Now, these thoughts take minutes to form, as the mango’s brain is pitifully small. But it will happen. When it does, the mango pulp will leap at you with the speed that’s frankly, astonishing.

7) Indeed, the mango’s jumps at you so fast that it’s wavelengths appear to shorten, making it appear to be yellow rather than orange. This is known in the scientific community as the Mango Yellow Shift.

8) What to do? What to do if you want to avoid an attack by a Speedy GonzalezTM mango? Simple, drink the mango lassi before it has had time to brood on what’s happened to it. Besides, how can you resist a mango lassi’s soothing flavor? Happy, safe drinking!

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Birth of the Big Bang Theory

 

The Big Bang Theory’s Inspiration

On November 20, 2020, I confirmed the hypothesis of the Big Bang Theory by spilling a bag of tamarind pods onto the kitchen floor. But who came up with the theory in the first place? And how? Well, in 1949, Fred Hoyle accidentally tipped over his unassembled coffee maker. Coffee beans shot out of the maker at an incredible speed. Well, incredible for a tired uncaffeinated soul. A few minutes later, Fred had a cup of Joe in him. His synapses fired at a prodigious rate.

He surveyed the scattered coffee beans. “Yo ho! This is how the universe came into being. It has to be. It just has to.”

He called his theory, “The Scattered Coffee Beans Theory.” His friends thought this to be a mouthful. Fred mulled on it some more and by the time he started giving lectures on BBC radio, he had taken to calling the birth of the universe, “The Big Bang Theory.” His catchy phrase get on. It was a great breakthrough for a great man.

It is sobering to think that I could have been feted as the Father of the Big Bang Theory, if I had only managed to drop my tamarind pods 63 years earlier. On even if Mr. Hoyle had spilled his beans 63 years later. But neither scenario had happened. Hoyle became a scientific hero. I did not. Life is hard.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I Was a Pin Cushion

 

Me

I have not been my best the last four days. So, I went to urgent care. I was there for hours. I had four x-rays and two separate blood draws. Each draw needed multiple bottles. I’m tired. No long blogs today.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

What the Way People Cut Their PBJ Sandwich Says About Them

Life is scary. So scary that we develop ways of coping with our daily world. Some ways are good, like looking both ways when you cross a road. Some responses to problems or fears are a bit extreme, like burning down your house to kill a spider. Sorry, but that’s true; you’ll just get another spider in your next house, if you can afford it. How do you know what type of person are you? How do you know what sort of carbon-based life form is sitting next to you on the bus? You need to know if he is an axe murderer or not? How can you find out? Like right now.

Fret not, I know how to psychoanalyze the person in question. Look at his PBJ (peanut butter and jelly) sandwich. No matter how demented the fellow, he cannot hide his personality when cutting apart his PBJ. Just can’t. Anyway, here are the six basic PBJ sandwiches.

The Uncut PBJ – Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. This PBJ eater shuns complexity. He’s easy going. He shrugs off adversity and generally turns out to be a rather pleasant fellow. Or it could be he doesn’t trust himself with knives.

 

 

The Vertically-Cut PBJ – This PBJ eater can be counted to do what the majority of the people around are doing. This is great when the two of you are attending a garden party. It’s deadly, though, when you are in the midst of full-scale urban combat. In this case, the PBJ eater will kill you. And what are you doing at Battle of Stalingrad, anyway?

 

The Diagonally-Cut PBJ  – This PBJ eater will generally do what the majority does. But he can also think for himself. If all his neighbors are rioting, he’s likely to absent himself from the chaos. He’s apt to be a problem solver. This places him in high demand. He might even become the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.

 

 

The Horizontally-Cut PBJ – This PBJ eater is fundamentally decent sort. She just wants to do things her way. Sometimes she acts differently just for the sake of doing things differently. She can’t, however, abide being forced to do what the authorities tell her to do, particularly if she knows them to be wrong. Consequently, she is the primary fomenter of rebellions.

 

The Double-Diagonally-Cut PBJ – This PBJ eater is brilliant, but may also be erratic. He’s likely to be an impressionist painter. If he’s stable, he’ll be like Monet. If he’s erratic, then he’ll act like Van Gogh. Watch out for your ear. This PBJ may also show a scientific bent. If he’s stable, he’ll design a rocket that takes astronauts to Mars. If not, he’ll try to breed 60-foot tall rabbits.

 

The Squiggly-Cut PBJ – This PBJ eater is totally demented. If we’re lucky, she’ll merely rob, maim, and murder. If we are not, she’ll design and manufacture printers.

 

 

There you have it. And remember, this method is infallible.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, proof you cannot deny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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